Troll 2 is widely considered to be one of the worst movies ever made, and actually watching it enhances this feeling tenfold. It's basically about a young boy whose family goes to the small country town of "Nilbog" for a short vacation. This isn't unusual, but the movie decides to make it so by having the family be part of a "house exchange" system, where they live at the house of a country family and the country family lives at their house (which they don't, since the country family are goblins). The father of the family also seems too obsessed with "typical country hospitality".
Oh, by they way, there are NO trolls in this. The
midgets in halloween masks monsters are goblins.
Anyway, the boy see visions of his dead(?) Grandfather, who warns him of the goblins, who try to eat him and his family. Of course, just eating them would be too simple, so the goblins (occasionally in the form of weird-ass townspeople) try to trick or force the family into eating food (of varying shades of green) that will turn them into half-human, half-plant, because goblins are vegetarians for some reason.
Also, the boy's sister tries to bring her boyfriend along, but he leaves late and brings his friends (which annoys her). His friends get picked off one by one, starting with "Arnold", who you may know as the "OH MY GOOOOOOOOODDD!" guy from the clip that's on Youtube. Hilarity ensues, courtesy of more creepy townsfolk and a "druid" lady who looks like a crazy, gothic, occasionally chainsaw-wielding Emily Deschanel.
It's a generally weird movie without any really thought out plot, the acting is wooden (which is intentional, due to the Italian director demanding the lines to be read in this syntax), the "effects" amount to cheap-seeming Halloween costumes, and it's filled with more random moments than an episode of Family Guy.
For example, the last of the boyfriend's friends is sitting alone watching TV, when the crazy druid lady appears on the screen and gives a seductive dance with corn on the cob. Of course, she's actually outside, and then forces him to eat the corn with her, which causes it to pop into popcorn.
All in all, this is actually much dumber than people have made it out to be, and honestly, I can't be describing it to the full extent of it's facepalm-inducing silliness.
On to the rankings...
Acting: 0/5
As said earlier, the acting is atrocious, and every source I can find points to the fact that the crew was mostly non-English speaking Italians as the reason behind that, and that the director demanded on the lines being read this way. Seems like a bad excuse, and even aside from the dialogue, the emoting and non-verbal acting is actually some of the worst I've seen.
Effects: 0/5
Mostly Halloween masks, burlap sacks and excessive green goo, the effects are all stuff a normal person can do at home, but as B-movies (or in this case, Z-movies) go, they're not the absolute worst I've seen, but they're damned close.
Story: 2/5
As far as the storyline itself goes (minus all the random moments, clunky dialogue, and general weirdness), it has potential to be a decent movie if played straight. The premise of evil beings luring innocent people to their kingdom (disguised as a quaint little town) isn't a new one, or a bad one, but the details of this story (ghost Grandpa, vegetarian goblins who eat people after making them into plants, the entire family's interactions, etc.) bring it down more than the premise does.
Actual Quality: 0/5
Let's face it, this movie is ****. It doesn't surprise me that this movie has a cult following of people who enjoy it in a "so bad, it's good" way, but objectively, this is the worst movie I've ever seen.
Entertainment Value: 2/5
There are parts of this movie that qualify as "so bad, it's good", but even these are few and far between. I can see where
some might be able to watch it again and again, but I personally would rather watch funnier bad movies. I will, however, recommend it to those who, like me, enjoy truly awful movies, since this one is the cream of the crap, and really should be seen at least once, if only as a reminder that however bad a movie may be, it could still be Troll 2.
Overall, I give Troll 2 Half a Stinky Weasel out of Five.
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