The Loser

[SpideyInATree]

Hello all. Welcome to The Loser.

In a message board filled with superhero fan fiction and superhero fan films, I've decided to post something a little different. If you're in a superhero burnout and you want something that doesn't have flying, invinciblility, or spider-like agility than The Loser is the place for you.

We meet our main character, Mitch Atkins, at the doctors office getting himself a check up. The doctor won't find that Mitch has super powers or that he's gifted in the art of psychic powers. No, that's not what this story is about. What this story is really about is a regular guy in his mid-20's who is an everyday average joe and he's just trying to find his place in life. It's not the most original concept. I'm not looking to break down walls or have a "new classic". But, maybe, just maybe through the adventures of Mitch Atkins you, and many others, can possibly take the lessons learned and apply them to your lives before you end up like poor ol' Mitch.

So, sit back...relax...get a cup of coffee, juice, beer, water, or soda pop and enjoy...THE LOSER!!!

 

[SpideyInATree]

Authors note: Some of the situations and language portrayed may not be suitable for those under the age of 13. So, if you're under 13 be prepared to either have your mind blown or ask parental permission, please.

The Loser

April 2005

The offices of Dr. David Corral – “Revelation”

Dr. David Corral has been working as a urologist for about two decades now. His peers speak highly of him. His patients go on about his excellent bedside manner. His fellow nurses and office staff actually enjoy coming to work for him. With this amazing bedside manner and people skills on top of one in every three men having prostate problems, Dr. David Corral is usually in for a busy day.

The good doctor is fully concentrated as his wire framed glasses slip down the bridge of his nose a bit. His slicked back graying black hair has a bit of sweat forming on his temples. His thin lips curl and his dark brown eyes show that he’s probing his keen medical mind for an answer. And as he pulls his rubber gloved index finger from Mitch Atkins ******* the good doctor looks confident that he has an answer. “Mr. Atkins, it seems to me that you’ve got a solid case of prostatitis.”

The slightly dumbfounded Mitch thinks to himself, “Prosta-what’s-it?”

“We’ve checked your urine thoroughly and we’ve found no signs of blood. However, we did find some puss cells that have to do with a higher white blood cell count. Basically, your prostate somehow found a way to catch an infection and your body is desperately trying to repair it. Unfortunately, in that area of the body, it’s difficult to develop a lot of white blood cells. So, we’ll be putting you on some good antibiotics and hopefully that should shrink the prostate down. Then you should be peeing like a teenager again in no time.” The doctor smiles, slaps Mitch on the back, and then exits the office. Another patient assisted. Another prostate headed toward good health. Dr. Corral can stand tall once again and thank God that his prostate is healthy as hell.

The twenty-four year old Mitch Atkins, who was dead set on thinking he had a sexually transmitted disease, is left standing in a hospital gown dumbfounded, relieved, lube still in his *******, and this undying feeling that he’s just had a gay experience. A major worry had been lifted off of his shoulders and, unfortunately, it seems to have been placed onto his prostate. It’s just a little joke to Mitch, at the moment. Call it a mini celebration because his ****e of an ex-girlfriend didn’t give him anything. A girl who seems like a distant memory but it was only just a few months previous to this episode that he caught her in bed with another man. Nothing is worse than walking into your girlfriend’s apartment and you’re ready for an evening of sexual passion. Only you come to find that a giant hairy assed man is defiling your girlfriend.

Oh wait…she’s not being raped? She’s inviting this guido looking ****** into her 24/7 hole of pleasure?!, he thinks to himself as he recounts the events in his mind. Mitch, in the heat of the moment, didn’t quite know what to do. His emotions have a habit of showing themselves much later. And as he takes a handful of paper towels from the dispenser to his right, wiping the lube from his butthole, all he can think about is her. Brooke.

June 2004

The Mall – “Chicks and Spider-Man”

After only a month of being a mall security guard Mitch has quickly figured out that it sucks. Walking around isn’t so bad. Driving around in a truck isn’t so bad. Writing reports is pretty easy. Talking and meeting new people is great. But when you’re dealing with the public it’s like an entirely different world opens up.

Mitch wonders, “Is everyone an *******?”

There are perverts, shoplifters, solicitors, and every type of filth that you can think of. And the worst part is that Mitch’s power as a security officer is intensely limited. The 80 year old mall walker with the gimp leg has more authority than he does.

With that aside, Mitch has taken a positive attitude about his new job. After being unemployed for a rough 8 months it was good to get back to doing some good old fashioned work. That and he is working at a shopping mall which means there are women EVERYWHERE: Tall ones, short ones, skinny ones, thick ones, pretty ones, plain ones, flamboyant ones, curvy ones, and it goes on forever. While Mitch did look sharp in his security uniform he had one aspect of the uniform working against him. It was like the proverbial thorn in his side. It was that God awful state trooper campaign hat.

Mitch thinks to himself, “What do they think we’re supposed to be doing here at this mall? Preventing forest fires? This is ****ing ridiculous”. So, every chance that Mitch got he would take the hat off and hope that none of his bosses noticed.

Somehow…things happened. It could probably be called magic, whatever it was, but girls were responding to him. It seemed that every weekend he had a date with a different girl. Getting a phone number here, getting a phone number there.

“What the hell do I do, man? The girl from Truxell survey is really nice but the girl who works at Heat Wave sunglasses has a NICE ass. Who do I go out with Saturday? Too many to choose from! "

Mitch didn’t get a chance to make it to Saturday though. The Truxell survey girl would have to go drinking at the pool hall with just her friends. The girl from Heat Wave with the gifted ass cheeks would get to grace them with another lucky guy. Because on Friday Mitch would be seeing Spider-Man 2. Since the first movie ended his mind had been dead set on the sequel and his waiting was finally over. With each mind numbing lap he did around the mall all he could think about was seeing cinematic awesomeness. Now seeing this movie has nothing to do with the fact that he won’t be seeing those two women on Saturday.

The real reason was the brown haired girl who stood a solid 5’2”, wearing a tight green belly shirt, and tight little designer jeans. She smiles to Mitch as he stands in front of Kaufmann’s, scanning the mall for any trouble. He smiles back to her and, just like magic, this short woman is making tracks toward him.

“Hi, can you tell me where The Gap is at?” she asks staring into Mitch’s eyes the entire time.

