Supernatural: Teenage Wasteland


Feb 12, 2008
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The following is a teleplay I wrote for a virtual series I write for and manage based on the hit CW property 'Supernatural.' It will be premiering later this season...

This is an episode that I've wanted to tell for a long time, but had no way of finding the access point for a long time since it deals with more real life issues than with the supernatural. After I remembered that poltergeists target troubled teenagers I finally had my access point for this brutally harsh, yet true, look at high school.

When I was in high school years ago, I'm 20 now, I thought about pulling a Columbine. I was right on the edge. So I know how these guys think and what gets them to that place.

Included with this episode is a commentary, journal entries from teenagers around the web, an eye opening look into the diaries of the Columbine shooters, as well as a host of media content that deal directly on the subject.

A typical suburban high school, also known as hell… Teenagers walk around the school grounds separated into groups.

A 67’ Chevy Impala pulls into the parking lot.

TEENAGE DEAN steps out of the Impala, eighteen years old, bomber jacket and necklace hanging around his neck; he looks at the school in disgust.


TEENAGE SAM steps out of the passenger’s side wearing popular 90s teenage fashion, he grins as he approaches the school ready for a brand new day.

Teenage Dean slams the door to the Chevy Impala and approaches the school looking around at the jocks beating up on kids with eyes full of hatred.

TEXT: 1997


A balding teacher at the front of the class addresses his inattentive students.

Teenage Dean sits in the back of the class drawing pictures of monsters and guns. He grins lost in his own world… he wears headphones listening to music nodding his head along to the beat.

At the front of the class a jock, ALEX, leans behind his back and throws a crumpled piece of paper at teenage Dean.

Teenage Dean glances up and takes off his headphones.

You got a problem?

Alex grins as he motions for Teenage Dean to try something… he resists and shakes his head no.


Teenage Dean narrows his eyes as he puts back on his headphones.


Alex walks out of the high school grinning. Teenage Dean jumps him and begins to BRUTALLY beat him to the ground… Teenage Dean stands up and looks down towards Alex lying on the pavement bruised and bleeding. Teenage Dean grins as he pulls on the collar of his bomber jacket.


Teenage Dean grins knowing what he’s capable of, he looks towards Alex and shakes his head no as he turns his attention back towards his drawings of monsters and guns.



The bedroom is clustered with posters of movies and rock bands. NEVER TOO LATE BY THREE DAYS GRACE blasts from a CD Player.

TEXT: 2008

JOSH, seventeen years old, sits in front of the television screen playing a first person shooter. Dozens of bad guys get shot to death. Josh grins as he watches the kills beneath tear stained eyes.


Pan over pictures of him as a happy child, one of these pictures shows Josh posing in the woods next to his father after a big hunt.

Josh looks out the dreary windows and back towards the game.

He walks over to his desk and pulls out a piece of paper and a pen. He begins to write.

Dear Mom and Dad, I’m sorry it had to…

Josh crosses out the words.

This is my fault…

Josh shakes his head no as he crosses out the words and takes a deep breath.

I just can’t take it any more.

Josh continues to write…

You tell me these are supposed to be the best years of my life. If that’s true, what’s waiting for me out there? A life full of disappointments and being beat down and looked at as a freak? I don’t want to go through my life…

Josh looks around the room and takes a deep breath as he leaves his room.


Josh walks down the stairs of his home. His mother, CAROLINE, looks towards him curiously.

Where are you going?

Just taking a walk Mom.

How are you?

I'm great...

Josh walks out of his house, Caroline watches him sympathetically. Not able to fully understand his pain.


Josh walks through the neighborhood alone looking at the street lights lighting the way. He sees teenagers all around him having the best time of their life. He’s alone trapped in his shell they forced him into. He pulls his jacket closer as he continues to walk, head pointed towards the ground.


Josh stands on top of a bridge looking down towards the large drop below. He approaches the edge of the bridge and looks down, hesitating.

Well, this is it man…

Josh looks around, battling with conflicting emotions. He steps closer towards the edge.

The end…

Josh opens his arms wide ready to take the swan dive.


All of a sudden a gaseous mass rushes into his system. Josh takes a step back, startled. He looks back over the edge and shakes his head. He walks away. Alone.


The Impala speeds past the screen.


Dean stares out over the road ahead of him. Sam glances over towards him. Dean looks away and narrows his eyes, full of remorse and anger. Music BLASTS from the radio…

So, what’s the hunt?

Poltergeist. Bobby heard word of a demon being in the local area causing all kinds of mischief. Thought it best if we give it a look over ourselves.

That should be easy.

Dean shoots Sam a look annoyed that his brother isn’t following…

Dude, it goes after those with high-strung emotional problems.

Sam thinks it over…


Dean scoffs at the remark.

Yeah, right.

Okay, then where?

High School.


H… High School? High School was great! It was home that was the problem.

You are so clueless it’s amazing. It’s not great for everyone hot shot.

Dean cranks the volume.


The Impala speeds off into the night.


Teenage Dean walks through a poor neighborhood alone, surrounded by dead trees. Teenage Dean watches as the bus drives past him.

Teenage Sam steps off of the bus and looks towards his brother caught off guard…

Why didn’t you take the bus?

Teenage Dean shakes his head as he continues to approach their “home.”


Teenage Dean stops and glares back towards Teenage Sam.


It’s none of your business, alright?

I was just asking…

Yeah? Well, don’t.

Teenage Sam shakes his head annoyed as they enter the house.


Teenage Dean walks up the stairs towards his bedroom. Teenage Sam enters the kitchen.


Teenage Dean throws his backpack against the wall and sits down on his bed and lays back, folding his hands behind his head. He closes his eyes trying to forget the day. He squirms as he reaches for his walk man; puts on his headphones and blasts the volume of “Smells like teen spirit” by Nirvana.

Freakin’ pricks.


Teenage Sam sits down at the kitchen table and begins studying. He stares out the window seeing a gun range; he shakes his head in disgust. A picture of John and Teenage Dean sits on a windowsill after a hunt; Teenage Sam is not in the picture.


The Impala pulls into the drive way and John gets out.


Teenage Dean sets the dinner down on the table as John enters the house. Teenage Sam is studying in the family room. John looks over his sons, worn and tired.

How was school?

Teenage Dean looks towards his father with a fake smile. A mask to hide the pain…

It went great Dad.


John grins, none the wiser.

That’s good son.

Teenage Sam looks up at his father through narrowed eyes… he shrugs as he turns back towards his work.

I asked you a question.

Teenage Sam shoots his father a look.


Watch your tone.

(under his breath)
Screw you.



John nods his head as he enters the kitchen.

Teenage Dean looks at Teenage Sam and shakes his head in frustration.

(to JOHN)
How was your day Dad?

We’re getting closer to the Demon son, making real good progress.

Teenage Dean nods his head okay. Teenage Sam gets up and approaches the staircase.

Sam, it’s dinnertime.

Teenage Sam looks towards them…

I’m not hungry.


He walks up the stairs and slams the door to his bedroom shut.


Josh approaches his house and enters through the front doors.


Dean and Sam pull into the parking lot of the motel and get out of the Impala.


Josh enters his house, looking around to see that his parents are already in bed. The door closes behind him. Josh notices and shrugs it off- just the wind. He walks up the staircase.


Dean and Sam enter the motel room. Sam sets his suitcase down on his bed. Dean throws his. Sam looks towards Dean, worried about his behavior lately.


Josh enters his bedroom and closes the door behind him. He crumbles the suicide letter and throws it into his wastebasket.


Dean gets into bed and stares towards the ceiling, hands folded behind his head.


Josh lays in his bed with his hands folded behind his head. He turns to look out the window filled with teenage angst.


Dean watches Sam sleep soundly, filled with sadness and despair.


Josh looks back towards the ceiling and closes his eyes, straining to hold his tears at bay…


Dean continues to stare, holding tightly onto his public mask of bravado. CLOSE-UP on Dean staring towards the ceiling…


CLOSE-UP on Josh staring towards the ceiling…


CLOSE-UP on Teenage Dean staring towards the ceiling… alone…

The Impala pulls into the Middle Town High School parking lot. They get out of the car and look around. Dean is pained by the returning memories, Sam is shocked as he sees the bullies beating up and tormenting kids.

Just how I remember it.

It wasn’t ever this bad.

Dean scoffs as Sam’s comment.

Like you’d know.

Sam looks at Dean offended.

What’s that supposed to mean?

Dean decides not to get into it.


Sam looks towards a group of kids tormenting a fellow student and quickly looks away. Ashamed.


Travel through the Middle Town High School Cafeteria seeing groups of teenagers separated and making sure to block certain people from sitting with them. Some student’s walk around cleaning the cafeteria as part of their detention, students take advantage of this and throw their trash onto the floor. The lunch monitor staff pays no attention to it.

Josh sits at a table by himself, writing in his journal paying no attention to the chaos around him. Jocks walk by flicking him in the neck. He narrows his eyes, wanting to do something about it- but he decides against it.

He looks around the cafeteria.


A football player trips a nerd only to catch his balance just in time, while a Prep shoves a skater against the wall of the cafeteria. Popular girls sway towards the jocks and preps.

CHRIS, football jersey, good looks, popular and sitting next to the most beautiful girl in school glances back towards Josh and laughs. He approaches Josh and picks up his journal.

What’s this?


Sounds gay.
(pretends to read it)
It is gay…

Eyes turn towards them.

What? It’s two guys fighting. It’s science fiction. Action. Adventure!

Sure is…
This is messed up dude.


Give it back.

You want it back? Here.

Chris tosses the journal into the garbage can.

Get it.

Chris walks away laughing… he high-fives his friends.


Josh notices people all around him laughing, stifling their laughter and looking at him off putting. Josh gets up and approaches the garbage. Chris notices.

Garbage dipping, you’re pathetic.

Josh reaches in for his journal. Chris approaches him.

CLOSE UP on a milk carton on a nearby table tipping over. The milk flows off the table and onto the ground.

Josh grabs his journal and Chris grabs him…

Leave me alone!

Josh pushes past him, Chris moves to follow him and slips on the milk. Josh looks back and sees students laughing at Chris. Chris looks around feeling embarrassed.


He grabs his backpack and walks off in the opposite direction.


Sam and Dean sit across from GEORGE, the dean of the high school. The principle, STEVE, stands behind him.

So, let me get this straight you two are…

Investigative reporters from TIMES magazine, we’re doing a nation-wide research about violence in high schools.

There are many troublemakers around here you could talk to. A couple immediately come to mind, real deviants…

Brad’s a fan of ‘Natural Born Killers’.

Dean shakes his head in disgust about the remark and rolls his eyes.


Can we just talk to the kids? All of them…

George and Steve nod their heads okay…

This will be completely anonymous?

You have our word.

Okay, just get their-

Consult before hand, we understand.

Sam and Dean stand and leave the office.


Sam and Dean walk through the halls of the high school.

School’s the same as it always was. Blaming it on media, god they’re so dumb and ignorant it’s scary.

It’s not that far of a stretch.

It’s not the media Sam; it’s the school itself.

Sam looks at Dean, not understanding…


Travel through the halls of the high school seeing teenagers walking from class to class and some are at their locker getting their books.

This place sucks.


Dean sits next to a Goth girl, EMILY, talking to her about school. While Sam stands in the back observing…

Have you ever thought about suicide?


All the time…


Chris sits across from Sam and Dean, curiously.

What kind of question is that?

Have you? No one will know…

Chris struggles, but eventually answers…

Yeah, I have- so what?

Dean looks back towards Sam, making his point.

In rapid succession Dean interviews more kids, from every group, all saying they thought about suicide.

From time to time… all the time… I tried to… I know someone who did, I could relate… We all have.


Josh looks at Sam and Dean, afraid that he’s been caught.

No… definitely not.

Dean looks at Josh, noticing the mask.

You can tell me.

Why would I?

You tell me…

Josh looks at Dean, not knowing if he should trust him.

In rapid succession Dean interviews more students…

Parents… I’m a freak… My girl friend cheated on me with my best friend… No one likes me… Everyone thinks I’m a ****… Nothing I do makes my parents proud… I’m not going to get into college… I’m going to be stuck in this town my whole life… I can’t tell anyone I’m gay, they won’t understand… My parents want me to be good at sports, but I’m not… I’ll never fit in.

Dean looks at Josh, Josh looks away.

Nobody likes me. My parents just don’t understand.


Circle around the school seeing all of these groups separated, but all feeling the same exact thing.

What do you think people see in you?


Chris looks at Dean disturbed by the question.

What do you mean?

If you were looking at you what would you see?

I guess I can be a little cruel at times.


I don’t know…

What do you see?

Something that’s inhuman, a freak…


Dean lowers his head feeling bad for the kid. Rapid succession of students pile into the room…

A ****… a loser… satanic… a prick… an outsider… an alien… the “good” girl… the Catholic kid… the terrorist… the stoner… the fool… the kid most likely to get somewhere… the kid most likely to stay behind… the kid most likely to kill himself… the kid most likely to kill somebody… the kid most likely to get pregnant before she gets into college… the kid…


We see dozens of teenagers sitting on the school bus, anxious to get home.

Did you ever think of making things- better?


Josh looks at Dean, not understanding the question…

What do you mean? How?

You tell me.

Josh clears his throat and looks away.

Dean interviews more students.

