My first full comicbook!

[markscomics]

Hi all! I just finished writing and doing TEMP drawings for my first comic. Bar: The Bouncer. I literally just uploaded the last page 5 min ago. I did all 22 pages. My plan was to make it...get feedback on it...change it...then redraw it. Then submit to publishers.
So....the key thing I need is feedback on writing. Is it clear? If it isn't good...how can I make it better. Or if you just plain like it! I wanna hear. Thanks!
http://www.markscomics.com/Images/Bar/barbouncer1.html
Bar: The Bouncer
Thanks in advance and I hope you enjoy it!
Nick

 

[whitecrawler-->]

admittedly i haven't read it through but i am just procrastinating in the few hours before my philosophy exam so i really should be revising-however!i really like the style of your comic it's really unique an edgy-i especially like the contrasts you can make between the way you shade and the way you outline more prominent features of each section-vay cool indeed!after my exam i shall read it and tell yyou more!for now ahhhh i'm crap at revising!

 

[grey_jeanie]

Cool. Did you create most of them from original photos?

 

[Harlekin]

My notes as I read it (and I know most of the art is temp):
- You start off great (especially loved the little piece about Earth).
- The knife needs work, as do the eyes in the wrist-breaking scene.
- Has a bit of a Sin City esque feel to it.
- No hands? They look like blobs. (page 4)
- Will need a little read-through for spelling.
- Like the whole been-around-for-ages-as-a-bouncer-angle.
- Wow, we go from great to... mediocre (page 6)
- Villains never think of themselves as villains.
- What's up with Thief's face? (top, page 9 and page 10)
- Lots of repeated panels when it comes to the villains' faces.
- You've got a great way with the faces, but the hands...
- Love the Superman piece.

 

[whitecrawler-->]

ok actually got the time to read it through now-i disagree with Harlekin's comment on hands-it makes a nice change-it really does have a strong sin city feel but the more cartoon-esque places break it up a little an make it a far more compelling panel to look at. Page 6 though i'd beware of putting so much writing on one page. Adolf Nixon?is it supposed to be some ironic pun?if it is i like it!love the pair of dentures very nice touch-it's cool when slightly grittier comics such as yours have an underlying humour somewhere...his brain though?seems a tad random!love love love the elvis aliens conspiracy take-really fun but retaining a certain sarcasm. the panel where the theif talks on what i think is page 16 where he says "Woah bro...." the way his two speech bubbles are linked makes it look like the killer is replying to him or that someone else is talking-the shape makes that panel a little confusing on first reading.