The Gold Hornet

donaldthe3rd

Civilian
Joined
Nov 5, 2006
Messages
553
Reaction score
0
Points
11
For those who have read some of my threads before, you could say that my early superheroes were to much like already made heros. So thats why I've made one that i know is like none other. This is the Gold Hornet:

Real Name-- Franklin Brown
Aliases-- None

Identity-- Secret

Occupation-- Detective

Citizenship-- American

Place of Birth-- Chicago, Illinois

Known Relatives-- Unknown

Group Affiliation-- None

Education-- 12 years of grade school and 6 years of university


Height-- 6'6
Weight-- 175

Eyes--
Green
Hair-- Brown


Powers Able to telepathically talk to insects. Can sprout insect-like wings at will, which reside on his back. Has one one foot long stinger which he can release at the end of each hand, when used in combat produce a parilyzing venom. He also has super-endurance, speed and strength. He also can stick to surfaces for a short time
Abilities
Genius level I.Q., with intense training in hand-to-hand combat. Also is an acomplished inventor.
Weapons
none
Paraphernalia
none


Born into an extremely wealthy family, Franklin Brown's powers started to appear a very young age. When he was five he could telepathically talk to insects but had a better handle on talking to bees and hornets. As Franklin grew older, his powers grew to the point where they had appeared on a school field trip to an observatory tower in the Rockie Mountains. When at the top of the observatory tower, a young, uncarefull student was leaning on the hand rail by the edge, and unfortunately the rail gave out and the student was only clinging to the edge of the tower. Franklin rushed to the edge trying his best to pull the student up but failed as she had slipped out of his hands and fell. Franklin jumped out after her thinking that maybe he could cushion her fall but in the nick of time he sprouted wings from the back of his shoulder blades and caught her before she met the ground.
When they had landed Franklin was unsure at first what had happened as the rest of his classmates, teachers and tour guides rushed to the scene. Franklin not wanting them to see him in this state as to having his wings still out in sight, he flew off into the near by city. When he finally landed, he found himself at the scene of a burglary at a corner store. Knowing that he could not stand by and watch, he pursued the burglers. He chased them down the street into a nearby alleyway wear they drew their guns, and began to shoot at him.
Franklin swooped up into the air, dodging theirs attacks and then back down towards them in a reply. But just before he had got to them, his forearms felt sore and stiff, and one long bone-like stinger appeared at the back of each hand. Franklin swung at them and cut them just slightly. Soon after the burglers fell to the ground in a alomst parilyzed state. Franklin grabbed their duffle bag of stolen money and returned it to the shop owner.
Franklin still not sure what was happening to him he returned on his own back to his home in Chicago. Wanting to get his mind on something else, he turned on his T.V and watched the news where he had seen terrible tradgedies in his own home town. Wanting to change this all for the better, and had seen himself what he could do, Franklin adopted the name the Gold Hornet and a colorful green, gold and yellow costume.
On his first night out as the Gold Hornet, Franklin was flying the skies high above Chicago still trying to get use to his powers, when he heard the high pitched sound of police sirens. He followed the sounds and soon the lights to a savagely burning apartment. With confidence that he could not fail, he flew past the crowded fire trucks and into the inferno. He searched the hallways and rooms but found no one. Thinking that the building was empty he began to take off, but suddenly heard the faint sound of distress down below him. He made his way down to the faint hollers for help and found an elderly man trapped by the fire and smoke. Franklin helped him out of the burning apartment and carried him outside.
Franklin left the man in the care of the ambulance workers who rested him in the back of the ambulance. But sadly it was to late and the old man had died because of the smoke fumes he had breathed in for such a long time.
Feeling like the death of the old man was his own fault, he flew off into the night. He perched himself on top of a church , where he could still witness the building burn to the ground and the police and fire fighters sirens and lights, roar and flash throughout the city. As he watched the fire burn away the building and the police drive away he swore to himself that he would never fail again and to protect all those innocent. And with that he flew off into the darkness, only to continue his heroism by the promise he made to himself.
 
You might want to consider changing the name "gold" hornet, it sounds too much like "green" hornet.
 
