If Pitof Directed ______-Man
- Thread starter MutantCircus
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Marvel zombie
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Pitof presents....BLADE!
Mild mannered office worker during day, prostituting to vampires at night. Dominique Smith, AKA Blade, ( Halle Berry) was born part vampire when her mom was raped by several of them. Angry at how much she thirsts for blood ( and other bodily fluids
), she attacks what made her this way. She finds random vampire and offers them sex. Once she lures them back to her apartment, she brutally kills them with a sword to the rectum! Upon hearing about her, many vampires name her "skank walker". A male vampire named Erectus devises a plan. They plan to lure and trap Blade into having an orgy...OF DEATH! Will Blade fall for the trap? How many casualties will there be? How many times will roy see it?
FIND OUT NEXT SUMMER, located at a smut shop near you!
Mild mannered office worker during day, prostituting to vampires at night. Dominique Smith, AKA Blade, ( Halle Berry) was born part vampire when her mom was raped by several of them. Angry at how much she thirsts for blood ( and other bodily fluids
), she attacks what made her this way. She finds random vampire and offers them sex. Once she lures them back to her apartment, she brutally kills them with a sword to the rectum! Upon hearing about her, many vampires name her "skank walker". A male vampire named Erectus devises a plan. They plan to lure and trap Blade into having an orgy...OF DEATH! Will Blade fall for the trap? How many casualties will there be? How many times will roy see it?FIND OUT NEXT SUMMER, located at a smut shop near you!
Pitof's Moon Knight
David Davis Davido (Jack Black) had recently been released from a two year strech for exposing himself in public. He knows that he has a problem and it will ony be a short time until he finds himself back in a prison cell again for whipping something out. So he decides that they only way for him to keep up with his habit and not get thrown in jail is to fight crime while exposing himself. Thus he becomes the Moon Knight, the first crimefighter to moon people after he beats the crap out of them. But soon, a villain arises: the evil Censor (Will Ferrel), a right-wing religious nut who wants to put a stop to all things indecent. Luckily, Moon Knight has the aid of Nippleblade (Janet Jackson), a mercenary with one deadly breast.
David Davis Davido (Jack Black) had recently been released from a two year strech for exposing himself in public. He knows that he has a problem and it will ony be a short time until he finds himself back in a prison cell again for whipping something out. So he decides that they only way for him to keep up with his habit and not get thrown in jail is to fight crime while exposing himself. Thus he becomes the Moon Knight, the first crimefighter to moon people after he beats the crap out of them. But soon, a villain arises: the evil Censor (Will Ferrel), a right-wing religious nut who wants to put a stop to all things indecent. Luckily, Moon Knight has the aid of Nippleblade (Janet Jackson), a mercenary with one deadly breast.
MutantCircus
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yeah, i reported him to superherohype (the mod) and he heard our cries!
shinlyle
King of the Haters
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Originally posted by Marvel zombie
Pitof presents....BLADE!
Mild mannered office worker during day, prostituting to vampires at night. Dominique Smith, AKA Blade, ( Halle Berry) was born part vampire when her mom was raped by several of them. Angry at how much she thirsts for blood ( and other bodily fluids
FIND OUT NEXT SUMMER, located at a smut shop near you!
Good one. I think roy will have it back-ordered and sit in front of his tv with a tube sock for a week.
Anyways, have you guys noticed that we make every "Pitof Presents" film sound like a porno just by making it more like CIno? Isn't that strange?
Weapon_X_2
Civilian
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FPitof presents The Fantastic Four
Tells the story of 4 untanlted wannabe singers who won a contest to be An American Idol, but unknown to them while performing for the judges of the show they where bombarded with Crappy Rays from the stage lights giving them each super powers. Scratchy Voice Girl (Kelly Clarkson) with the ability to make her voice sound Scratchy all the time, The Flamer (Clay Atkin) with the ability to flame on in a in second, Sweaty (Ruben Studdard) with the ability to sweat uncontrollably for hours and Vanishing Man(Justin Guarini) with the ability to vanish an from the public eye. Together they are The Fantastic Four, fighting to clean up the pop industry from the likes of Brittany Spheres whose magic chest and dance hypnotize men every where (Does not work on The Flamer) in to doing her bidding, Nsuck whose put out polluted merchandise to take money from the pre-pubescent girls of the world, Christiana ****ealiara who spreads deadly biologically diseases every where she goes. With FF own brand of justice they set out to change the world to make it a better place or do they? ?????
