I always thought of Nihilism as the easy way out.
I don't want to dissuade you from believing or feeling what you want, but for me - it was just an easy approach.
Not to say it is wrong or bad. Just easy. For me, I try not to do anything easy. I try to make things easy, but not to do anything easy. If that makes sense.
I just look at the complexity of life and even the simplest of things and always feel like I am not carrying my weight if I do something easy.
This morning I made coffee and that was pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things. However, and it's apropos that I even had these thoughts, but I thought of the complexity of that. In the short term, millions of synapses had to fire to wake me up and get my groggy ass out of bed to wander into my kitchen. My body was doing millions of things I was unaware of. My senses were alerting me to everything around me. Just what was going on that I had no idea was going on was staggering.
Then, I expanded it. I put the coffee in the filter and filled up the pot with water and poured it in and pressed a button. None of that matters in the grand scheme of things either, but it does. Someone out these makes a living and feeds his family and employs people so they can feed their families by running a coffee filter factory. They have to keep all of that running so I can spend a few bucks every few months and have coffee. They have to get the paper and keep the factory running and package them to distribute them. There is a guy doing doing the same thing with the coffee beans. Then there is another guy doing the same thing with coffee makers. All of those moving parts of a guy somewhere making a deal for plastics and metals and glass and wires and computer chips all to manufacture a product I use 5 times a week.
I showered and kept thinking of the history of it all. How coffee makers and the drink itself evolved over time. A thousand years ago some guy figured out if he boiled coffee beans in his water, it was pretty good. Then his brother came over and thought, "Yeah...we should grind these up so I don't choke on this crap." Then a grandson figured out to strain the grinds so his teeth didn't get gritty. French presses, boiling pots, peculators and likely a bunch of forgotten methods all lead to me, this morning taking something for granted.
Then, I figured all of those folks doing that over the span of history had the same thoughts. They woke up one day and wondered why they were doing any of it. The sun is going to rise, kids are going to be jerks, governments will fleece the people, they would grow old and die and no one would remember them or care.
Yeah. That's kind of true. But they had the same synapses and cells and muscles I have. Even if I don't know them by name, they influenced my life. People I don't know and will never meet impacted it this morning.
That was just one thing. I don't even have time to consider the water getting into my house so that I could make the coffee and take a shower. Or the evolution of soap. Or the luffa guy. Or the electricity. The toothbrush fellow. The deodorant man.
I surely didn't have time to consider that a million years ago nothing suddenly became something and once that happened a trillion things a minute had to happen so that I could site here and contemplate it.
I'm not saying be part of the system and spend money on coffee and be a good cog in the bad machine. That's not what I'm saying. I was just using that as an example.
I'm just saying that if I live my full 80 years in this life and I get to take time to consider the complexity of the cosmos as I stand in awe at the complexity of the simplest events, then I'm doing okay. All those people who came before us helped, in some way, me be here right now. Maybe I can contribute a small bit so in another thousand years someone can figure it all out.
I guess I just feel I owe it to us as human beings to not just meander. Not that you are meandering. But for me, I would feel like I was meandering if I just said, "Well...in 50 million years the sun is going to expand and nothing will have ever mattered. Ef it." Because so what if it does? That won't change anything that occurred. It will still have been there in its time. I don't remember what I did Friday night, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen and the ripples of my actions are expanding right now in ways I can't even imagine.
I don't know. Maybe you're right. I'm just trying to do the best I can. The same way I assume you are. I just think we owe it to one another to try to make everyone's life a little bit easier. We can't rely on government or the church or random philanthropy, so we should rely on one another. People - human beings. That's what it is all about for me. I guess, for me at least, something is better than nothing.