Florida woman finds sign from God in goldfish cracker

Cheesus Christ

 

Cracker, please...

 

I wish "Florida woman" would go see "Florida psychiatrist."

 

I would sell it on ebay but I am totally sure that God messed with a cracker to strengthen your faith instead of being more direct.

 

This **** still happens? I thought the "God/Jesus is in my food!" fad was soooo early 2000s.

 

I saw an ankh in a tiramisu once, but you don't see me calling the media.

 

Maybe on the way there she'd run into the "Florida zombie". t:

Gotta admit, when I was drunk at 1 this morning, this topic was hilarious to me and several people. And I have religious beliefs, but seriously, a Goldfish cracker? Guessing God is using the obesity epidemic to his advantage.

 

I am convinced.

We should add it to the list of artifacts associated with Christianity. It should now read:

1. The Shroud of Turin
2. Holy Chalice
3. Arc of the Covenant
4. Senile Florida Woman's Goldfish Cracker
5. Spear of Destiny

 

I'm not one to believe in signs from God. Personally, I think He's too busy to care about what goes on down here. A misshapen cracker is nothing more than someone seeing what they want to see.

That being said, there is one thing even I'd call a sign from God. My aunt's dogwood tree. Ask any nursery and they'll tell you, a dogwood blooms once a year, between April and June, depending on the weather. But still, only once. My aunt was very sick in her last year's and, somehow, whenever she was feeling her worst, regardless of the time of year, that tree would bloom. Usually, just one flower but, that was enough.

 

Funny story, when I was a kid and I'd hear people yelling "JESUS CHRIST" in anger... I always thought they were saying "Cheesus".

#notraisedinthechurch

 

I've never seen Jesus in my club sandwich. I am a bad believer

 

Oh golly

 

I bet some guy at the cracker factory is getting a good laugh right about now.

 

I practically ate a bagful of the pizza goldfish crackers and didn't see a thing.

 

Technically, if you believe in the older Christian symbols, that entire box of goldfish crackers is a sign from god.

 

Jesus has a 9 to 5 shift at the Pepperidge Farm factory.

 

It's pronounced He-Soos.

 

Don't you people see this truly is a miracle, shows that a company is still in the U.S.!!

 

Maybe it is a sign from God. Maybe He's telling her she eats too many crackers!

 

And immigration officers are kicking down his door as we speak.

 

So weird, I just got this one... What does it mean?

 

God's telling you that the creationists are full of it.