Nell2ThaIzzay
Avenger
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2005
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So as some people know, I recently started a new job... and one of my co-workers is someone whom I had encountered before even starting that job, and hadbeen interested in her since our first couple encounters. Found out I'd be working with her, but was disappointed to learn about the companies policies which state that employees can't hang out together outside of work, at all. On top of it all, I found out that she had a boyfriend. 
Normally, that'd be where the story ends, but for me, it's where it just begins. At work, her and I hit it off, and we got along rather well, even being a bit flirty at work. Despite my interest in her, I always assumed it was rather innocent. But she recently put in her 2 weeks, and was concerned that she'd never see me again after she left. She was really making it known that she wanted me to call her, visit her, and spend time with her after she left. Again, I assumed that in the end, it'd be innocent, but I figured what the hell, it might be an oppourtunity.
Well, the other night at work, her and I were flirting pretty heavily. She left for her shift, and I had the closing shift. That night, pretty much from when she left at around 6:30 pm, until 7:30 am the next morning, her and I spent either text messaging each other, or talking on the phone. Like, 13 hours... a conversation which led to the revelation that she has feelings for me too.
The catch is... her boyfriend. Whom she says she loves... whom she says that she is happy with... and whom she says gives her no reason to feel like she needs to look elsewhere. But yet, here she is, having feelings for me. And despite telling me those things about how great her boyfriend is, and how much she loves him, her decision is -not- to stick with him and give up on anything her and I may have together. The next morning, she came into work over an hour early, just to see me and spend time with me. She spent most of her time holding me, until the next manager came in and she couldn't anymore. We've held each other, kissed, made out, as well as talked on the phone every night for hours at a time since this came out. And it hasn't happened yet, but there has been talk of her and I having sex together.
The situation with her boyfriend is an age difference of him being 11 years her senior, and apparently a living situation where they do not get to see each other very often. She says that she is happy, he is a great guy, and she loves him, and the only reason she has anything for me is the closer proximity to me, but that she'll be moving in with him in a couple months, so the proximity situation will be fixed.
My take is that, even if you aren't close to somebody, that is not a reason to start catching feelings for another person if you truly love that person, and are truly happy. And that with an 11 year age difference, how serious can it really be?
Currently, the status is to spend time together, getting to know each other better, and see where our feelings for each other stand. She says I am too unknown for her to jump into a relationship with, when she knows what she has with her boyfriend. But at the same time, she will not tell me that she is staying with her boyfriend, and that nothing can happen between us. She continues to tell me how much she wants me, how much she has feelings for me, and how great of a guy she thinks I am. She's told me that when she is with me, she forgets about all of her problems, and forgets that she has a boyfriend. She tells me when she's kissing me, she feels so special, so important. She also said that beyond the physical want of having somebody there, sometimes she feels like he's not there for her at all the way she would want... but then at the same time tries to say that he is there for her when she needs it.
Seems to me that despite what she says about her boyfriend, she has doubts that she is too afraid to admit, or else she wouldn't even be talking to me. But she continues to deny it, coming up with one excuse after another to justify her feelings for me.
Given the circumstances, I'm pretty well prepared for the fact that this may not work out in my favor in the end. I already have my guard way, way up for this one. This may sound weird considering the circumstances of her pretty much cheating on her boyfriend, but I see a pretty special, good girl here, and I do care for her. And I know she cares for me too. I'm just confused right now as to where her heart truly lays... and where it will lay in the future, when all is said and done. It's causing a lot of stress and heartache for her, and for myself, it's causing a lot of mixed thoughts, when she tells me one minute how much she wants me and how much she cares for me, and the next minute tells me how much she loves her boyfriend.
If it matters at all, the ages of the parties involved are - her 20, me 24, boyfriend 31 - the age being a major factor as to why I don't know that she's in the best of situations. I've never seen an instance where someone so much older (especially a guy) is with someone so much younger for the longterm commitment, rather than just a pretty young thing to bang. She says that's not the case, but everyone I've discussed this with who's a bit less naiive has a hard time buying that he's truly committed to her and only her. Of course I know nothing about this guy other than his age (and the fact that she's told me he gets jealous - though not a violent type of jealous), and I suppose he could be the exception to the rule...
