My X4 Fan Fiction! (Need feedback!)

KniteYxSpydeY

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Hello, all! I've gathered as much information as I could about X3, so my follow-up should be pretty accurate. Don't read if you don't want to be spoiled about the movie. But anyway, I'll admit, I haven't read ALL the X-Men comics. I only have a handful of them (let's say, a stack in the corner), the Ultimate revamp, the cartoon series, and the movies under my belt. But, from what I understand, X3 isn't going to give me the closure I need for some of my favorite characters, so I took it upon myself to end the saga with a new trilogy. I would definitely appreciate some feedback and help constructing the tone and voice of each character (as there are many many mutants I am not too familiar with). With that said, here we go:
 
FADE IN. – BLACK

(V.O.)
Mutation- it is the key to evolution. Its existence has sparked an outcry amongst fanatics and skeptics spanning through centuries of violent debate. Though some regard its occurrence as a foreshadow to the destruction of society, what few realize is the potential for mutation to craft the most racially superior beings this universe has ever seen…

FADE IN. – DNA CODING/CREDITS/CEREBRO DOOR

EXT. Victorian London, 1872

Lightning crashes. Hard rain falls. A gothic flat has a single light on in a single room. A shadow of a man pacing is seen on the first floor.

INT. London flat, Night

Pan of various alchemy instruments, vials, test tubes, chemicals. Blood-stained rags. A corpse lies on a table covered by a cloth. Final shot of a rack of ominous tubes, six total. The labels on each tube reads “Legacy-2,” save for one. We see a man from behind, both hands resting on the table where the rack is. A woman bursts through the wooden door of this laboratory.

Her face is weary, and her health meager. She looks malnourished and shows signs of depression and anxiety.

WOMAN
”This…This is your work!?”

She picks up a file of documents.

”Essex factors? Bloody hell! They were right…you are a mad man. You’ve forsaken the sanctity of our family for this nonsense?”

She throws the documents angrily. She looks over to the corpse, and notices an identification tag. She reads it.

WOMAN
”Nathan…this is our son! My God, what in the hell have you done?”

Her stress rises. The man’s indifference reveals his coldness. He closes his eyes to register the situation.
He moves his lips to speak, but is interrupted by her convulsions. She is clearly under strain. She grabs a counter before falling to the ground. Breathing becomes more constrained. The man turns around to find his wife dying from apparent cardiac failure.

We finally see the man’s face as candlelight flickers. He is grotesquely pale, and there is a noticeable red bindi on his forehead. He stares with blank eyes as she grabs her chest in pain.

Looking around at the blood-stained instruments and rags, she also hears the muffled cries of captives in the cellar below this room.

WOMAN
”You..you are sinister…”
And with her last words, she dies.

The man walks over to her body. He kneels down to lift her upper torso up. His hand is placed over her belly; she was pregnant.

DEEP VOICE
”You are wasting time.”

The man turns around to see a cloaked figure standing in a shadowed corner. We can see the lower portion of the figure’s face. It is tan. But the mouth has tribal markings that extend from both sides of his lips down to his neck.

The man stares with what looks to be anger; despite his prior coldness, there exists emotion in his expression.

VOICE
” Now tell me, Dr. Essex, is it ready yet?”

ESSEX
”Don’t call me that name.”
Essex looks over at the vials, the corpse, and his wife.
”They’re ready. But this plan is ludicrous. I must implore you to reconsider your plan. Science is natural observation, not meddling.”
VOICE:
”Science,” he scoffs. “If my will not be done, than I am no longer in need of you Dr.-”

ESSEX
”-Sinister. You will refer to me as Sinister.”

There is an tense pause between the two. By Sinister’s tone of voice, it is apparent he is not ready to give up the vials.

The mysterious cloaked figure raises a hand towards Sinister. We see his hand; it is tanned, yet eerily veiny. Sinister feels his neck tightening. With both his hands, Sinister attempts to pull off nothing on his neck.