Find out in The Fantastic Four Coming Soon!
Tells the story of 4 untanlted wannabe singers who won a contest to be An American Idol, but unknown to them while performing for the judges of the show they where bombarded with Crappy Rays from the stage lights giving them each super powers. Scratchy Voice Girl (Kelly Clarkson) with the ability to make her voice sound Scratchy all the time, The Flamer (Clay Atkin) with the ability to flame on in a in second, Sweaty (Ruben Studdard) with the ability to sweat uncontrollably for hours and Vanishing Man(Justin Guarini) with the ability to vanish an from the public eye. Together they are The Fantastic Four, fighting to clean up the pop industry from the likes of Brittany Spheres whose magic chest and dance hypnotize men every where (Does not work on The Flamer) in to doing her bidding, Nsuck whose put out polluted merchandise to take money from the pre-pubescent girls of the world, Christiana ****ealiara who spreads deadly biologically diseases every where she goes. With FF own brand of justice they set out to change the world to make it a better place or do they? ?????
Find out in The Fantastic Four Coming Soon!
Joseph_Freefall
[insert witty title]
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HAHAHA!! Brilliant!
Pitof's The Green Hornet
Arrogance Alimony (Halle Berry) has recently quit her job working for an evil beekeeper Vincent Vernon Viscious (Sylvester Stallone) who has been embezzling money and experimenting on bees. While she is relaxing at home that evening, she is suddenly attacked by vicious, green killer bees. They leave her for dead, but little do the bees know that the experiments Viscious has performed on them have rendered them radioactive and now Arrogance has gained the power of a green bee! As the Green Hornet, she grows wings and flies around extracting pollen from flowers, and even makes honey! But most importantly, she finds that she has become the ultimate queen bee and now all the bees in the world worship her, so she gives in to her long time urge and has sex with 150,000,000 bees who nickname her the "Green ****e-net." Soon she sets out to get her revenge on Vicious and his sexy wife Viola (Demi Moore) who is just thrown in for a catfight! Get Green Horney this summer!
Arrogance Alimony (Halle Berry) has recently quit her job working for an evil beekeeper Vincent Vernon Viscious (Sylvester Stallone) who has been embezzling money and experimenting on bees. While she is relaxing at home that evening, she is suddenly attacked by vicious, green killer bees. They leave her for dead, but little do the bees know that the experiments Viscious has performed on them have rendered them radioactive and now Arrogance has gained the power of a green bee! As the Green Hornet, she grows wings and flies around extracting pollen from flowers, and even makes honey! But most importantly, she finds that she has become the ultimate queen bee and now all the bees in the world worship her, so she gives in to her long time urge and has sex with 150,000,000 bees who nickname her the "Green ****e-net." Soon she sets out to get her revenge on Vicious and his sexy wife Viola (Demi Moore) who is just thrown in for a catfight! Get Green Horney this summer!
T
TheCatmanEscape
Guest
Pitof's Lady DeathStryke
On day a long time ago a queen named Marie Fox (Halle Berry) was walking past the forest. When she sees her drama teacher (Pitof) being murdered by Timer (Traci Lords). Marie cuts down some trees and has Merlin put them in her hands. Now she is ready to enter the time portal the The Timer has left behind. The Timer kills her prey by poking people with male body parts (you get the idea) that she has killed. When Marie gets poked with a part she becomes 1 of the many Ladies Of Death. She takes the disguise of Lady Deathstrike. Cuming into Pitof butt when Pitof is off drugs.
ldino no way relates to the real Lady Deathstrike.
