Lol...Bizarro Jesus

[hippy fascist]

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Jesus

 

[PhotoJones]

my tattoo artist was in a film called "black zombie jesus part 2".

there was no "part 1".

 

[hippy fascist]

Republican Jesus

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.


Republican Jesus


Republican Jesus is the central figure in the Republican religion and is the Jesus worshipped by non-liberal p***ies.
Republican Jesus shares many superficial qualities with the biblical Jesus, and in fact a minority of historians believe the two are actually the same figure. However, a growing body of evidence suggests that Republican Jesus was actually created in 1964 aboard a Goldwater campaign bus east of Flagstaff from the bones of Aldophus B. Huxley, and was recognized as the one true Republican messiah in 1980, in which role he continues to this day. Some of the more significant differences between the two Jesuses'

philosophies:

• The biblical Jesus preached at length about renouncing worldly possessions and giving to the poor. Republican Jesus believes that such handouts merely encourage the poor to be lazy, and that Christian charity is better practiced through massive tax breaks for the wealthiest citizens, who could then be expected to let the money "tinkle down" to the poor in the form of honest, if low-paying, jobs at upright Republican institutions like Wal-Mart
• The biblical Jesus threw the money changers out of the Temple. Republican Jesus welcomed them in, even going so far as to open the first known church inside a Wal-Mart.
• The biblical Jesus spent most of his time among lepers, prostitutes, and other people who were shunned by society. Republican Jesus is notoriously afraid of AIDS, which he believes can be contracted in such ways as shaking hands with an infected person or using the same toilet seat, so he spends most of his time at the gun club or at home watching NASCAR races on television. Republican Jesus frequently talks about his intention to start donating money to hospice organizations or the Red Cross, but there is no evidence that he has ever done so

Republican Jesus and The Jesus Squad

Republican Jesus served a brief stint in The Jesus Squad, however this was mostly a publicity stunt to boost his low approval rating than anything else. Original Jesus did not offically let him into the Squad (as a rule all members must genuinely want to be members) but he let Republican Jesus tag along on their missions because He believed they could change Republican Jesus into someone who cares about the innocent people of the world. However Republican Jesus did what all Republicans do; totally undermine the entire Good vs. Evil battle. Whenever the Squad stopped a villain from destroying the universe, Republican Jesus would offer to support the villain in a court case suing the Squad for damage to, death of minions, shock and many other things. He was eventually kicked out of the Squad. Down but not out Republican Jesus returned with an idea to make Jesus Squad action figures (by out-sourcing to India) however Original Jesus refused to allow him to make them because he would never let the Squad sell-out. When RJ threatened legal action Jesus cut a deal with him. If Republican Jesus created a logo for the Squad they would adopt it and give him all merchandising rights to. However He thought that Republican Jesus would hire a professional artist to create the logo instead RJ made it himself. The less-than-crud logo is now the symbol for the Jesus Squad, because its legally obligated to be.

DD

 

[X-Rated]

........... wouldn't that be the Antichrist.