If that's the case, Warners should just give the old fart a "Jack Nicholson" doll so he can mooch on that.
Lord I can see the commercial now...
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Tired of playing with young, upbeat action figures?
Lonely watching the Lakers on TV all by yourself?
Do you have a brothel of your sisters Barbie dolls that are screaming out for plastic pleasure?
Then get of your ass and head on don to your local toy store to pick up....
THE JACK NICHOLSON HOLLYWOOD EDITION DOLL
Dressed in the cheap, tacky garb of a Californian Used Car Salesman, Jack comes with a set of AMAZING features...
1: 5 "Nicholisms" phrases...including "F**k Heath Ledger..." "Mars Attacks wasn't MY fault" and "You're good baby, but Pfieffer was better."
2: Incredible "Skotch Chugging" ACTION.
3: A built in AM/FM Radio so you can listen to Laker games no matter where you go...NICHOLSON DEMANDS IT...
4: A unique scratch n' sniff feature that will give your nostrils access to the smells of Nicholson...including such OUTRAGEOUS scents as "Actin Power Station Fumes" "C**t that's been out in the rain" "Bathtub of Stetson Cologne" and "MONEY"
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So order your "JACK NICHOLSON HOLLYWOOD EDITION DOLL" today...
Current retail price is $1999.95...after all...
JACK: That new Yacht ain't gonna buy itself...
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CFE