On day a long time ago a queen named Marie Fox (Halle Berry) was walking past the forest. When she sees her drama teacher (Pitof) being murdered by Timer (Traci Lords). Marie cuts down some trees and has Merlin put them in her hands. Now she is ready to enter the time portal the The Timer has left behind. The Timer kills her prey by poking people with male body parts (you get the idea) that she has killed. When Marie gets poked with a part she becomes 1 of the many Ladies Of Death. She takes the disguise of Lady Deathstrike. Cuming into Pitof butt when Pitof is off drugs.
ldino no way relates to the real Lady Deathstrike.
Pitof's Superman
Evan Essence (Vin Diesel) is a grocery store cashier who is really lousy at his job. He frequently short changes customers because he never learned how to count, read, or write. But then one day, the Reading Rainbow Guy (Levar Burton) shows up and after 6 long years, finally teaches him these things. He goes back to his cashier job and soon gets promoted to customer service manager. Soon Evan learns from a wandering hobo/prophet (Nick Nolte) that he is the last of seven "Supermarketmen" or simply, he is now "Superman." But soon an evil franchise grocer moves in across the street from Evan's humble grocery store. It's run by the maniacal Devon Diabolical (George Hamilton), a crazed grocery store manager with the power to make you believe his prices are the best.
Evan Essence (Vin Diesel) is a grocery store cashier who is really lousy at his job. He frequently short changes customers because he never learned how to count, read, or write. But then one day, the Reading Rainbow Guy (Levar Burton) shows up and after 6 long years, finally teaches him these things. He goes back to his cashier job and soon gets promoted to customer service manager. Soon Evan learns from a wandering hobo/prophet (Nick Nolte) that he is the last of seven "Supermarketmen" or simply, he is now "Superman." But soon an evil franchise grocer moves in across the street from Evan's humble grocery store. It's run by the maniacal Devon Diabolical (George Hamilton), a crazed grocery store manager with the power to make you believe his prices are the best.
shinlyle
King of the Haters
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Yikes. On that note....
Pitof Presents... Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back(Monster's Ball
Young Jackie(jay) Juggs(Halle Berry) is once single mother who is trying to raise her obese son without the help of her death row inmate husband (P. Diddy). Her Baby's Daddy is fried, and she is left a little angry about the situation. One noght , for no reason, her son is hit by a car as they walk along side of the road.
Billy Bob(Billy Bob Thornton) has gone back to being a Death row guard who helps provide for the inmates on their last day of their life. His dad is an incredibly bad racist. His son works with him very poorly. One day, Bob fries Jay's husband.
One day, Jackie goes to Bob's house and they have sex. Dirty sex. Mainly with her on top, of with Billy Bob smacking it form behind. Bob doesn't say a word, but Jay continnues to scream and yell and say things like "make me feel good". This scene makes up the rest of the movie.
This movie will win an award for "Best sex scene without an NC-17 rating.
Pitof Presents... Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back(Monster's Ball
Young Jackie(jay) Juggs(Halle Berry) is once single mother who is trying to raise her obese son without the help of her death row inmate husband (P. Diddy). Her Baby's Daddy is fried, and she is left a little angry about the situation. One noght , for no reason, her son is hit by a car as they walk along side of the road.
Billy Bob(Billy Bob Thornton) has gone back to being a Death row guard who helps provide for the inmates on their last day of their life. His dad is an incredibly bad racist. His son works with him very poorly. One day, Bob fries Jay's husband.
One day, Jackie goes to Bob's house and they have sex. Dirty sex. Mainly with her on top, of with Billy Bob smacking it form behind. Bob doesn't say a word, but Jay continnues to scream and yell and say things like "make me feel good". This scene makes up the rest of the movie.
This movie will win an award for "Best sex scene without an NC-17 rating.
shinlyle
King of the Haters
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- Oct 21, 2003
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Originally posted by That-Guy
LOLI'm glad I'm not the only one who thought that movie (or rather, Halle's performance in it) was seriously overrated.
