I SEE SPIDEY PRESENTS: How do Vampires have sex?

[JLBats]

We're all operating on a very, verrRRrry pedestrian level of comedy here.

 

[Captain Planet!]

Thread of the month right here.

 

[Spade]

We're all operating on a very, verrRRrry pedestrian level of comedy here.

Kick it up a notch, why don't you.

 

[JLBats]

Because as you can tell from my hilarious contribution on page one:

They ain't sucking all that blood for nothing.

I'm really just happy to ride the wave of meh

 

[Mike_D202]

How does a vampire stay alive without a beating heart period. If there is no beating heart, then theres no need to stab them with a stake in said heart. Twlight is dumb.

I had a similar debate with a friend of mine of wether or not vampires/zombies could survive during the winter (after watching 30 days of night). If they are dead/undead, then the blood flow in their bodies would not be working (is what he was telling me) so they would freeze. Hence everybody would be better off going to Alaska or someplace that snows all the time during a zombie/vampire apocolypse.

I, on the other hand, say that both creatures have flowing blood. Vampires have to have flowing blood to feed and like SPIDER-WHO said above, whats the point of staking them in the heart if its not beating? Zombies need flowing blood to even be able to move, and make the muscles work.

Either way, if your dead then Rigor mortis sets in and the only way to break it apart is by moving. So a zombie and a vampire could have perminant erections.

 

[Silverstein]

This thread is sick. Vampire sex is awful. What with the killing and the bloodlust. Oi Vey, always with the biting!

 

[JLBats]

Leave it up to a 'stein to throw in a "vey".

 

[Silverstein]

Leave it up to a 'stein to throw in a "vey".

Oh! And he's clever! Meshugunah...

 

[Gilpesh]

Well... for all those "Twilight sucks" people in here...

http://www.cracked.com/article_16878_if-twilight-was-10-time-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html

It's hilarious, here are two examples:

KRISTEN STEWART (V.O.)

Once upon a time, there lived an enchanting girl named Stephanie Meyer, er I mean Kristen Stewart. She was so awesome that her awesomeness couldn't be contained in Arizona, so she moved to Washington to stay with her father, who was totally lame and not cool.

BILLY BURKE

Hey honey. I'm super lame. I got you a car, but it's totally uncool because I'm totally uncool.

KRISTEN STEWART

Thanks Dad, or whatever. Time for my first day at a new school. Since every coming-of-age story requires the main character be a social outcast, I suppose I'll have to endure being the unpopular new girl until I do something that proves my worth.

KRISTEN goes to school and is INSTANTLY POPULAR AND BELOVED.

ANNA KENDRICK

Oh my God I love your hair you're so pretty will you be my new best friend?

GREGORY TYREE BOYCE

Can I take you out sometime since you're so awesome?

MICHAEL WELCH

No way you *******, I saw her first!

KRISTEN STEWART

I'd rather watch "The Messengers" than date either of you. Why don't you go ask Anna instead?

ANNA KENDRICK

Ohmigod I'm getting Kristen's rejects, that's so awesome!

KRISTEN STEWART

Wow. I guess this is what it looks like when the unpopular fat girl's pathetic daydreams get written down and published into a bestselling book. Aren't well-written characters supposed to have flaws?

ROBERT PATTINSON

Alright, you got me. I was acting like a jerk because I secretly totally love you.

KRISTEN STEWART

Of course! This also explains why the captain of the football team always acted like he hated Stephanie Meyer!

 

[Mike_D202]

Just got done watching "My Best Friend is a Vampire" (80s comedy).

Apparenty there are two types of vampires, the living vampires and the undead vampires. If you get turned while your still alive (like if they dont completely draing you), then you become a living vampire and can walk out in the daylight. But if you end up dying somehow (like a stake thru the heart or something) then you turn into the undead vampire.

So I'm guessing the living vampires can have sex.

 

[C.F. Kane]

Best part:

ROBERT PATTINSON
So, the next generation of young women are currently flocking to see a female lead starring in a movie by a female director based on a bestselling book by a female author, and in this movie the main character wants to become completely submissive and self-sacrificing for a male.


KRISTEN STEWART
I love you. Put a baby in me.

 

[JLBats]

I really would like to see Joss Whedon sitting stunned that somebody took his female lead vampire love story shtick and flipped it around to make it so evil and stupid.

 

[Ronny Shade]

I really would like to see Joss Whedon sitting stunned that somebody took his female lead vampire love story shtick and flipped it around to make it so evil and stupid.

because he invented it

 

[JLBats]

Where the hell did I say he invented it? I said it was his shtick
Did you even read that post Ronny, or were you just looking for a gotcha moment?
*shakes head*

 

[Ronny Shade]

Joss Whedon was the one who "flipped it around" in the first place

your post made little to no sense

 

[JLBats]

So, what's your point? And then this dumb ***** flipped it right back around but stole tons of the ensouled vampire mythology **** and iconography. THAT's the sense my post was making. It came from a sense I get that Stephanie Meyer is a young acolyte who didn't get the actual message at all, ya dig?

You'll never dig.

 

[Mike_D202]

so, what's your point? And then this dumb ***** flipped it right back around but stole tons of the ensouled vampire mythology **** and iconography. That's the sense my post was making. It came from a sense i get that stephanie meyer is a young acolyte who didn't get the actual message at all, ya dig?

You'll never dig.

 

[Ronny Shade]

So, what's your point? And then this dumb ***** flipped it right back around but stole tons of the ensouled vampire mythology **** and iconography. THAT's the sense my post was making. It came from a sense I get that Stephanie Meyer is a young acolyte who didn't get the actual message at all, ya dig?

You'll never dig.

Joss Whedon's vampire universe was contrary by nature. It doesn't serve a purpose or function well without stories like twilight. I hardly think Whedon expected to alter the course of vampire history and mythology, he was just presenting it a different way. why would he be mad about it?

 

[JLBats]

...because I think that Twilight is not following the lineage of those earlier stories and is instead taking its lead from Whedon but missing the point entirel-
I just explained this!

Ronny, why are we fighting?
Is it because I was being mean to you on LSP, even though I was doing it to be satirical about how people are mean to you for no reason?

 

[Ronny Shade]

We're not fighting, we're discussing

there's no reason to expect that people are going follow the trend of Buffy when depicting vampires. Is it a good interp? Yes. But Joss Whedon is far more interested in character than feminism.

From what I can tell (since I haven't read the books) twilight focuses on character as well.

 

[JLBats]

'kay.

 

[Ronny Shade]

you didnt read them either, did you

 

[JLBats]

No, but I was never ARGUING based on that I was talking about that CRACKED ARTICLE above and the statement IT makes about how "the next generation of young women are currently flocking to see a female lead starring in a movie by a female director based on a bestselling book by a female author, and in this movie the main character wants to become completely submissive and self-sacrificing for a male." And I myself thought "And hey, it seems to have taken most of its ensouled vampire stuff and the doomed romance dynamic from Whedon, which is funny because he was working against this kind of stuff." But then Ronny Shade came in and started saying stuff like "there's no reason to expect that people are going follow the trend of Buffy when depicting vampires" which... was really like you were having an entirely different conversation from what I was talking about, and so I gave up and said "'kay" because I didn't want to explain what I was saying another 5 times, and then Ronny Shade asked if I had read the books and I explained everything again. The end.

 

[Ronny Shade]

I'm glad you're enjoying this so much.

 

[I SEE SPIDEY]

This isn't a Twilight thread, so stop arguing about it.