My scripts opening scene

[WeaponZ2]

Here is the first scene of my script that is yet to be named. I know the format is all wrong but it will be fixed up before I print it out.
Please tell me what you think and if your interested in reading more I have plenty.




1 INT. NO THRILLS VIDEO - DUSK
We slowly pan across the shelves of movies as the credits roll. The films all seem ancient, most are obscure films from the 1960's to the 80's. Films that have been forgotten by most. A hand reaches out and grabs one of the VHS cases. We fallow it up to the young man who grabbed it from its resting place. His name is JORDAN, he reads the back of the movie case well his best friend CHARLIE slouches over the movie shelf starring at a couple across the room.

CHARLIE
You know its couples like
that, that give me hope.

Jordan places the movie back on the shelf then re-directs his attention to Charlie.

JORDAN
What?

Charlie points to the couple and we get a CLOSE UP of them as they check out the new releases. The women is Hollywood beautiful. She looks less like an average every day women and more like she should be walking a catwalk in high heels and designer cloths. Or being the focus of photographer in a photo shoot. The man on the other hand is short fat and balding. And looks as if he belongs in zoo.

CHARLIE O.C
Beauty and beast couples like
that give me hope. Makes me
think maybe some day I can
get a girl.

We move back to the boys. They watch the couple from across the room.

JORDAN
Wait, wait, wait. You think
that girl is with that guy?

CHARLIE
Yeah. Why not?

JORDAN
I don't see it. How do you know
they aren't brother and sister.

CHARLIE
Cause brother and sister don't
touch like that.

Charlie points at the couple. We close in on them once again. The man now drapes his hand around the women's waist.
Moving back to the boys. Jordan has now joined Charlie by slouching over the shelf in the same way. They have become spectators.

JORDAN
Maybe hes rich?

CHARLIE
Rich people don't rent
at no thrills.

JORDAN
Maybe the guys hung like
a horse....

Charlie stands up straight.

CHARLIE (with attitude)
Or maybe shes not as shallow
and superficial as the rest of
us. Maybe for her its not just
about looks, or money or how
good of a **** the guy is. Maybe,
just maybe it's whats on the inside
that counts. Maybe she sees
something in him we can't. Maybe
hes a real niec guy with a heart of
gold. Why cant that be the answer?

The couple pass bye the boys and they get a real good look at the women. She stairs back and Jordan automatically springs into an forward and upright position.They ogle her as she steps out the door with her beast of man and into the other room.

CHARLIE (cont'd, minus the attitude)
Or maybe he's hung like a horse.

 

[enterthemadness]

Is it registered under any of the two WGA or copyrighted?

 

[WeaponZ2]

Is it registered under any of the two WGA or copyrighted?

No. Nore do I know what that means lol

 

[enterthemadness]

No. Nore do I know what that means lol

It's protection.

http://wgaeast.org/getting_started/

WGAe and WGAw is Writer's Guild of America (East or West coast)

You can also have your script protected by U.S. Copyright service. (Takes longer though)

Are you taking your work seriously? Like do you want to have your script(s) made? If so, we can continue this conversion through e-mail.

 

[WeaponZ2]

It's protection.

http://wgaeast.org/getting_started/

WGAe and WGAw is Writer's Guild of America (East or West coast)

You can also have your script protected by U.S. Copyright service. (Takes longer though)

Are you taking your work seriously? Like do you want to have your script(s) made? If so, we can continue this conversion through e-mail.

This current script is for a school project. But I hope to possibly do this for a living. I'm still in highschool so the idea of having anything made at this point is a little to out their.

 

[JLBats]

Dude, I'm just saying, it's one of the early mistakes people make, but using "We" and camera instructions in a script is really unprofessional. You see them in scripts online because those are generally professional shooting scripts, where the director has written it in.

Now, if this is just a school thing, don't worry about it. But it just hurts the script, in my opinion.

 

[WeaponZ2]

Dude, I'm just saying, it's one of the early mistakes people make, but using "We" and camera instructions in a script is really unprofessional. You see them in scripts online because those are generally professional shooting scripts, where the director has written it in.</P>
<P>&nbsp;</P>
<P>Now, if this is just a school thing, don't worry about it. But it just hurts the script, in my opinion.

Oh. I'm cool with you saying that cause....well I knew that LOL. It was instructed for the assignment to add in the camera angles and other instructions.

 

[WeaponZ2]

Heres another scene


EXT. LITTLE LAKE PARK, NIGHT.
May sits next to Charlie on a park bench staring out over the water. The Charlie seems to be hugging the side of the bench. Afraid of physical contact with May. May sits there normally arms crossed shivering away. She looks to Charlie who seems off in his own little world unaffected by the cold. Seeing his resistance to the cold May inches towards him and links arms in attempt to absorb some of his warmth.

CHARLIE (Shocked and confused)
What are you doing?

MAY
I'm cold.

They go back to awkwardly staring across the water.

MAY
I think Del Osborn likes me.

CHARLIE (almost afraid)
Really? Why do you think that?

MAY
He complements me a lot. Tells me I'm beautiful. Smiles at me during class.

CHARLIE
His bottom teeth show?

MAY
What?

CHARLIE
Never mind. Do you?...Do you like him back?

MAY
I guess.

May smiles and looks at Charlie. She can tell that he is un easy about the idea of another guy becoming involved in her life and finds it sweet.

MAY (cont'd)
If he ask me out what should I say?

CHARLIE
I'd say no.

MAY
Why?

CHARLIE (sincerely)
Cause. You can do better then him.

MAY (Laughing)
Like who? You?

Charlie's head hangs low for a moment but he re-collects his composer and looks may in the eye. And hiding his true emotion answers her.

CHARLIE
Well no. I'm not your type. But someone out there is much better for you then Del. Dels an *******. Besides. I don't like you that way.

MAY
You know. (beat) Sometimes I get the feeling that you really do like me. That way.

Charlie goes white with fear. Hes thinks hes been ousted.

MAY (Cont'd)
Then you go and say something like that.

A wave of relief washes over Charlie and they sit in silence again for a moment.

MAY (Cont'd)
So is there anyone?

CHARLIE (confused)
Anyone?

MAY
I mean. Are you interested in anyone?

May is hinting at the fact that his true feelings are obvious. But he seems oblivious to the fact that its so clear to her.

CHARLIE
Me? No. I have..
(He looks at may deeply)issues.

MAY (confused)
Issues?

JORDAN (O.C)
It means he's conflicted between wang and poon.

Jordan comes in wrecking May and Charlies alone time. Ironically away from Jordan himself. Jordan wedges himself between May and Charlie and puts his arms around them. May is annoyed by Jordan's presence but tolerates it.