****. All that she wanted were directions to The Gap. I’m starting to lose some of this magic. Oh well, I’ve got two girls to see on Saturday night. I’d raise the roof but I don’t want to freak this girl out.

“Just shoot down this escalator and keep walking straight. You’ll run RIGHT into it. Well, not directly into it because that would hurt, but you get the idea.” Mitch tries to smile as brightly as he can and trying not to sound as dorky as he thought he would sound.

Luckily she laughs and it’s a nice laugh. “Knowing my clumsy ass I would run right into it”

“Ha! Yeah, I’d probably do something like that too. Though I would love writing the incident report on that, ‘The female was just walking and SLAMMED right into the front window of The Gap and right into Don Cheadle’s crotch’”

“Haha! That’s not a bad crotch to be running into”

“Well, I wouldn’t know all about that…but if it’s good for you”

“I’m going to go get that cute little outfit I saw in the flyer now. Hey, what are you doing after work?”

As Mitch is prepared to keep walking through the crowded evening rush he has to take a second to let what he just heard sink into his brain. Did she just ask me out? “Well, I was planning on checking out a movie…” Don’t tell her you’re going to see Spider-Man, don’t tell her you’re going to see Spider-Man.

“Oh, ok. I just wanted to see if maybe you wanted to grab a drink or something. You seem like a really cool guy to hang out with.” Mitch notices that she’s beginning to turn a little red. She looks embarrassed.

“Well, did you want to come see it with me? I wasn’t going with a date or anything. I was just bored and wanted to do something after work”

“Oh! Yeah, that’d be cool too. Did you want to see the new Spider-Man movie?”

**** YEAH!! Is what Mitch is really thinking. “Yeah, that’d be great. That’s probably what I was going to end up seeing anyway”.

Work ended, but it seemed like an eternity. Mitch zoomed through his paperwork and changed out of his uniform faster than Superman could have. He met her out in the parking lot near his car and headed up to the Showcase Cinemas. The movie hadn’t sold out but it was DEFINITELY packed. Mitch wasn’t the only geek in the house. Mitch bought her Gummi Bears and shared a big cup of Mountain Dew with her. The movie played and what a movie it was. By the end Mitch had come to the realization that he possibly had just seen the greatest movie of all time, but he was going to keep an open mind about future movies. For now, Spider-Man 2 was the best movie he’d seen.

“Wow, those special effects were pretty good! I thought I’d never see things look like that on a movie screen” she says as they sit together in Mitch’s ’94 Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera in the theater lot.

“Yeah, they were pretty awesome. The movie was just GREAT! Now that’s how you make a Spider-Man movie! I feel like a kid again when I first read a Spider-Man comic book. I’m high on life right now! Sorry…total geek moment”

She lets out a little laugh and a curious look enters her soft brown eyes, “In speaking of high…do you toke?”

She likes Spider-Man. She likes me. She also likes to puff the magic dragon. God, I’d like to thank you for this wonderful, WONDERFUL moment.

She had a joint on her and the two shared it as they drove back down to her car in the mall parking lot. It was probably the marijuana but Mitch was pretty positive that this girl was the most beautiful girl in the world. In fact, as he looked at her under the lights of H-Lot in the mall he was sure he was going to marry this girl.

“Hey, there’s still a little bit of this joint left. You want to stand outside and finish it?”

“Sure, haha. Let’s relight that torch” Mitch says as he and his date exit the vehicle and walk to the front of the crappy Oldsmobile. Mitch notices that she’s trembling a little bit. He goes back into the car and grabs his jacket for her.

“Oh, I’m not cold. It’s a little chilly out but I’m all right”

“You sure? You’re trembling.”

“I…” She pauses and looks down to the ground.

Oh no. This is usually where things go wrong. What is it this time? Did some guy like rape you in a parking lot? Do you have five kids? Wait…how much do you wanna bet that she’s married. Yes, I’m making a bet with myself.

“The past few years have been pretty long for me and when I saw you standing in the mall earlier today I just sort of…snapped out of it, if you know what I mean.” She fidgets with her hair, still looking to the ground, as she passes the joint to Mitch.

“I know what you mean,” Mitch takes a toke from the joint and holds the smoke into his lungs. “There’s no pressure here,” Mitch exhales the smoke into the night air. “It was really great to see Spider-Man 2 with a beautiful girl…that’s all that I need tonight.”

She looks up from the ground and a smile slowly forms on her lips. “Well, I think I need a little more”

Wait…huh?

Just like that she steps forward and inches up a little on her toes toward Mitch’s lips. They softly kiss each other as Mitch pushes back her hair a little. They stop and lock eyes for a moment.

That…was…

They kiss softly again as Mitch confidently places his hand onto her waist. They kiss a little deeper as she begins to run her hands onto Mitch’s chest.

Wow…she’s amazing. She’s…wait…I don’t even know her NAME!

This has happened to Mitch before. Always preoccupied with whether or not a girl will actually say “Hello” than to actually maybe ask a girl her name. But after all this time and getting to the point that he’s gotten to…does a name really matter?

“Hey…uh, I just realized something…I don’t even know your name”

“OH MY GOD! You’re right…well, I’m Brooke. It’s a pleasure to meet you”

“I’m Mitch. And it’s good to meet you too…and to have KISSED you as well. That was nice, haha”

The two laugh together and share a few more kisses before exchanging phone numbers. Magic had certainly happened on this night. It started out good at least.

 

[SpideyInATree]

The Loser
Part II

May 2005

The home of Mitch Atkins – “K-Star Vutangs”

About a month has passed since Mitch was given his antibiotics. He would have figured that by now the pain would have ceased and his trips to the bathroom would have dwindled. Unfortunately, nothing has changed in his medical condition. The pain in his lower regions and the constant feeling to go to the bathroom was beginning to drive him insane. On top of all of that he was still going to work at the mall for the night shift. He, and his employer, was lucky that he was there in the middle of the night instead of during the day with all of those people. Mitch needed something to help him and he needed it badly. His mom was in Florida and he was stuck in a house all by himself. Normally this type of situation would be easily handled and the right moves to have a kick ass party would be set into motion. Not on this day. On this day Mitch would lie on the couch, staring at the television screen, and slowly sink into a deep dark depression.

There is a knock at his back door.

Son of a *****. Who the hell can this be?