Humbug (Heroes for Hire) can talk to insects

Wasp (Mighty Avengers) has wings on her back

Spider-Man has toxic stingers, has enhanced strength and can stick to surfaces (lame-ass the Other storyline gave him the stingers)

Basically every hero that has powers has superspeed, strength and endurance.

His story and origin just seem to be lacking. Like why does he want to be a hero when he has lame powers?

Your characters still fail in originality.
 
Have you ever noticed how your so negative all of the time? And its not similar to any one character. Your just going through a variety of bug-like super heroes and you dont have one specific character who is completely similar from head to toe to mine.
 
donaldthe3rd said:
Have you ever noticed how your so negative all of the time? And its not similar to any one character. Your just going through a variety of bug-like super heroes and you dont have one specific character who is completely similar from head to toe to mine.

You'll thank me :o
 
Doubt it but who knows, anywho I'd like some feedback on what people think besides that hippie guy.
 
Sounds to much like Spider-man to me. Why don't you try something new? Think outside the box of Marvel and DC.
 
how does he sound like spider-man? the guy doesnt shoot webs , he isnt about spiders, he doesnt wear red and blue leotards.
 
I think he has too much going for him in the way of powers and abilities; not only is he REALLY smart (you said he is a genius), but he also is a master of hand to hand combat, and as a lot of other "bug" related powers as well.

Perhaps make him more average and then give him some powers, but try to stay away from powers that have been done before. It seems like your crossing ant-man and the wasp here. Trying doing something original, maybe don't even given him the whole spandex costume angle, make him an average guy who gets mutate in some way and has to deal with his new abnormality. I don't know, but from the last few heroes that you have created, it just seems like you are trying to take pieces from exiting characters and mold them together.

Originality is the key. Trying coming up with a background for the character, then work on his powers.
 
Yeah I guess that might work, and I do have to work on those other ones Ive made. But i dont remeber putting in that hes a genius, or the hand to hand combat stuff?:S. But ill go through it and do him over again then post whats changed.
 
Ok now, I took your advice and did him over taking away some powers and changing the story to make sense of why he would want to become a superhero. I've changed his name to just simply the Hornet.

Real Name-- Franklin Brown
Aliases-- None

Identity-- Secret
Occupation--Part Time Musician
Citizenship-- American

Place of Birth-- Chicago, Illinois
Known Relatives-- Unknown
Group Affiliation-- The Boulevard Street Gang
Education-- 4 years of high school


Height-- 6'6
Weight-- 175

Eyes--
Green
Hair-- Brown


Powers--Can sprout insect-like wings at will, which reside inside his back. Has one, one foot long stinger which he can release at the end of each hand, when used in combat produce a paralyzing venom. Low level telepath.
Abilities--Excellent musician, though only plays on the odd occasion.
Weapons--none


