Comics Marvel's House of WTF

Zev said:
Mary-Jane is hired to play the lead in a multimillion-dollar action flick by Michael Bay, being shot on location in the Deep South. There, Peter learns that Ben Reilly is still alive. Ben poses as Peter's cousin, dying his hair blonde. The Parkers so love the traditional Southern cooking that they decide to stay even after the movie wraps. Since there are no skyscrapers to swing off of, Peter rebuilds the Spider-Mobile. They dub it the "Uncle Ben."

The Parker boys, assisted by Mary-Jane (who now wears almost exclusively cut-off jeans) and Aunt May, fight the corrupt practices of County Commissioner Boss Norm (now the White Goblin, due to only wearing white, even after labor day) and Sheriff Otto J. Octavius. They also receive aid from the bumbling Deputy Enos Brock and mechanic Robbie Robertson in their quest for justice.

Proving some things never change, local paper magnate J. Jonah Jameson writes scathing editorials about Ben and Pete, despite them being just a couple of good ol' boys, never meanin' no harm...
Click to expand...
YEE-HAH THE BITES OF SPIDER
 
Spider-Man House of WTF #1:

Peter's life comes to a screeching halt as Aunt May and Mary Jane suddenly disappear, with the only trace of their disappearance being a note from a mysterious kidnapper! Making the assumption that everyone else would these days, Pete rushes to confront
Norman Osborn! But when Norman alleges that he knows nothing and reveals several other heirs to his legacy while dangling Betty Brant off a bridge, Spidey is forced to do some detective work!

Spider-Man House of WTF #2:

Spidey finds his first lead as he is confronted by his old enemy, the Big Wheel. Apparently, the Big Wheel who died
was really a cosmetically altered actor and/or an illusion by Mysterio, who was under the employ of the now deceased Seymour O'Reilly.
Does the Big Wheel have any connection to the kidnapper of Peter's loved ones? As it turns out,
no.

Spider-Man House of WTF #3

Knowing of his amazing detective skills, Spider-Man pays a little visit to his old and close friend, the Silver Surfer! Can the duo unravel the mystery of Mary Jane and Aunt May's disappearances while holding off the combined threat of a spontaneously generated army of 20 Spidey clones?! And is that really
The Spot
leading the coup?

Spider-Man House of WTF #4

As it turns out, the Spidey clones and their leader were really mechanizations created by
Arcade and a psychotic Vision.
They were meant to provide a distraction, while the Hobgoblin acted upon a previously-unknown desire to take over the
Daily Bugle and transform it into a fashion magazine!
Will Spider-Man, the Silver Surfer, and the Juggernaut be able to defeat the Hobgoblin?!
Defying even comic book logic, no.

Spider-Man House of WTF #5

Much to Spider-Man's shock,
the confrontations with enemies and allies of the past four issues were all an elaborate hoax created by none other than a cross-dressing clone of Norman Osborn and his super-duper Wacky Avengers Neutralizer and Dimension Altering (W.A.N.D.A.) device!
In much dismay, Spider-Man discovers
Norman's sinister cross-dressing clone is NOT responsible for the vanishing loved ones.
What will our hero do?!

Spider-Man House of WTF #6

Spider-Man's House of WTF wraps up this issue with the revelation that
Aunt May and Mary Jane were lesbian lovers who fled to Denmark!
On the road to find them, Peter must contend with such rogue gallery dregs as
the Hypno-Hustler, the Walrus, an evil wheelchair-bound half-android Flash Thompson, and for some reason, Wolverine.
Unfortunately,
Spider-Man finds the both of them dead, as the victims of the cyborg Richard Parker created by Harry Osborn! After defeating the cyborg, Spider-Man returns to a normal life as a web-swinging bachelor, conveniently forgetting the tragic death of his loved ones as he faces suddenly-vampiric alien costumes and usually-inept-but-are-now-bone-breakingly-tough-beyond-logic villains.
 
Oh pffft.

everyone knows the Juggernaut, Silver Surfer and Spider-Man are no match for Kingsley! :p
 
imdaly said:
:D Glad to see my little innocent post in the Flash Thompson thread spawned such a great reaction!

Here's some more of my ideas:

Intent on answering all unanswered questions ever in the MU with quick knee-jerk solutions (such as Wolverine's origin), we finally learn the shocking name of The Burglar...
Richard Parker
!