Mitch answers the door and on the other side is his best friend, K. His actual name isn’t that important and all that he likes to be called is by the letter K. So, Mitch does whatever works for K. He’s an asian guy who has the drive of about five or six men. He constantly works out and is obsessed with being one of the greatest fighters in the world. Whether it be boxing, mixed martial arts, or just straight up street fighting. K wants it all. And he’s good. Mitch is pretty positive that he’d be knocked unconscious in no time against his asian friend.

“What the **** is up, dude?” K enters the house and immediately heads toward Mitch’s refrigerator for a tasty beverage. K is wearing a really tight UnderArmor shirt and a pair of, what looks to be, Abercrombie and Fitch blue jeans with the holes already pre-ripped into the jeans.

And then he wonders why some people think he’s gay.

“Nothing, man. I’m just still trying to get over this stupid ass prostatitis that I got. It’s really starting to get OLD!”

“Damn, yo. ****. You’ve had that **** for a month now, haven’t you?”

“Yeah, I’m peeing every 45 minutes whether I drink anything or not. I would figure that after a while I’d have nothing more to pee out”

K laughs and has always seemed to find good humor in Mitch’s pain and shortcomings. “Well, I’ve got something that might be able to help you out a little bit” he goes into his pocket and fishes out a tiny baggie filled with some really nice looking green stuff. “Yo, my brother hooked me up”

“Dude…this is ‘dro”

“Hell yeah, yo. Do you think I’m going to be slinging that ****** **** around?”

He loves saying that N-word, doesn’t he?

“I don’t have any money on me or anything. Can you hold onto it for me until the middle of the week when I get paid?”

“Mitch, yo…I’ve known you since ****ing high school, dude. Do you really think that I’m going to charge you for that little bit of ‘dro? Get the **** out of here, yo. **** that ****. I’m hooking you up because you need it”

Mitch, in all honesty, doesn’t know what to say. It had been about four to five months since he had toked. Ever since this prostatitis started and ever since he caught Brooke he’s been dying for a hit of that magic stuff. “I have to give you SOMETHING, dude. I can’t just take this”

“****…why can’t you just take a gift, yo? You’re always like this, “ K lets out a laugh. “You drive me around everywhere for years and when I try to return the favor you don’t want it. Take the stuff, yo. Just ****ing take it and try to enjoy it”

“Ok…”

Mitch doesn’t waste time with his newly acquired gift. He breaks some up and stuffs it into his ying-yang dragon bowl. As That 70’s Show comes on the television and K starts going on about how Mila Kunis is the hottest girl he’s ever seen, Mitch takes a couple hits from the bowl. His mind and his body begin to feel the effects of the THC. A four month absence from toking and a man is going to feel it RIGHT away. The pain in his lower regions subsides and the urge to go fades for a few moments. Mitch is in bliss right now and it’s felt like an eternity since he’s felt this way.

“****, man…Ashton Kutcher is a ****ing ***” K adds his well thought out opinion.

“Yeah…”

And the show goes to commercial. On the television an advertisement for Penn State college starts going on about how great their school is. Mitch is too stoned to really care about college but some of the scenes remind him of a different time. He remembers actually being at that place before and a time when he actually thought he might be able to attend that school. It wasn’t for an education and it wasn’t to further himself in a career. It would have been to stay with a girl and it was a girl that he had fallen in love with.

“Yo…Tom and his band are going to be playing their first show sometime this summer. I’ve been listening to them play and they better ****ing practice some more…because they suck, haha” K always pointing out that only he has talent and nobody else.

“Yeah…”

That 70’s Show reenters it’s second segment and Mitch reenters his memories. He had love. He had the girl. He had a future ahead of him. Stoned on his couch with prostatitis, and an ass kicking Asian man, Mitch can only think about one girl now: Mindy.


October 2001

Penn State University – “First true love”

Some people may think it’s crazy to ride a Greyhound bus for four hours just to see a girl. Mitch, in his current state, thinks that it’s the best idea he’s ever had. Meeting a girl like Mindy is a lot like hitting the lottery for hundreds of millions of dollars. She’s the sweetest, nicest, and most cute girl that he’s come to know.

Boyfriends visit their girlfriends at college all the time and this should be no big difference for Mitch. However, there is a difference. Mitch and Mindy have never actually met each other face to face. Mitch, in a leap of faith, decided to try out one of those new dating sites on the Internet. It worked out, of course. He met Mindy right away and they talked online and on the phone for the entire summer. She lived closer to Philadelphia and it made things really tough since Mitch was practically on the other side of the state in good ol’ Pittsburgh. Once the end of August rolled around and Mindy had to head back to Penn State for her junior year of college talks of Mitch going to Penn State had surfaced.

“Mitch, you have GOT to come and see me this fall. I’m going to be taking a lot of my easier courses in the fall and we can concentrate on ‘getting to know one another better’,” she says over the phone one day to Mitch.

She really knows how to get me going, doesn’t she?

Mitch is slowly coping with the fact that he’s falling in love with an Internet screen name and a telephone. And hearing her say that she’d like to see him in person is almost like a dream come true.

Wow, I might actually get to kiss a real life person instead of writing about kissing her.

“That would be great. I’m going to check my schedule at work and see when I can get a day off. I’ll make a nice long weekend out of it. It’ll be a GREAT time”

Mitch was able to grab some bus tickets for the middle of October, about a week and a half before Halloween. He was going to make some hotel reservations near the campus but that’s when Mindy instant messaged him with some news.

“Oh My God, my roommate is going away during our weekend!”

YABBA DABBA DOO!!!

That Friday morning trip to the Greyhound bus station was great. The sun was out brighter than ever and even though the chilly effects of October were pushing into the city Mitch didn’t let it affect his mood. He sat on a marble slab across from the bus station and lit up a Marlboro Light for old times’ sake.

I can’t believe that we’re finally going to meet. It’s been, wait, how long now? Since the beginning of the summer! Most guys would have given up during the first week, haha. God, I’m such a ****ing nerd.

The entire bus ride there went like a flash. The scenery wasn’t anything major to Mitch. It was just a bunch of farms and cow fields. However, some of the smells were a little unpleasant. It’s probably because Mitch is used to breathing in the smog and disgusting city air.

Arriving at the State College Greyhound bus station was a shock. The Penn State campus was HUGE. It was bigger than most rural towns and, in some cases, larger than smaller metropolitan cities. Thank God that Mitch was going to have Mindy there to show him around.