I don’t know if I should say something… Is this a trap?… You’re going to tell the school… no way, I won’t tell you… You think I’m stupid?… Trust me man, what goes on up there- you won’t understand.

CLOSE UP on Dean looking on in concern.

Just tell me how…

Murder… Suicide… Revenge… Turning the tables… Power… Slicing my wrists… Jumping to my death… Over-Dosing on Pills… When you have a gun, people respect you- they fear you… Make them fear me… Fear is power… It’s the only way out… Jonesburo, Paduca, Springfield, Columbine-

Josh looks at Dean and takes a deep breath nodding his head.

I’ve thought about getting revenge, so what? Who hasn’t?

The classroom is completely empty. Dean glances back towards Sam…

We are, we are the youth of the nation Sammy Boy.

How are we going to find this kid?

Dean looks down at his notes, he sighs hopeless…

I have no idea; they’re all potential candidates for this thing.

The music fades out as Sam looks towards the hallways seeing students tormenting Josh. Sam breathes out, ashamed…



KEVIN, MIKE, Teenage Sam and his friends gang up on TODD.

Please don’t…

What do you say guys, swirlie time?

Swirlie time!

Don’t do this…

Swirlie! Swirlie!

Teenage Sam, Mike and Kevin pick Todd up over their heads and carry him into the bathroom.


Josh and the bullies are out of the halls... Dean slowly approaches Sam.

Remind you of someone?

Sam glances down and breathes out, ashamed. He shakes his head no. Not wanting to admit it.

Come on, I’ve had enough of this place for one day.

Dean and Sam leave the classroom shutting the door behind them.


Josh gets onto the bus and nervously looks around. There is a seat right next to the bus driver. Josh walks past it and looks around at people either sitting together or blocking the other seat sending out their message: Don’t sit here.

Josh makes his way to the back. Chris notices and motions to his friends. Josh walks past Chris and BANG! He loses his balance and falls to the ground. Everyone begins to laugh.

Close-Up on Josh’s pained face as he stands back up and looks around. He sees every student grinning and laughing sadistically.

Josh narrows his eyes; filled with hatred- he can’t stand it!

Stop it!!!!

Chris leans forward, clearly enjoying this.

Or what are you going to do about it?

Josh grins as he nods his head, thinking about revenge. He walks away. Josh takes the seat at the front of the bus; he takes out his headphones and blasts BLOW ME AWAY BY BREAKING BENJAMIN. He stares out the window, close up on his eyes narrowed and dazed…


Chris walks through the parking lot. Josh walks up behind him and takes out a rifle. Chris spins around.

What are you doing?

Josh grins.

Having fun.

Josh aims the gun straight at Chris’s head. BANG! Blood spurts everywhere as the screen distorts.


Josh nods his head, pleased by these thoughts.

Chris looks around at his friends and gives them high-fives as they laugh.

Just what I thought…

Close-Up on Josh; a ticking time bomb ready to explode at any minute…


Chris gets off of the school bus and approaches his run down home. He watches the bus drive off… he breathes out as he hugs his backpack close. He looks at his home like it’s poison. He enters.


Chris enters the house and looks in to see his FATHER reclining in his lazy boy in the family room. He holds onto a beer as he glances up towards his son.

What are you lookin’ at boy?

**** you.

What did you say?



What I thought…

Chris shakes his head in disgust as he walks up the staircase.

I can’t wait until I get out of this hellhole.

The father continues to watch the TV, drunk as hell.


Chris enters his room and takes off his shirt. We can see scars spread across his back. He puts on a new shirt and drops back on his bed. He stares towards the ceiling as he closes his eyes… hearing his parents argue downstairs.

He needs to learn responsibility and be a man.

He just wants to make you proud… he used to look up to you.

He’s a disgrace!

Chris takes out his headphones and puts them on blasting the volume. He closes his eyes trying to push away his pain.


Sam looks out the window, remembering the past while Dean drives looking out over the road through narrowed eyes. Nodding his head to the music. Pan around Dean to see his eyes filled with rage and anger.


Teenage Dean sets glass bottles on a picnic table.

Freak… Spooky…

Teenage Dean walks over and picks up a gun, he loads it.

I ****ing hate them…

Teenage Dean turns the safety off.

You think you’re all tough and mighty, don’t you?

Teenage Dean aims his gun at one of the bottles.

Don’t you- Alex?

BANG! Teenage Dean fires the gun and the glass bottle EXPLODES.

But, you have no idea what I’m capable of.

Teenage Dean takes aim at the next bottle.

None of you do.


I could take you out in an instant…


Instant gratification…



But I can’t-


Because that would draw attention and we can’t have that…


You should all be dead.

The last glass bottle SHATTERS into a million pieces. Teenage Dean watches on, grinning…


Dean continues driving, focused intently on the road ahead. Sam glances over towards him, not knowing what’s in his brother’s head…


The Impala speeds off into the distance…


Josh sits in his bedroom, working at his desk staring out his window as he sees teenagers outside having the best time of their life. ANIMAL I HAVE BECOME BY THREE DAYS GRACE blasts filling the room.

Freak… Dork… ******… ***…

Josh lowers his head and holds his hands up against his ears as he screams in agony trying to block the noises.

You can make them pay.

Josh looks around for the voice.

You’re above them. You’re above all of them.

Who’s there?

Kill them…

Who’s there?!

Kill them all… make them pay…

Josh glances back out the window towards the teenagers.

Make them suffer.

I don’t know how…

You know how…

I can’t…

Yes, you can…

Josh shakes his head no, battling with the demon.

I’m not strong enough.

Now you are. I can help.

Everything in the room begins to levitate and water begins to drip from the ceilings.

Free yourself Josh. Make them pay. Kill em’ all… have fun.

Josh grins as tears stream down his face- finally free…


I’m the gun.

Josh looks around at the chaos and destruction around him finding peace…


ANGLE DOWN on the high school as the sun goes down…


The song ‘JEREMY’ by Pearl Jam begins with the lyrics: ‘At Home drawing pictures of Mountain Tops.’

Chris works on his homework with his door closed.


Chris’ mother and father violently argue in the kitchen.


Chris lowers his head, burying it in the book trying to block the noise.


Josh draws pictures of guns into his notebook and writes the words “NATURAL SELECTION.” He tapes a picture of Chris down into the notebook.


Teenage Sam sits at the kitchen working on homework. The song continues: ‘Daddy didn’t give attention to the fact that Mommy didn’t care.’ He looks up to see Teenage Dean and John practicing in the back yard gun range.


Teenage Dean takes aim and fires the gun… circle around Teenage Dean as we…


Alex is shot dead by a Teenage Dean Winchester. Teenage Dean watches on grinning… slowly pan back and…


Teenage Dean sits alone as he watches Alex talk with his friends.


THE SONG CONTINUES: ‘Clearly I remember picking on the boy.’ Teenage Sam, Mike and Kevin shove Todd around. Laughing. Having fun.


Josh walks through the halls writing in his notebook planning the shooting. As the lyrics sound: ‘But we unleashed the lion.’

Josh stops to watch as Chris walks by. Josh motions shooting him with his hands.


No one pays attention to him… Josh grins, laughing. Having fun.


Teenage Sam and John argue in the family room.

Why won’t you just let me live my own life?!

You need to grow up and start showing some responsibility. Be a man.

You just want me to become another soldier in your crusade. Screw your plans. Screw Mom… I never even knew her!

John HITS Teenage Sam square across his face. Teenage Sam backs away and rubs the bruise. He looks at his father filled with hatred.

I can’t wait until I’m out of this place… far away from you.


Is that right?

Yeah. I hate you.

Teenage Sam walks up the stairs towards his bedroom.


Teenage Dean glances behind his back looking in through the window... he shakes his head in disgust.

When is he going to grow up?!

Teenage Dean turns his attention back towards the prepared gun range.


Chris walks through the family room and his father grabs him by his arm. Chris moves to get away. His father just yanks him back in.

Let go of me!

I will once you learn some manners.

Like your one to talk?!

Be a man.

I am a man!

Then start acting like one!

The father releases his hold over Chris and he walks away, not daring to look back.



The SONG PICKS UP SPEED as Teenage Dean approaches a 90s sports car with a pipe and BASHES the windows in and dents the car as the alarms go off. He hurries away, careful not to get caught. Alex walks out and looks towards his car and rushes towards it horrified.


Teenage Dean serves John his dinner…

How did school go today?

It was good.


Josh enters his house. Caroline looks at him concerned.

How was school today?

It was good.

Josh tucks his notebook away as he walks up the stairs.


Josh lies in his bed staring towards the ceiling, trying to push away his pain. Overlap through the lyrics: ‘Jeremy spoke in class today.’


Chris lies in his bed staring towards the ceiling, trying to push away his pain.


Teenage Dean lies in his bed staring towards the ceiling, trying to push away his pain.


Teenage Sam lies in his bed staring towards the ceiling trying to push away his pain.


Dolly through the halls seeing teenagers move about from class to class. Everyone going through a painful adolescence; each with their own triggers and consequences…

Alex trips Teenage Dean, catching him off balance and sending him to the ground. Teenage Dean stands up and watches on furiously as Alex and his friends walk off laughing.



Chris pushes Josh around and with his friend’s help he shoves him into a locker and locks it. Josh bangs on the locker, but no one hears him… no one cares to pay attention.


Teenage Sam stays back watching as Mike and Kevin dunk Todd into the toilet. He laughs.


John yells at Teenage Sam and motions for him to leave him alone. Teenage Sam walks away, holding back his tears.


Chris listens to his mother and father, wanting to cry- but he can’t.


Dean and Sam glance towards each other, both too caught up in their own world. They slowly look away and continue working browsing through their collected research and database.


Josh sits alone in the cafeteria as he looks around at the other students and continues to take notes in his notebook.

They all deserve to die. They all laughed. They all thought your pain… Your suffering was funny. None of them tried to help. No one…

Josh nods his head as he writes ‘Kill Everyone.’

Josh takes out his cell phone and aims it around the cafeteria.

This is where it happened. This is where I will take back my name. No one is innocent. This isn’t a tragedy; it’s a rescue mission for everyone like me.

Josh closes his cell phone and puts it away.

Good… good… now they will all know your true motivations.

Close-Up on Josh grinning, readying himself for his perfect day…

Sam and Dean continue to search through the databases. Sam glances over towards Dean.

So, when we find it… how do we stop it?

Dean glances over the notes and back up towards Sam…

There’s a couple of ways. But, here I think the best way is to talk it out of him… kind of like an extreme form of anger management.

And you’re sure that will work?


Whoever it is, this kid isn’t psychotic, not disturbed- just no one will listen to him. Maybe he doesn’t want anyone to know because he’s afraid others won’t understand…

Then why will he listen to you?

Let’s just say high school wasn’t the best years of my life either.


Josh sits alone in his room, writing notes into his notebook. SWEET DREAMS BY MARILYN MANSON blares from a nearby stereo surround system. Josh grins…


They will all pay.

Josh gets up and exits his room.


Josh walks through the halls and stops at a closet, he looks around before entering the closet. He reaches his hands up and yanks down a rifle from top shelf.


Josh enters the bedroom and looks down towards the gun with a wide sadistic grin.

When you have a gun nobody mocks you, nobody touches you… you can take on anybody.

Josh aims the gun.

Chris, how’s it going?

Josh fakes firing the gun and laughs.


This will be more fun than dropping dudes in a video game.

Josh hears his mother approaching and quickly hides the gun, the butt of the rifle sticks out. Caroline opens the door.

Good night hun…

Night Mom.

Caroline notices the butt of the rifle. Josh shrugs it off.

Just looking over my BB Gun.

Caroline nods her head okay and leaves the room, closing the bedroom door.

Josh laughs and shakes his head.


Josh slowly approaches the gun, entranced by it…

A gun makes you feel…

Josh picks up the gun and grins.



Chris lays in his bed, trying to fall asleep while he listens to his parents argue on the floor below him. He grabs a pillow and shoves it on top of his face trying to suffocate the noise with no success.


Josh throws his backpack into the trunk of his car alongside the rifle and drives off towards school.


A TEACHER looks around his class, taking attendance. Josh isn’t in the room. On the board is scrawled ‘Test. 30% of grade.’

Hmm… does anyone know where Josh is?

The students look around, seeing if anyone knew.

That’s odd. I figured he’d be here.


Dean and Sam enter the school and look around the deserted halls.

Looks like class is in session. Split up; cover more grounds…

Sam nods his head okay.


Josh pulls his car into the parking lot. He gets out and walks around to the trunk and gets the rifle out.

Time to show the world what you’re made up.

Josh closes the trunk and glances to the side and sees Chris’ sports convertible. A pole up above CRASHES down and RAMS into the car- the alarms don’t even have a chance to sound.

He begins to approach the school. MATT exits the school and notices Josh. He stops afraid… Josh notices him and keeps his gun at bay.

I like you Matt... Get out of here.

Matt nods his head okay and hurries away from the school, glancing behind his back once he’s a safe distance away.


Dean walks through the halls, noticing every student around him looking for some kind of sign- anything! He equips his walkie-talkie.

Sam, got anything?


Sam stands in the back of the cafeteria looking around.

No. Nothing. You?

This is freakin’ impossible. It could be anyone for Christ’s sake!

Tell me about it.

Teenage Wasteland.

Sam looks around and sees dozens of troubled and disturbed teenagers in all sorts with various problems.