Born into an extremely wealthy family, Franklin Brown's powers started to appear a very young age. When he was five he started to realize that he could read others thoughts but had a hard handle controlling it. Though when confronted his parents about this they just ignored him. As Franklin grew older, he grew up into the wrong crowd. He joined a shunned group of teens who formed a street gang, The Boulevard Street Gang . He and his fellow gang member had stolen cars, robbed stores and had committed other felons, but it had never occurred to his parents that this was going on. But soon joining this group of misfits he turned away from them and tried to do the better for his life, but could not get over all of the crimes he had committed. His powers grew to the point where they had appeared on a school field trip to an observatory tower in the Rocky Mountains. When at the top of the observatory tower, a young, uncarefull student was leaning on the hand rail by the edge, and unfortunately the rail gave out and the student was only clinging to the edge of the tower. Franklin rushed to the edge trying his best to pull the student up but failed as she had slipped out of his hands and fell. Franklin jumped out after her thinking that maybe he could cushion her fall somehow but in the nick of time he strangely sprouted wings from the back of his shoulder blades and caught her before she met the ground.
When they had landed Franklin was unsure at first what had happened to him as the rest of his classmates, teachers and tour guides rushed to the scene. Franklin not wanting them to see him in this state, thought they would fear him as to having his wings still out in sight, he flew off into the near by city still unsure of himself. When he finally landed, he found himself at the scene of a burglary at a corner store. Knowing that he could not stand by and watch, he pursued the burglars. He chased them down the street into a nearby alleyway wear they drew their guns, and began to shoot at him.
Franklin swooped up into the air, dodging theirs attacks and then back down towards them in a reply. But just before he had gotten to them, his forearms felt sore and stiff, and one long bone-like stingers appeared at the back of each hand. Franklin swung at them and cut them just slightly. Soon after the burglars fell to the ground in a almost paralyzed state. Franklin grabbed their duffle bag of stolen money and returned it to the shop owner.
Franklin still not sure what was happening to him and more confused and scared as ever, he returned on his own back to his home in Chicago. Wanting to get his mind on something else, he turned on his T.V and watched the news where he had seen terrible tragedies in his own home town, caused by the street gang that he had once belonged to. Wanting to do something with a great meaning and a change for the better both for himself and for the community, and after having seen for himself what he could do, Franklin adopted the name the Hornet and a colorful green, gold and yellow costume.
On his first night out as the Hornet, Franklin was flying the skies high above Chicago still trying to get use to his powers, when he heard the high pitched sound of police sirens. He followed the sounds and soon the lights to a savagely burning apartment. With confidence that he could not fail, he flew past the crowded fire trucks and into the inferno. He searched the hallways and rooms but found no one. Thinking that the building was empty he began to take off, but suddenly heard the faint sound of distress down below him. He made his way down to the faint hollers for help and found an elderly man trapped by the fire and smoke. Franklin helped him out of the burning apartment and carried him outside.
Franklin left the man in the care of the ambulance workers who rested him in the back of the ambulance. But sadly it was to late and the old man had died to the cause of the smoke fumes he had breathed in for such a long time.
Feeling like the death of the old man was his own fault, he flew off into the night. He perched himself on top of a church , where he could still witness the building burn to the ground and the police and fire fighters sirens and lights, roar and flash throughout the city. As he watched the fire burn away the building and the police drive away he swore to himself that he would never fail again and to protect all those innocent. And with that he flew off into the darkness, only to continue his heroism by the promise he made to himself.
 
Thats better, although you still wanna keep with the bug powers, it can work I guess. I want to suggest one thing though, do away with the telekinesis. Franklin reading minds does not fit with his other powers, he also does not seem to utilize it much (or at least you only mentioned him using the power onces).

Work on Franklin's motivation to use his powers for the common good; the angle about him joining a street gang is good but the character appears to do a 180 with his attitude. More explanation and depth would be an improvement. Also, work on the back story about where and how Franklin gets his powers, you didn't really go into that and that could go into some interesting directions if your creative enough.

Good luck!
 
donaldthe3rd said:
how does he sound like spider-man? the guy doesnt shoot webs , he isnt about spiders, he doesnt wear red and blue leotards.

Spider-man has stingers, can stick to walls, he also has super speed and strength. Also in the Iron Spidy uniform (that has gold on it btw) he can glide and thats not to far from flying.

All I see in the Golden Hornet (does sound to much like the Green Hornet) is Spidy with wings.

EDIT: Your up-dated powers are much better.
 
donaldthe3rd said:
Ok now, I took your advice and did him over taking away some powers and changing the story to make sense of why he would want to become a superhero. I've changed his name to just simply the Hornet.
Lets see how you did this time.

Real Name-- Franklin Brown
Aliases-- None
Identity-- Secret
Occupation--Part Time Musician
Citizenship-- American
Place of Birth-- Chicago, Illinois
Known Relatives-- Unknown
Group Affiliation-- The Boulevard Street Gang
Education-- 12 years of high school
12 years of high school :wow: God damn is he stupid, high school is only supposed to last for 4 years. Did he fail each grade like 3 times or something :wow:

Height-- 6'6
Weight-- 175
Eyes-- Green
Hair-- Brown
He seems a bit big for a guy with bug powers.

Can sprout insect-like wings at will, which reside inside his back. Has one, one foot long stinger which he can release at the end of each hand, when used in combat produce a paralyzing venom. Low level telepath.
Abilities--Excellent musician, though only plays on the odd occasion.
Weapons--none
I have to say that this is much better than the previous incarnation. This incarnation of the Hornet has a lot more originality than the previous one. Although, the telepathy seems a little off compared to the rest of the bug based powers.