As he stepped off of the bus he immediately locked eyes with a really short girl, about no taller than five feet, and she has her sandy blonde hair pulled back into a cute little pony tail. Mitch, without skipping a beat, walks over to the girl with the biggest, brightest smile he could muster up. “Excuse me, miss, but do you know where I can find the nearest strip club and ****ehouse?”

“SHUT UP!” the short girl with the cute little nose and naturally red lips smacks Mitch lightly on the shoulder and laughs loudly. She then immediately leans in and hugs Mitch. She presses her body tightly into his.

“Whoa! Now that’s a hug!”

“Haha, I’ve been DYING to see you the entire summer. Just wait until we get back to the room!”

Mitch doesn’t have a response. How could he? They get on a local bus and head toward the building she lives in. The campus had so much stuff in it that Mitch was already debating on moving up here. Restaurants, hotels, bars, clubs, stores, libraries, and everything you could imagine. All of these places put in a college campus that sits in the middle of nowhere just in the Central part of Pennsylvania.

Getting to the tiny dorm room was no problem. Knowing that you’re in a dormitory with about 100 girls is pretty cool.

And to think, Mitch, back in high school you were dead set on NEVER having something like this happen to you. Well, eat your heart out to all those *******s who picked on me and to all the girls who rejected me. I’m on cloud nine and I’m NOT coming down.

Mitch and Mindy made love for hours in the dorm room. When you’re constantly talking to a person for so many months and you’ve learned so much about each other sometimes the time for talking is over. She was everything that he had come to imagine and he was beginning to get a little scared.

This is absolutely way too perfect for me. How the hell did I deserve to have something like this happen to me? Does she even like me? ****, dude, just chill out and focus on the task at hand. Moron.

They spent the rest of the day exploring the campus. Mitch took her out for her favorite ice cream and then to a local restaurant that specialized in showing off how great Penn State is. Mitch learned a lot more about her talking face to face than he ever did all those months on the phone. She was majoring in architecture and really wanted to design buildings for the rest of her life. Mitch thought that it was a great thing to go into and got to hear about everything there is to know about architecture. She loved her family most of all though and her mom especially. But the person she really cared for the most was her grandfather. He seemed to be the rock that held the family together and took care of things when they were out of order. His health wasn’t doing too well and Mindy was very worried about him.

Saturday night is usually a pretty crazy night on the campus of Penn State. On this night, however, there was a big event going on and it was called the “Halloween Hop”. Basically it was just a big dance for everyone to go dress up and dance to music from the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s.

“I don’t have anything to dress up in,” Mitch says as he goes through his crappy Jansport book bag that he’s had since the sixth grade.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. We’ll just go and you can meet my friends”

“That’ll be real nice. Maybe one of them will try and steal me away from you”

“Don’t even JOKE about that!” she says pointing her finger at Mitch with a sly smile on her face.

As they entered the large gymnasium it was extremely intimidating for Mitch. There were so many people packed into this space and the PA system was jamming The Beatles. People were dressed up in all kinds of outfits. Zombies, nurses, pirates, cross dressers, football players, baseball players, George Bush, Bill Clinton, and many other ghouls, goblins, and nasties. All that Mitch was wearing was a Metallica pull over sweatshirt, a pair of cargo pants, and a pair of Vans shoes.

My costume is “Nerd with an attitude”.

Mindy looked fantastic in her old cheerleading outfit. Mitch had already figured out ten to twenty different ways he could get Mindy to have sex with him in the gymnasium but he figured meeting her friends would be a better idea. They were all very nice to him and basically every single one told Mitch how happy they were that she met him. After a few glasses of punch and intense mingling on a college campus Mitch was feeling a little adventurous. He looked around the gym at the black and orange streamers and the balloons. Everybody in their costumes were dancing all over the floor and having a blast.

So, this is what it would have been like to go to one of those high school dances. Like prom or something. Huh. I really hope that Mindy doesn’t want to dance because I’ve got some SERIOUS white man’s syndrome.

“You wanna dance?” Mindy holds out her blue and white skirt like a lady would do asking a gentleman to dance.

“Um, I REALLY can’t dance.”

“Who cares, Mitch, just stand out there and move your body back and forth. Half those guys out there can’t dance either.”

Mitch looks out into the dance floor at all the horrid dancing he sees from the guys. Most of them are just kind of standing in one place with their arms in the air rubbing their crotches on the girls. If that was dancing than Mitch was a professional. “Half of those guys, you say? It looks more like all of those guys! Lets go”

Mitch takes Mindy’s hand and they head out onto the floor. As they begin to shake and move to the soothing sounds of some disco music it begins to fade. A synthesizer kicks up and a slow song begins to play. The lights dim and the disco ball hanging above sends little circles of reflected light all over the gymnasium. “Forever Young” by Alphaville is playing. Mitch lightly laughs to himself and remembers hearing this song all the time back in the 80’s, when he was a kid and things were much simpler. Looking into Mindy’s beautiful eyes he feels like that little boy again.

All that Mitch can recall about slow dancing is that the man is supposed to lead. Mitch can barely lead his friends to the movie theater let alone lead a beautiful girl in a dance, but he’s going to try.

All right now, Mitch. Lets do this. Take her hand, put your hand onto the small of her back. There ya go, killer. Easy now, you don’t want to step on her feet and then have her hating you forever. Now just sort of bob back of forth. Ok, I think I’ve got it. Well, as good as my dumbass is going to get it.

It works. Mindy and Mitch share a nice dance in the middle of the gymnasium floor like something directly out of a movie. Mitch doesn’t want to dwell on that. He just wants to dwell on this moment and how for the first time in about seven or eight years he feels like the world is his.

Mindy pulls herself closer to Mitch and puts her head onto his chest. He can feel the warmth on her face even through his sweatshirt. Mindy looks up to Mitch and they kiss each other lightly still slowly moving to the music. “I love you, Mitch”.

Mitch ordinarily would be taken back by this statement but in this moment he’s the king. He’s the man. He’s number one and he’s attained what he set out to attain. “I love you too, Mindy”. Mitch dips her the best that he can. It wasn’t the greatest looking dip in the world but it got the job done as they kiss again in the middle of the dance floor.

It’s so hard to get old without a cause
I don’t want to perish like a fading horse
Youth is like diamonds in the sun
And diamonds are forever

So many adventures couldn’t happen today
So many songs we forgot to play
So many dreams are swinging out of the blue
We let them come true

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever​

The dance ends. Unfortunately, the weekend ends. Mitch is back at the State College bus station in his Metallica sweatshirt with Mindy, awaiting his return back to the mundane world of Pittsburgh. She’s crying.