Chris sits at a table with his friends…

Sam looks forward and something catches his eye.

Wait… hold on…

What is it? Sam?

Josh approaches the cafeteria gun held high in the air.

Water begins to drip from the ceiling. The ground catches fire. Trays and chairs fly everywhere. Complete and total chaos. The students look around frightened…

What the hell?

Josh moves a table in his direction and jumps up on it. He shoots the gun in the air.

Everyone in this school is dead meat!

Josh fires his gun towards the ceiling.

Sam watches on shocked and horrified…


Dean, it’s happening. Now.


Dean gulps… he looks around and notices a fire alarm.

Haven’t done this in a while…

He immediately presses it down. Students run out of their classrooms…


Josh begins shooting the gun around aimlessly as students run away frightened for their life. He laughs having the best time of his life. Chris runs off… a table flies towards him and knocks him back against the ground.

Josh jumps down from the table and approaches Chris.

Didn’t think I’d let you get away that easily- did you?

Chris looks up at Josh frightened.



Dean runs down the staircase, passing multiple students along the way.


Students run out of the school following their teachers. They gather a short distance away from the school. Not knowing whether it’s real or not. They try to listen in for reports…

Gunshots fired…

The students hear the news, some run, some stay, but all are scared.


Fire spreads around the cafeteria. Josh aims the gun at Chris...

You made my life a living hell for four years.


I'm sorry...

No, you're not. You're just saying that so I won't kill you.

Please man... don't do this... please....

Please? Please?
Now look at who's pathetic. Dork.

Josh's finger nears the trigger...


Chris gulps as he backs up afraid. Josh laughs.

I have the power now... no one will ever hurt me again. Not you. Not anyone!

Dean enters the cafeteria and notices Sam helping injured students out of harms way. Dean sees Josh aiming his gun towards Chris, ready for the kill-

Josh, you don't want to do this.

Josh looks at him and then notices Sam.

The reporters- just like I told yah, revenge...

Sam takes out his gun, Dean motions for him to put it away as he approaches Josh.

Trust me, you don't want to do this.


No, you're wrong. I've been waiting for this moment for a long, long time...

To show him that you're in charge right? To make him respect you... to make them take you seriously. I believe you should be taken seriously, you're a serious kid. But, you do this- you're not just killing them... the cost is a lot more than that. You're hurting their families, friends, others just like you who are going to be targeted as potential killers... do you want that? Do you seriously want that on your hands?

I'll kill myself, I won't feel a thing.

It's not bang-bang you're dead again Josh! There is no reset button here, alright buddy... now trust me, you don't want to do this. You still have a chance. Please I know how you feel. Felt like killing a couple of guys myself. But, trust me this is the last thing you want...

Josh looks at Dean, afraid...

It's too late.


Just give me the gun. Do the right thing while there's still time.

Josh looks at Dean and nods his head okay, he drops the gun and Chris runs off. Dean picks the gun up as the fires stop.

You made the right decision.

Disarm by Smashing Pumpkins begins as Dean guides Josh out of the school, with Sam following close behind.


Dean and Sam stand outside of the school amidst the parents and frightened children.

Josh is led towards a police car, while his parents watch on sympathetic and depressed... not knowing how to think about their son. Josh looks towards them, ashamed. He quickly looks away, unable to look at their faces of regret as the police officer pushes him into the car.

I feel sorry for him.

He was going to kill them.

It's not entirely his fault.
When you were a teenager, were you ever in a dark moment in your life?

Yeah, we all have been...

Dean shakes his head no.

No, I mean really dark. Like you had nothing to lose.

Sam shakes his head no.

I was. I thought about getting revenge. Just like Josh did. The only that held me back was Dad.

Sam looks at Dean sympathetically.

I... I never knew that.

That's because I never wanted you to Sammy.

Sam looks at Dean and breathes out, nodding his head. Dean watches as the police car drives off.


We take in the entire scene before we...




This was a very personal episode for me. I was the depressed loner in high school, always separated from the groups and have only a couple of true friends. Similar to Dean, one of the effects that resulted from not being accepted by others for being different is an anti-social disorder that Sam commented on in 'Skin.'


When thinking over who these characters are and the psychology of high school and how the characters look back at the past I see Dean being the outcast at school and Sam being the guy that fit in with the crowd. Whereas Sam has fond memories of school, Dean doesn't. Dean is surprised when Sam actually wants to keep in touch with his college friends-

I explored all aspects of the character addressed in the series and the Multus Tempestas mythology to come up with my portrayal of Dean as a high school student. He was obsessed with the supernatural, monsters, guns, and grunge & classic rock. His life style alone separates him from most of the other kids in school. Thus, what I came up with was somewhat of a mix between my own experiences, Fox Mulder and a little bit of John Connors from Terminator.

The tossed paper, while it may seem like a small act, for other's it's something that definitely builds up once it happens every day. It's happened to me on countless occasions and most of the teachers didn't even notice it. Which added to it. So that's my commentary on how blind some teachers can be. My parents told me back in the day when a student misbehaved they would be hit, today if a student approaches most teachers with a problem they either ignore it saying "just live with it" or say they will do something about it and never do. There are very few teachers who did try to do something. Most turn their heads and look the other way.

Some teachers are worse than blind though and it's not that difficult in seeing why some teachers are targeted in addition to the students. There are teachers in high school, believe it or not, that have this little "game" that they like to play. Every year they single out a kid who they believe can "take it" since they have seen them bullied in the past and they decide to make this student's class room experience a living hell. They taunt the student, make fun of the student to get a rise out of the class. He even told me this- "no hard feelings"- yeah right, guy was an ass. I hated that ****er and to make matters worse his brother was the ****ing dean of the god damn school! What the hell was I supposed to do? Tell? Who the hell would believe me? His own brother owns the school! While doing research for this episode I discovered that there were others who had the same kind of "let me make your life horrible for a year to entertain the class, you can handle it" teachers. Yep, this is the modern day educational high school system. Sounds great- doesn't it?

The violence that Dean thinks about is his way of trying to release all of the stress and anger. This is also based from personal experiences of fantasies of revenge that, after looking it up online, found out many others in my position also had such thoughts when they were growing up. I felt like a time bomb always about to explode.

The reason why Dean never acted out and got revenge, such as kicking his tormentors in the balls - recount 'The Kids are Alright'- is mainly because of John. As Teenage Dean later complains about, "I could take you out in an instant. Instant gratification. But I can't because that would cause attention and we can't have that." I imagine John wanted to remain pretty much under the radar, moving from town to town and using fake IDs. The last thing he would want is any extra attention being placed on his family that he didn't need. Because of this, Dean was never really allowed to stick up for himself in the ways he would have liked and this took a toll on him. He knew he could put an end to it, but at the same time being the "perfect son" knew that he never could. The only way he could get revenge was by smashing up the guy's car. Could Dean have once stood up for himself in the past? Yeah, it's possible that this is why John prevented him from acting out again and due to moving from town to town none of his classmates knew him as the type that would stick up for himself and thus was labeled, "the crazy kid obsessed with monsters and guns." Much similarly to the reason Fox Mulder was considered an outcast from the Bureau by both his superiors and by his peers.


Josh is a mirror image of teenage Dean for the modern millenia, instead of grunge and classic rock he listens to the new heavy rock. He hunts with his father.

Although many teenagers don't want to admit this, for most video games weren't just a pass time- they were a psychological release. There are feelings within us that I will discuss later that are exercised through video games. Being able to blow the bad guys away and feel that power. I hated when media blamed the whole Columbine incident on video games... if anything that's something that holds teens away from performing real violence. Because they can act out their rage virtually.

The tear-stained eyes is an extra touch that is something I've felt before. During high school, many guys in my position want to cry but hold it in and due to this it feels like you're about to burst into tears at any moment without there actually beings tears. Imagine a feeling of extreme tiredness, it's kind of like that- but for days on end.

There were times that I felt like I had absolutely nothing to live for any more. One of the results from this was the option of suicide that I contemplated from time to time. A friend of mine actually attempted to commit suicide and luckily it was a failed attempt or he would be dead right now. Many teenagers commit suicide- why? Because we feel like the pain and torment will never end and actually believe adults when they say that high school will be "the best years of your life." That's a joke, high school is hell and far from being the best years. So, those words definitely don't help matters. Some are able to find other venues to survive through high school- key word: survive- while others can't.

I wanted the mother, like John, to be ignorant to all of these feelings because many parents are ignorant. Hell, my parents still don't know how troubled I was during high school. As I state later on with Dean- there's a certain "mask" that comes into play here.

Depressed loners don't want to be depressed loners, so one of the hardships is seeing other teenagers having fun- something that you're missing out on. Although it seems small, it's actually a huge deal and this adds to the sense of being alone and hopelessness.

I was never invited to anything. I remember one day on the school bus this girl was having a party and some guy, to be funny, (even though it was mean) faked to invite me, I was excited- this would finally be it... but, then she yelled at him and said "I don't want him to come." that memory kept with me all throughout school. the whole time due to that I knew why they excluded me and I hated them for it. Eric Harris actually stated it best: "I hate you people for leaving me out of so many fun things. And don't ****ing say, “well that's your fault” because it isn't, you people had my phone #, and I asked and all, but no. No no no don't let the weird looking Eric KID come along, ooh ****ing nooo." The above statement describes exactly how I felt back then. It was agonizing being left out and being on the side lines watching everyone else having fun at parties and in groups and knowing they would never let me be a part of it. I don't know what the **** I did wrong, was it because I was different? Was it because I had a speech impediment that they constantly used to mock? I seriously don't know, all I remember is feeling a strong hatred towards them whenever I saw or heard about something I was being excluded from.

As a loner the two characters I related to the most were Batman and Lex Luthor (Smallville) because of their dark nature and having a certain sense of loneliness. Want to know something odd? My kindegarden teacher told my parents during a conference that I could either be the next Steven Spielberg or Lex Luthor! How she saw that, I have no idea, but it's really unsettling that she chose Lex out of everyone she could name, it was a corporate criminal.

The suicide attempt at the bridge was inspired by the suicide attempt in the episode 'Leech' in Smallville's 1st Season.


I made a specific choice to never call this place the Winchester's family home, because they moved around so much that they had no home.

To me this scene was very important because it showed that Sam didn't know how tough high school was on Dean, just like how Dean never realized the home life was tough for Sam. While Sam was the black sheep of the family, Dean was the black sheep among his peers. Dean purposefully avoids the bus because the bus and cafeteria are two of the worst places where the tormenting occurs.

The line "mask that hides the pain" is from the play 'Bang, Bang You're Dead' inspired by the school shootings. That's the best way how to describe it. Faking like everythings going great, while on the inside you're falling apart piece by piece. I still wear this mask from time to time.


One of the key sequences I wanted to accomplish in the end of this act was an over-lap between Josh and Dean/ Teenage Dean showing that they were very similar and that Josh is a modern Dean Winchester when it comes to high school.


The scene outside of the high school was meant to be the first hint to the audience that Sam may have been involved on the opposite side of the whole bully/victim spectrum. They also attended high school in 1997, two years later Columbine occurred. So around that time and slightly before I believe the school system truly went to hell. Something happened because people thought about and some did get pay back through semi automatics rather than fists. Something has to have escalated somewhere along the line. Because it seemed and still does that many adults just don't understand the pains of high school- whether it's because they just forgot about it or downplayed it in their memory. I don't know. There's just something that creates a certain gap.


This was the hardest scene to write and it's still hard for me to read this scene without getting a strong emotional reaction from it.

This is how I always saw the cafeteria as the loner sitting alone at the lunch table because I didn't fit in anywhere. The taunts as people walk by and flicks on the back of the neck all happened to me every day. Eventually I avoided the cafeteria all together, even if I got hungry- after a certain point in time I'd never go back there.

The aspect revolving around the script did happen. That's one of the main things they did. But, that often took place on the second worst place- the dreaded bus. They would yank it out of my hands and start reading it as though it was a gay porn. Even though nothing in it was even remotely gay... there were screenplays about Nick Fury of S.H.I.E.L.D., Spider-Man, etc. Despite to say a lot of people laughed and it was publicly humiliating. Eventually I started getting myself in trouble any way I could if I couldn't get a ride home so that I wouldn't be able to take the bus that day- which some times reflected poorly upon my grades even. I did anything I could to avoid the bus.

The garbage dumping thing and stealing items also happened- a lot.

I just put all of these events together into one cumulated event that shows a lot of what I remember. For me, most of it wasn't physical- even though someone did try to shove me into a locker once (thank god the lockers were too small). Most of it was psychological and I believe I was able to successfully portray that through this scene.

I also wanted a song that would help to add more beats to the scene. I still relate to all of these lyrics in the song and as the depressed loner in high school it definitely represents a lot of what I felt and still feel when looking back on my high school years. It was hell. There were times that I felt like a time bomb ready to explode- is that normal? I don't think so. And I know the only thing that pushed me to that place was bullying.


This is a line that I always had planned since the conceptualization of the episode. It always bothered me that people kept pointing fingers at the media: music, movies, video games proclaiming these elements made the Columbine teens kill when that is the farthest thing from the truth and personally sickening that people thought that. One of the things most widely noted was that the Columbine killers liked the film 'Natural Born Killers.' So in effect through Dean this is my way of showing hostility towards all of the proposed factors that motivated them. I was there, I felt what many disturbed teenagers feel and it's a really dark place that you're gradually pushed and eased into and I believe that to be the main cause of teen violence.


