In another thread this title was brought up and I just thought it would be fun to poke fun and think of some ideas that seems like something in Marvels relm right now.
It turns out, Norman Osborn is Peter's father, and molested him as a young child
The Goblin twins and Harry were really his Siblings!
ANd it turns out Eddie Brock is his cousin/brother, who was the result of inbreeding from Norman and May!
And, MJ is now having Norman's baby (as it all has to revolve around him of course). Oh and what the heck, make MJ think Magneto is the father, just for flavor.
How about this it follows the JMS/Joey Q Soap Opera mentality. Peter is really the son of Norman Osborn (Mary Parker and Norman had an affair). MJ is also the daughter of Norman. Thus MJ and Peter are married and each other's sibling.
Continuing with the Soap Mentality, Baby May was the product of a one night stand between MJ and Eddie Brock. She just couldn't resist his magnatism.
Baby May is still alive and is being raised by Flash Thompson and his lover Randy Robertson. (Hey Randy has been missing). The Flash that's in a coma is really a clone (more of Norman's mind tricks).
Eddie Brock trys to commit suicide (again) having sold his Symbiote suit off, which later tracks down & joins with Mac Gargan aka the Scorpion creating SCORPEM!!!
How about this it follows the JMS/Joey Q Soap Opera mentality. Peter is really the son of Norman Osborn (Mary Parker and Norman had an affair). MJ is also the daughter of Norman. Thus MJ and Peter are married and each other's sibling.
Continuing with the Soap Mentality, Baby May was the product of a one night stand between MJ and Eddie Brock. She just couldn't resist his magnatism.
Baby May is still alive and is being raised by Flash Thompson and his lover Randy Robertson. (Hey Randy has been missing). The Flash that's in a coma is really a clone (more of Norman's mind tricks).
How about this it follows the JMS/Joey Q Soap Opera mentality. Peter is really the son of Norman Osborn (Mary Parker and Norman had an affair). MJ is also the daughter of Norman. Thus MJ and Peter are married and each other's sibling.
Continuing with the Soap Mentality, Baby May was the product of a one night stand between MJ and Eddie Brock. She just couldn't resist his magnatism.
Baby May is still alive and is being raised by Flash Thompson and his lover Randy Robertson. (Hey Randy has been missing). The Flash that's in a coma is really a clone (more of Norman's mind tricks).
In one particularly confused moment, Peter and Ben Reilly had sex with each other, wondering if counted as sex or just a particularly complex method of jacking off.
Uncle Ben was really Peter's father, having had an affair with Mary Parker. Aunt May found out years later, and in a fit of rage, murdered Ben, and then told police there was a robbery. The fact that there was a crook cornered that night, and it was the one Peter let escape, is just pure coincidence.
During MJ's time in Hollywood, she worked as a hooker on the side, servicing all employees of her movie studio. MJ couldn't resist the magnetism of one of the special effects men, and took him in a moment of passion, forgetting protection. She bore the child of the special effects person, but gave the child up for adoption. The father will turn out to be a very-much-alive Quentin Beck, who faked his death after buying Spider-man's real identity off of Norman Osborn. He then fled to Europe or somewhere and orchestrated MJ's plane crash and death, as well as her return and subsequent move to Hollywood, so that he could woo her and impregnate her as a way of attacking Peter. (Hmmm, something about that seems vaguely familiar...)
You know, this might be dangerous. We may be giving ol Joey Q and JMS ideas.
Eddie Brock trys to commit suicide (again) having sold his Symbiote suit off, which later tracks down & joins with Mac Gargan aka the Scorpion creating SCORPEM!!!
Uncle Ben was really Peter's father, having had an affair with Mary Parker. Aunt May found out years later, and in a fit of rage, murdered Ben, and then told police there was a robbery. The fact that there was a crook cornered that night, and it was the one Peter let escape, is just pure coincidence.