“I don’t want you to go”

“I don’t want to go either. If it were up to me I’d enroll in this school right now so that I could stay”

“So, why don’t you?” her eyes look serious

“Mindy, I can’t just drop my life in Pittsburgh like that. I have a pretty cool job back there and my friends are awesome. I can’t do that to those guys. You understand that, right?”

“I know! I’m just being selfish. I’m allowed, aren’t I?”

“Ha, yeah, you are. Especially when it has to do with me staying here and pleasuring you forever”

“It’s every girls dream, right?”

They hold each other for the next half an hour until the bus pulls into the parking lot. It was a tough thing for Mitch to do but he got up out of the chair and got himself toward the bus. Mindy and he hug tightly and kiss passionately.

“Be CAREFUL! Ok?”

“I definitely know I love you now”

“Why’s that?”

“Because you just sounded exactly like my mom does!”

They kiss again and Mitch gets on the bus. He goes all the way to the back and puts on his headphones. As the bus pulls away he watches Mindy the entire time and a few tears build up in his eyes. He wipes them away and realizes this was the first time he cried in a few years. As Blink 182 comes across his CD Player and they are going on about “All the Small Things” Mitch begins to feel good. He’s going to go home and start a plan. He is going to write. He doesn’t care what he’s going to write. Novels. Comic books. Newspaper articles. It doesn’t matter. He’s going to go to school and get his degree and do what he loves. He’s going to go home and pick up his skateboard and skate like there is no tomorrow. When he gets home he’s going to tell his mom how great she is and how much he appreciates her for what she’s done for him. For the first time in his life Mitch Atkins feels like he’s accepted. He’s in love. And this feeling shouldn’t stop. But it does.

 

[arachnid-guy]

Before i'll even begin to read that, I'll ask for the PM. t:

 

[SpideyInATree]

The Loser
Part III

August 2005

Pete’s Pub in Oakland – “Decay on Display”

Mitch has his eyes focused on his side mirror as he attempts to cross over two lanes on the Fort Pitt Bridge to hit the exit for I-376. K, in the passenger seat of the ’94 Oldsmobile Cutlass, is blocking his view of the mirror. Mitch decides to just swing over and screw the consequences.

A loud beep and a faint cry of “*******!” is immediately heard as Mitch makes it over to the proper lane. “NICE!” says the black man wearing glasses in the backseat of the Oldsmobile. His name is AC and he’s another one of Mitch’s good friends. They met through K, during the much talked about backyard wrestling days, and ended up becoming great friends out of it. AC is wearing a baseball cap, a gray t-shirt, and a pair of baggy blue jean shorts.

“Yo, are you trying to kill us before we get there?” K adds.

“I couldn’t see. We’re alive, aren’t we?”

AC laughs, “That’s all that matters. So, how’s your little problem that you’ve been having?”

“Dude, don’t even get me started…”

For about four months now Mitch has lived with an enlarged prostate. He’s still urinating at an uncontrollable rate and the pain in his testicles has increased to the point where it’s difficult to stand for long periods of time. He recently went back to see Dr. David Corral at his offices and the news wasn’t any good.

“Mitch, I’m prescribing some new antibiotics for you, “ the doctor says as he scribbles in Mitch’s file. He looks up at Mitch with his wire framed glasses sinking down the bridge of his nose. “Now prostatitis is common with police officers, truck drivers, bicyclists, and security officers. I know you’re a security officer but I am spellbound that at 24 years old you have this problem. Most men are usually in their forties or fifties.”

Mitch suddenly begins to feel like an *******.

But of course! When the odds are stacked I always manage to get the short end of the stick. I couldn’t win the lottery or something? I had to have my prostate swell up three times its original size? God, I love you SO much. And if you didn’t catch the sarcasm…than you suck at your job!

“A lot of this can be caused by stress and anxiety. Have you been under a lot of stress lately?”

Mitch sighs on the exam table. “Well, prior to this little problem of mine I was under some stress. I caught my girlfriend…well, ex-girlfriend…cheating on me. Than, for some reason, most of my friends just sort of stopped talking to me and I don’t know why. And, of course, I’m on that night shift and can’t really sleep that well during the day.”

“Mitch, you need to take it easy. Do some breathing exercises. Go out and meet some new people. Get a new girlfriend! In fact, I encourage you to have as much sexual intercourse as possible. It’ll REALLY help your prostate”

Wait a minute. Did a medical doctor just order me to go out and have sex? ****ING SWEET! Oh…wait a minute…I’m a loser and I can’t even hold onto a girl how am I supposed to find a new one?

“Mitch, now I need you to drop your pants and bend over the table. Lets get a look at that prostate,” the doctor says as he slips on his rubber glove.

SON OF A *****!

So, here Mitch is inside Peter’s Pub doing what the doctor ordered him to do. He’s going out and having fun. In the process he’s catching a great band, and also one of his best friends is in the band. Tom.

Tom immediately catches eyes with Mitch, K, and AC as they walk to the upper floor of the bar. The room is pretty small for four bands to be playing in. “What’s up, fellas!” Tom throws his arm around K with a lot of confidence in his eyes. Or it could be that he’s drunk already.

“Dude, are you already toasted?” K asks, probably smelling the beer on Tom’s breath.

“I’ve only had a couple beers, man” Tom leans onto K further and begins laughing like a madman for no reason. His shoulder length brown hair goes flying all over the place and his large black boots almost make him fall to the ground, which could be because of the alcohol too. “Dude, Mitch, are you ****ing ready for us to rock?”

“Tom, I’m ****ing pumped. I can’t wait to see you guys tear this pub to the GROUND!”

Decay on Display is the first band on that night. They looked great and seemed to be really tight. Tom, most of all, seemed to be the most charismatic of the group. Mitch ends up stepping back to the bar and leaning against the hardwood, which makes his pain subside for a few moments.

After becoming a security officer Mitch has noticed that in crowded places he’s always hanging back and checking things out from a distance. It’s just become a force of habit to look at everyone around him and see what they’re doing. Check out their mannerisms and their movements. As Mitch scans the place he’s realizing that out of all these guys in the place he’s ACTUALLY one of the better looking ones.