I knew that I had to have this song in the episode and that I was going to have Dean interview these kids. While typing to the song, I started imagining it more as a music montage. I wanted to show that all of these kids are the same, they may be coming from different areas- but essentially they are all just as troubled as the rest. And there's few who can say anything good about themselves. TEENAGE WASTELAND. Everyone goes through it, everyone thinks about ways out and everyone's scared to share their feelings about it. I believe through the song and the dialogue I came up with from listening to the song and thinking about the various things that go on in high school this scene came out very profound and moving. Showing a massive body of students who feel this way other than only one or two.

When you go through high school, you feel like you're alone. Thus, "no one will understand me." While in reality everyone feels the same way- every student is just blind to it. That's what I wanted to show and hopefully I achieved that.

As for why I never put in descriptions of the various students who say these things, it's supposed to be nameless and faceless to a degree and extent- they could be anybody.


I always had this in mind, from what I've read and seen in people I've known who were bullies it came from a feeling of insecurity. Sam's insecurity about his family and being the black sheep, I believe, would lead Sam into having this kind of high school years that he wouldn't be proud of. He always saw school as a great place.

It also created an interesting contrast in the episode and showed that anybody could be a bully or a victim- you can never know unless one admits to it.


I knew I wanted another confrontation scene, often if the victim of bullying stands up publicly- the tormentor will always find a way to get back so that he has the upper hand again. So that would be the ritual enacted here.

I almost tripped a couple of times, but never flat on my face. But, the whole difficulty of finding a seat because hardly anyone will let you sit with them- this did happen.

The fantasies about getting revenge were more Columbine inspired this time around with the whole notion of "just have fun." Even though guns were often a part of the fantasies. I chose to heighten that sense with the music whose lyrics encourage the action as a fun scenario- the song is actually the song written for the hit game 'HALO'. Hopefully the scene and this music creates the ominous tone I was aiming to achieve.


In the third act we get into a gray area. Previously Chris was only seen as the mean jock bully. Here we find out that his life is far from perfect and that his home life is ****.

One of my friends, from a different school district, that I hang out with from time to time was always the most psychologically challenged guys I've known. He got majorly into alcohol, took ritalin, and even once attempted to commit suicide. Recently he's attained an eating disorder. But, I've also just been told something that opened my eyes to the 'not so black and white' area of high school... I found out that he had the reputation of being the meanest kid at his school. I found out that this psychologically challenged guy I knew for my entire life was the bully in his own school district. This opened my eyes to the fact that maybe some of these guys aren't that bad. Maybe they are acting out towards something that is coming from their home life or something else that causes their negative interaction with some of the teens around them?

This story is where I came up with the inspiration on creating a gray area to the entire story, not one person is to entirely blame. Chris was given a troubled home life to parallel, yet not be exactly like the home life that Sam had which also made him act out.

In this scene I wanted to establish that Dean has had murderous thoughts towards his tormentors. I also wanted to explain, without completely telling the full details, that the reason Dean doesn't get revenge or fight back is "because that would draw attention and we can't have that."

Earlier when conceiving of the story and trying to figure out who Dean and Sam would be in their teenage years in the school environment, Dean gave me the hardest challenge of all. He didn't seem like the kind of guy who would fit in with the crowd and would be targeted, but he also had training. The one thing that I discovered while thinking this all through is that John would want to keep a low profile and would thus have told his sons to try to stay "invisible" which means not getting into trouble. As the "perfect son," Dean complied and tried to keep all of this anger within from bubbling to the surface. The only time he acted was when he knew he wouldn't get caught. Having found this conflict of 'I can do this, but I'm not allowed to' everything began to fall into place.

After writing this episode I discovered the song 'Ronnie' by Metallica while continuing to read up on various movies, shows, music based around school shootings. To my surprise Metallica had a song about a school shooting type scenario! Knowing that I knew I had to use it in the episode... it would have been a shame if it hadn't been used because it's part of the music that defines Dean. Originally the song was meant to be one of my own personal favorites 'Pardon Me' by Incubus. But 'Ronnie' definitely fits a lot better with Dean.


As in the age old parable there's a devil and an angel on my shoulders and they both have voices.

One thing that I found out while going through a similar experience that at times there would be these voices in my head that I had to block out that told me that if I killed them, everything would be better and that they deserved to die for what they did to me and others. At times it was very difficult to block these voices and fantasies of revenge. But, I was able to make it through.

One thing that I have found is often those who have had similar thoughts also talk about a voice in their head urging them to do it, whether they call it a demon or imaginary friend as seen in a section later on below, they always say the same things and tempt in the exact same way.

I had this demon personified for real in this scene, but in reality it's all very much the same exact thing- only it's the conscious, rather than a separate entity that has the voice.

I also wanted this scene introduce some of the things that this demon could do such as the fire and lifting objects.

The final line Josh says in this scene "I am the gun" is inspired by something that Eric Harris once stated in his journals and is regarded as one of the most iconic statements from the shooters.


I chose this song because it, similarly to 'Youth of the Nation' is a song about a school shooting. Jeremy shots himself in front of his class mates. Like the rest, he was put into this position from the constant abuse he got from his peers.

In this montage I wanted to re-address several of the issues that were seen previously in the episode such as Chris and Sam's troubled home lives as well as the bullying experiences that both Josh and Dean had. I structured this scene so that these parallels would purposefully overlap. Sam is Chris and Dean is Josh.

Josh's journal was inspired by Columbine, as well as his writing about 'Natural Selection.'

This scene, through editing, Dean is shooting in the gun range and is always imagining that it is Alex that he is shooting.

The destruction of Alex's car was planned from the get go. I wanted to make sure that Dean got revenge in some way and as stated before this was the most obvious way because he could do it undetected.

The final scene of Josh using his cell phone was also inspired by the Columbine shooters who kept home video tapes of their plans, these tapes have still yet to be released to the public but are presumably scheduled to be released in 2020. In today's modern age, I've had Josh use his cell phone to record the video. Similar idea, different method. And we also see that even though his hate is targeted primarily towards Chris, it has expanded to include many others who may or may not have even been involved.


What I read was that these demons could only be removed in two ways either the troubled teen had to move away, thus hopefully leaving the poltergeist behind or get cured of whatever is troubling them.

I decided that the second method would be the best and most suitable for this situation because it would allow for an impactful confrontation between Dean and Josh.


I always wanted to have a scene of Josh looking over the gun and feeling a sense of impowerment from it. How did he get the gun? Easy, as established earlier- he and his father used to hunt. The guns are already in his house unguarded. That's another scary thing that I've always wondered, do teens that already have a gun have a more difficult time keeping their feelings about revenge at bay than those who don't know how to attain one without getting caught?

Anyways, Josh's fantasy runs wild in this scene and shows the viewer how lost he is when he mock plays the shooting.

The dialog about the gun is inspired by the play 'Bang, Bang You're Dead' which was later on adapted into a film (similar idea, different plot). The line "This will be more fun than dropping dudes in a video game" is also from the play.

The end of the scene where Josh fools his mother into believing that the gun is just BB Gun is also inspired by an actual even that happened to Eric Harris who later bragged about how gullible his mother was for having easily bought into his lie.


Many aspects of the shooting were inspired by Columbine, from missing an important test to allowing a student to walk away from the school because the shooters had no problems with him.

Josh's loss of reality is certainly apparent in this scene because he sees it as one giant video game. Death to the jocks. His primary target- Chris.

One of the accounts stated that the Columbine shooters would taunt their targets before they shot them. Josh has this startling interaction with Chris.

When Dean arrives he acts as, pretty much, the angel on Josh's other shoulder trying to lure him away from this dark path. Some of the lines Dean states, such as "it's not bang, bang you're dead again" and "there's no reset button" are among the most iconic and memorable lines from the play- 'Bang, Bang You're Dead.'

Josh's threat to commit suicide is meant to purposefully bring back the notion that when it was all over the Columbine shooters had committed suicide.

A part of me believes a huge aspect of why these things get out of control is because it's a power trip. These kids always felt powerless against their peers, but finally when they get that power it is too much and too good for them to comprehend. Very similar to Eddie Brock aka Venom (perhaps that's why I always related to him more than Spider-Man? Hell, I even cheered Venom on, which I used to find weird). With great power comes great fun. I like being bad it makes me happy. Same thing here. I have a feeling that this is the cause because I once lost myself to my dark side- it was late at night a friend of the family's house they had a son around my age who was medicated. He lost control and grabbed a knife cornering my sister, I locked her in the bathroom to keep her safe then went to get another knife. He was the first to surrender. I, on the other hand, loved it- feeling power over him holding the knife in my hand I was ready to kill him because I've had enough- all of my hate was placed on him and for a while I lost myself to a demented angry split personality. I was going to kill him. I wanted to. In the end my sister held me back from going that far... but, that's another memory that has stayed with me. I felt like I had power and that power was too much for me to handle. I even taunted the guy sadistically! I'm figuring the same thing happens in school shootings- these troubled teenagers enter school with guns and kill somebody and get a rush of a power trip that is too much to handle, they let rip and they "have fun" as they said in their own minds, because similarly when I grabbed the knife- I had to start seeing things as just a game or movie in order to follow through with what I may have done because it was too much to do when looking at it realistically. That event should also give you guys more of an inside perspective on how far I was close to the edge, if I had a gun or knife in my backpack on any day and I pulled it out- there's no telling what could have happened and without anyone there to prevent me from following through with it. Luckily my house didn't have any guns and I didn't know how to get my hands one without getting caught- I do remember thinking about how to make bombs though, but the thought that someone would find out and the effect that could have on me personally (I didn't care about them) held me back. A director of a teen documentary 'Teen Truth' once put a gun in his backpack to take to school, but his brother found out and took it away- since then he has been going from school to school with a very important documentary he made concerning life in high school to make sure no one makes the same mistake that he could have made. The power got to these kids, they started to taunt before they killed and things got out of hand. Trust me, this power is A LOT for someone to take in. Especially for those who feel like they were put down by society as a whole throughout the years.


This song was chosen mainly because it had the lyrics "A killer in you is a killer in me" in addition to having a slow and heart felt melody.

I left the scene with Dean telling Sam that he relates to what Josh went through short, because as is the way with Supernatural- often what isn't said is more important than what is said. The shorter and more concise, the better.

These feelings are certainly something you don't want anyone to know about. So it's no surprise that Dean has kept this a secret from Sam and John for so long. I still haven't told anyone about my whole high school experiences and the thoughts and fantasies I had as well. I don't intend to. I mean, what are you going to say? "I may have been a Columbine shooter if someone lit the right final match" ? My Mom got close to it once and the way she asked really dug a needle into me, never felt as ashamed as the time when she asked me if I was ever thinking about a Columbine type event- that interaction inspired the end scene between Josh and his parents. That's why other than an anonymous writer online, you're chances of finding any one willing to come out with this is zero to none. The only reason you guys know is because no one can link this back to me.

Below there are accounts from fellow teenagers in high school from the past couple of years who recount their own bullying experiences, all of which I can easily relate to. Some of these tell about how bad their experience is while others state how this experience has led them to having thoughts about murder. But, these teens aren't psychotic as they are labeled in some media- they're just dazed and confused like I was back then.


Josh is a mixture of me, teenagers pushed to the limit in films and television and the Columbine killers. A huge aspect of the character, however, is me if that final fuse was lit.

I was a depressed loner in high school so I could easily relate to what these characters felt and while re-examining my past it has shown me how close I was to possibly being the next Columbine kid or something along those lines.

In middle school I once faked an angry split personality disorder for a couple of days and then in high school I threatened somebody's life- why? Easy. It's better to have them FEAR you than to put up with the pain. Because if they FEAR you- they will be too afraid to do anything against you. So for me that part and aspect of these characters were easily relatable. I knew what that felt like, feeling that the only way was to give them what they've gave you for all those years. Fear. You feed it right back to them and you're bound to get them off your back- at least for a while. You start viewing life as a war, eye for an eye and it's easy to see how things could get to the point they sometimes do.

Depressed Loners typically don't ask to be put where they are in the social status of high school. They often feel like that is where they are put by others and there is no breaking out of it. You separate yourself from the pack to distance yourself from the pain. That has it's own effects- you feel alone, like an outsider, completely isolated and sad that you're not involved in anything because of the fear that something might happen. Josh walking through his neighborhood and in the cafeteria was DEFINITELY me 100%.

I even added real life experiences to the mixture to put my stamp on it. Chris teasing Josh about writing in front of the whole school- that happened to me, exactly how I wrote it, on countless occasions. But, hey look at where that kid is now- here using that material for a social commentary episode reflecting on the pains of the teenage wasteland.

The mask Josh would put on for his parents is another staple of the 'disturbed teenager'- I've found it in multiple films, shows, actual people and from my own high school years as well. Why? I believe 'Bang, Bang You're Dead' said it best: "No kid likes to admit he's being bullied, makes him feel small in the eyes of his peers, a poor little kid who can't stand up for himself. Some kids rather get beat up every day than to talk about it." And due to this these feelings of rage and hostility build up to the point that you start having these fantasies of revenge... "And then that one day you hear something go snap. You realize what you have to do. You got to take back your name. And you have to do it in front of the whole school because that's where they took your name away from you. You have to do it so that every kid will remember. This is about justice. And after a while you can only think of one way: Jonesburo, Springfield, Perduca, Columbine. A gun, a bomb- instant justice. Ba-Bang." I've looked online and found that many others, particularly depressed loners, have had similar feelings when they were growing up. These are not thoughts that any teen would want to share with their parents.

