I just read this...
Jew, you have to get passed the "pawn" thing. It was something I said early on in the game to try and stir fun. I even put it in my sig. You did well, you really did... but everyone has a role in the game, and if you had accepted the final 3 offer to replace Brodie, you would've earned it. You were then in on the inside track. Granted, you would've been the third wheel, but if you won immunity on that final day you would DEFINATELY deserve to be there.
I say "pawn" for lack of better words. Honestly, I don't even remember you ever saying it. I just felt like a pawn from your reveal on. And while I worked hard, after learning we never had a true alliance (as I thought it was core and it wasn't, thus I felt like i had nothing) I felt at the time that I hadn't earned my place, but was just allowed to be there by you, Erz, and Brodie. And in the end if I would have made it to the final 3, I still felt like I didn't earn it because I would have just been doing whatever you said to do. I've always had the mindset in life to earn my keep, and though you say I did, I'm a harsh critic of myself and I wasn't convinced. I was a lapdog of yours and that's just no fun for me. I want to win this game, but more than that I want to have fun.
There's no guarantees with a final 3 arrangement. ANYONE can go... like hippie did when Erz and myself's only agenda for that day was "don't let hippie win immunity". (haha).
I know that, but like I said... I didn't feel I could earn my place in the finals. Becides sucking at challenges most times, I figured if I just sailed along all game at your whim, what chance to I have convincing people I deserve to win more than you. I'd be in the same place Hippie is now. Getting rid of Erz and separating your alliance would have given me something to claim at least.
It's ironic that you said and did all this when the game you played with Toven you were her lapdog. You were the third wheel in a lesbian love-fest. How did you think that was gonna end? Toven used you as a pawn.
And I'm not knocking Spoons and Pickles, but if you really went to the final 3 with them, how did you think that was gonna end as well? Then this game you choose me and Brodie, and we clearly would never veer from each other.
I honestly didn't know you and Brodie were that close going in. I wanted a core 4 going in with us three and Erz. I had no idea how close any of you were, I just knew you were all good and I wanted to try to play with the big boys for once. I figured that this was my 3rd game, the first I was a pawn, the 2nd I tried a leadership role with newbies and did decently, I wanted to work with the more experienced people and learn some new things. I can honestly say I did.
The Holly example is a bad one though. It was my first game and I had no idea what I was doing and knew no one. I've always been a loyal person in life, my word was important to me, and so I gave it to Holly and Kmack and I stuck with it. I allied with you, and I stuck with it until everyone left were alliances (as you and Holly arranged I guess), and since it became you Vs Holly.... I stood with my alliances. There was no betrayal, just having to choose between alliances, and I stayed with my first.
The Spoons/Pickles alliance was more strategic. I was friends with them both prior to the game and they were new so I knew I could trust them to not turn on me. Also, being that it was public knowledge that they were an item, I knew there'd be a quest to divide them, thus making me a lesser of three evils so that they were larger targets than myself. And I knew they were competative and that they play games like such, so if it came down to the three of us I'd try to turn Spoons against Pickles. My planned worked fine as we pretty much ran all that happened for the first half of the game (being that the Plastics lost nearly every challenge), our bad spot was challenges and that killed us. When it came to the three of us left, I planned on getting Spoons on my side against Pickles, but we merged so it wasn't a worry. Spoons told me later that he would have turned, so I would have been fine either way. That alliance was working on me just fine, especially once we got Lex and Kmack in with us. If Erz would have worked with us then we would have done well..... dang you Erz! And Brodie! Why did I try to ally with you both this game again?!
I told you half-truths and half-lies when I "opened" up to you in that AIM conversation... one of them was the Brodie thing, I didn't want you to know how badly I wanted hippie gone until he was actually gone, so I made it seem like I cast a vote for Brodie instead of hippie (I think I told hippie the same thing since you guys were in so much talks back then). But I'd never vote out Brodie. I've allied with him in the three games we've both played together, and he's been extremely loyal to me, and vice versa... I wouldn't ruin the longest alliance I've ever had for really.... anyone. When he was on the line I did have to look at things objectively, assuming he wasn't coming back... but to backstab him? Nah... sorry. Your telling him wasn't really anything more than me showing you to be who I thought you were.
Ironically enough, "who you thought I was" wasn't who I was until you betrayed me. I said in the beginning I'll never turn on a core alliance member unless they either turn on me or I strongly suspect they'd turn on me. When I learned you had lied to me all game, it was as good as a betrayal, so I didn't mind turning on you. And again for the Twenty Millionth time... and now that it's after the game maybe you'll believe me.... I DID NOT TRY TO TURN BRODIE AGAINST YOU!!! He's a bud, so I informed him of what you said, because I felt he should be informed. I had no ill will toward you and had no desire to pull votes against you. Do note that I voted for you in the end, even though I felt Hippie a stronger and better ally for me. Why would I plan on voting for you but try to turn others against you?
And as for the half-truth thing, I figured that much, but when I decided to try and get rid of Erz (my wife convinced me, I was playing the game, but she was the one who got mad about your playing me) I decided to just go with it. All I had to do was take control of one round and I would have been fine, and if I was voted out, no biggie, I went on my own terms.
But with all that behind us, I will say this: I do like a lot of your playing ways... but a lot of them are just wrong as well. You need to play within some sort of system. Not everyone is Danny Ocean... but he can't do it by himself. Not everyone is Rusty Ryan... but he's only one man. Sometimes you gotta be the little Chinese guy, Jew. Sometimes you gotta be the little chinese guy.
Heh, I have no idea who Danny Ocean or Rusty Ryan is
And I tried to have a system last game, and it was decent, but had holes. I tried to improve upon it this game, but come to learn my two allies were working against me the whole time. I never had a chance to get into a system this game. Honestly, though I respect your gameplay, I'm still a little bitter and feel like this whole game (especially the cheap way I went out) was just a big waste of time. (not disrespect to you, Brodie, Erz, or Matt, it's just the way I feel). If I play again, I'll go in knowing a lot more than I did before this one.
And out of curiosity, if Matt didn't kick me out and Erz went home.... how would you have played the game after that? I know that I would have tried to convince you it was nothing personal and to form an alliance with Hippy and I... would you have went for it? Just curious.
