Hypestyle
Superhero
- Joined
- May 8, 2000
- Messages
- 7,296
- Reaction score
- 29
- Points
- 58
Ah, Sundays:
Ran into a guy friend of mine; we get along just fine, but inevitably he hurled a certain question in my direction. I think I gave him some perfunctory response which was not my answer below, but maybe it should have been. Forgive me..
Churchgoing Friend to Hypestyle:So why dont you want to meet a nice church girl?
Hell no! why would I want to do that? Its because the way my luck works!
I dont feel like going to church from 10 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon, then expected to come back from 6 pm to 8 for a second dose, and maybe the third tithe offering! Ive got football to watch! Even if its a BYE week!
And naturally, because Im a human magnet for everything that I dont want, The universe never lets me get what I want..
I cant be bothered with any Aunt Esthers in training, Id have to be Woody and start drinking to deal with it (google or wiki Sanford & Son); to women like this, everything, this that & the other is secular, is worldly; she doesnt want to eat at a Chinese restaurant, not that the food isnt good (No MSG/cat jokes, please), but they have some kind of Buddha statue up in there, and thats blatant paganism, and you know, since its Chinese, it might turn into a giant robot, so you might want to call homeland security while youre at it
a kid-free, riches-free guy like me just wants a jump-off buddy, who herself is just looking for a jump-off buddy, thats all! I dont think its really that complicated? Other people get that when thats what they want.. but no, because that desire, happens to be spoken or thought of by me, because that request happens to come out of my mouth, all of the sudden the universe is like Is that Hypestyle whining again? uh-uh, no can do, were fresh out, screw that, we gave it all away at the office!
The way my luck works, either I can expect to meet the woman who expects me to be the type of guy who doesnt have King Magazine, Playboy and/or Jessica alba tribute magazines in his possession, or the guy whos not interested in heavy petting or the guy whos genuinely offended at comedy movies when women lose their tops for no good reason- but Im not offended, and I don't feel like having to lie about it.
Let's see, who's out there? what, the single mother whose babys daddyor maybe theres even more than oneis some parolee type. As the saying goes, I aint no punk, but Im not looking forward to being confronted at random at a gas station Yo, whassup kid, yo, you been kickin it with Marsha? You tappin that? You hit that? Yo who the f*** told you you could all up on my babys moms, son? $%#@ dont you know I will (etc., etc.); and even if hes not the violent type, inevitably when I come to visit the gal then he starts banging at the door, finally wanting to visit the kids. How many phone conversations can I expect to overhear where she all of a sudden starts cursing the other person out? M^%#@*&^a, thats why I left your ass to begin with Hell no, Im not coming over your place to braid your hair; your triflin ass aint pay me for the last time I did that; no, a gallon of milk and a box of skittles dont count, m^%#@*&^a What? %#&^, f*** you! (click) So the way I look at itany single mother worth seeing is naturally going to have priorities to put her children first, which means whatever her job isif she has a jobthen shes probably working some intense hours, and probably has to pay somebody to look after the kids, which means shes probably more than a little financially tapped, and she probably wants to be able to spend more quality time with the kids, which dating more or less cuts into by default, unless every time you go out on a date somehow it ends up involving kiddie restaurants (ahem, Family restaurants) like Jeepers or Chuck E Cheese or adding (potentially several) kids admission and a popcorn combo (dammit) along with whatever money youre having to shuck out for the movie tickets. So the way I see it, Im doing single mothers a favor by not bothering them, Im actually giving them the space they need to bond further with their child without the outside interference from a man who may not even be there in the long run. (see, what a hero I am :yes: )
Or, maybe, you know, theres the devout woman where the only missionary position theyre interested in is one where they stay in Haiti or Israel or Nicaragua, where theyre teaching foreign kids English most of the day, or some other drudgery that I can't pretend to be courageous enough to be bothered with, and hoping that some rogue militiamen or a suicide bomber dont stop by to visit, say, were really sick of all that Michael Bolton & John Tesh music you keep playing over the loudspeakers; have a grenade!
Lets see, who else would I probably end up meeting? Oh, lastly theres the woman who willingly was a freak on wheels for at least a several year stretch, but then maybe they slipped in the bathtub, knocked their head and decided it was a religious experience and so now theyve declared their second virginity (groan) and they intend to live a life of celibacy until that distant day when she marries the guy who looks forward to waiting as much as she does, and who will gladly save 4 months worth of salary for an engagement ring, and who knows how many months salary for a down-payment on a house; if the prospect of being expected to cover a house note, insurances and other utility bills doesnt take your hard-on away, I dont know what will..