I remember one of the fantasies I had vividly. It was in the math class in the basement, which happened to be located right next to the cafeteria. The main tormentor was sitting in the front of the room. I stood up and pulled a gun from my pocket and pointed it towards his head. People ducked for cover as- BANG! I pulled the trigger. Direct head shot. Blood shot out the other side of his head staining the green chalkboard in red. This was the most violent of the fantasies, which is probably why I remember it to this day. Whereas Dean had the fists, Josh and I weren't strong enough- thus the only means of accomplishing the end (and we knew this) was through guns and thus art imitated life so to speak. I'd say the only main difference between the fantasy I had and the one Josh had was that in his he used a shotgun and said that he was just having fun.

This has nothing to do with films, music and video games in my opinion. It was that these students pushed you to such a dark place, you felt like this was your only option and every day you fight the urge to end the pain... not by suicide, because that would mean they win. But, by pay back- retribution... that's the only way that one is capable of seeing while behind the prison walls of high school.

The darker elements of Josh's personality came from research and watching various films. Eric and Dylan used to claim that they weren't human, that they were inhuman: "Something that’s inhuman, a freak." Many of the teens disturbed to this level also stated and wrote such statements as "I am the gun," only in this case that statement was actually true. Eric and Dylan also exclaimed jubilantly how they were able to fool their parents into not noticing the rifle and lying to them by telling their parents that it was just a BB Gun- this account was inspiration for a very similar scene in the episode. They made home video records of their plans and everything... this has been a key component of multiple stories that have come out in the following years. 'Teenage Wasteland' is no exception. Although Josh does not have a video camera, he uses his cell phone to video tape these types of messages. The "have fun" part is a direct reference to Columbine, because this is considered to be the most chilling and disturbing part of their journals.

The character also was inspired by 'Elephant', 'Zero Day,' 'Cold Case: Rampage' and most of all 'Bang, Bang You're Dead Again.' The central character in BBYD is Josh, a troubled teenager who has a rifle due to hunting and plans to get revenge exclaiming that "every student in this school is dead meat." The scene in which Josh talks about the power of a gun and Dean's speech at the end are also directly inspired by the play and film from emotional beats to the very dialog the characters speak. The main inspiration taken from the Gus Van Sant film 'Elephant' was Josh taking and looking through his notes regarding the school shooting on school premises.

The school shooting itself was definitely a Columbine-like event. The day of Eric and Dylan had an important test that they missed by arriving to school that day late with rifles and ammunition. The teacher and students found their absence on that day to be odd and foretelling. Upon entering Columbine High, Eric and Dylan met a fellow student and told him to get out of there and they complied knowing that they meant business. While shooting they saw everything as a game and found a sadistic pleasure in making others squirm. In a sense they lost themselves to this feeling of finally having power due to the tables being reversed.

I tried to make everything as gray as possible. Placing equal blame on all parties involved. Josh didn't make the right decision, Chris pushed him towards that decision as a way of retaliating against his horrible home life, and his parents were none the wiser to how troubled their son really was. The school didn't even notice it. He played video games and listened to Marilyn Manson. Who or what is to blame for the actions he made? I personally believe Chris had a much larger hand in what happened than every other factor. But, I hope I made it gray enough that people will sit back and think it over to come to their own conclusions.

So through the power of personal experience, research, and inspiration Josh came to life on the page. I guess the only way to end this section is by stating something the 'Zero Day' director said which is very true: "I remember thinking that I was surprised that it hadn’t happened sooner."

My own happy ending that goes, I don't know... I'm 20 years old. Sophomore at college.

Last year I was still in my shell all the time. This semester classes began and I was still in my shell, but then towards the end of the first semester something changed. I started to relate to move in and become part of the group. Since then I have started a couple of 'friendships' that could go somewhere. And in the second semester I was finally invited to participate with the group. I seriously feel free and great now in this part of my life.

High school sucked. In no way was it the best years of my life. If you have to ask me- college is the best years of my life so far. Yeah, the work is stressful and hard. But, I can finally just be myself and people accept that. I knew if continued, that I had a purpose and that some day things would be better- turns out, I was right.

In part this transition from the angry dark depressed loner of the past to the more optimistic and live-free now, while still maintaining an aspect of who I was back then inspired the scene in the Impala where Dean scoffs at Sam about college and saying that he's blind- high school's the problem. That's, once again, my own views...

My own happy ending that goes, well- who knows?


I chose these songs because they either related to a school shooting or reminded me of my own high school experience. 'Faint' describes the life of the depressed loner who always feels like a time bomb. 'Youth of the Nation' is about school shootings. And 'Jeremy' is about a student who committed suicide in front of his entire class. The following are the lyrics to these songs.



I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can’t help the fact that everyone can see
these scars
I am what I want you to want what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe
this is real
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I got

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't take this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

I am a little bit insecure a little unconfident
Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make
I am what you never wanna say but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear
me out
So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't take this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

Hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me, like it or not
Right now
Hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me, like it or not
Right now

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't take this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

I can't feel
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored



Last day of the rest of my life
I wish I would've known
Cause I didn't kiss my mama goodbye

I didn't tell her that I loved her and how much I care
Or thank my pops for all the talks
And all the wisdom he shared

Unaware, I just did what I always do
Everyday, the same routine
Before I skate off to school

But who knew that this day wasn't like the rest
Instead of taking a test
I took two to the chest

Call me blind, but I didn't see it coming
Everybody was running
But I couldn't hear nothing

Except gun blasts, it happened so fast
I don't really know this kid
Even though I sit by him in class

Maybe this kid was reaching out for love
Or maybe for a moment
He forgot who he was
Or maybe this kid just wanted to be hugged
Whatever it was
I know it's because

We are, We are, the youth of the nation

Little Suzy, she was only twelve
She was given the world
With every chance to excel

Hang with the boys and hear the stories they tell
She might act kind of proud
But no respect for herself

She finds love in all the wrong places
The same situations
Just different faces

Changed up her pace since her daddy left her
Too bad he never told her
She deserved much better

Johnny boy always played the fool
He broke all the rules
So you would think he was cool

He was never really one of the guys
No matter how hard he tried
Often thought of suicide

It's kind of hard when you ain't got no friends
He put his life to an end
They might remember him then

You cross the line and there's no turning back
Told the world how he felt
With the sound of a gat


Who's to blame for the lives that tragedies claim
No matter what you say
It don't take away the pain

That I feel inside, I'm tired of all the lies
Don't nobody know why
It's the blind leading the blind

I guess that's the way the story goes
Will it ever make sense
Somebody's got to know

There's got to be more to life than this
There's got to be more to everything
I thought exists




At home
Drawing pictures
Of mountain tops
With him on top
Lemon yellow sun
Arms raised in a V
Dead lay in pools of maroon below
Daddy didn't give attention
To the fact that mommy didn't care
King Jeremy the wicked
Ruled his world
Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today
Clearly I remember
Pickin' on the boy
Seemed a harmless little ****
But we unleashed a lion
Gnashed his teeth
And bit the recessed lady's breast
How could i forget
He hit me with a surprise left
My jaw left hurtin
Dropped wide open
Just like the day
Like the day i heard
Daddy didn't give affection
And the boy was something mommy wouldn't wear
King jeremy the wicked
Ruled his world
Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today
Try to forget this...
Try to erase this...
From the blackboard.


Bullying has existed since the beginning of man. But, today, especially in school bullying has seemed to escalate. There used to be a day in which teenagers would seek revenge with their fists, today they seek revenge through semi-automatics and even if they don’t follow through with it at least 14% have thought about it. I should know. I was part of that 14%.

Who’s to say what sets a particular person off and not the 77% of others who get bullied? I don’t have the answers. But, what I do know is that this problem is very real and still exists today, only most people push it to the side as just kids being kids. Maybe it was more innocent back in the day, but today is what counts. And today bullying is one of the primary factors that has led to teen suicide and school shootings. That is why I think it is essential to spread the message about what bullying is and the effects it has.

This special ‘Multus Tempestas’ episode has premiered on countless sites by now ranging from fanfiction sites to sites dealing with this specific issue. Our voices deserve to be heard, and if it’s one thing Columbine and other school shootings have taught us it’s that ignorance is not bliss- it’s dangerous. We are, we are the youth of the nation.


I have gathered the following stories about bullying that I believe to be particularly relevant.


Well as some of you know how it feels and some who don’t here’s my story:
hey I’m the person you don’t see, the person who’s nothing to you at least but to others I may be a some thin and an everything but to you I’m a nothing; someone to pick on; someone there in the crowd; the unknown person

I’m sure many of you get bullied or hurt so bad it sticks but I’m glad there is a page like this to write to tell your stories to FEEL LIKE YOU’RE NOT ALONE IN THIS STRUGLE WE CALL LIFE ... but we all know life isn’t always so bad. There has to be good sometimes but bullying takes that away; like it’s a bullet taking your life .. so if people hate hurt people so bad why do they bully????

because really they don’t know how it feels to be the other person; to be the nobody in other somebody’s eyes

to say these things hurts so much; to bring up the pain and the memories just reading what I wrote make me feel the pain and the hurt but I know that these things are not what I see in myself. To bully some one back I’d have to be stupid because if I know how it feels why would I do something that brings me sorrow to some other person I won’t and I know that ...but do others know what to do ??

I think its stupid to bully and to treat others like nothing but why do it is the question I wonder

thanks to ::::
to all the people who try to help to stop the bullying some of my teachers for help stop it and my friends who stood up for me ....all these mean that someone sees me and knows how I am and actually care how I feel at home at school or anywhere so I hope that people take this note and stop bullying or take I sec and realise you’re not alone I know it feels great to know people know how I feel and care......


People have hurt me all throughout life, and I have done nothing to stop them. The only thing that makes me happy is to think about how to hurt them back. Why is it that I think like this? Why are people so mean? Don''t you bullies know how BAD you make us hurt? Why don''t you CARE?


There is a kid named Boy1 and he keeps on bullying me. The school doesn''t do anything about it. Below is a copy of the statement that I emailed to my guidance counselor and the 3 Assistant Principals.

I have a problem that I would like the school to help me with.

Boy1 has been bullying me for quite a while now. Sometimes I try to ignore it, but Boy1 keeps on getting in my face. He has been bragging about how physical he is and how he is smarter than me and he keeps on saying,”Sam, you have no friends! People hate you.” He says that to me daily and I am sick and tired of hearing that. Sometimes he even says,”Have you ever thought about jumping off a bridge?” I’ve told the teacher and Boy1 lies and says that he was talking to me about bungee jumping. In Gym last week, he kept on bragging on how athletic he is and that he could beat me up easily because he is so strong.

About 2 months ago, Boy1 kicked me in Gym. After the gym class, I went right into Mr. X’s office and informed him of what happened. In front of Mr. X, Boy1 promised not to even say a word to me. But, he broke his promise. (Obviously). I cannot take anymore of this. I warned him that I would go to the office and tell an administrator what has been going on. He just keeps on saying, “I won’t get in trouble” and that he doesn’t care. I feel really bad when he insults me, and calls me names such as “******ed” and “stupid”. He keeps on calling me “Smart One” in sarcasm. In the past, he has told me that his dad works in a gun factory and that I would be the perfect moving target for him to shoot at. I felt very hurt by that, not to mention very scared.

I don’t deserve to be treated this way. It seems like as if I am the only one that he bullies. This is why I am informing you of this, because it’s very hard to ignore and I cannot take it any more. I discussed this problem with my parents and they are very concerned. I told them that I wanted to go to the principal about this and they encouraged me to. I am looking for help from the school.

And of course, the school’s done nothing about it. My parents want to take it to the police.

‘MI LIFe SuXs’

Bullying sucks. I’ve been bullied since grade 6. My teacher even bullied me; called me names in front of the whole class even the kids were laughing at me. Now I’m 15 turning 16. It’s got worse over the years I’ve been threatened with knives. I still get jumped I try to fight back and I do fight back but it just gets worse. Some of my friends killed themselves over bullying. We were supposed to stick together through high school but that didn’t happen. I’ve tried to kill myself over 13 times. I guess I’m just not supposed to die, I don’t know but I hope it stops.


Hi, I’ll leave my name anonymous, but I’m, 16 and from a small city in Ontario. Throughout my grade, 10 year, I had groups of girls, laugh and giggle and with the cruelest of intentions, insult, what I’m wearing, how I look, who I choose to hang around with, my family and who I am. I admit, I’m far from perfect, but I have worked extremely, hard to be where I’m at right now, and I am proud. This behaviour, and bullying, hasn’t lightened up at all, in fact got worse as time as progressed. I’m finding it harder and harder each day, to bite my tongue, I get home from school in tears so frustrated, and upset because, I think I’m doing something wrong, when merely I’m just being myself, and I just can’t seem to work up the courage, to stand up for myself. Some Teens, don’t seem to understand, how deep and hurtful just words alone can be, and unfortunately, I haven’t been able to express, that to them. I merely, attend school, watch the clock, praying that today, the group of girls that sit behind me or the group of guys, who walk by me, won’t taunt or make fun of me. I’m currently now in grade 11, and this hasn’t changed at all, and I’m slowly, running out of options, I can’t spend anymore nights frustrated in tears, or, even have one more thought of ditching, my school and family and city and running away. I need any help I can get or any suggestions please.. I can’t take teen cruelty anymore it hurts too badly.