His consciousness fading, Sinister telekinetically summons the unlabeled vial from before. He throws it at the cloaked figure. Within seconds, the grip is released.

The cloaked figure coughs violently.

CLOAKED FIGURE
”Treachery! Sinister, you bastard!”

SINISTER, kneeling on the ground, gasping for breath
”I’m sorry, En Sabah, but I cannot allow your plan to come to fruition. There is too much at stake for you to ruin it.”

CLOAKED FIGURE
”This insult will not be forgotten. I will return.”

The cloaked figure retreats from the room, heading for the door to outside. He runs out in the rain, grabbing at his chest and fades into the night.

The woman’s body still lies on the ground. We realize the rage in Sinister’s eyes comes not from her death, but from the cloaked figure’s apparent intrusion into the world of science. Truly a madman. Sinister walks down the stairs to his laboratory’s cellar.

There are many captives. They are all bruised and have various bandages and wounds.

Close-up of Sinister’s face. He readies a hypodermic needle to withdraw blood.
He smiles with a devious grin.

FADE OUT.

EXT. Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, followed by
Tombstones on School Grounds, Day

A lone figure stands over twin graves. A distinguished third tombstone with an “X” on it can be seen at a distance from these two.

CLOSE-UP - Tombstone

The tombstones read the names “Scott Summers” and “Jean Grey.” The lone figure, a man of his mid- 20’s, stares in anguish at the graves, particularly of Scott Summers.

A familiar blue-haired mutant approaches from inside the mansion. The lone figure turns to acknowledge the blue figure.

BEAST
“I- I’m sorry, Alex.”

ALEX (short pause)
”These aren’t the actual graves.”

BEAST
”I’m afraid we were never able to recover either of them.”

Beast looks over at the graves. Alex remains steadfast; a small glimmer of confidence is determined from his demeanor. The two men walk back inside the manor.

The two walk down familiar hallways, filled with numerous students and familiar faces.

ALEX
”How’s the school been holding up?”

BEAST
”Hectic, to be honest. Ororo and I are far from maintaining the order Professor Xavier once held.”

Alex looks away; a moment of silence and nod towards the fallen mentor. He places a comforting hand on Beast’s shoulder.

ALEX
”I used to visit Scott all the time. I got to make a great deal of friends through him, even though I didn’t attend. And knowing you, Hank, and Ororo all these years, I know the school is in good hands.”

Hank’s smile is a welcome relief to the gloomy mood.

ALEX
”I just should’ve been there for him. If I had only accepted Xavier’s offer and attended and just—“

BEAST
”Don’t put this burden on your shoulders. You followed your heart. Scott would be proud of the man you’ve become today.”

The two arrive at the main office door.

INT. Headmaster’s Office

Ororo, aka Storm, sits at the main desk as she gives a lecture on the Civil Rights movement. The classroom seems largely overpopulated.

STORM
”…class dismissed.”

As the class leaves, Hank and Alex enter the room.

STORM
”Hello, Alex! What a pleasant surprise. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it out to your graduation.”

ALEX
”Oh, it’s alright. You didn’t miss much, anyway."

An envelope can be seen sticking out of his pocket. He pushes it deeper and out of sight.

STORM
”Well, we are about to have a meeting. Do you remember that mutant cure Worthington labs was offering?”

ALEX
”Yeah, what a load.”

BEAST
”Apparently, it is exactly that. The cure’s success rate has purportedly been only 20%. It is having some peculiar effects...”

ANGEL,
overhearing the conversation, walking through the door.
”My father’s stock has no doubt fell a couple hundred points. I can’t imagine how bad human and mutant backlash will be. Poor Rogue…”

CUT TO- Living Room

Rogue sits on the couch, curled up. She is disheartened. Bobby holds her hand, which is covered with a white glove. Peter and Kitty sit quietly on the other side of the living room as the TV plays.

An anchorwoman makes a report of mutant outbursts across the nation.
"...Powers are out of control."


