Fiance Parent Issue... HELP!!!

[JokerNick]

okay, my Fiance's dad, I can't stand the man anymore.... a month ago, we were over there... and we got into a discussion about politics...... well it was me (moderately to the left) against him and his relatives (no idea where they stand, Bush lovers (puke), and Nazi sympothizers)... we got into it about Hitler.... it started off because some guy in my state, was building a Hitler appreciation museum.... I said that the museum is first off, disrespectful to any Jewish, and WW2 veterans.... and that a museum idolizing Hitler, would attract nothing but skin heads....... they disagreed with me, saying Hitler was a great leader and a good man.. that we are brainwashed to think otherwise.... I couldn't beleive what I was hearing.... they then said that the holocaust never happened, and that the number of deaths was wrong becuase there wasn't even that many Jews alive at that time..... and also, that a mass extermanation like that, wasn't possible back then, there wasn't the technology to do that.....

i was shocked... I counter attacked there "extermination theory" with the A-Bomb... technology, please, we killed millions in Japan with one bomb, don't give me that crap....

I was just about to go off on them, when I realized, this isn't my house, this is my fiances family... so I just bit the bullet, and said "i'm sorry you think that, but we will have to a agree to disagree"

I'm honestly ashamed of these people, I want nothing to do with them.. I told my fiance that I think her father is very misinformed,. and they way he presents that is scary..... I told her I want as little to do with them as possible... she understood... I know though, that my seperation with them will not last forever... my girl will most likely visit them many times in the following months and I will be presured to come along... so my question is... should I bite the bullet again, and go with her,... or should I not visit them.. tell my fiance, I want nothing more to do with them.. when she visits, I will not go.... I honeslty want nothing to do with them, but I'm afraid it will hinder our future together......

 

[JLBats]

Just don't bring up Hitler

Is it really that difficult? As long as she doesn't hold the same beliefs and Hitler doesn't become a constant topic of conversation, it won't be a huge deal.

 

[JokerNick]

Just don't bring up Hitler

Is it really that difficult? As long as she doesn't hold the same beliefs and Hitler doesn't become a constant topic of conversation, it won't be a huge deal.

but polotics are a huge thing with them... everytime I'm there, they are always talking about them, and brining me into it....

personally though, that Hitler thing is something I can't get over, I had relatives that were killed becuase of that man.... and to hear he was good, is just stomach renching.... (even though i wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for hitler)

 

[jaguarr]

My advice? Find some common ground with your future In-Laws that you CAN talk about together and avoid the politics and religion discussions. Those are things that people very rarely back down from their positions on. Is he a football fan? Get him talking about that? Does he enjoy fly fishing or cars or motorcycles or stamp collecting, or whatever? Talk with him about those things and accept that you'll never agree on politics and religion and let it go. Otherwise it's going to eat a hole in you and it could affect your marriage. Trust me, your lady is always going to be daddy's little girl so you best not get too divisive with her Pop and the rest of her family.

jag

 

[JLBats]

I guess it'll be a toss-up then: Do you love the fiance more than you dislike the parents?

 

[November Rain]

BITE BULLET



actually continue doing what you did before, handle the situation well, put your sides across, let them put their sides accross and agree to disagree...


as for the hitler museum, I don't think it's as bad as you think, Hitler was actually a decent leader although delusional and he did do some decent things for germany and the world (modern day olympics, ze vw beetle you crazy yanks love so much) that many people forget. I would rather not see him as a total evil animal rather just a misguided misinformed individual who's influence over other people probably ended up fooling himself into believing he was doing the right thing but was luckily stopped.

as for the holocaust not happening, i can't advocate for that...

 

[Joker]

Make it totally clear to her you want nothing to do with them. Tell her you support her keeping in touch with them, but you don't want to be involved with it. Tell her how deeply the entire Nazi sympathizer thing offended you, and if she really loves you she should understand.

 

[Malice]

Honestly...
Dont let it get to you.
You obviously know their point of view. just skirt it.
Never get into conversations with them when it starts leading to that subject.
Goto the restroom....get a drink...anything to get away from it.

How do you feel about them aside from those views?

 

[dmcnx]

So Hitler is your dad?

 

[Joker]

as for the hitler museum, I don't think it's as bad as you think, Hitler was actually a decent leader although delusional and he did do some decent things for germany and the world (modern day olympics, ze vw beetle you crazy yanks love so much) that many people forget. I would rather not see him as a total evil animal rather just a misguided misinformed individual who's influence over other people probably ended up fooling himself into believing he was doing the right thing but was luckily stopped.

...He killed MILLIONS of pepole for being the wrong religion! He was loony as a tune man! What next, Charlie Manson was an ok guy who was misinformed? He may have been a huge racist and been responsible for the horrible brutal murders of people, but he was a decent musician so he couldnt have been that bad?

 

[Erzengel]

JokerNick is in a very sticky situation. However, if you want to remain with this girl you are going to have to accept that these people will become your family and if you are marrying her it's something you are going to have to deal with. Unfortunately, unless they are trying to be vindictive towards you, your fiance or any future children, you can't ask her to not include them.

 

[Malice]

I have some thoughts about the Hitler thing...

Granted, the Holocost and the guy starting a world war for domination...not exactly good on the scale.

But the guy was a keen leader, incredible speaker and really lead the nation of Germany out of a MASSIVE recession. He is an intriguing figure to research.

Like I said, I am in no way defending him. The guy ended up being a lunatic in the end, but in the beginning, he did lead them out of the Recession, only into another after the war...