When I was in grade 5, ppl started making fun of me, harassing me and never stopped at any point in time. At lunch the 6th gareds followed me around and called me zit face pizze face and more worse names. When I called the principal once, she tried suspending me for two weeks just because "theyre nice girls-you mustve done something very rude to tick them off" and that was my maddening moment. I actually had to wait for school to end and them to go to junior high before it ended. I had actually screamed in the lunchroom one day, it was terrible and I coudn''t take it.

My parents are starting to split up my friends are starting to get mad at me and I''m ban from seeing half my true friends bcuz they dont like my sister. What should I do? I want to hit these people but I''m repressed and I''m afraid that if I reach the appropriate anger level, I may really end up hurting someone! I mean giving them a black eye doesn''t seem like a bad idea, but I am scared that when I reach the anger level I never have before (the highest I''ve ever gone is yelling or dead silence in pure hatred) someone may even be killed when im older... help me.


Schools these days are falling apart these days... really badly. In Japan, where I live, there''s been lots of anti-bullying campaigns and tv shows... how can people be so stupid to make people die?

Now, the main story is, in school, I''m being called gay. And lesbian. And stupid. And by the way, I am a boy, a plain old teenage boy. People say I have no friends. I DO. And there''s this one person who stalks me and says all the nonsense. And he is one year younger than me, and is a total midget. That B******!!! So, I think I''ll tell the counselor... If the people call me a tattletale, I''ll just tell again... And again, and again, until they get sick of it... I''d rather run around the school with a rocket launcher and blowing people up, but it''d cause too much of a ruckus... And I am not willing to die.


As long as I can remember, I’ve been bullied. I can’t really think of a day at school when it hasn''t happened, seriously it happens every day. Just about everyone I come in contact with makes fun of me or pushes me around. This is what happens every day at school. Every chance they get they make fun of me. Even when I’m not talking they do it. It really hurts. I wouldn''t mind as much if the people who were doing it where doing it by themselves, but when other people, who aren''t making fun of me hear it, it makes me really sad. Like last Friday: people were making fun of me in class and someone said something really hurtful the whole class heard and they all laughed. Having 20+ people laughing at you really sucks. I felt like just snapping right there and killing them all. Why do people do this to me?? I never do anything to anyone I try to stick to myself. I have no one who would help me. I don’t have any friends, never have, so no one has ever stuck up for me. I skipped so many days of school because of this. One time a guy pushed me down some stairs and everyone laughed. I have been beaten up by 6 guys at once for no reason, During silent reading some guy yelled out something hurtful at me. I was eating lunch, minding to myself, when 3 guys came up to me and got my food and shoved it in my face. I got a water bottle thrown at my head. I have been spit on. I was reading a book in class and I looked up for one second and this really pretty girl told me not to look at her and slapped me when I wasn’t even looking at her! All this has happened in the past two weeks. I’m so sick of this.

For the past 8 years I have been dealing with this every day. I’m 17 years old btw. I don’t see why people need to do this to me every day, and I can’t see how these guys/girls can be so heartless. I have been depressed because of this for years. I can’t deal with this anymore, and I’m afraid I’m just going to commit suicide. I really have no reason to go on it’s really too painful. What I don’t understand is why people do this to me. I don’t go around these people… they come to me. I can be sitting down doing nothing and have guys come up to me and start making fun of me. I mean I’m not even talking and they do this! If I leave they will just follow me.

I have so much anger inside of me because of this, sometimes I feel like murdering everyone who makes fun of me, but I know I could never do that =\ I just wish it wouldn’t happen as much, it happens every day! Its’ more hurtful to me when girls make fun of me. I don’t mind getting beat up as much as I do being made fun of. I’m probably just going to commit suicide, I really can’t take it anymore and I have accepted death. This isn’t going to go away any time soon. It’s too painful to keep living. There is no other way I have no control on this. I can’t control other people’s actions and I think it’s my right to commit suicide. No one gives a crap about me. I have no friends I don’t get out at all and I’m a loser.

The way I see it I got two options: I can either bring a gun to school and start killing everyone that has made fun of me, maybe that way they would think twice before bullying kids like me unless they want someone like me to murder them in years to come. Or I can just kill myself now and be done with it.


Every day people laugh at me and I always ask them to quit but one day it went to far so I hit one of my bullies and knocked him out. All of his friends gathered around me and pushed me on the ground they all started to kick me and call me very hurt full things. They beat me so badly that my eyes were swollen shut for two weeks and one of my arms was broken. When it all healed I finally went back to school and they just all ignored me for a few weeks then they all started to make fun of me again. I told them not to do that and that they would pay so the next day my imaginary friend at the time (we don’t talk anymore for personal reasons) told me that I should just stab him once so I brought a knife to school and I brought it out to do it and got caught by our principal and kicked out of school. Now I work in a Wal-Mart and have no friends as usual before I was in the top ten percent of my class. Now I’m a bum; these bullies messed up my life.


Like many of the people who post their stories up here I have been bullied. I know the feeling of being all alone and the pain it causes on the inside and out. I used to be bullied by some older guys in another grade. They would call me things like "***" or "gay" which always seemed dumb to me. They would go up to just me and make fun of "only" me. I was very fun to be a punching bag i suppose. But I protested against it but it didn''t stop. I got confused and I didn''t know what to do. I had feelings inside that turned from sadness to rage. I wanted to kill them. I wanted to kill myself. But I''m gonna hold on cause i know things will get better. I''m holding on because I have a dream and I''m never giving up. So for all of you who feel like murdering your bullies or killing yourself you have to know its not worth it. I''m gonna survive and my prayers go out to those in my position.


Hello, my name is David. I am a Grade 10 student, going into Grade 11. My Grade 10 year ended up being the worst year of my life. My dad and I have moved a lot because of the way I was treated at other schools. I''m overweight, talk funny and have a little bit of a waddle to my walk. People have made fun of that from the get-go.

My father and I moved to a new city and I started at a new school, mid-way through the semester. That is where I met Boy1. He was in my health class and began making fun of me on the first day. At first it was harmless, but then it got worse.

One day, he and his buddies came up to me in the Cafeteria and began teasing me, trying to "get to know me" and "be nice" as they called it. In the end, the tricked me into sitting on an un-opened packet of chocolate pudding, which stained my brand-new pants. I had to walk around the rest of the day with a slimy brown stain on my behind. The humiliation was unbearable.

Things like that kept going on, but things soon took a turn for the worse. It was obvious that Boy1 was angry at something. He was getting more and more angry each day and it reflected in the way he treated me. One day, he cornered me in the stairwell, swearing loudly at me, simply because he told me to stay out of his sight. He threatened my life if he ever saw me again.

A few weeks later, he did see me again - in the halls, just as the bell rang. He and his buddy dragged me to the boys bathroom where I was brutally beaten up. I was kneed in the face, the gut, punched, kicked and almost choked to death. I passed out and don''t remember how it ended. I woke up when a teacher and a group of students were pulling me out of the bathroom. Something had happened that kept Boy1 from killing me when we were alone there in the bathroom.

I was hospitalized and became very sick and depressed. I hated myself. My dad kept me at home, comforting me. But one day, not long after, something miraculous happened. Boy1 came to my doorstop. My dad, though suspicious, let him in. Boy1 wanted to talk to me. He wanted to apologize. Never had I seen something like this from a human being. Here I was hating this guy, so angry and full of rage that I swore if I could walk, I would kill him - ... and all that changed, when he came to say he was sorry, begging for forgiveness.

The following are poems and stories that I discovered that are particularly exemplary of what many victims feel like on a daily basis…


I get tortured,
Every day,
By those people,
and what they say,
I sometimes feel like I''ve just fell,
I just want to say farewell,
Get it over with,
Just end the hell,
The darkness seems so friendly,
So happily calm
I don''t want to be me,
The darkness grows closer.
I accept the cold comfort as I fade away.
This is what you''ve done to me.


I’m tired of waiting around for the end, A hole that will never mend inside. I’m tired of living without a friend, I wish I could run and hide. I see you standing there laughing at me, Is my existence a big joke? Or is it something that I can’t see? From this nightmare I haven’t awoke. Everything I do is a mistake, This is the way it has to be. I won’t change and be another fake, I only know how to be me. I’m tired of the games that you play, And I’m tired of the things you say. You only fuel me with hate, I’m just a big loser to you. But don’t think I can’t retaliate, You know I could be violent too. I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know how to fight. Why go on when life is a chore? When no one cares about wrong or right. Someday you will find me, I’ll be dead man on the inside. Maybe someday you’ll finally see, I’m free way up in Heaven’s sky. ~This one is for the people~


I walk down the halls everyone looks away, talking,
I can’t hear them but I know what they say,
“What a freak, man he’s a loser.”
I try to tell the teachers but they alway’s say the same thing “Don’t worry I’ll take care of it.”
At times it only makes it worse.
What is it with me?
Is it the music I listen to? “No”
I listen to the same music as they do.
Is it what I wear? “NO”,
I have the same style as they do.
I know why, it’s because They Can.
No one will stop them, no one can.
What can I do?
I can’t keep living in fear, in fear of the bullies.
I guess I can live my life, but how can I?
The bullies have taken it away from me.
You may see me walking down the street with my head down,
Or hear me say a word every now and then,
But to me my heart is dead.


Feeling so unrecognized
Feeling like I am never seen
When I think I have been seen
Everything’s uncomfortable for me
Are they ****ing with me?
Are they wanting me to feel so un-content
I feel so unhappy every time I’m with them

Feeling like I can’t take this
Feeling like I must hide my face
Feeling there is no more space
I’ll never see their personal differences
Feeling so unrecognized

I have never been amazed
You have all been erased
Feeling so unrecognized

Something in my head
Something that can’t be fed
Is it time for it to entrap me
Anything would be better

Feeling like I can’t take this
Feeling like I must hide my face
Feeling there is no more space
I’ll never see their personal differences
Feeling so unrecognized

I have never been amazed
You have all been erased
Feeling so unrecognized

Bring me a new way of thinking
Bring me a way I can **ing
Leave these ***

The voice inside my head says **ing

Kill the **ers
My soul says suffer

Feeling like I can’t take this
Feeling like I must hide my face
Feeling there is no more space
I’ll never see their personal differences
Feeling so unrecognized

I have never been amazed
You have all been erased
Feeling so unrecognized

so unrecognized...


These bullies, especially the leaders, have to feel the pain the victim has been through
They have to hurt, cry, burn, and feel like every morning they are going to spew
They have to absorb the pain and suffering the other poor souls do
And get through everyday with someone teasing and harshly threatning you

Oh can't they see, through their obvious blind hearts
That these names and exclusion feel like darts
Piercing into your heart, in the pit of your emotions
So many people through their childhood year will never feel peer love or notions

Make them feel what has happened to you
What they have done
Make them be put through the tormenting
Make them
Force them
For that's what they deserve
And see if for them, it's fun

I can't believe the human race could be so mean
I can't
But it's true
And it's happened
And I pray
That some day
We will unite and show everyone
That being bullied
Isn't Fun



Help me…

I’m falling…

The mental confinements that hold together his sanity are weak and forever bending, his soul cracking as the darkness breaks through. It’s un-nerving to feel the black tendrils of peril snake around his broken heart and etch themselves into the shards of light that usually caress his spirit and define his personality, and even more nerve-wracking to wake up to a sepia-toned world where the shadows creep along the line of his existence and his downfall.

The soft beating of wings echo around the un-seen walls of his prison, and his mind tricks him into believing that an angel (his angel) is there to protect him from himself: but in an instant the sound ceases and the only beating to be heard is from his own heart. He curls up to himself more, and lets the salty water trickle down his pale cheeks and fall onto the pristine floor below.

I’m crying…

It hurts…

Please stop…

There is a voice, and it’s calling to him. Give up. He’s starting to obey it, but a single lock to his mind is still closed, and so the demon (his demon) cannot escape. The movement increases, stirring his mind into confusion. It’s still there. It’s always there; it breathes as he breathes, it thinks as he thinks and he lives as he lives; like his shadow it follows him in the day and frightens him at night, reducing his mentality to that of a small child.

It’s cracking evermore, and he grinds his teeth together in anguish. The screaming silence is deafening, and he is unable to block it out; no matter how hard he tries. Clamping tender hands over bleeding ears, he rocks rhythmically not unlike a psycho in an institute. It calms his nerves, and through half-lidded eyes his pupils retract back to their original size.

It’s over…

It’s over…

It’s never over…

They contract again, almost to the point where they are slits. They tint crimson, and the almond shape of the outline sharpens, as his hair grows ragged of its own accord. Everything changes, and he thinks the only reason he is here is to house the voice and lend it his body. The lock is breaking: and the darkness is winning. Give up. No, he can’t, because he has to live. He has too. Didn’t he have a life once? Before the cutting, and the slashing, the bruises and the torture; didn’t he once live?

The only remains of life that hang around his feeble frame is the slow moving of his bony chest and the weak beating of his heart against his brittle ribs, along with his weary eyes which have been robbed of colour and the subtle twitching of his scrawny limbs. Depicting his life from his other’s was an almost impossible task; they were practically one.

