Jack Holyoak

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction & Films' started by Manic, Dec 3, 2007.

  1. Manic User title? USER TITLE?!

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    This is a fan fiction about Marvel Comics' Jack Holyoak. Yes, that annoying sorcerer sidekick from Doc Samson's miniseries last year. Why, you ask? Probably because I'm just that bored. Easily, this could've been a Betty Brant fan fic.

    Just for spits & giggles, I'm doing this story in the format of a comic book script. It's intended to have a light tone, and be somewhat humorous. Feel free to try to decipher my descriptions, and draw a panel or two. I'm not holding my breath, though.

    Obviously, all criticism is welcome. :csad:


    JACK HOLYOAK
    Issue #1
    "Holding Out For A Holyoak"



    PAGE 1

    Panel 1
    Establishing MANZANO, CALIFORNIA, a sunny suburb somewhere between San Francisco and Sacramento. Picture something clean and cliché, with many bicyclists, and few cars on the road. It’s a relatively small town, and one could probably walk across it in an hour or two. Just outside of town is a vast orchard of apple trees.

    CAPTION
    Manzano, California

    Panel 2
    A house on the loop-end of a cul-de-sac. A lady REALTOR shakes hands with JACK HOLYOAK, a young, black haired man in his early twenties with penchant for wearing sweaters over his button-up shirts at all times--even in hot weather. The ‘for sale’ sign behind them has a large “SOLD” sticker over it.

    REALTOR
    How does it feel to be a homeowner, Mr. Holyoak?

    JACK
    Feels great. I already know the first thing I’m going to do…


    PAGE 2

    Panel 1
    Close-up of Realtor, smiling a friendly smile.

    REALTOR
    And what would that be?

    Panel 2
    Close-up of Jack, who is smiling more slyly.

    JACK
    Commence a blood-letting, to draw out the demons within!

    Panel 3
    A panel identical to Panel 2 of Page 1.

    REALTOR
    …

    Panel 4
    Jack is left with his hand held out (as if he’s still shaking hands), as the Realtor runs away with a dust trail behind her.

    Panel 5
    Close-up on Jack, who is clearly confused.

    JACK
    Or maybe just unpack…


    PAGE 3

    Panel 1
    Interior of Jack’s brand new, empty house. Jack is standing in the doorway, holding a single duffle bag.

    Panel 2
    Close-up of Jack’s hands opening the duffle bag.

    JACK
    Alright, time to come out.

    Panel 3
    Jack stands back, arms crossed, as a trail of ordinary household items lowly bounce out of his bag, and “march” onward. Alarm clock, toaster, DVD player followed by jewel-cased DVDs, a cauldron, various little glass bottles.

    Panel 4
    Jack begins to turn around and look at his front door.

    KNOCK KNOCK

    JACK
    Coming.


    PAGE 4

    Panel 1
    From Jack’s point of view, we see a married couple in their forties. This is MR. & MRS. MILQUE. They’re both smiling so large, they can barely open their eyes. Mrs. Milque is holding a platter of green gelatin.
    MR. MILQUE
    Hi-dee-ho, neighbor!

    MRS. MILQUE
    We’re the Milques. I’m Blanch, that’s Stanley.

    MR. MILQUE
    We’re just here to welcome you to Manzano, best little town
    in California!

    MRS. MILQUE
    We live just two houses over. Just came by to say hello.

    MR. MILQUE
    And offer some of the wife’s famous Jell-O.

    Panel 2
    Close-up of Jack, who is both confused and a little bit scared. The Milques continue to speak from off-panel.

    MRS. MILQUE
    We’re just two houses over, if you need anything.

    MR. MILQUE
    Stop by anytime.

    MRS. MILQUE
    We’d love to stay here and talk, but we really gotta go.

    MR. MILQUE
    See you around, neighbor!

    SLAM!


    PAGE 5

    Panel 1
    Jack stands, looking at his closed door, holding the platter of gelatin. In the background, his living room appears to have decorated itself with a type of gothic motif, decorated mostly with dark purples, indigo, and black. Candles, glowing stones, and a telephone continue to exit his bag.

    JACK
    That was… odd.

    Panel 2
    Jack looks at the door, annoyed.

    KNOCK KNOCK

    JACK
    And so it begins…

    Panel 3
    Jack’s point of view. FREE SOLIS, a woman who looks not unlike Teri Hatcher, leans against the frame of the door-- arms crossed to accentuate her cleavage.

    FREE
    Hi. I’m Free.

    Panel 4
    Jack looks upward in glee.

    JACK
    Thank you, Hoggoth!


    PAGE 6

    Panel 1
    Free begins to lean forward into Jack’s house. Jack nervously leans backward.

    FREE
    I noticed you just moved in. I live right next door.

    JACK
    Oh. I… uh… I’m Jack. Holyoak. Jack Holyoak. It’s nice
    to meet… uh…

    Panel 2
    We see a pair of hands from outside push Free out of Jack’s doorway.

    OFF-PANEL VOICE
    Keep walkin’ Mom.

    JACK
    “Mom”?

    Panel 3
    A young man around Jack’s age is now standing next to Free. He is MARCO SOLIS, Free’s son. Free and Marco are both annoyed, although obviously for different reasons.

    MARCO
    Sorry, man. Name’s Marco. Mom’s just a little… eager.

    JACK
    I… gathered.

    Panel 4
    Marco is pushing Free away from Jack’s house. Jack stands in the doorway, once again confused.

    MARCO
    Gotta go, man. We’ll meet you later!

    JACK
    Uh… yeah. See ya… later.

    Panel 5
    Close-up on Jack, with a bewildered and curious look across his face.





