My brother has posted. My mom has posted. My aunt, cousins&close family friends have posted. It's taken me this long to even sit down to write something.. I lost my dad suddenly this week. My heart hurts.. so bad.. I've cried so much, I'm just drained. I'm sad. I'm angry&moody. It's taken me this long to process my thoughts enough to be able to write the words out. It's unfair. I hurt for my grandparents, so bad. I hurt for my brother. My mom. My aunt. My extended family who looked to him as a wise elder of our group. I hurt for his online comic book, geeky friends that he spoke so animated about. I'm saying geeky in the most loving way, I loved that he was able to be a huge part of a community that he kept close to his heart& was able to geek out about Thor, Avengers, Pirates. Literally everything&anything. I hurt for all of his friends at faire. He raised me around such amazing people who loved him so much there. I'm proud to call myself a renny. I'm hurting cuz I lost my best friend. I lost my daddy. The man I looked up to, who made me into the weirdo I am today. When my parents divorced, he still made us his top priority. When he had to move for work&to be closer to my grandparents, he still tried to make it out at least once a year with them. I was told he was planning a surprise trip to visit us in September. My brother&I had planned a surprise trip in 2011 behind his back with my grandparents to spend a week there with all of them. The fact that he was doing the same thing to surprise us melts my heart. He loved us so much, he missed us, he wanted to be up here. He was trying to get back up here after he worked longer with this new security guard company that could have transferred him to Wisconsin. It hurts knowing he was actually getting his life together. He loved his new job, his new boss. He was only on for a week. I'm upset that he was alone. I'm upset that I didn't get to say I love you one last time. I'm upset that I won't be able to get silly lunch time or dinner time txts from him telling me what he's eating or drinking like "Mmm Zaaaaa!" That's what we called pizza. Or "kawwwwffeeee!" I'm upset that he won't be able to attend Robert's wedding next year, or walk me down the aisle. I'm upset that we had no idea that this would happen. That we would be planning a service when he was only 56. I wanted at least another 20 years with him. I'm not okk. I don't kno when I will be okk.. I lost my inspiration, my hero, my daddy.. I appreciate everyone who has reached out, I really do. This is the hardest thing I've had to go thru, along with my gramma passing last year. I will keep everyone posted on when we plan to have the service. We head down to my grandparents house on Sunday nite. We have to pack up his apt&bring it up here. I never thought I would be doing this, not this soon. I'm asking everyone, if you pray or not, keep us in your thoughts&pray for us. This one is a tough one&I want everyone to keep my grandparents at the top of that prayer list, please. We will be back Thursday morning, I think.
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