Born into an extremely wealthy family, Franklin Brown's powers started to appear a very young age. When he was five he started to realize that he could read others thoughts but had a hard handle controlling it. Though when confronted his parents about this they just ignored him. As Franklin grew older, he grew up into the wrong crowd. He joined a shunned group of teens who formed a street gang, The Boulevard Street Gang . He and his fellow gang member had stolen cars, robbed stores and had committed other felons, but it had never occurred to his parents that this was going on.
Franklin is an extremely rich guy, why would he need to steal?

But soon joining this group of misfits he turned away from them and tried to do the better for his life, but could not get over all of the crimes he had committed.
Why the sudden 180?

His powers grew to the point where they had appeared on a school field trip to an observatory tower in the Rocky Mountains. When at the top of the observatory tower, a young, uncarefull student was leaning on the hand rail by the edge, and unfortunately the rail gave out and the student was only clinging to the edge of the tower. Franklin rushed to the edge trying his best to pull the student up but failed as she had slipped out of his hands and fell. Franklin jumped out after her thinking that maybe he could cushion her fall somehow but in the nick of time he strangely sprouted wings from the back of his shoulder blades and caught her before she met the ground.
When they had landed Franklin was unsure at first what had happened to him as the rest of his classmates, teachers and tour guides rushed to the scene. Franklin not wanting them to see him in this state, thought they would fear him as to having his wings still out in sight, he flew off into the near by city still unsure of himself.
Wasn't one student bound to see the freak he has become?

When he finally landed, he found himself at the scene of a burglary at a corner store. Knowing that he could not stand by and watch, he pursued the burglars. He chased them down the street into a nearby alleyway wear they drew their guns, and began to shoot at him.
Franklin swooped up into the air, dodging theirs attacks and then back down towards them in a reply. But just before he had gotten to them, his forearms felt sore and stiff, and one long bone-like stingers appeared at the back of each hand. Franklin swung at them and cut them just slightly. Soon after the burglars fell to the ground in a almost paralyzed state. Franklin grabbed their duffle bag of stolen money and returned it to the shop owner.
Sounds good.

Franklin still not sure what was happening to him and more confused and scared as ever, he returned on his own back to his home in Chicago. Wanting to get his mind on something else, he turned on his T.V and watched the news where he had seen terrible tragedies in his own home town, caused by the street gang that he had once belonged to. Wanting to do something with a great meaning and a change for the better both for himself and for the community, and after having seen for himself what he could do, Franklin adopted the name the Hornet and a colorful green, gold and yellow costume.
A bit cliched but decent.

On his first night out as the Hornet, Franklin was flying the skies high above Chicago still trying to get use to his powers, when he heard the high pitched sound of police sirens. He followed the sounds and soon the lights to a savagely burning apartment. With confidence that he could not fail, he flew past the crowded fire trucks and into the inferno. He searched the hallways and rooms but found no one. Thinking that the building was empty he began to take off, but suddenly heard the faint sound of distress down below him. He made his way down to the faint hollers for help and found an elderly man trapped by the fire and smoke. Franklin helped him out of the burning apartment and carried him outside.
Franklin left the man in the care of the ambulance workers who rested him in the back of the ambulance. But sadly it was to late and the old man had died to the cause of the smoke fumes he had breathed in for such a long time.
Props to killing an old dude. I hate old people :up:

Feeling like the death of the old man was his own fault, he flew off into the night. He perched himself on top of a church , where he could still witness the building burn to the ground and the police and fire fighters sirens and lights, roar and flash throughout the city. As he watched the fire burn away the building and the police drive away he swore to himself that he would never fail again and to protect all those innocent. And with that he flew off into the darkness, only to continue his heroism by the promise he made to himself.
The church perch is way overused in comics and why would the Hornet blame himself. He didn't cause the fire. The fire was raging way before he arrived. He arrived to at least help?

Over all, this whole thing is way better than the original Gold Hornet. It has a lot more originality to it and you are much better at handling criticism than Ghostrider87, instead of slightly changing your character, but keeping the same unoriginal, lameass concept, you did some much needed overhauling. Kudos :up:

I beleive some thanks is in order for me now :o
 
Thanks woot! I'm still gonna work on the characters that i had posted before to make them better (hopefully). But thanks :)
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Back
Top
monitoring_string = "afb8e5d7348ab9e99f73cba908f10802"