    More likely coming...
     
  2. Abaddon Watching

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    ....or not?
     
  3. Manic User title? USER TITLE?!

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    Oh snap. I forgot I was posting the script here.

    Sorry, Aba. I'll vb-code and post the rest of the script soon. :o
     
  4. Abaddon Watching

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    I'm not that interested, I'm just feeling bored and stalkery.:csad:
     
  5. Manic User title? USER TITLE?!

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    Right. So. Somewhere between work, the holiday season, family emergencies, and trying to get my ass back in school, ect. ect. Let's just say I have an appreciation for writers who manage to do more than one thing at a time.

    Here's what I have so far.



    PAGE 7

    Panel 1
    Exterior establishing picture of the Manzano Police Department. It’s a small, quaint building, with only one police car out front. There’s a space reserved for a second police vehicle, which is absent from this shot.

    CAPTION
    Manzano Police Department (MPD). They don’t see much action.

    Panel 2
    The interior of the MPD. It is very neat and tidy. Including all officers, civilians, and criminals being hauled off to jail, there are no more than a dozen people in the immediate room. Toward the back is the closed door of Chief Grwn’s office. A voice comes from the other side (inside) of the door.

    VOICE
    Have you heard of Richard’s Law?

    Panel 3
    Chief Grwn, an old and pale man with grey hair and a bushy grey mustache, sits behind his desk. Sitting on the other side of his desk are Detective Matt Prye and Inspector Nat Pagtakhan. Prye can best be described as a caramel-colored, middle-aged, bald cop in plain clothes. Pagtakhan is a fairly husky Filipina in her 30s. And yes, this detail means I’m setting them up as supporting characters.

    CHIEF
    Richard’s what-now?

    PRYE
    Named after some superheroes. Basically means that when a
    registered super-type without a secret identity moves in the
    neighborhood, they have to inform the neighbors.

    CHIEF
    That sounds considerate.

    PAGTAKHAN
    Yeah, well, we’ve got one, sir.

    CHIEF
    Pardon?

    Panel 4
    Close-up of Inspector Pagtakhan, who looks very concerned.

    PAGTAKHAN
    We have a registered superhuman living in Manzano. Right
    now.

    PAGE 8

    Panel 1
    Jack is sitting on an easy-chair in his new home, reading his grimoire-- a large hardbound book of magic.

    JACK
    “Exorcising Incorporeal Demons.” There we go.

    Panel 2
    Jack is now standing in front of the chair, reading intently.

    JACK
    Candle, cauldron, generic circle of sand. Check.

    Panel 3
    Jack crouches--still reading--in front of a cauldron on the floor. Around the cauldron is a circle of red sand. Inside said cauldron is a single red candle, unlit.

    JACK
    “Light yon candle” ect. ect. “Let wax melt within” ect. “blood”
    ect.

    Panel 4
    Close shot of Jack’s hand pointing at the candle, as a small flame shoots forth from his finger.

    Panel 5
    Jack is standing upright, holding a small ceremonial knife in his right hand, attempting to cut his left palm.

    JACK
    Mnisthiti mou…

    Panel 6
    Little droplets of blood falling into the cauldron.

    PAGE 9

    Panel 1
    Shot of Jack concentrating on cutting his hand. In the background, we can see his front door.

    KNOCK KNOCK

    JACK
    Really?
    I’m on my way.

    Panel 2
    Jack, clearly annoyed, is starting to shout, but is still holding his bleeding hand over the cauldron.

    KNOCK KNOCK

    JACK
    I’m trying to cut myself, here!
    Oh. That doesn’t sound right.

    Panel 3
    Jack shuffles his feet across the circle of red sand, accidentally smudging part of it. Jack speaks from off-panel

    KNOCK KNOCK

    JACK
    Fine, I’m coming…

    Panel 4
    A view from behind Jack. We see Inspector Pagtakhan and Detective Prye standing very sternly in the doorway.

    JACK
    Can I help you?

    PAGTAKHAN
    Are you Jack Holyoak?

    JACK
    Last I checked.

    PAGTAKHAN
    Is that what you do? Change who you are?

    JACK
    What?

    Panel 5
    Close-up of the candle, as an eerie red smoke rises from it, and out of the cauldron. Everyone speaks from off-panel.

    PAGTAKHAN
    We know what you are. What’s more, we hear what you
    super-types are into.

    JACK
    Wait, what?

    Panel 6
    The red swirl of smoke escapes the circle of sand, and flies outward directly over the smudge caused by Jack’s foot from earlier. Dialogue from off-panel.

    PAGTAKHAN
    What my colleague means…

    PAGE 10

    Panel 1
    Shot of all three standing in the doorway, Jack still looking out, and Astrakhan & Prye looking in. Prye is rubbing the left temple of his head, clearly out of frustration.

    PRYE
    …is that we’re concerned about the safety of our citizens.
    Super-heroics aren’t taken as lightly as they used to be. Heaven
    knows we were never used to your kind on the West Coast,
    but ever since you guys started fighting each other…

    Panel 2
    Jack, coming out of his confusion, raises his eyebrow in an attempt to explain his situation.

    JACK
    Guys, I’m no superhero. I’m registered as an advanced magic
    user, but the most superhero-y thing I’ve ever done is help
    Doc Samson give psychotherapy to a talking totem pole.
    Don’t ask.

    Panel 3
    Pagtakhan and Prye both smile in relief. Prye even begins to slouch a little. Jack speaks from off-panel.

    PAGTAKHAN
    So you’re not going to attract the attention of any super-
    criminals, aliens, or terrorists?

    JACK
    I don’t know anyone.

    PAGTAKHAN
    Thank God.
     

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