My attempt at writing

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction & Films' started by GoldenAgeHero, Mar 23, 2006.

  1. GoldenAgeHero

    GoldenAgeHero Registered

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    this is my first time in here and my first writing attempt. i was bored and had nothing else to do so i decided to start writing a spidey story. so far i have no plot atthe moment, so i guess im doing a reverse marvel method. any criitques would be nice, thanks.

    day.exterior:New york city

    we see spiderman swinging thorught the buildings of new york city,it's cold,damp and moist. below is a crowd of people, tending to their normal lives bustling through the trafffice woah's of what new york has become too famous for and wham a huge explosion rips through the street.

    spiderman:woah, ya know for almost a millisecond i thought the rhino had ripped one.

    he swings down for a closer look.

    spiderman:jesus,everyone stand back(he yells)!

    he searches through the car wreck...a little girl sreams out for her mommy-she was ejected from her seat and thrown through the windshield and onto the pavement.(ya know what?! lets have the car on fire, mike)

    spiderman(yells out): oh my god, hang on!

    he starts flinging debris away clearing himself a path to the car he does a backflip(something real fancy,mike) and lands on the car roof. he rips the damn thing like it was made of toilet paper.

    spiderman:don't worry i got you, you'll be alright, i promise.
    the girl cries out for her mom to wake up, but she just lays there in her pool of blood.

    little girl: i want my mommy please!(struggling to get out of spidey's embrace)

    He walks her over to medics to get her checked, while the cops starts taping off the area.

    In a split second spidey's senses goes off like crazy and the split second a bullet goes through one of medics head(tight shot, mike) a full second later another goes through the girl's head and the second medic's.

    we see spidey's eyes widen at the horror. everyone starts running at the sight of the three bodies dropping on the floor.

    spiderman(thought box): i cant belive it, i promised her she would be alright.
    he gathers himself together and starts to look for sniper.

    spiderman: great work spidey! you have a girl dead-another weight on your already guilty shoulders.

    he spots the sniper right ontop a bank of america office building, he slings shot himself right him.
    sniper: oh ****.
    he leaves his equipment behind and runs for it.

    spidey once again does one of his fancy acrobatics and lands right ontop of the guy.

    spiderman: where the hell did you think you were going, you freakin *******!
    He starts to beat the hell out of him.

    spiderman:who the hell gives you the right, to gun down several people inclduing a little who just lost her mom!
    sniper(sacred out of his mind): i swear i didnt mean to, they were in the way.

    spiderman: in the way?! is that the best excuse you have? how the hell can three pople be suddenly in your way?!
    he punches him right in the freakin jaw
    ...........this is it for now, i'll write up some more later. what ya guys think?
     
  2. Kevin

    Kevin Doug not so Funny

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    GAH, what happened? DID YOU JUST GIVE UP OR SOMETHING?? I was starting to get into it.
     

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