Are you kidding, man? I thought the whole damned movie was honestly kind of boring. I mean, aside from the sex scene, this movie was like a two hour long "Lifetime" movie. And I HATE "Lifetime" movies. The men in it were pigs while the Mom was this poor little victim when she was CLEARLY a beeyach to her kid, and gave him NO support after his father was fried.
Screw that overrated boring excuse for a movie. Ugh.
shinlyle
King of the Haters
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- Oct 21, 2003
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Pitof presents...Supergirl.
Candy Camelot(Hillary Duff) is a conflicted young lady who suffers from chronic amnesia. She retains her memory every day until she falls asleep, and then she must discover who she is all over again.
Covering her body in post-it notes everynight, she is very cautious to leave a reminder on everything she comes in contact with to remind her who she is and what she has to do. One day, a man over hears her telling her friend that she has grown tired of her condition, and wishes that someone would end it all for her.
This man is none other than Renauldo Reddings (Carson Daly), a director in the adult film industry who specializes in snuff films. He follows her back to her place, where he waits for her to fall asleep, and then uses chloroform to ensure that she doesn't wake. He leaves notes everywhere telling her that she is Supergirl, a woman that must please every man on the planet before evil landlords come to kill her for not paying the rent! She is brought to an abandoned island so that the filming can go on without interruption from the authorities.
As she begins sexxing up all the men on this abandoned island, the landlords are closing in on her. She slowly begins to take them out by screwing them to death untilone of the weaker ones finally let's her know that she has been taken advantage of. She wonders how long this has been going on and who was responsible. She begins to hunt for Renauldo, who has long since left the island and had made a wealthy profit from Candy's expoits.
Candy learns that she has been doing every man on this island for almost ten years, and that she has no way to stop, because this is what she believes everymorning when she wakes up on this island. She goes to kill herself by leaping from a cliff, but the fall only renders her unconscious, and the journey begins again.
Perhaps someday, she will free herself from the clutches of the prison created for her, but until then, she survives by her wits and her ****.
She is...Supergirl.
Candy Camelot(Hillary Duff) is a conflicted young lady who suffers from chronic amnesia. She retains her memory every day until she falls asleep, and then she must discover who she is all over again.
Covering her body in post-it notes everynight, she is very cautious to leave a reminder on everything she comes in contact with to remind her who she is and what she has to do. One day, a man over hears her telling her friend that she has grown tired of her condition, and wishes that someone would end it all for her.
This man is none other than Renauldo Reddings (Carson Daly), a director in the adult film industry who specializes in snuff films. He follows her back to her place, where he waits for her to fall asleep, and then uses chloroform to ensure that she doesn't wake. He leaves notes everywhere telling her that she is Supergirl, a woman that must please every man on the planet before evil landlords come to kill her for not paying the rent! She is brought to an abandoned island so that the filming can go on without interruption from the authorities.
As she begins sexxing up all the men on this abandoned island, the landlords are closing in on her. She slowly begins to take them out by screwing them to death untilone of the weaker ones finally let's her know that she has been taken advantage of. She wonders how long this has been going on and who was responsible. She begins to hunt for Renauldo, who has long since left the island and had made a wealthy profit from Candy's expoits.
Candy learns that she has been doing every man on this island for almost ten years, and that she has no way to stop, because this is what she believes everymorning when she wakes up on this island. She goes to kill herself by leaping from a cliff, but the fall only renders her unconscious, and the journey begins again.
Perhaps someday, she will free herself from the clutches of the prison created for her, but until then, she survives by her wits and her ****.
She is...Supergirl.
shinlyle
King of the Haters
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2003
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- 13,581
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- Points
- 103
Originally posted by That-Guy
LOL
Thanks, man!
What the Hell happened in here yesterday?! I don't post for a day and roy comes back?! Why in the hell did the mods let him back on?! Argh.
Anyways, I think this is the longest running thread in this forum so far! It's definitely the best one on here. i just wish more people would chime in.
Ah, screw 'em! If they don't wanna post here, we'll just keep it alive.
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