Rocket Raccoon facts

Discussion in 'Guardians of the Galaxy' started by Tony Stark, Aug 11, 2012.

  1. Tony Stark

    Tony Stark Armored Avenger!

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    1.) He has a skin hat made from Davy Crockett.

    2.) He could kill Thanos in less than 2 seconds, but doesn't want to make his team mates look incompetent.

    3.) His other gun is even bigger.

    4.) He is a personal consultant to Tony Stark on how to be a playboy.

    5.) To save humanity, he went back in time to prevent Justin Bieber from becoming a star.

    6.) Humans invented garbage cans to give offerings to his raccon bretheren.

    7.) His sex appeal and virility caused human women to crave "furries".

    9.) His awesomeness has caused the Red Pandas to demand to be renamed Red Raccoons.

    10.) It is said, Wolverine wept uncontrollably the first time he glanced upon him.
     
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    Last edited: Aug 11, 2012
  2. Joeyjojo72

    Joeyjojo72 Well-Known Member

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    Cool list. I tittered more than once.

    Oh an btw, Wolverine wept uncontrollably because Squirrel Girl rejected him in favor of Rocket. That's what I heard anyway.
     
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  3. MarvelKnight

    MarvelKnight Well-Known Member

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    Number 10 is my favorite. I am looknig forward to this list growing.
     
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  4. cherokeesam

    cherokeesam SHIELD Director Coulson

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    11) Rocket Raccoon checked into his room, only to find Gideon's Bible.
     
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  5. VictorShade

    VictorShade Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry, I don't know if I'll be able to get onboard with the racoon. When I was young and read the Guardians if the G., it was Martinex, Charlie 27, Yondu and that bunch. And I liked 'em ok. I remember Drax from somewhere or the other back then. And I remember Moondragon and Mantis (grass skirt) from their days as active Avengers. I know I've missed alot since I stopped 'actively' reading comics on a regular basis, but I can't see Rocket Racoon being the big draw here. Seems goofy to me. Maybe I'm just gettin old.
     
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  6. catintheengine

    catintheengine Registered Rhymnicologist

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    I don't know a whole lot about the Guardians, but from what I do know I think the big draw for Rocket Raccoon is the fact that he, as a character concept, is just so absurd.

    I mean, you take this little animal and you stick a howitzer on his arm...it's just kind of silly.
     
    #6
  7. Tony Stark

    Tony Stark Armored Avenger!

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    Pray that Rocket forgives your unkind comments. This is not a critique thread. This is a thread about Rocket Raccoon facts.
     
    #7
  8. Tony Stark

    Tony Stark Armored Avenger!

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    12.) Rocket Raccoon taught Norrin Radd how to surf.

    13.) Rocket Raccoon went before the Watcher.....to warn him.

    14.) With great power comes.......Rocket Raccoon.

    15.) Rocket Raccoon cannot lift Mjolnir because Mjolnir is not worthy to touch Rocket Racoon.
     
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  9. Tony Stark

    Tony Stark Armored Avenger!

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    16.) He created the Phoenix force by lighting one of his farts on fire.

    17.) He receives royalties every time Stan Lee says "Excelsior!"

    18.) Because of him, it is said that in order to enter the Odin sleep, the Allfather must count raccoons.
     
    #9
  10. Tony Stark

    Tony Stark Armored Avenger!

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    19.) The Lone Ranger was inspired by him, to wear a mask.

    20.) It is said the infinity gems were created from his kidney stones.

    21.) Chuck Norris wears Rocket Raccoon pajamas
     
    #10
  11. cherokeesam

    cherokeesam SHIELD Director Coulson

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    22) Rocket Raccoon does not always drink beer, but when he does, he drinks the fermented blood of the Heralds of Galactus.
     
    #11
  12. jaqua99

    jaqua99 ....I need a horse!

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    23) Rocket Raccoon Successfully ordered a Big Mac from Burger King
     
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  13. jaqua99

    jaqua99 ....I need a horse!

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    wince. Hate this one man
     
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  14. Joeyjojo72

    Joeyjojo72 Well-Known Member

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    Rocket's **** is so big, there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. Rocket Raccoon's ****.

    jaqua I liked that one.
     
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  15. Spider-Vader

    Spider-Vader Mercin' & Workin'

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    24.) Rocket Raccoon has gotten Galactus into an armlock....10 times
    25.) Adolf Hitler committed suicide because he knew Rocket Raccoon was coming for him
     
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  16. jaqua99

    jaqua99 ....I need a horse!

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    26.) After a few too many beers, Rocket Raccoon stumbled into a star, unscathed. This phenomenon is now known as a "Super Nova Explosion"

    27.) Rocket Raccoon had an affair with a frilled lizard The off springs were known as "Gremlins"
     
    #16
  17. jaqua99

    jaqua99 ....I need a horse!

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    28.) To mankind's amazement, Rocket Raccoon once visited Earth. Tales were written of this visit. These tales were titled, The Holy Bible
    29.) Look at your girlfriend/wife, don't get angry, but Rocket Raccoon got it in before you did.
     
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    Last edited: Aug 12, 2012
  18. Tony Stark

    Tony Stark Armored Avenger!

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    30.) When Rocket Raccon pays his taxes the IRS gets audited.

    31.) He is the undefeated Nobel laureat for awesomeness.

    32.) The chicken crossed the road, because he was on the other side.

    33.) When he yawns the whole world yawns.

    34.) He attended a magic show, and even David Copperfield couldn't figure out how he did it.
     
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  19. T"Challa

    T"Challa Well-Known Member

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    Rocket Racoon once took a piss into the engine of a broken down truck.....that truck is now known to many as Optimus Prime
     
    #19
  20. Pink Ranger

    Pink Ranger Happy Mothers' Day

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    36) Rocket Racoon can kill one stone with two birds.

    37) Rocket Racoon once visited a lab in New York and callously spit on the floor. That's how the Super Soldier Serum was created.

    38) "Rocket" is actually Rocket Racoon's real first name. The engine was named after him.

    39) They keep having to reboot the DC universe because Rocket Racoon visits every 10 years and kicks everyone's ass.
     
    #20
  21. Tony Stark

    Tony Stark Armored Avenger!

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    40.) Rocket Raccoon made Happy Hogan cry

    41.) He recorded an album once, when played backwards you could hear Led Zeppelin.

    42.) Lady Death once had a near Rocket Raccoon experience.

    43.) It is said Galactus was the first herald of Rocket Raccoon.

    44.) He gave sight to Daredevil, and then promptly took it away after Ben Affleck starred in the movie.
     
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  22. Pink Ranger

    Pink Ranger Happy Mothers' Day

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    45) Rocket Racoon sat down in an editing booth and re-cut the Green Lantern movie. It went on to win 12 Oscars, 5 Golden Globes and, somehow, a Tony Award.
     
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  23. Tony Stark

    Tony Stark Armored Avenger!

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    :funny::funny::funny::funny::funny::funny:
     
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  24. spideymouse

    spideymouse Well-Known Member

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    46) The only reason the Internet exists is so that there would be a safe place for humans to read the Rocket Raccoon facts thread. The sight of any printed copy would burn our eyes with a fire 1000 times hotter than the hottest star, instantly destroying a third of the Milky Way Galaxy.
     
    #24
  25. jaqua99

    jaqua99 ....I need a horse!

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    Both of these had me in tears
     
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