After countless defeats and the hands of his enemies, Spider-Man finally decides it's time for a sidekick:
Wolverine

As Peter is helping move Aunt May's belongings to the Avengers Mansion, he comes upon an old picture of May and Ben with a little boy. Peter, knowing it's not him, confronts May with the pictures, demanding why he was never told about his cousin. May calmly responds that Pete has nothing to worry about. That wasn't his cousin,
it was May's midget pimp.

In an effort to increase her popularity, Black Cat finally
gets breast implants.

Kangaroo returns with suped-up powers! He is now able to control everyone in new york, ESPECIALLY SPIDER-MAN, using his new-found power over creatures with the "marsupial gene". Apparently, a spider is now concidered a marsupial, and Spidey is put under Kangaroo's influence. The result ends with
Peter becoming pregnant and giving birth to himself.
Peter is forever changed, for now he has the power to
carry himself around in his own pouch.

The climax to Marvel: House of WTF is the battle waged between the newly-fused 616 and Ultimate Universes. It's 616 Spidey vs. Ultimate Spidey in an all out fight-to-the-finish! Surprisingly enough, due to Bendis' creative control,
Ultimate Spider-Man thouroughly trashes 616 Spidey, because apparently, Ultimate Spider-Man is the more experienced fighter, and 616 Spidey was too distrought over having torn his "booty"
Click to expand...

Ah ha ha ha ha!!! Nice! :up:
Very Funny! :D
 
Démon said:
Spider-Man House of WTF #1:

Peter's life comes to a screeching halt as Aunt May and Mary Jane suddenly disappear, with the only trace of their disappearance being a note from a mysterious kidnapper! Making the assumption that everyone else would these days, Pete rushes to confront
Norman Osborn! But when Norman alleges that he knows nothing and reveals several other heirs to his legacy while dangling Betty Brant off a bridge, Spidey is forced to do some detective work!

Spider-Man House of WTF #2:

Spidey finds his first lead as he is confronted by his old enemy, the Big Wheel. Apparently, the Big Wheel who died
was really a cosmetically altered actor and/or an illusion by Mysterio, who was under the employ of the now deceased Seymour O'Reilly.
Does the Big Wheel have any connection to the kidnapper of Peter's loved ones? As it turns out,
no.

Spider-Man House of WTF #3

Knowing of his amazing detective skills, Spider-Man pays a little visit to his old and close friend, the Silver Surfer! Can the duo unravel the mystery of Mary Jane and Aunt May's disappearances while holding off the combined threat of a spontaneously generated army of 20 Spidey clones?! And is that really
The Spot
leading the coup?

Spider-Man House of WTF #4

As it turns out, the Spidey clones and their leader were really mechanizations created by
Arcade and a psychotic Vision.
They were meant to provide a distraction, while the Hobgoblin acted upon a previously-unknown desire to take over the
Daily Bugle and transform it into a fashion magazine!
Will Spider-Man, the Silver Surfer, and the Juggernaut be able to defeat the Hobgoblin?!
Defying even comic book logic, no.

Spider-Man House of WTF #5

Much to Spider-Man's shock,
the confrontations with enemies and allies of the past four issues were all an elaborate hoax created by none other than a cross-dressing clone of Norman Osborn and his super-duper Wacky Avengers Neutralizer and Dimension Altering (W.A.N.D.A.) device!
In much dismay, Spider-Man discovers
Norman's sinister cross-dressing clone is NOT responsible for the vanishing loved ones.
What will our hero do?!

Spider-Man House of WTF #6

Spider-Man's House of WTF wraps up this issue with the revelation that
Aunt May and Mary Jane were lesbian lovers who fled to Denmark!
On the road to find them, Peter must contend with such rogue gallery dregs as
the Hypno-Hustler, the Walrus, an evil wheelchair-bound half-android Flash Thompson, and for some reason, Wolverine.
Unfortunately,
Spider-Man finds the both of them dead, as the victims of the cyborg Richard Parker created by Harry Osborn! After defeating the cyborg, Spider-Man returns to a normal life as a web-swinging bachelor, conveniently forgetting the tragic death of his loved ones as he faces suddenly-vampiric alien costumes and usually-inept-but-are-now-bone-breakingly-tough-beyond-logic villains.
Click to expand...
these are PARODY synopses why the spoilers tags :spidey: :spidey: :spidey:
 
In 2005 a crack Avengers unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum-maximum-security stockade to the New York underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune.

L.A. Cage.

Steve "Hannibal" Rogers.

Tony "Face" Stark.

And Howlin' Mad Parker.