During MJ's time in Hollywood, she worked as a hooker on the side, servicing all employees of her movie studio. MJ couldn't resist the magnetism of one of the special effects men, and took him in a moment of passion, forgetting protection. She bore the child of the special effects person, but gave the child up for adoption. The father will turn out to be a very-much-alive Quentin Beck, who faked his death after buying Spider-man's real identity off of Norman Osborn. He then fled to Europe or somewhere and orchestrated MJ's plane crash and death, as well as her return and subsequent move to Hollywood, so that he could woo her and impregnate her as a way of attacking Peter. (Hmmm, something about that seems vaguely familiar...)
You know, this might be dangerous. We may be giving ol Joey Q and JMS ideas.
Here's one, there is no such person as Spider-Man. The real Peter Parker is an inmate in an asylum and what we've been reading all these years are the dellusions he has.
After a violent nightmare, Aunt May wakes up in a cold sweat. She hears water running in her bathroom, and rushes to see what it is. It's the shower. She pulls back the curtain only to reveal...
Uncle Ben. May describes a terrible dream she had where Peter was bitten by a spidey, got superpowers, and couldn't save Ben from a robber. Ben comforts May, telling her it was all a dream.
Glad to see my little innocent post in the Flash Thompson thread spawned such a great reaction!
Here's some more of my ideas:
Intent on answering all unanswered questions ever in the MU with quick knee-jerk solutions (such as Wolverine's origin), we finally learn the shocking name of The Burglar...
Richard Parker
!
After countless defeats and the hands of his enemies, Spider-Man finally decides it's time for a sidekick:
Wolverine
As Peter is helping move Aunt May's belongings to the Avengers Mansion, he comes upon an old picture of May and Ben with a little boy. Peter, knowing it's not him, confronts May with the pictures, demanding why he was never told about his cousin. May calmly responds that Pete has nothing to worry about. That wasn't his cousin,
it was May's midget pimp.
In an effort to increase her popularity, Black Cat finally
gets breast implants.
Kangaroo returns with suped-up powers! He is now able to control everyone in new york, ESPECIALLY SPIDER-MAN, using his new-found power over creatures with the "marsupial gene". Apparently, a spider is now concidered a marsupial, and Spidey is put under Kangaroo's influence. The result ends with
Peter becoming pregnant and giving birth to himself.
Peter is forever changed, for now he has the power to
carry himself around in his own pouch.
The climax to Marvel: House of WTF is the battle waged between the newly-fused 616 and Ultimate Universes. It's 616 Spidey vs. Ultimate Spidey in an all out fight-to-the-finish! Surprisingly enough, due to Bendis' creative control,
Ultimate Spider-Man thouroughly trashes 616 Spidey, because apparently, Ultimate Spider-Man is the more experienced fighter, and 616 Spidey was too distrought over having torn his "booty"
Here's one, there is no such person as Spider-Man. The real Peter Parker is an inmate in an asylum and what we've been reading all these years are the dellusions he has.
Mary-Jane is hired to play the lead in a multimillion-dollar action flick by Michael Bay, being shot on location in the Deep South. There, Peter learns that Ben Reilly is still alive. Ben poses as Peter's cousin, dying his hair blonde. The Parkers so love the traditional Southern cooking that they decide to stay even after the movie wraps. Since there are no skyscrapers to swing off of, Peter rebuilds the Spider-Mobile. They dub it the "Uncle Ben."
The Parker boys, assisted by Mary-Jane (who now wears almost exclusively cut-off jeans) and Aunt May, fight the corrupt practices of County Commissioner Boss Norm (now the White Goblin, due to only wearing white, even after labor day) and Sheriff Otto J. Octavius. They also receive aid from the bumbling Deputy Enos Brock and mechanic Robbie Robertson in their quest for justice.
Proving some things never change, local paper magnate J. Jonah Jameson writes scathing editorials about Ben and Pete, despite them being just a couple of good ol' boys, never meanin' no harm...
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Glad to see my little innocent post in the Flash Thompson thread spawned such a great reaction!
