On Monday, Fabian Akesson of Karlskrona, Sweden got an unexpected visit from police investigating a possible link to the Islamic State. The evidence? Two birthday balloons, which, when viewed from afar by an idiot, appeared to read "IS."
"I laughed about it and they showed me a photo that they had taken where from their perspective," Akesson told Swedish newspaper Kvällsposten, "it did almost look like the letters IS."
According to The Local, the balloons were hung up to celebrate the birthday of Akesson's 21-year-old girlfriend. Later, a passerby spotted the initials and alerted police to the mylar threat.
Once there, the officers quickly realized their error but still asked the balloons be taken down "to avoid further misunderstanding."
"We understand why someone would report it if they thought it looked like IS-propaganda," Akesson told The Local, "although everyone else just thought it looked like the number '12' from outside."
Cops Say Guy with All the Burns on His Face Burned Sex Offender's Home
I wonder how they knew it was him?
A couple in Bayside, Queens is accused of kidnapping their housekeeper at knifepoint, allegedly burning her body with a plumber's torch while questioning her about missing cash and jewelry, WCBS reports.
32-year-old Devanand Lachman and 31-year-old Ambar Lachman were arrested earlier this month on charges of felony assault, felony kidnapping and unlawful imprisonment. From NBC New York:
Sources said the couple, who live in Bayside, Queens, believed their maid, 54-year-old Daisy Machuea, stole money and jewelry from them. When she went to clean their home the afternoon of Friday, Feb. 13, Devanand Lachman and another man allegedly burned her with a plumber's torch and repeatedly hit her on the body with an object, according to police and the victim.
Machuea told NBC 4 New York through her friend and housemate, Oscar Ramirez, who translated from Spanish for her, "They kept punching, one guy this side, the other guy the other side."
Machuea denies stealing anything, but says she admitted to the theft at the time to stop the abuse. The three suspects then took Machuea to to her home, The New York Daily News reports, where they stole her and her roommate's cellphones.
Police are still searching for the third assailant, described as about 6 feet tall and 30 to 35 years old with a medium build.
No idea where they learned they could f*** things up with no consequence. I guess Mommy and Daddy always paid to fix things, and now they're getting a reality check.
A technology teacher in Scotland has been "struck off" (read: fired) from his job at Ardrossan Academy in Ayrshire after it came out that he had been using foul language and frankly genius insults to agitate his students. In one instanceamong many beautiful othershe told a student, "Shut up, I shagged your maw."
Michael Rankin, 54, built up a reputation for being a rudeboy to his pupilssome who were as young as 12 and 13all through 2013. Rankin was brought before the General Teaching Council for Scotland in order for him to defend his inappropriate conduct. The hearing determined that Rankin, who called his students wankers, bastards, f***ing idiots, and told them they were "s*** at football," will be not be able to re-register as a teacher. What a bleeding shame.
Rankin's charge sheet (which I'd like decoupaged to the surface of my tombstone) is here, featuring the teacher allegedly telling his students "shut up you wee a**holes" and referring to a certain student as Shrek.
Conrad Hilton's infamous 11-hour British Airways meltdown, though well-documented in the federal criminal complaint, has so far been desperately bereft of colorful eyewitness commentary.
Hilton was arrested last July on charges of assaulting or intimidating a flight crew member after he allegedy got up from his business class seat more than 20 times on the 11-hour flight, stalking up and down the aisles, threatening flight attendants, smoking weed in the bathrooms, and ranting about a passenger wanting to "f*** or fight him."
He eventually checked into rehab and just inked a plea deal that guarantees a maximum six month sentence (he had been facing up to 20 years.) But no trial also means no testimony.
Enter GQ, which tracked down Patricia Mitchell, a British life coach and front-row passenger on the Hilton spiral downwards. Sayeth Mitchell of the encounter, "I was kind of fascinated."
So are we, so are we. Here are the best parts:
Initial observations:
He was dressed posh casual, expensive haircut. He looked like a polo player and walked with a sure-footed march, being loud. He said something like they had attacked him. I heard a lot of "f***s."
If you were on a desert island, Hilton would be the weakest link, wouldn't he? Let's face it. He'd be the one about whom everyone would say, "Oh, crap, don't get him to do anything. He'll balls it up."
He's been taught a certain way to communicate with people, and it's clearly not working. He looked deeply unhappy.
On trying not to make eye contact:
I don't often watch horror movies, but you know how the walking dead have a look in their eye? I thought, "He's going to come at me next."
On accidentally making eye contact:
At one point, I jumped up to use the loo because there wasn't a line. I did it quickly, without looking, and I bumped into someone and said, "Oh, sorry." I looked up, and it was him! It was like [gasps] the Child Catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. And he just said, "Oh, no problem." Like a normal, ordinary human.
Upon landing:
I remember coming off and seeing him sitting on a bench with what I assume was some kind of federal agent. You would have thought butter wouldn't melt in his mouth, he was so cool. He looked all innocent, like, "I don't know what the fuss is all about." He just turned it on, likekay, I'm on American soil, and I know how to play this game. He looked like he was having the first day at a new job and wanted to make a good impression.
Final conclusion:
"God, he's an a**hole."