God damn some of these dudes are ugly. Wasn’t that guy in the Slayer T-Shirt in the Lord of The Rings? Yeah, looks like it. Orc # 345.

As he further surveys the tiny bar-like landscape he begins noticing the women. Dr. Corral says, “Have as much sexual intercourse as possible”. Mitch agrees. Most of the women, under normal circumstances, wouldn’t seem that attractive. About ninety percent of these women were all goth-ed out. Heavy dark make-up, thigh high boots, fishnet stockings, and everything goth that could be imagined. For some reason those girls just seemed REALLY hot to Mitch, there was even a woman dressed in a leather nurses outfit. It was overwhelming at the amount of women that were at the show, they actually outnumbered the guys. It’s not very often that Mitch is at a place where the women outnumber the men. That’s almost paradise. One girl, however, quickly caught his attention. Her long wavy bleach blonde hair and curvy hourglass figure. Every now and then she’d turn her head to look at her much uglier friend which would give Mitch a glance into the woman’s beautiful sparkling blue eyes. He was captivated by this woman’s beauty.

Hold on a ****ing second…

There was something oddly familiar about this girl and Mitch was tracing into his memories once again. The people around him begin to fade away. Orc # 345 gets sucked into the fictitious vortex of Mitch’s mind. The goth girls soon follow. Even K, AC, and Decay on Display fade away into the vortex. That blonde vixen sticks into his mind surrounded by darkness as he focuses through the pain in his crotch. And for some reason the smell of strawberries and Candies for Girls pops into his nasal passages. It’s not from the girl in the bar. It’s his memory from the first time he met her. The first time he met Ashley. It was the day that set course for Mitch to lose a piece of his innocence.


December 1999

Showcase Cinema West – “Imaginary Words with Ryan Fresh N Stuff”

“Come on, man! There was no other way you’d come!” says the short and rotund little man who sits in the passenger seat of Mitch’s gray Ford Escort. His face is puffed out like a puffer fish and he’s got really rosy red cheeks. He sort of looks like Little Louie from that Life of Louie cartoon that the comedian Louie Anderson did. His name is Ryan and he’s been Mitch’s best friend since the age of 12.

The eighteen year old Mitch Atkins sighs and shakes his head. “Ryan, I don’t want to be ****ing fixed up with somebody, all right?”

Ryan, the keen manipulative mastermind that he is, asked Mitch to go out to the movies on this cold December night. With Mitch’s birthday on the horizon and, of course, Christmas, Mitch was pretty set on his friend treating him. Well, it turns out that Ryan has been talking with a girl on the Internet for a while now. He set up a meeting with her here at the movie theater. Ryan, thinking that he’s probably doing a good gesture, asked this “date” to bring a friend so that Mitch wasn’t odd man out. Nice move, in all honesty. “Look, dude…I really want to meet this girl and I’m going to go in there. So, you can leave if you want and I’ll just go in myself”

Man, I can’t leave him hanging…he might need me in there.

“All right…but I really doubt anything is going to happen. I hope that she isn’t a pig.”

Ryan smiles sinisterly. There’s always something about his smile. Even if you’re on good terms and just shooting the **** his smile is somewhat sinister. He has these perfectly crafted teeth that you notice immediately. Though with all his health problems it is a relief that SOMETHING on the kid is all right. “A pig, huh? You’ll see,” he says as he and Mitch exit the car. “Besides…you don’t have anything to worry about. She’s already got a boyfriend and is just along for the ride. No pressure, dude”.

As they walk to the entrance of the theater Mitch does feel the pressure lifting from his shoulders. Things have been pretty hectic lately in his life. He’s on Christmas break from computer school and about to enter his second semester already. On top of that he just recently quit his job as a loader for UPS. Mitch isn’t exactly sure if he’s made the right decision with his life. Computer school doesn’t really seem like it’s working out too well and this working while going to school stuff is the pits. Checking out a movie with his best buddy and a couple chicks seems like it will just hit the spot.

“Dude, do you see them?” Mitch asks as the two stand at the front window peering in.

“Not yet. They said that they’d meet us in the arcade and nobody else is in there. Come on, lets go wait, man”

They enter the practically dead movie theater and head to the arcade. Mitch looks around at the games and nothing really peaks his interest. All the same boring crap from when he was but a high school punk. Mitch fiddles with the control stick for NFL Blitz as Ryan’s eyes focus to the main entrance. “I think that’s them…”

Mitch stops his fidgeting to look up at, what looks to be a man. About 5’8” of pure MAN. As this manly figure draws closer Mitch quickly notices a sight that immediately stops all of his logical thinking. She was absolutely beautiful. Her wavy blonde hair, sparkling light blue eyes, full pouting lips, and a curvy body that most women DIE for. In the midst of his admiration of this woman’s beauty he doesn’t notice that the “manly” figure and Ryan have quickly made introductions. Upon further review, Mitch notices that this “man” is, in fact, a woman.

You have GOT to be kidding me. It…she…has SIDEBURNS! And she’s wearing combat boots! What the HELL is Ryan getting himself into!

Ryan’s face is lit up like an over decorated Christmas tree. He looks like he just found the Holy Grail of women, and he wasn’t looking at the smoking hot blonde either. No, he was looking at what SEEMED to be a woman but the debate was still strong.

“So, you’re the infamous Mitch…” the large man-like woman says.

“Infamous?”

Explanations are quickly made and introductions soon follow. The large woman, who Mitch comes to know as Diana, has been speaking with Ryan on the Internet and telephone for quite some time now, unbeknownst to Mitch. The stunning blonde, who could easily be on television or on a magazine cover, is Ashley. She is Diana’s best friend and, has also, been in on some of the conversations that Ryan and Diana have had, unbeknownst to Mitch as well. Mitch has become extremely dumbfounded by the entire situation at this point as they purchase their movie tickets for Sleepy Hollow.

Just great, Mitch. You’re going to the movies with your best friend, his new IT of a girlfriend and a freakin’ supermodel that already has a boyfriend. Well, it beats the HELL out of sitting at home all by yourself. Eat your heart out!

The theater is empty. Sleepy Hollow had been in the theaters for quite a while, and apparently, everybody in the world has seen it…except the fearsome foursome sitting in the theater on this night. Ryan sat down first, followed by Diana, followed by Ashley, and the lagging Mitch gets to sit next to a girl, that quite frankly, he never thought he’d find himself sitting next to…EVER. Feliz Navidad is playing over the speakers.