What’s happening …

Let go…

Leave me…

No, he can’t leave, because he lives there now. He feeds off of his angst and is fuelled by his fear: and he knows that he can’t stop himself from feeling these things. The dark is blinding, and he finds himself being engulfed by its presence. It’s blackening his soul, and destroying his presence.

Everyone ignores him; they’re afraid. Everyone is. He could switch at anytime, and that’s why he keeps himself to himself. The faster he ends his life, the faster he ends it’s life, and everyone won’t have to hide away like frightened rabbits anymore. He doesn’t want them to hide like he does. They can’t see the goodness in him anymore: while he strays to the darkness, they dwell in the light.

Don’t! …

Don’t! …

I have too…

The pressure is building, and he shudders against the steel at his throat. The darkness is pressing; trying to stop him, but he won’t. He can’t stop, and he is moving slowly, like he wants the moment to last. It’s biting at his skin and breaking the surface, beads of blood roll like the tears before them. His hand is shaking, but he continues, and the voice is shouting. It’s trying to control him, but he retaliates.

He pushes, and it gushes. His eyes are slipping shut, and the voice is becoming faint and fuzzy. The beating of his heart slows, and his breathing becomes shallow. It hurts; but he is in so much pain, he cannot feel anymore. The darkness is fading, and he knows that he has won this time as the tendrils retaliate and the mental chains break.

And for the first time in a while, he is smiling.

It’s not twisted, or malice filled, or even happy, it’s one of relief, and he wants to enjoy every moment of it. The voice is gone, but his life is slipping. Good bye, everything. He doesn’t need life, if he has his sanity. He’s free. Finally free.

Sorry, everyone, everything. Sorry for the pain he caused you, or the people he hurt.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.


Portraits of pain,
Filling my head,
Overcome by black emotion,
Engulfing my spirit,
The visions are back,
Haunting me is my past,
Wishing it would go away,
Wanting it to leave me be,
The taunts and pain killing me,
As it has done in the past,
Time has not dulled this,
As fresh as before, my wounds weep,
Cutting through me like a blunt knife,
Worn by time, but still striking at me,
Scarring my soul as they did my flesh back then,
I remember this feeling throbbing within me,
The vision as clear as the morning,
Screaming, I try to forget them again,
To send them into the abyss once more,
I can’t let them take over,
I won’t let them rule me again,
I try to suppress my inner pain,
I struggle to quash my most painful memories,
Memories - ten years on





The following is an account of what Columbine High School was like prior to the shootings, an account of the shooter's lives up to the shooting, exemplary entries in their journals that were released to the public in July, 2006 and documentaries that cover all aspects of the event.

One thing that I know is going to be called into question is my view points on the event. I do understand where these guys come from because I've had much similar thoughts during my teenage years, thinking that revenge would make everything better. But I'm happy that I restrained myself from going as far as they did because it was absolutely the WORST CHOICE they could have made. This tragedy, in my opinion and as stated by others, could have been prevented if someone had just listened to them and been there for them like Dean was for Josh. I consider everyone who died that day a victim, those who were killed and the shooters. As people in the field have sometimes stated this event should be looked at as a suicide pact, taking people out with them before they died. And personally I consider any loss a tragedy, they weren't monsters- just lost confused teenagers who had difficulty distinguishing between reality and their fantasies for revenge. And as you could see above, Eric and Dylan were not the only ones who thought about it- they were, however, one of the few who acted upon it. For them, there was no reset button. The shooting occurred on April 20, 1999 and in the end they committed suicide. 15 dead. 15 victims.


Bullying at Columbine High was rampant, witnesses testified Monday, and victims' parents were shocked that the principal has said there were no danger signs leading to the shooting.

"All I could say for my friend Frank (DeAngelis) was, he must have been worried about his job," said Dawn Anna, the mother of slain student Lauren Townsend and a girls volleyball coach at Columbine. "There are too many people worried about their jobs, and not enough worried about taking care of innocent children."

Anna and about a dozen others made their comments Monday before the Governor's Columbine Review Commission. The families of other Columbine victims and members of the public also spoke.

It was the first time the board has taken public comments.

Jefferson County Schools spokeswoman Marilyn Saltzman said the district was not lax in dealing with problems.

"When we are aware of any incident of bullying..." Saltzman said, "we deal with it."

A painstaking investigative report by the Washington Post describes pre-massacre Columbine as filled with social vinegar. The high school was dominated by a "cult of the athlete." In this distorted environment, a coterie of favored jocks—who wore white hats to set themselves apart—consistently bullied, hazed, and sexually harassed their classmates while receiving preferential treatment from school authorities.

Other students hated the abuses of the "steroid poster boys" but could do little. A former student testified, "Pretty much everyone was scared to take them on; if you said anything, they'd come after you, too."

Here is more of what the Post found was going on at Columbine:

Bullying was rampant and unchecked. For instance, a father told Post reporters about two athletes mercilessly bullying his son, a Jew, in gym class. They sang songs about Hitler, pinned the youngster to the ground, did "body twisters" on him until he was black-and- blue, and even threatened to set him on fire. The father reported the bullying to the gym teacher, but it continued. When the father took his complaint to the guidance counselor, he said, he was told, "This stuff can happen." The outraged father had to complain to the school board to get relief for his son.

Athletes convicted of crimes were neither suspended from games nor expelled from school. The homecoming king, a star football player, was on parole for burglary yet still permitted to play. Columbine's state wrestling champ was allowed to compete despite being on court-ordered probation, and school officials did nothing when he regularly parked his $100,000 Hummer all day in a fifteen-minute parking space.

Sexual harassment by athletes was common and ignored. For example, when a girl complained to her teacher that a football player was making lewd comments about her breasts in class, the teacher, also a football and wrestling coach, suggested she change her seat. When an athlete loudly made similar comments at a Columbine wrestling match, the girl complained to the coach. He suggested she move to the other side of the gym. Finally, the girl complained to a woman working at a concession stand, who called police. The next day a school administrator tried to per suade the girl's mother to drop the charges, telling her that press ing them would prevent the boy from playing football. When the youngster was found guilty, he still was permitted to play.

This was the high school Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold had attended prior to the school shooting


Eric was always described as a smart, kind and computer savvy kid who was never accepted in school because he was considered to be different. Due to his father’s role in the military his family had to move around on numerous occasions. Eric’s baseball coach in New York remembers Eric as the timid player who wouldn’t swing when it was his turn to bat, “He was afraid to strike out and let his teammates down. It struck me as him really wanting to fit in.”

Dylan was said to be shy, smart, but an unrepentant slacker who enjoyed video games. His friends remember him as being a kind kid who never fit in at school while his classmates describe him as "the least violent person they've ever known".

Eric and Dylan met each other in the final years at Ken Caryl Middle School. And they went on to attend Columbine High School together. During their freshman year they were good friends with their classmates and fit in to the environment. "That's back when they were just like everybody else", said classmate Katie Rutledge. "They dressed normal, I'd even say preppie."

But, everything changed at the beginning of their sophomore year. Eric felt mistreated at school, especially by a small group of jocks (athletes), and he felt ignored by teachers and administrators. It was in this period of his life that Eric and Dylan started hanging out with a group who's members was united by their differences. This angry and rebellious group would later become known all over the U.S. as the "Trench Coat Mafia". Fellow classmate Ryan Whisenhut was caught off guard by this sudden change in Eric, “he just sort of changed. He gave you this look like he could kill you.”

There was only one teacher Eric ever showed a real connection with, his English professor Jason Webb. Classmate Jeni LaPlante claimed, “he even gave Mr. Webb a Christmas present.”

Eric and Dylan started to work at a local pizza joint, Blackjack Pizza, at the end of their sophomore year. “Eric was nice and talkative and funny and just a cool guy,” Sara Arbogast, a co-worker and classmate of Eric and Dylan said. “He never expressed any hate toward anything, just normal teen-age angst. A lot of people say they don’t like school. I said it all the time.” Kim, another fellow co-worker and classmate recounts that Dylan was often very shy, “we would get into massive food fights or water fights. He wasn’t into playing with us. If you would ask him something embaressing he’d turn red and give you this little grin.”

Kim and Sara grew closer to Eric and he often complained that some jocks were bullying him. Sara never witnessed any of the taunting, but she did take note that the classmates did give Eric weird looks, she believes it may have been the way he dressed. Kim, another friend and co-worker of Eric’s stated, “no one gave him a chance.” Kim and Sara would often invite Eric to hang out with them, but many times he refused afraid that he wouldn’t fit in.

Meanwhile, Dylan formed friendships in the theater group. Sarah Slater kept in contact with Dylan feeling a connection with him, “I liked him. He was really shy, although he wasn’t that shy with me.” Whey they came home from the theater at nights they spent hours communicating by e-mail; “Just when I talked to him, I don’t know it was like he would end the conversation with, ‘**** the school’”, Sarah said. “If I asked how he was doing he’d say ‘I wish I didn’t go here’, or ‘I wish I was somewhere else.’ Dylan rarely dated due to his shyness, waiting for girls to approach him rather than the other way around.

Eric did join Kim and Sara and their friends’ homecoming night of their junior year. When they arrived to pick Eric up, they had to wait 10 minutes until his mother came home. “He didn’t want to leave without her knowing where he was,” Kim recounts, “he didn’t want her to worry.”

Brooks Brown had been a friend of Eric’s for several years when Eric suddenly started to behave weirdly. Eric had blamed Brooks for vandalizing a classmate’s house. But, Brooks was with his parents when the vandalizing supposedly occurred and Judy Brooks reported Eric to the local authorities. Eric was furious. One day as Brooks was driving by the bus stop near his house, Eric threw a chunk of ice, breaking his windshield. Brooks told his mother who immediately drove to the bus stop and confronted Eric telling him that she was going to speak with his mother. Eric chased her back to her car, grabbing on and screaming with his face turning red. He reminded her of an animal attacking a vehicle at a wild-animal park.

Eric’s father called Judy later; “he said his son was afraid of me and that’s why he was hanging on the door handle,” Judy Brown said, “I said ‘Your son’s not afraid. Your son is terrifying. Your son is violent.” Following the discussion Eric was forced to apologized by his parents, Judy however did not buy into it, “I said, ‘Stay away from my kids.’ I just had a feeling about him at this point.”

In March of 1998, Brooks came home from Columbine and told his parents that a friend (Dylan) had tipped him off about a web site Eric had made. However, he promised Dylan that he wouldn’t tell his parents who told him because he was afraid that Eric would harm him.

"I'm the law, if you don't like it, you die. If I don't like you or I don't like what you want me to do, you die. God I can't wait till I can kill you people. Now our only problem is to find the place that will be ground zero."

One night Dylan brought a pipe bomb in to work at Blackjacks Pizza and the manager wrote him up and told him to never do that again. Shortly afterward, Dylan quit Blackjack. After his Junior Year, Eric also quit Blackjacks Pizza for a job at Tortilla Wraps; “He was a real nice kid,” David Crave, Eric’s employer, stated, “he would come in every day with nice t-shirts, khaki shorts, sandals. He was kind of quiet, but everyone got along with him.”

In Brook’s senior year, he found himself in two classes with Eric. The two hadn’t talked since the incident. They decided to patch things up, mostly for Dylan’s sake. That way, Eric could go along if Brooks invited Dylan for a smoke. Dylan wouldn’t feel torn between his two friends. Brooks shook his family up one night when he announced at the dinner table that he and Eric were friends again stating, “he’s changed.”

Eric and Dylan decided to take more cerebral courses in their final year at school; psychology and creative writing. In most of Eric’s homework one theme was prominently dominant: guns. As part of Eric’s government and economics class, students marketed a product and made a video of it. “His product was the Trench Coat Mafia Protection Service, “classmate Matt Cornwell said. “Dylan was not in the class, but he was in the video. If you paid $5 they would beat someone up for you. If you paid them $10 they would shoot somebody for you. There were some pretty crazy products. Some people did Hit Man For Hire. Most of them were funny. This wasn’t funny at all. After it was over, everybody was like, ‘Whoa, that was weird’.”


Eric and Dylan broke into a car, hauled a briefcase, electrical gear and sunglasses out of the van, then took off in Eric’s car. They parked off Deer Creek Canyon Road to check out the loot. Minutes later, a Jefferson County sheriff’s deputy confronted them. Both insisted they found the property stacked by the roadside. They were arrested, charged with theft, criminal mischief and criminal trespassing then released to their none-too-happy parents. Judge John DeVita, unaware that Jefferson County detectives had just received information about other criminal activities by Eric and Dylan, sentenced them to community service and counseling. This report contained, among other things, information that they were sneaking out at night and setting off homemade bombs; the detectives knew this because Eric bragged about it in one of his web sites.

Five months prior to the shooting, Eric’s friend Brenda remembers that he looked depressed, “He just said he was bummed out. I asked what about and he wouldn’t tell.”

During an optional session of students sharing their dream, Eric recounted a dream in which he shot up a mall. To psychology teacher Tom Johnson, Eric’s dream wasn’t much weirder than a lot of others that landed on his desk, “it occurred in a mall and the boys were being put upon by someone, and they retaliated. Whenever there are guns involved, there’s anger. But it didn’t strike me as being particularly obsessive or compulsive. You do 100 dreams a day and many of them are in the same ilk.”