Feel free to heap your perfectly justified scorn on me at will... :blink:
Ran into a guy friend of mine; we get along just fine, but inevitably he hurled a certain question in my direction. I think I gave him some perfunctory response which was not my answer below, but maybe it should have been. Forgive me..
Churchgoing Friend to Hypestyle:So why dont you want to meet a nice church girl?
Hell no! why would I want to do that? Its because the way my luck works!
I dont feel like going to church from 10 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon, then expected to come back from 6 pm to 8 for a second dose, and maybe the third tithe offering! Ive got football to watch! Even if its a BYE week!
And naturally, because Im a human magnet for everything that I dont want, The universe never lets me get what I want..
I cant be bothered with any Aunt Esthers in training, Id have to be Woody and start drinking to deal with it (google or wiki Sanford & Son); to women like this, everything, this that & the other is secular, is worldly; she doesnt want to eat at a Chinese restaurant, not that the food isnt good (No MSG/cat jokes, please), but they have some kind of Buddha statue up in there, and thats blatant paganism, and you know, since its Chinese, it might turn into a giant robot, so you might want to call homeland security while youre at it
a kid-free, riches-free guy like me just wants a jump-off buddy, who herself is just looking for a jump-off buddy, thats all! I dont think its really that complicated? Other people get that when thats what they want.. but no, because that desire, happens to be spoken or thought of by me, because that request happens to come out of my mouth, all of the sudden the universe is like Is that Hypestyle whining again? uh-uh, no can do, were fresh out, screw that, we gave it all away at the office!
The way my luck works, either I can expect to meet the woman who expects me to be the type of guy who doesnt have King Magazine, Playboy and/or Jessica alba tribute magazines in his possession, or the guy whos not interested in heavy petting or the guy whos genuinely offended at comedy movies when women lose their tops for no good reason- but Im not offended, and I don't feel like having to lie about it.
Let's see, who's out there? what, the single mother whose babys daddyor maybe theres even more than oneis some parolee type. As the saying goes, I aint no punk, but Im not looking forward to being confronted at random at a gas station Yo, whassup kid, yo, you been kickin it with Marsha? You tappin that? You hit that? Yo who the f*** told you you could all up on my babys moms, son? $%#@ dont you know I will (etc., etc.); and even if hes not the violent type, inevitably when I come to visit the gal then he starts banging at the door, finally wanting to visit the kids. How many phone conversations can I expect to overhear where she all of a sudden starts cursing the other person out? M^%#@*&^a, thats why I left your ass to begin with Hell no, Im not coming over your place to braid your hair; your triflin ass aint pay me for the last time I did that; no, a gallon of milk and a box of skittles dont count, m^%#@*&^a What? %#&^, f*** you! (click) So the way I look at itany single mother worth seeing is naturally going to have priorities to put her children first, which means whatever her job isif she has a jobthen shes probably working some intense hours, and probably has to pay somebody to look after the kids, which means shes probably more than a little financially tapped, and she probably wants to be able to spend more quality time with the kids, which dating more or less cuts into by default, unless every time you go out on a date somehow it ends up involving kiddie restaurants (ahem, Family restaurants) like Jeepers or Chuck E Cheese or adding (potentially several) kids admission and a popcorn combo (dammit) along with whatever money youre having to shuck out for the movie tickets. So the way I see it, Im doing single mothers a favor by not bothering them, Im actually giving them the space they need to bond further with their child without the outside interference from a man who may not even be there in the long run. (see, what a hero I am :yes: )
Or, maybe, you know, theres the devout woman where the only missionary position theyre interested in is one where they stay in Haiti or Israel or Nicaragua, where theyre teaching foreign kids English most of the day, or some other drudgery that I can't pretend to be courageous enough to be bothered with, and hoping that some rogue militiamen or a suicide bomber dont stop by to visit, say, were really sick of all that Michael Bolton & John Tesh music you keep playing over the loudspeakers; have a grenade!
Lets see, who else would I probably end up meeting? Oh, lastly theres the woman who willingly was a freak on wheels for at least a several year stretch, but then maybe they slipped in the bathtub, knocked their head and decided it was a religious experience and so now theyve declared their second virginity (groan) and they intend to live a life of celibacy until that distant day when she marries the guy who looks forward to waiting as much as she does, and who will gladly save 4 months worth of salary for an engagement ring, and who knows how many months salary for a down-payment on a house; if the prospect of being expected to cover a house note, insurances and other utility bills doesnt take your hard-on away, I dont know what will..
Feel free to heap your perfectly justified scorn on me at will... :blink:
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