“I WANNA WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!” Mitch bursts out along with the chorus of the Christmas song aimed at Mexican Americans. Everybody bursts out into laughter as Mitch relishes in his small victory.

Well, laughter is a good start. Wait…she has a boyfriend you ******* and like she’d even WANT a punk ass loser like you.

There’s a bonus for Mitch: the movie is pretty boring. Even though Johnny Depp, in Ashley’s words, “Is totally ****ing hot” it’s still not enough to capture her into the movie. This bodes well for Mitch as he gets a chance to swoon her with his verbal skills. Well, lack thereof anyway.

“So, Mitch…what do you like to do for fun?” she looks to Mitch and even in the dark her blue eyes stick out to him.

Mitch, showing that he’s as smooth as a freshly polished doorknob, says, “Uh, stuff”.

She sort of lets out a little laugh, “Well, what kind of stuff?!”. She slaps his arm, as if she thinks that Mitch is joking.

“Well, I like to write stories…”

Ryan sticks his head around Diana, who almost eclipses him, “Hell yeah, man. I told them about Maniac Adventures.”

“Haha, oh my God, he sent us a couple of them and they were hilarious”

With that phrase Mitch is catapult into a land of unconsciousness that he’s familiar with, but hasn’t been to in a long time. It’s like a part of his brain woke up, sort of like when your arm falls asleep.

I’m going to get this girl, damnit. I deserve it.

As the movie draws to a close and the four exit the theater they realize that the night is still young. “Hey, lets go up and have a bite to eat at Eat N Park”. Ryan, taking a puff from his inhaler, suggests.

“I’m starving!” Diana adds. Of course you’re starving!

“I’ll probably just have a couple glasses of Ice Tea or something. You know I’m trying to stay on my diet, Di”. Diet? You don’t need a diet. You need a shot of vitamin MITCH.

The four pile into Mitch’s Ford Escort and head to Eat N Park.

Why isn’t it called Park N Eat? Because it’s not like we eat and THEN park. We park THEN eat. Dude, you’ve got a REALLY beautiful girl into you…DON’T BLOW IT!


Eat N Park, surprisingly, isn’t very crowded either. They are seated in one of the back rooms and, basically, have it all to themselves. Ryan sits next to Diana and, thankfully, Mitch sits next to Ashley. Ryan and Diana seem to be getting along very well as they keep smiling at one another like two star crossed lovers. Mitch, on the other hand, gaining a bit of confidence still feels like he’s out of the game completely.

“Mitch, how come you don’t have a girlfriend?”

“Uh, well…girls have a habit of…uh…not liking me, I suppose. I don’t know. It’s complicated, you know?”

“No, I don’t know. You’re a hot guy, Mitch…how come you don’t just ask a girl out. I bet she’ll say yes.”

Mitch feels the wave of confidence immediately dissipate and the old dead feeling returns into his soul. Why is it something he wants is right in reach but he’s unable to take it?

“It’s just that…uh…um…you know…sometimes I feel that I have these imaginary words on my forehead that only girls can see,” Mitch moves his hair back from his forehead and pushes his head closer to Ashley so she can have a closer look. “So, what do you see? Or are you not allowed to tell me due to the unwritten code of girls?”

Ashley lets out a little laugh and rolls her eyes, “Mitch, there aren’t any words on your forehead. And if there were it’d say that you’re a nice guy and every girl should be yours”

Mitch looks down at his half eaten hamburger and sighs.

Then how come you can’t be mine?

And as the thought crosses his mind he has a Professor X moment. Ashley reaches down and touches Mitch’s leg. At first he’s filled with confusion and the possibility that it could have been an accident. Ashley’s face doesn’t really tell him if she MEANT it or if it was an accident. Mitch, who can barely even TALK to her, doesn’t pursue the matter. Dinner ends. The girls are dropped off at the movie theater to meet their ride. Ryan and Mitch head back to their homes to relish in their own personal victories.

After that night Mitch, Ryan, Ashley, and Diana were practically inseparable. Turned out that the “leg touching” was on purpose. Ashley did have a thing for Mitch. Maybe it was because he was a year or two older. Maybe it was because he was just a BIT more mature than a sixteen year old who thought Slipknot was the greatest invention since food. After Mitch and Ryan would backyard wrestle with Tom, AC, K, and the rest of the crew they’d head out to Diana’s house to have fun with the ladies. Ashley stayed with her boyfriend, Brad, but the more she was with Mitch…the less she thought about Brad. And even though Brad was Diana’s younger brother, and sometimes hung out with Mitch and Ryan, Mitch was not going to give this up. Ashley was going to be his and he was GOING to lose his virginity.

 

[SpideyInATree]

The Loser
Part IV

September 2005

Robinson Towne Centre – “Dislocated soul”

Its about midnight on a Saturday night…well, technically it’s Sunday morning. It’s a warmer night for the end of September. It’s about in the low 60’s and the night sky, for once, is clear. The sounds of wheels sliding and wood popping onto concrete can be heard echoing through the Towne Centre. In front of TJ Maxx Mitch, decked out in a Metallica T-shirt and ripped up blue jeans, works on his skateboarding. For the past month Mitch has decided to get back onto his skateboard and whip himself back into shape. With his prostate still enlarged and his testicles throbbing with pain he’s had it with lying around feeling sorry for himself.

It feels good to be back on my deck again. I’m really picking everything back up quickly. I figured I’d be skating for months before I got my ollie back. This is fantasmic!

Mitch has his Jansport bookbag, the one he’s had since the sixth grade, and with it he carries his MP3 CD Player and a mix of great skating tunes. As he pumps Dream Theater’s Awake album and lets the voice of James LaBrie take him into another dimension, Mitch gets the old feelings back from the hardcore skateboarding days.

AC, Shaun, and I would tear it up for HOURS! Skate at Calgon for a few hours. Ride over to the Giant Eagle and impress all the jibba jabbas with our unbelievably crappy skating skills, haha. ****in’ **** I miss that!

Mitch pops an ollie and floats through the air to a perfect landing. Immediately he spins his body with the board causing his deck to do a 180 degree turn. He then quickly pops a fakie ollie and lands perfectly just like the good ol’ days.

