Greatest (clean) put-downs

[JJJ's Ulcer]

What are the best put-downs you use or have heard, without sinking into obscenities and even keeping the moral high-ground?

I've had trouble with phone-scammers and phishers calling nonstop lately, so I've had some practice. They call nonstop. My favorite is just to calmly inform them "I feel sorry for your parents." That always shuts them up quicker than cursing them out.

What's a good, but polite way to put someone down?

 

[KevanG]

It depends on the situation, if it's someone I don't like who is just an ass like those scammers I lead them on and act like an idiot and when they get mad at me and call me an idiot or something similar I just say "I enjoyed acting like that to you, you didn't. Now who's smarter?" or if I just don't feel like dealing with them I just say "Sorry I'm too smart to fall for your bull****. Your number has been recorded and will be forwarded to the police."

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

I'm reminded of the saying "never let them see you sweat."

If you really want to get under someone's skin, then don't lose your cool and curse them out… merely observe their character flaws, and then exploit them at the end in a calm and objective coup de grace.

 

[KevanG]

I forget who said it but it went something like this "If you can't say something nice then say something memorable."

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Winston Churchil had a brilliant silver tongue. Perhaps not so PC by today's standards, but still hilarious.

Nancy Astor: “Sir, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.”

Churchill: “If I were your husband I would take it.”

 

[KevanG]

 

[Vengeance of Bane]

“You should be women, and yet your beards forbid me to interpret that you are so.” - Macbeth

 

[wobbly]

“I’ve met serial killers and assassins but nobody scared me as much as Mrs Thatcher.” Ken Livingstone

“She loves nature in spite of what it did to her.” Bette Midler on Princess Anne.