Normally, that'd be where the story ends, but for me, it's where it just begins. At work, her and I hit it off, and we got along rather well, even being a bit flirty at work. Despite my interest in her, I always assumed it was rather innocent. But she recently put in her 2 weeks, and was concerned that she'd never see me again after she left. She was really making it known that she wanted me to call her, visit her, and spend time with her after she left. Again, I assumed that in the end, it'd be innocent, but I figured what the hell, it might be an oppourtunity.
Well, the other night at work, her and I were flirting pretty heavily. She left for her shift, and I had the closing shift. That night, pretty much from when she left at around 6:30 pm, until 7:30 am the next morning, her and I spent either text messaging each other, or talking on the phone. Like, 13 hours... a conversation which led to the revelation that she has feelings for me too.
The catch is... her boyfriend. Whom she says she loves... whom she says that she is happy with... and whom she says gives her no reason to feel like she needs to look elsewhere. But yet, here she is, having feelings for me. And despite telling me those things about how great her boyfriend is, and how much she loves him, her decision is -not- to stick with him and give up on anything her and I may have together. The next morning, she came into work over an hour early, just to see me and spend time with me. She spent most of her time holding me, until the next manager came in and she couldn't anymore. We've held each other, kissed, made out, as well as talked on the phone every night for hours at a time since this came out. And it hasn't happened yet, but there has been talk of her and I having sex together.
The situation with her boyfriend is an age difference of him being 11 years her senior, and apparently a living situation where they do not get to see each other very often. She says that she is happy, he is a great guy, and she loves him, and the only reason she has anything for me is the closer proximity to me, but that she'll be moving in with him in a couple months, so the proximity situation will be fixed.
My take is that, even if you aren't close to somebody, that is not a reason to start catching feelings for another person if you truly love that person, and are truly happy. And that with an 11 year age difference, how serious can it really be?
Currently, the status is to spend time together, getting to know each other better, and see where our feelings for each other stand. She says I am too unknown for her to jump into a relationship with, when she knows what she has with her boyfriend. But at the same time, she will not tell me that she is staying with her boyfriend, and that nothing can happen between us. She continues to tell me how much she wants me, how much she has feelings for me, and how great of a guy she thinks I am. She's told me that when she is with me, she forgets about all of her problems, and forgets that she has a boyfriend. She tells me when she's kissing me, she feels so special, so important. She also said that beyond the physical want of having somebody there, sometimes she feels like he's not there for her at all the way she would want... but then at the same time tries to say that he is there for her when she needs it.
Seems to me that despite what she says about her boyfriend, she has doubts that she is too afraid to admit, or else she wouldn't even be talking to me. But she continues to deny it, coming up with one excuse after another to justify her feelings for me.
Given the circumstances, I'm pretty well prepared for the fact that this may not work out in my favor in the end. I already have my guard way, way up for this one. This may sound weird considering the circumstances of her pretty much cheating on her boyfriend, but I see a pretty special, good girl here, and I do care for her. And I know she cares for me too. I'm just confused right now as to where her heart truly lays... and where it will lay in the future, when all is said and done. It's causing a lot of stress and heartache for her, and for myself, it's causing a lot of mixed thoughts, when she tells me one minute how much she wants me and how much she cares for me, and the next minute tells me how much she loves her boyfriend.
If it matters at all, the ages of the parties involved are - her 20, me 24, boyfriend 31 - the age being a major factor as to why I don't know that she's in the best of situations. I've never seen an instance where someone so much older (especially a guy) is with someone so much younger for the longterm commitment, rather than just a pretty young thing to bang. She says that's not the case, but everyone I've discussed this with who's a bit less naiive has a hard time buying that he's truly committed to her and only her. Of course I know nothing about this guy other than his age (and the fact that she's told me he gets jealous - though not a violent type of jealous), and I suppose he could be the exception to the rule...
I agree this could get very mess for YOU...
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