If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The Avengers-Team.
 
Zev said:
Mary-Jane is hired to play the lead in a multimillion-dollar action flick by Michael Bay, being shot on location in the Deep South. There, Peter learns that Ben Reilly is still alive. Ben poses as Peter's cousin, dying his hair blonde. The Parkers so love the traditional Southern cooking that they decide to stay even after the movie wraps. Since there are no skyscrapers to swing off of, Peter rebuilds the Spider-Mobile. They dub it the "Uncle Ben."

The Parker boys, assisted by Mary-Jane (who now wears almost exclusively cut-off jeans) and Aunt May, fight the corrupt practices of County Commissioner Boss Norm (now the White Goblin, due to only wearing white, even after labor day) and Sheriff Otto J. Octavius. They also receive aid from the bumbling Deputy Enos Brock and mechanic Robbie Robertson in their quest for justice.

Proving some things never change, local paper magnate J. Jonah Jameson writes scathing editorials about Ben and Pete, despite them being just a couple of good ol' boys, never meanin' no harm...
Click to expand...

Damn dem du...parker boys.
 
Peter is eating at a Mexican resturaunt, when he is suddenly hit with exploding diarrhea!! He runs to the bathroom, and sits on the toilet to relieve himself. He stands, and notices a rash on his ass.

It turns out that Norman put turbo-laxative into the food, and then he rubbed shellfish all over the toilet seat (Peter is allergic to shell-fish thanks to House of M), and now Peter must use a topical ointment on his ass every 30 minutes!

PLOT TWIST! MJ knew all along, but didn' ttell Peter.....she gave Norman the shellfish!!!!
 
Zev said:
In 2005 a crack Avengers unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum-maximum-security stockade to the New York underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune.

L.A. Cage.

Steve "Hannibal" Rogers.

Tony "Face" Stark.

And Howlin' Mad Parker.

If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The Avengers-Team.
Click to expand...
Heh, nice. You really loved the '80s, didn't you? ;)
 
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Batman, Ronald Reagan in the White House... what wasn't to love?
 
Peter travels to the Avengers mansion/Tower/WTF-ever to find MJ in the middle of a gang-bang with Cap and Wolverine while Tony Stark operates an incredibly old camera.

As Peter looks around for Norman Osborn (who is behind everything) he sees a giddy bald man standing in the corner. He mistakes him for Uatu the Watcher, and then realizes it isn't Uatu at all, but his archenemy....BENDIS!!

Spidey leaps at his foe, only to be bogged down by continuity and have his arm broken by a ******ed prison inmate! Spidey is then unmasked and paraded in front of all the Avengers, the entire legion of Prisoners at The Raft, and then stripped naked in front of his fellow Avengers.

As all hope seems lost, Spidey uses his newly-developed organic webshooters
to shoot a strand of webbing onto BENDIS's crotch, which he mistakens fro semen, and scratches at long enough for Spidey to make a clean break, and get his clothes back on.

Spidey calls his attention, and asks Bendis his master plan. Bendis begins his inane ranting and begind to stutter and have his speech cluttered by an abundance od periods which slow down his delivery of his own words!

Spidey then webs up Bendis's arms, and breaks them, along with his jaw and his feet so that he may in no way communicate furthur stories to anyone. Spidey then calls on Dr. Strange to aid him in opening a mystical doorway to a parallel universe.....The Powers Universe.

Now, Bendis is forced to live in a world full of stuttering and incomplete sentences. The dangling plot threads and useless villians will be only part of the hell awaiting him in his own....HOUSE OF M!!!
 
shinlyle said:
Peter is eating at a Mexican resturaunt, when he is suddenly hit with exploding diarrhea!! He runs to the bathroom, and sits on the toilet to relieve himself. He stands, and notices a rash on his ass.

It turns out that Norman put turbo-laxative into the food, and then he rubbed shellfish all over the toilet seat (Peter is allergic to shell-fish thanks to House of M), and now Peter must use a topical ointment on his ass every 30 minutes!

PLOT TWIST! MJ knew all along, but didn' ttell Peter.....she gave Norman the shellfish!!!!
Click to expand...
LOL
 
shinlyle said:
Peter travels to the Avengers mansion/Tower/WTF-ever to find MJ in the middle of a gang-bang with Cap and Wolverine while Tony Stark operates an incredibly old camera.

As Peter looks around for Norman Osborn (who is behind everything) he sees a giddy bald man standing in the corner. He mistakes him for Uatu the Watcher, and then realizes it isn't Uatu at all, but his archenemy....BENDIS!!