April 17, 1999, just days before the shooting, was prom night for Columbine. Robyn and Dylan went together, friends of them said they hold each other's hands, and that Dylan looked like he was in a really good mood. He even talked about everyone staying in touch after he went for college in three months. As a senior, Dylan was out of class by 1 p.m. He often came straight home and spent time with his dad, who worked out of the house. Tom treasured that time. He thought he and Dylan had grown extremely close.

But, within days it was NBK. April 20, 1999. The day of the worst high school shooting in history… The Columbine Massacre.

Eric and Dylan skipped the classes they had before lunch. Then, at 11.00 am, they finally arrived. Brooks Brown, who had walked outside for a cigarette, saw Eric and confronted him in the parking lot, telling him he was an idiot for missing an important test that morning. “It doesn’t matter anymore,” Eric told him. “I like you Brooks. Get out of here.”

A few minutes later, Eric and Dylan screamed “Death to the jocks” as they gunned down their classmates at random. Laughing and acting as though it was one giant video game. Only this time there was no reset button. 13 Had died.

With the arrival of the police, the "fun and games" had come to an end. They stayed together in their final moments as they began to count to three aiming the guns towards their heads… “One! Two! Three!” BANG. Eric and Dylan committed suicide. Columbine claimed 15 victims that day, 14 students and one teacher.







The human race sucks; human nature is smothered out by society, jobs, and work and school. Instincts are deleted by laws. I see people say things that contradict themselves, or people that don’t take any advantage of the gift of human life. They waste their minds on memorizing the stats of every college basketball player or how many words should be in a report when they should be using their brain on more important things. The human race isn’t worth fighting for anymore. WWII was the last war worth fighting and was the last time human life and human brains did any good and made so proud. Now with the government having scandals and conspiracies all over they ****ing place and lying to everyone all the time and with worthless pointless mindless disgraceful TV shows on and with everyone ub-****ing-sessed with Hollywood and beauty and fame and glamour an politics and anything famous, people just aren’t worth saving. Society may not realize what is happening but I have; you go to school to get used to studying and learning how you’re “supposed to” so that draws or filters out a little bit of human nature. But those after your parents taught you what’s right and wrong even though you may think differently, you still must follow the rules. After school you are expected to get a job, go to college, to have more of your human nature blown out your ass. Society tries to make everyone act the same by burying all human nature and instincts.

That’s what school, laws, jobs and parents do. If they realizing it or not and then, the few who stick to their natural instincts are casted out as psychos or strangers or just plain different. Crazy, strange, weird, wild, these words are not bad or degrading if humans were let to live how we would naturally it would be chaos and anarchy and the human race wouldn’t probably last that long, but hey guess what that’s how it’s supposed to be!!! Societies and governments are over-rated. To have order and calmness which is exactly the opposite of pure human nature. Take away all your laws and morals and just see what you can do if the government was one entity it would be thinking “hey lets make some order here and calm these crazy ****s down so we can be one structure and fight other governments in our own little so called safe created ‘civilized world’ and get rid of all those damn instincts everyone has!” Well ****, I’m too tired write anymore insights, so until next time, **** you all!


It has been confirmed after getting my yearbook watching people like --- and --- the human race isn’t worth fighting for, only worth killing. Give the Earth back to the animals, they deserve it infinitely more than we do. Nothing means anything anymore, most quotes are worthless, especially the rearranged ones like “don’t fight your enemies, make your enemies fight” you know quotes that use the same phrase just rearranged.

People say “you shouldn’t be different.” To me, and 1st I say first you don’t tell me what I should and shouldn’t be and 2nd mother ****ers different is good, I don’t want to be like you or anyone which is almost impossible this day with all the little ****s trying to be “original copycats,” I expect ****s like you to criticize anyone who isn’t one of your social words; “normal” or “civilized” all you degrading worthless ****s all caught up and brainwashed into the 90’s society. “What? You AREN’T going to college, are you crazy?” holy **** that is one ****ing BIG quote that just proves my point. Step back and look at yourselves ****ers. I dare you, maybe I’ll get lucky and you’ll step back too far like Nick in Elms with the same consequences.


Humans have the ability to choose and if I’m human, I think I will choose to kill and damage as must as nature allows me to so take that! **** you. HA! Only nature can stop me. I know I could get shot by a cop after only killing a single person, but hey guess the **** WHAT! I chose to kill that one person so get over it! It’s MY fault! Not my parents, not my brothers, not my friends, not my favorite bands, not computer games, not the media, it is MINE! So shut the **** up.


Someone’s bound to say “what were they thinking?” when we go NBK or when we were planning it, so this is what I am thinking, “I have a goal to destroy as much as possible so I must not be sidetracked by my feelings of sympathy, mercy or any of that, so I will force myself to believe that everyone is just another monster from Doom like FH or FS or demons, so It’s either me or them. I have to throw off my feelings. Keep this in my mind, I want to burn the world, I want to kill everyone except about 5 people, who I will name later, so if you are reading this you are lucky you escaped my rampage because I wanted to kill you. It will be very tricky getting all of our supplies, explosives, weapons, ammunition, and then hiding it all and then actually planting it all as we can achieve our goal. But if we get busted any time, we start killing then and there, just like wilks from the ALIENS books, I aint going out without a fight.

Once I finally start my killing, keep this in mind, there are probably about 100 people max in the school alone who I don’t want to die, the rest, MUST ****ING DIE! If I didn’t like you or if you pissed me off and lived through my attacks; consider yourself one lucky god damn ******. Pity that a lot of the dead will be a waste in someway, like dead hot chicks who were still *****es, they could have been good ****s. Oh well, too ****ing bad. Life isn’t fair… not by a long ****in shot when I’m at the wheel.


Everyone is always making fun of me because of how I look, how ****ing weak I am and ****, well I will get you all back! Ultimate ****ing revenge here. You people could have shown more respect, treated me better, asked for my knowledge or guidance more, treated me more like a senior and maybe I wouldn’t have been as ready to tear your ****ing head off. Then again, I have always hated how I looked, I make fun of people who look like me, sometimes without even thinking sometimes just because I want to rip on myself. That’s where a lot of my hate grows from, the fact that I have practically no self-esteem, especially concerning girls and looks and such. Therefore people make fun of me...constantly…Therefore I get no respect and therefore I get ****ing PISSED. As of this date I have enough explosives to kill almost 100 people and then if I get a couple bayonets, swords, whatever. I will be able to kill at least 10 more and that just isn’t enough!


This is the beginning to make me get in a corner. I’m showing too much of myself, my views and thoughts, people might start to wonder, smart ones will get nosey and something might happen to fade me over, I might need to put on one helluva mask here to fool you all some more. ****. ****. ****. It’ll be very ****ing hard to hold out until April. If people would give me more compliments all of this might still be avoidable… but probably not. Whatever I do people make fun of me, and sometimes directly to my face. I’ll get revenge soon enough. ****ers shouldn’t have ripped on me so much huh! HA! Then again it’s human nature to do what you did… so I guess I’m also attacking the human race. I can’t take it; it’s not right… true… correct… perfect. I ****ing hate the human equation.


Right now I’m trying to get ****ed and trying to finish off these time bombs. NBK came quick, why the **** can’t I get any? I mean, I’m nice and considerate and all that ****, but nooo. I think I try too hard. But I kinda need to considering NBK is closing in. The amount of dramatic irony and foreshadowing is ****ing embarrassing. Everything I see and hear I incorporate into NBK somehow.

I hate you people for leaving me out of so many fun things. And don’t ****ing say, “well that’s your fault” because it isn’t, you people had my phone #, and I asked and all, but no. No no no don’t let the weird looking Eric KID come along, ooh ****ing nooo.


- When there is a group of trendy punk like little smart asses stand in the middle of a hallway or walkway, and they are just STANDING there talking and blocking my way!!! Bloody snotty people think they are god almighty and can just stop and talk away wherever or whenever they please, learn some manners, you stuck up people!!!
- When people don’t watch where THEY ARE GOING! Then they plow into me and say “oops, sorry” or “watch it!” NNNYAAA!!! Like it couldn’t be their fault that we collided. Oh heaven forbid your holy graciousness being the cause of something baaaaad…..RRRRRR!!!!


I will sooner die than betray my own thoughts, but before I leave this worthless place, I will kill who ever I deem unfit for anything at all especially life and if you pissed me off in the past, you will die if I see you because you might be able to piss off others and have it eventually all blow over, but not me. I don’t forget people who wronged me. Like ---, he will never get a chance to react. This is because he will be dead by me before this is discovered.


I am the gun. A wildey 45 semi-automatic. I am god. I kill people. I was never made for hunting just to kill humans. When someone needs to die, I kill them. There was this bald guy once. He was gay and arrogant and superficial. I had a false saga of power. I blew off his head with 1 shot. I am god. He died.

Black. I am purity. Darkness. Romanticism. Professionalism. Existence. Compliance. Power. Pain. Everything is black. I am everything.


“The reason people piss me off is to test my trigger finger and my adrenaline.”


We the gods, will have SO much fun with NBK falling enemies, blowing up stuff, KILLING COPS!! My wrath for January’s incident will be godlike. Not to mention our revenge in the commons. GAWWD SOOO Many people need to die and Now.


Oooh god I HATE my life, I want to die really bad right now- let’s see what I have that’s good: a nice family, a good house, food, a couple good friends, and possessions. What’s bad- no girls (friends or girl friends), no other friends except a few, nobody accepting me even though I want to be accepted, me doing badly and being intimidated in any and all sports. Me looking weird and acting shy- BIG problem, me getting bad grades, having no ambition of life that’s the big ****. Anyway…

I don’t know what I do wrong with people– it’s like they are set out to hate and ignore me.


Nobody will help me… only exist in me if it suits them. I helped, why can’t they? --- will get me a gun, I’ll go on my killing spree against anyone I want. More crazy. Deeper in the spiral, lost highway repeating dueling on the beautiful past. While everyone moves up, I always stayed. Abandonment. This room shy, wanna die.


Its interesting when I’m in my human form, knowing I’m going to die. Everything has a touch of triviality to it like how none of this calculus **** matters the way it shouldn’t. The truth. In 26.5 hours I’ll be dead and in happiness. The little zombie human ***s will know their errors and be forever suffering and mournful. HAHAHA of course I will miss something… not really.


Click on the links below to watch the documentaries.


The following are films, a collection of clips, and music videos from the various school shooting films and television episodes throughout the years. These are the videos I watched that inspired me to write 'Teenage Wasteland.'

Click on the links below:













Greg has been brought in as a possible third suspect due to his online video game where players can shoot up the school that went online just prior to the school shooting.

LAWYER: My client already told you he had nothing to do with the attack on the school.

DON: Your client was in possession of a semi-automatic weapon. A gun that was part of a collection of guns that were owned by Justin Price's uncle.

LAWYER: Which doesn't prove a thing unless that gun was used in the attack.

DON: Why'd you have it?

LAWYER: You don't have to answer that.

GREG: No. No, it's okay I want to answer it. Justin gave me the gun, we'd go off into the woods, we'd fire off a couple of rounds at cans and stuff.

MEGHAN: And while you were out there no one ever mentioned going and shooting up the school?

LAWYER: That, I won't let him answer.

DON: You bought a device to hack into the school's database to steal blueprints, we have your name right here. We traced it to you. That's your name, isn't it?

GREG: Those blue-prints were for my game. For authenticity.

DON: For authenticity? What the? Wake up. These were kids you went to school with who were shot in cold blood. Authenticity?

GREG: It wasn't me!

MEGHAN: But, I bet you hated them- didn't you?

GREG: Look, why don't you guys try living with it every day. The way they look at you. Like you're not even there.

MEGHAN: So you took your revenge?

GREG: It was Paul and Justin.

MEGHAN: But, you wish it was you. Don't you?

Greg doesn't respond.

LAWYER: I think we're done here.

It was later found out that Greg 100% was not the third shooter.


Bang, Bang You're Dead
Some of you may be asking why I would write about such a topic. For me the answer is simple, to get the message across to people before it's too late. High School shooters primarily act out of revenge, out of being alienated for most of their life and see this as being the only way out. Only after you leave do you realize that there is a world beyond high school and that doing something as scary as a school shooting would be the absolute worst choice any one could ever make.

I believe that the more people hear about the subject in films, episodes, plays, etc. the more possible it is that a solution will be found to ending school shootings. Even though I thought about it back then, I'm just as scared as the rest of you are at the way things have been going lately and found it as the best time to come forward with all of this.

I was there, I was on the edge and I know what put me there. These teenagers can still be helped, all they need is to be listened to. You stop zeroing in on them, labeling them monsters, committing them to zero policy and instead reach out a helping hand to help guide them and help them make it through the teenage wasteland the less likely these occurrences will become.

So in other words, this whole episode was for me to put my opinion out there on the subject. Whether or not people agree with me is up to them. And I hope the episode sparks a conversation because the more we talk about it, the more focus we put on these occurrences rather than just chalking it up to kids suddenly snapping out of no where the higher chance we have of stopping it.

This is my 'Elephant,' 'Zero Day' and 'Bang, Bang You're Dead.' What you take from this episode and information is up to you.

But, hopefully some day soon school shootings will be a thing of the past. If we find a way to make teenage years easier and less of a wasteland, the less school shootings and teenage suicides.

The problem can be fixed, people just need to open their eyes to the bigger picture. Kids don't just snap, their fuse is just constantly lit until eventually- it explodes.

- Troubled_Josh

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