 

[Joker]

I have some thoughts about the Hitler thing...

Granted, the Holocost and the guy starting a world war for domination...not exactly good on the scale.

But the guy was a keen leader, incredible speaker and really lead the nation of Germany out of a MASSIVE recession. He is an intriguing figure to research.

Like I said, I am in no way defending him. The guy ended up being a lunatic in the end, but in the beginning, he did lead them out of the Recession, only into another after the war...

There's on thing about the entire "Hitler was a great leader" thing I really don't uderstand. If he was such a great leader, why did he lose? He made the same mistakes in Russia that Napoleon had made a hundred years earlier, and they ended up getting there asses kicked all the way back to Berlin. He may have gotten the out of a recession, but when it came to war time, he was a pretty crap leader who did way too much micro-managing.

 

[November Rain]

...He killed MILLIONS of pepole for being the wrong religion! He was loony as a tune man! What next, Charlie Manson was an ok guy who was misinformed? He may have been a huge racist and been responsible for the horrible brutal murders of people, but he was a decent musician so he couldnt have been that bad?

yeah he did a lot of bad stuff but if he rooted for another cause that the world was behind, he probably would have gone down as one of the greatest leaders of all time, like a modern julius ceasar type being.

it's only because history has come through and shown his view point to be wrong that he is this large hated figure, but the guy was good at what he did even though what he did was pretty bad.

if any decent man had the skills hitler had and went into power, the world wouldn't be such a bad place to live in.

remember i'm looking at what a single person managed to achieve rather than his long time goals or the controversy behind it. as well as what he managed for germany at the time.

Granted i'm not a hitler fsuper fan but as a leader, i can respect what he managed to accomplish even though his goals were off to a crazy tangent.

 

[JokerNick]

So Hitler is your dad?

well, My grandpa, was called up during WW2, he was stationed in england, where he met my grandma.... if there was no ww2, there would be no Jokernick

 

[Malice]

There's on thing about the entire "Hitler was a great leader" thing I really don't uderstand. If he was such a great leader, why did he lose? He made the same mistakes in Russia that Napoleon had made a hundred years earlier, and they ended up getting there asses kicked all the way back to Berlin. He may have gotten the out of a recession, but when it came to war time, he was a pretty crap leader who did way too much micro-managing.

I didnt say anything about him being great at war.
He only was an incredibly gifted speaker and really did wonders getting Germany out of recession.

Then of course, he had so many negatives, its not even calculable.

Every person in History has their high points and low points...
That is my point, nothing more. The personal suffereing he casued was simply unforgivable by my standards....

 

[November Rain]

i feel an 'ownage' coming in my direction....

 

[Joker]

I didnt say anything about him being great at war.
He only was an incredibly gifted speaker and really did wonders getting Germany out of recession.

Then of course, he had so many negatives, its not even calculable.

Every person in History has their high points and low points...
That is my point, nothing more. The personal suffereing he casued was simply unforgivable by my standards....

You know, I also don't think he was that great of a speaker. Maybe it's because my German is pretty horrible, but he seemed to just get up and yell alot with big hand gestures. I don't know, but I think I like my public speakers a little less...over the top.

 

[JokerNick]

There's on thing about the entire "Hitler was a great leader" thing I really don't uderstand. If he was such a great leader, why did he lose? He made the same mistakes in Russia that Napoleon had made a hundred years earlier, and they ended up getting there asses kicked all the way back to Berlin. He may have gotten the out of a recession, but when it came to war time, he was a pretty crap leader who did way too much micro-managing.

I could care less about the supposive "good" things he did..... just looks at his "ends"..... at the end of his reign, he killed millions, started a war that killed millions more... he could have invented to god damn light bulb... and it wouldn't matter.... he was insane... he was a saddist.....

 

[Joker]

I could care less about the supposive "good" things he did..... just looks at his "ends"..... at the end of his reign, he killed millions, started a war that killed millions more... he could have invented to god damn light bulb... and it wouldn't matter.... he was insane... he was a saddist.....

I totally agree with you, the guy was a mass murdering fruit cake.

 

[JokerNick]

I didnt say anything about him being great at war.
He only was an incredibly gifted speaker and really did wonders getting Germany out of recession.

Then of course, he had so many negatives, its not even calculable.

Every person in History has their high points and low points...
That is my point, nothing more. The personal suffereing he casued was simply unforgivable by my standards....

would you feel that way if you were jewish, living in Germany during that time....??

 

[NHawk19]

JokerNick, I understand what you're going thru. I have similar issues with my in laws. You're just going to have to find some common ground that you can speak about, and be open and honest with your fiance. Like it or not you inherit her family, and things like this don't go away.

 

[JokerNick]

as for the hitler museum, I don't think it's as bad as you think, Hitler was actually a decent leader although delusional and he did do some decent things for germany and the world (modern day olympics, ze vw beetle you crazy yanks love so much) that many people forget. I would rather not see him as a total evil animal rather just a misguided misinformed individual who's influence over other people probably ended up fooling himself into believing he was doing the right thing but was luckily stopped.

so lets say, your jewish, and about to be killed by this man's army.... are you going to sit there and be like "well, I'm going to be killed for no fault of my own, but atleast my murderior influenced global sporting events, and increased propduction on the VW bug... so I guess I gotta take the good with the bad..... gas me up there Hitler"

 

[Knives122]

How in the hell could anyone sympathize with a man that killed millions of people? Your parent-in-laws are sicK.

 

[Ronny Shade]

It's your own fault for getting engaged.