Spidey leaps at his foe, only to be bogged down by continuity and have his arm broken by a ******ed prison inmate! Spidey is then unmasked and paraded in front of all the Avengers, the entire legion of Prisoners at The Raft, and then stripped naked in front of his fellow Avengers.

As all hope seems lost, Spidey uses his newly-developed organic webshooters
to shoot a strand of webbing onto BENDIS's crotch, which he mistakens fro semen, and scratches at long enough for Spidey to make a clean break, and get his clothes back on.

Spidey calls his attention, and asks Bendis his master plan. Bendis begins his inane ranting and begind to stutter and have his speech cluttered by an abundance od periods which slow down his delivery of his own words!

Spidey then webs up Bendis's arms, and breaks them, along with his jaw and his feet so that he may in no way communicate furthur stories to anyone. Spidey then calls on Dr. Strange to aid him in opening a mystical doorway to a parallel universe.....The Powers Universe.

Now, Bendis is forced to live in a world full of stuttering and incomplete sentences. The dangling plot threads and useless villians will be only part of the hell awaiting him in his own....HOUSE OF M!!!
Click to expand...
You remember from the CINO forum what if Pitof made this and that we should do one for Bendis.
 
All-Star Superman said:
You remember from the CINO forum what if Plof made this and that we should do one for Bendis.
Click to expand...

Hey! The Pitof thread still exists in the DC Comic Movies Forum!!!

Yes....a "What if Bendis Directed"....thread!

I like it!
 
How about:

"What if an absent-minded Marvel writer got ahold of ________?"


That way we can insert an author and a character.
 
All-Star Superman said:
I like the idea no where would we put it? In the marvel comic section?
Click to expand...

Sounds like a plan to me.
 
norman osborn gains access to ff hq and totheir time machine which he uses to send spider-man to the ww2 era unable to return to the 21 century pete must adapt to his new,so to speak environment
 
Two mysterious people (one male, one female) stalk Peter Parker. They are revealed to be the children of Gwen Stacy. Then its revealed Norman Osborn is father. Wait JMS already wrote that piece of crap.
 
In a shocking turn of events, Peter learns that he and Ezekiel are not the only followers of the spider totem. He embarks on an epic quest, travelling from country to country and decapitating his rival spider avatars to gain their power. Finally, he kills the last of the avatars and gains cosmic powers, becoming like unto a god. Then the inevitable happens...

cosmic_kink.jpg
 
imdaly said:
:D
After countless defeats and the hands of his enemies, Spider-Man finally decides it's time for a sidekick:
Wolverine

I knew this one was coming and i still was rotflmao after uncovering that spoiler.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
 
Aunt May turns out to be a drag queen. Shocked to the core, Peter decides to get a sex change. Then he changes his mind again and is changed BACK into a man, but something goes wrong...all the female parts can't be removed. So he goes on broadway as a half man/woman that can spin webs. MJ decides to have male parts attached, so they can be the perfect 'couple' and make twice the money on their transsexual triservice act.

And now, back to the show...
 
Ok... Y' know that Norman died impaled on his glider but he didn't die... well here's the true story...
Harry found out that Norman was the goblin, he later forgot because of the acid trips... When Harry found Norman impaled by the glider he called Miles Warren and forced him to make a... yup!
a Norman Clone, from the remains of Norman Osborn.The Osborn that supposedly ran away to Europe was in fact a clone!

When Harry died the first Norman clone felt the symptoms of degeneration and masterminded the clone saga. The "Original" Norman was kept in cryogenic containment and cloned whenever clone degeneration affected the current Norman. (memory downloads were used to keep Norman in "Continuity")
Norman hired the Hypno Hustler to make believe MJ that Norman slept with Gwen and all that Sins Past BS... The reason behind the Kids symptoms is Clone Degeneration + Goblin Formula...
The real genetic makeup of Sarha and Gabriel is Parker clone + Stacy Clone + Osborn clone...

Aunt May is really dead, but the "Aunt May" we have now is an actress hired by Norman to screw with Peter's mind... the only problem is that the actress grew fond of Peter...

Ben Reilly is believed to be dead. He must let the world think that he is dead because he is not a Spider clone... He is one of the twin sons of Mary Parker and an unofficial SHIELD Operative...yup!
Logan!
Now with Peter moving to the Avengers base he might meet with his true father... who has the hots for MJ... Jarvis has the hots for May...
 
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