Mark Webb is the first one to budge. Even as the battle starts, with the smoke of gun powder, Webb gets on all four and takes off his white shirt as a make shift surrender flag. He reaches the recesses of his front pocket and proudly displays his SONY employment ID card. He then reaches the back pocket of his poop stained pants and holds out, even more proudly, a picture of him and Avy Arad, with what seems to be a dog collar on Webb's neck. Snyder, Joss, and Singer, fellow human beings, fellow directors with some level of respect for their craft is disgusted at this show of servitude to the studio system, and beats the hell out of Webb for stooping so low.
Out of nowhere, the devious Joss sucker punches Snyder, and then kicks Singer in the testicles. Singer goes down positively wailing. Whedon stomps as Singer lets out a continuous stream of wilheilm screams. It looks pretty sad. When, all of a sudden, two twin boys (aged no more than 17) jump the barricade in what looks to be an attempt to save Bryan Singer. Security quickly "escorts" them out as there are rules in place of no outside help, lovers or not. And Just as Whedon knocks Singer out he gets a sharp jolt from the back.
Whedon may have momentarily knocked Snyder out, but what he didn't count on was Zack's jaws of steel. See, sometimes Zack skips leg day for jaw days. He carefully caresses his jaws with copies of Frank Miller's Dark Knight Returns. He is particularly fond of the page where Batman senselessly beats Superman. He has many copies of TDKR (300 to be exact), and there are 300 pages of Batman beating the hell out of Superman lying around his bedroom like used condoms. Anyways, Zack enters the world of slowmotion, as Quicksilver did, and easily blocks and chops every one of Whedon's practical punches and kicks with his CGI limbs. Zack then utters something pretentious like out of a line from a Goyer script (with the word fear uttered 15 times), and delivers a scathing blow. A super, special, awesome heart punch.
Though Snyder is strong, he is a bit of dullard. Instead of checking to see if Joss is down for the count, Snyder contently turns back to head for the victory podium. Joss, the mad trickster that he is, was playing possum. He slowly gets up as Zack's back is turned, removes his shirt, and reveals that he was wearing feminist push up bras that cushoned Zack's super, special, awesome blow. Whedon then reconfigures the bras to something that resembles the bossom of Christina Hendricks, only iron steel in hardness, and finishes poor Zack off.
Winner: Joss Whedon.
