kainedamo
Superhero
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- Sep 11, 2001
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Hey guys.
So!! My life needs sorted out. I'll begin with what happened tonight. I live with my parents and my two older sisters. Oldest sister is 30 and the next one is about 27. My parents are in their mid 50s. Tonight, they had an insane argument. This is the way it normally goes - a shouting match will begin, usually between my mother and one of my sisters or between my sisters or between my father and mother. The shouting will last awhile. My mother has really bad nerves - everything stresses her out. My youngest sister sort of always has to get in the last word and can be very *****y. My oldest sister just starts crap for no reason. Well, I guess they ALL start crap for no reason. And my Dad tends to get really, really pissed off and ends up just shouting at everybody.
I know every family has their arguments. But I know the frequency of our arguments and the loudness of them is not normal. And it has ALWAYS been like this. My middle sister has a family of her own and lives away, as does my brother. When they lived here, of course they were involved in alot of shouting matches too. As have I. I'd say I'm involved in the lesser amount of arguments. Every member of my family gets really stressed out in these arguments, and thus really loud shouting ensues. I know that the neighbours can hear. I know this, because I've heard the neighbours arguing before. But I have only heard this a very few handfull of times. Our arguments take place every couple of days.
My mother was in a mental hospital for a a few months a few years back. She has really bad nerves. My Dad used to beat all of us. He used to drink quite alot. He still does drink a few nights a week, but he hasn't beat any of us in years. Maybe its 'cause we're adults now. Maybe its 'cause he is just a different man. I don't know, because I don't talk to him that much except for small talk.
So about an hour ago or so, my sister came home from work. From what I gathered, she asked my mother for a lend of 4 quid. Shouting ensued. It went on for ****ing ages. Believe it or not, it usually starts over something stupid like that. I made some effort to be a voice of reason and to quiet them both down but my sister just shouted at me instead. When eventually they did quiet down, my Dad came thumping down the stairs, hollering "what the **** is all that about??". I was just shaking my head, and said to him "its over now its all right its all right". After a few angry words he went upstairs again. I was surprised, 'cause usually when I try to play the peace maker it just results in people telling me to shutup. This is the typical pattern - after about 5 minutes of peace, someone shouts at the other, and it all starts again. It's just senseless. My Dad comes thumping down again, no stopping him this time. Shouting at everybody, then he slams the door. He opens it again, then slams it even harder. I thought he might hit someone, but he went upstairs again. Right now, its all roses. My sisters went to bed and everything is calm.
But I mean, I'm 22 years old. I want out. A grown man shouldn't have to deal with this crap. These are the problems of a teenager. Not a grown man. Parents get into shouting matches with stroppy teens, not adults.
I want out of the house. I have no money though. And I don't have a job. I've applied for a civil service job, but I doubt I'll get it. I ****ed up on the application form and their department is closed over the holidays so I can't get another.
I have dyspraxia. I've made an appointment with the doctor in January to talk to her about it. I also feel fairly... I guess depressed is the right word, about 80% of the time or more. I have little confidence in myself and my abilities.
I mean, I'm 22 years old and have NO employment prospects and a ****ty education. Next year, I'm gonna do some GCSEs. When I did my GCSEs in school I didn't get very good results. I think I'll do GCSE English, English Lit, and German. I thought Germany ruled when I was there so I'd like to learn the language. After that, I have no ****ing idea. I'd like to go to uni, but I need more qualifications. I have an NVG in Multimedia and a GNVQ in Manufacturing (completely pointless as I have no intention of going into the manufacturing business).
I can't move out of the house with no money. I used to think I could live here through my mid 20s till I've got together enough money to get a decent place, but this house is severly driving me insane. Everything, all my mental problems which I'm not entirely sure I have, living here is making it worse. My confidence, my "depression" if thats what it is, its all made worse by living here.
Christ I sure am a whiney bastard.
So!! My life needs sorted out. I'll begin with what happened tonight. I live with my parents and my two older sisters. Oldest sister is 30 and the next one is about 27. My parents are in their mid 50s. Tonight, they had an insane argument. This is the way it normally goes - a shouting match will begin, usually between my mother and one of my sisters or between my sisters or between my father and mother. The shouting will last awhile. My mother has really bad nerves - everything stresses her out. My youngest sister sort of always has to get in the last word and can be very *****y. My oldest sister just starts crap for no reason. Well, I guess they ALL start crap for no reason. And my Dad tends to get really, really pissed off and ends up just shouting at everybody.
I know every family has their arguments. But I know the frequency of our arguments and the loudness of them is not normal. And it has ALWAYS been like this. My middle sister has a family of her own and lives away, as does my brother. When they lived here, of course they were involved in alot of shouting matches too. As have I. I'd say I'm involved in the lesser amount of arguments. Every member of my family gets really stressed out in these arguments, and thus really loud shouting ensues. I know that the neighbours can hear. I know this, because I've heard the neighbours arguing before. But I have only heard this a very few handfull of times. Our arguments take place every couple of days.
My mother was in a mental hospital for a a few months a few years back. She has really bad nerves. My Dad used to beat all of us. He used to drink quite alot. He still does drink a few nights a week, but he hasn't beat any of us in years. Maybe its 'cause we're adults now. Maybe its 'cause he is just a different man. I don't know, because I don't talk to him that much except for small talk.
So about an hour ago or so, my sister came home from work. From what I gathered, she asked my mother for a lend of 4 quid. Shouting ensued. It went on for ****ing ages. Believe it or not, it usually starts over something stupid like that. I made some effort to be a voice of reason and to quiet them both down but my sister just shouted at me instead. When eventually they did quiet down, my Dad came thumping down the stairs, hollering "what the **** is all that about??". I was just shaking my head, and said to him "its over now its all right its all right". After a few angry words he went upstairs again. I was surprised, 'cause usually when I try to play the peace maker it just results in people telling me to shutup. This is the typical pattern - after about 5 minutes of peace, someone shouts at the other, and it all starts again. It's just senseless. My Dad comes thumping down again, no stopping him this time. Shouting at everybody, then he slams the door. He opens it again, then slams it even harder. I thought he might hit someone, but he went upstairs again. Right now, its all roses. My sisters went to bed and everything is calm.
But I mean, I'm 22 years old. I want out. A grown man shouldn't have to deal with this crap. These are the problems of a teenager. Not a grown man. Parents get into shouting matches with stroppy teens, not adults.
I want out of the house. I have no money though. And I don't have a job. I've applied for a civil service job, but I doubt I'll get it. I ****ed up on the application form and their department is closed over the holidays so I can't get another.
I have dyspraxia. I've made an appointment with the doctor in January to talk to her about it. I also feel fairly... I guess depressed is the right word, about 80% of the time or more. I have little confidence in myself and my abilities.
I mean, I'm 22 years old and have NO employment prospects and a ****ty education. Next year, I'm gonna do some GCSEs. When I did my GCSEs in school I didn't get very good results. I think I'll do GCSE English, English Lit, and German. I thought Germany ruled when I was there so I'd like to learn the language. After that, I have no ****ing idea. I'd like to go to uni, but I need more qualifications. I have an NVG in Multimedia and a GNVQ in Manufacturing (completely pointless as I have no intention of going into the manufacturing business).
I can't move out of the house with no money. I used to think I could live here through my mid 20s till I've got together enough money to get a decent place, but this house is severly driving me insane. Everything, all my mental problems which I'm not entirely sure I have, living here is making it worse. My confidence, my "depression" if thats what it is, its all made worse by living here.
Christ I sure am a whiney bastard.
:heart: 
