If you committed a murder, how would you dispose of the body

[Whirlysplat]

You know damn well how often my friends and I had our "perfect murder" convos lol

It is an old staple, but, it's rarely seen on message boards.

 

[Immortalfire]

Why are you asking this Whirly, did you do something?

 

[DV8]

Haha, you go to stab the guy and the icicle would just be a cube

lol! "why did you just stick an ice cube in my grill?!? jerk."

 

[Colossal Spoons]

lol! "why did you just stick an ice cube in my grill?!? jerk."

That's when you say "Next time!" and run down the street cackling

 

[Silverstein]

Best ways to commit murder:

Kill the person and chop them up, take the meat to a chinese restaraunt in Philly. You might have to slip the guy like 200 bucks, but that's a cheap murder. They'll mask the flavor in soy and teriyaki sauce and pour Hoisin sauce all over. Add in broccoli, carrot wedges and green peppers and who would be the wiser?

Asian restaraunts are known for "strange" food. So people will think of goat and boars and things of this nature. They won't ask about the smell, and wouldn't question "strange meat" in the kitchen. And also the owners can play the "no engris" if questioned. Also delivery would be easy because asian restaraunts get white truck deliveries all the time with large boxes and bags coming in and out. No witnesses.

Also asking questions to the customers like "You ever have duck before?" or "Is this your first time having *insert name of food here*?" seems like pleasant small talk.


The second perfect way is with an icsicle. Stab the person in the throat, and/or push them into a frozen over lake. The water washes away all and the sub-freezing temps will screw up identification and dna things. It may or may not be obvious that they were killed but who did it? Ooops the evidence melted...And where you stab them doesn't have to be where you push them into the lake. So the melted evidence is nowhere nearby.

Dear FBI,
I'm just joking. Please don't arrest me. If any psychos actually try this crap, it wasn't me. I live in new jersey it would be impossible for me to get to wherever a crazy person would be......okay it would be impossible to get to whereever any non-new jersian crazies would be.
Besides...I'm kinda lazy.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

First guy to write a detailed essay is the killer!

 

[Silverstein]

Eeep! *ahem* You mean after having said that, correct?

 

[Immortalfire]

Best ways to commit murder:

Kill the person and chop them up, take the meat to a chinese restaraunt in Philly. You might have to slip the guy like 200 bucks, but that's a cheap murder. They'll mask the flavor in soy and teriyaki sauce and pour Hoisin sauce all over. Add in broccoli, carrot wedges and green peppers and who would be the wiser?

Asian restaraunts are known for "strange" food. So people will think of goat and boars and things of this nature. They won't ask about the smell, and wouldn't question "strange meat" in the kitchen. And also the owners can play the "no engris" if questioned. Also delivery would be easy because asian restaraunts get white truck deliveries all the time with large boxes and bags coming in and out. No witnesses.

Also asking questions to the customers like "You ever have duck before?" or "Is this your first time having *insert name of food here*?" seems like pleasant small talk.


The second perfect way is with an icsicle. Stab the person in the throat, and/or push them into a frozen over lake. The water washes away all and the sub-freezing temps will screw up identification and dna things. It may or may not be obvious that they were killed but who did it? Ooops the evidence melted...And where you stab them doesn't have to be where you push them into the lake. So the melted evidence is nowhere nearby.

Dear FBI,
I'm just joking. Please don't arrest me. If any psychos actually try this crap, it wasn't me. I live in new jersey it would be impossible for me to get to wherever a crazy person would be......okay it would be impossible to get to whereever any non-new jersian crazies would be.
Besides...I'm kinda lazy.

*men in white coats break down ChineseFood's door*

 

[DV8]

Best ways to commit murder:

Kill the person and chop them up, take the meat to a chinese restaraunt in Philly. You might have to slip the guy like 200 bucks, but that's a cheap murder. They'll mask the flavor in soy and teriyaki sauce and pour Hoisin sauce all over. Add in broccoli, carrot wedges and green peppers and who would be the wiser?

Asian restaraunts are known for "strange" food. So people will think of goat and boars and things of this nature. They won't ask about the smell, and wouldn't question "strange meat" in the kitchen. And also the owners can play the "no engris" if questioned. Also delivery would be easy because asian restaraunts get white truck deliveries all the time with large boxes and bags coming in and out. No witnesses.

Also asking questions to the customers like "You ever have duck before?" or "Is this your first time having *insert name of food here*?" seems like pleasant small talk.


The second perfect way is with an icsicle. Stab the person in the throat, and/or push them into a frozen over lake. The water washes away all and the sub-freezing temps will screw up identification and dna things. It may or may not be obvious that they were killed but who did it? Ooops the evidence melted...And where you stab them doesn't have to be where you push them into the lake. So the melted evidence is nowhere nearby.

Dear FBI,
I'm just joking. Please don't arrest me. If any psychos actually try this crap, it wasn't me. I live in new jersey it would be impossible for me to get to wherever a crazy person would be......okay it would be impossible to get to whereever any non-new jersian crazies would be.
Besides...I'm kinda lazy.

actually, while this is a pretty decent plan, I think that the frozen lake would actually preserve the conditions of the body . . . of course this would only help them determine he was struck in the throat with an icicle

 

[CorpusBlack]

I'd feed my victims to alligators, boars or acid.

 

[Prison Mike]

I'd take a page out of Nip/Tuck's book. Tie a few steaks to the body and throw it in the Everglades. Let the crocs and gators do the rest

I second this. Let the alligators do the grunt work. It worked in two of the episodes! (series premiere and fourth season finale)

 

[uchiha_itachi]

and avoid being caught...?
What are the key elements to avoiding modern forensic technique?!?

Watch a film called Mr.brooks with kevin costner.

 

[CorpusBlack]

You actually don't need the steaks. Gators are like sharks when there's blood in the water.

 

[CorpusBlack]

and avoid being caught...?
What are the key elements to avoiding modern forensic technique?!?

a volcano.

 

[ROBOCOP CPU001]

I think Horatio will catch you no matter what.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

You actually don't need the steaks. Gators are like sharks when there's blood in the water.

To make sure I don't get caught and go to jail, I'll spring for a few ribeyes lol

 

[CorpusBlack]

To make sure I don't get caught and go to jail, I'll spring for a few ribeyes lol

Nothing wrong w/ that.

 

[Whirlysplat]

Why are you asking this Whirly, did you do something?

No *crosses fingers*

 

[Motown Marvel]

dissolve the body in acid, grind bones to dust, go get a burrito.

 

[AndThePickles]

Why are you asking this Whirly, did you do something?

It's so he can give testimony if anyone here ever commits murder

 

[DV8]

dissolve the body in acid, grind bones to dust, go get a burrito.

but not necessarily in that order . . .

 

[QueerMike]

Disposing of a body is too much unecessary work. If you kill someone, be a man about. Kill them and face the consequences. If you were in the right, you won't go to jail. Don't kill someone and try yo hide, if you're man enough to kill someone you're tough enough to face the consequences.

Now, if you want to send a mob-like message. That's a different story.