CUT TO- BLACK

SINISTER (V.O.)
”Easy. Don’t open your eyes yet.”

We hear some shuffling. The screen fades to all-red vision; we are in a POV.

The vision is blurry, but a face standing over us can be made out.

SINISTER
”You took quite a fall back at Alkali, Scott.”

SCOTT
”Who-Who are you? Where am I? Jean?”

SINISTER
”I’m afraid Jean is gone, Scott.”

We pan over in a bird’s eye view. Scott is lying paralyzed on a medical table with Sinister looking over him. His body is bandaged and gauzed, and there are red goggles over his eyes. Scott is drugged and dazed.

SCOTT, struggling
”Let me up! Who the hell are you!?”

A pan over the laboratory reveals various blood samples from Scott. Further, we see Jean’s DNA samples as well. Nazi memorabilia and decadent photographs graze the far wall. Sinister walks over to his ongoing experiment, and drops two different blood samples into a single medium.

SINISTER
”Haha. Fascinating. Just…fascinating. You know, genetics are quite marvelous.”

Scott continues trying to move his paralyzed body.

SINISTER
”Combination, recombination, splicing- it really is amazing what you can discover with the human genome. Ah, the wonders of the human genetic code…Did you know your bloodline is quite special?”

He looks over at Scott.

SINISTER
”Of course not, what could you possibly know. What, with being Xavier’s lapdog and all. Did you and Miss Grey ever even marry? Have a child? My God, what little you’ve accomplished.”

SCOTT, confused
“SHUT UP! WHO ARE YOU?”

Sinister smiles before injecting an anesthesia into an IV in Scott’s arm.

Scott’s POV fades to black once again. There is a pause before he awakens.

SCOTT
”Where am I? Who-wh-“

MOIRA
”Scott, relax. You’re safe.”

Scott rises from the hospital bed. He sits up and shakes his head to escape from his delirium.

SCOTT
”Who was that man?”

MOIRA
”Scott, are you feeling well?”

SCOTT
”Just…what…tell me what’s going on.”

MOIRA
”Scott, I found you outside my lab three days ago. You were unconscious, and mildly injured. I don’t know how you managed to get here, especially in your condition. The X-Men have presumed your death…”

SCOTT
”My head…just a dream…Jean…”

MOIRA
”I’m sorry, Scott. Jean…Jean is gone. So much has happened since you’ve been missing…”

SCOTT
”And the Professor? Why couldn’t he find me?”

Moira shakes her head solemnly.

Scott puts his head down in utter frustration. The woman he loved was gone, again. That fragment of hope was but a cruel tease of fate. His mentor, too, gone.

MOIRA
"I know this is hard. But I know Charles has taught you well. The school needs you Scott.”

Scott looks over at Moira. He stares blankly for a minute before turning to Moira with a determined grimace.

CUT TO- Taxi Cab, pulling up to school.

Scott steps out of the cab. He takes a moment to look up at the academy in its entirety. The enormity of the building is but a metaphor for the enormity of chaos that has taken place in his life the past few years. He proceeds to enter the gate.
 
I'm still fleshing out the rest. But here's the jist:

Sinister tampered with cure using Legacy Virus-2.
Government orders a response that is seemingly friendly for both humans and mutant relations: X-Factor.
The Hellfire Club + mercenaries and special cameo are behind the scenes, orchestrating something with Sinister.
Cyclops resumes leadership, Storm leaves on diplomatic relations in Africa.
 
Not bad :up: I like it, but just try to put a little more emotion into it.Ive done scripts before and its kind of hard putting in emotion of charecters I know, but it always help make the story better...but still pretty good
 
cool, hey if u have time check my script out, i agree little more emotion but i wouldnt mind seeing this as x4
 
i agree with u, and i suggested if ud have some time to check out mine meaning both of you
 
prtty good so far, i'll be intrigued to see the reactions to Scott's return...
 

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