I remember AC and I skateboarding at the Town Centre at like 2 or 3 in the morning. Not a car in sight and we had full reign in this lot and area. I remember flying down the hill toward the Town Centre and The Mall without a god damn care. Just AC and I skating our hearts out, getting better, and not thinking about the future…or the past. Or even the present. We were just shreddin’.

Mitch rides through the Town Centre at great speeds weaving his way around obstacles through the lot, becoming more confident with his abilities once again. The night air flowing through his hair and onto his skin makes him feel like he’s alive again. He’s almost floored at the fact that riding on a piece of wood with wheels attached would bring him this much freedom. This small thing in life could make the pain go away.

As Mitch kick turns his way up a small grade near the Starbucks he can see, in the distance, a group of girls watching him skate. They sit on the metal bench near the Deb store and seem to be staring Mitch’s way.

All right, an audience. I bet those girls are like 14 years old or something. I’ll turn down my CD player anyway.

Mitch goes on with his usual skating routine. Busting out some manuals and high speed ollies to get himself back into normal skating shape.

“Hey, skater, nice moves!” one of the girls yells.

Mitch goes back up the small grade and does the same thing. Manual. High speed ollie. This time Mitch pops up onto the sidewalk near the Christian bookstore and lands perfectly and quickly slides his deck to the side to avoid smashing into the storefront. The girls are impressed further.

“That was awesome…”

“Oh my god, I thought he was going to go through the window…”

“He’s kind of hot…”

Mitch takes a double take of the ladies now that he’s a little closer and they don’t look that young. In fact, as Mitch looks more closely the girls on the bench look around his age, about 24 or 25, and are pretty drunk. Mitch, now feeling some confidence and with something to prove, pushes back up the small grade in the parking lot to further wow the ladies.

My enlarged prostate gives me skating power!

Mitch swings around and slides his deck to a stop. He stares down near the bench that the three girls are sitting on and he’s got a plan.

All right, Mitch. Get some intense speed and ollie RIGHT at them. If they want a show I’m gonna give them a show, baby!

Mitch begins pushing off slowly letting the small grade give him a little speed. As he gets closer to the midpoint he realizes that he’s not going nearly fast enough. He pushes off a couple more times and gains some speed. At the halfway point Mitch is still quite disappointed with his speed.

It’s these damn bearings. I need to get some new ones so I don’t lose my speed so often.

Mitch goes to push off a couple more times and as he reaches his foot down for the second time his deck goes one way and poor Mitch goes the other. Flying through the air at a very accelerated speed, Mitch throws his right arm down and slams dead into the concrete of the Robinson Towne Center.

OH ****, MY ARM!!!

Mitch lies on the ground for a moment and lets himself catch his breath. His right arm feels extremely weak and a little numb.

I’ve fallen on my arm thousands of times. I just need to shake it out Jackie Chan style to get the circulation going again.

Mitch rubs his arm and shakes it a little bit. Immediately he gropes his arm in intense pain.

HOLY **** DOES THAT HURT!!!

“Are you Ok?” one of the hot chick skater groupies asks as her and her friends have stood up now.

“Yeah…I’ll be fine. Happens all the time,” Mitch replies still lying on the ground. With his pride hurt more than his arm.

“Later, skater”.

Mitch jumps up and hops back onto his board. He does a couple more manuals and nails another ollie. As he lands his ollie he notices that his right arm doesn’t really want to lift up. Mitch stops his deck and walks over to his beat up maroon Oldsmobile. In the reflection on his back window he can visibly see that his right shoulder is NOT where it’s supposed to be. As soon as Mitch sees that protruding bone sunk down near his tricep muscle a stinging pain runs through his entire body. He attempts to stick his car keys into the door but he can’t even lift his right arm to do that.

Damnit! How the hell am I going to get myself to the hospital?!

As Mitch sits down on the ground leaning against his Oldsmobile his shoulder just throbs with unbelievable amounts of pain.

Well, at least my balls don’t hurt for the first time in like 4 or 5 months. One positive, at least.

He fires up his MP3 player and it picks up where it left off right before he crashed into the concrete of Robinson Towne Center. Dream Theater plays “Innocence Faded”, track 3 on the Awake album.

Animation
Breathes a cloudless mind
Fascination
Leaves the doubting blind
Until the circle breaks and wisdom lies ahead
The faithful live Awake
The rest remain misled

Some will transcend spinning years
One as if time disappears

Innocence faded
The mirror falls behind you
Trinity jaded
I break down walls to find you​

As John Petrucci’s guitar echoes along Mitch’s ear drums he tries his best to focus on the good moments. His mind finds it and he doesn’t understand why, all of a sudden, she popped into his head again. And then as he looks at his watch and notices the date he recalls now why he’s thinking of her. The human mind definitely has had a habit of playing tricks on a man. And as Mitch’s pain filled eyes stare at September 30th, even with his right shoulder hanging on his side, his prostate swollen twice the size, and testicles throbbing with pain, he’s taken away to that place. He’s taken back to Ashley and her amazing blue eyes.

September 30, 2000

Mitch’s crappy Ford Escort and cluttered room – “That Damn Good!”

Mitch has his eyes focused on the road in front of him and has a vise-like grip on his Ford Escort steering wheel. His destination is for home. His passenger is a blonde haired beautiful angel that doesn’t really deserve to be riding around in a piece of crap like Mitch’s Ford Escort, or with Mitch for that matter. Sweat drips from his forehead like a waterfall, his palms slip and slide all over the steering wheel, and his Metallica T-shirt is covered in sweat around his chest area. Powerman 5000 plays over the radio as Ashley keeps looking over at Mitch with a curious smile on her face.

“Mitch, are you going to SAY anything to me? I mean we’re only about to go have sex. A little conversation would be nice for the lady, you know”

He is reminded that today was a day that was set up for him to take Ashley back to his house, to his room, and finally do what he’s been wanting to do since he hit puberty. And that’s to have sex.

A few weeks earlier Ryan and Mitch were sitting at Mitch’s kitchen table devouring some Taco Bell when the subject of Ashley came up.

“Dude, I was talking with Ashley online...” Ryan says as hot sauce drips down his red rosy puffed out cheek.

“Yeah…” Mitch replies with a giant chunk of lettuce stuck to the corner of his upper lip.

“Well, I think that she wants to do it with you, man. She was saying to me how hot it was last weekend when you were pulling your pants down. She said you had a cute butt”

“REALLLLY?! Tell me more, my good friend”

Ryan tells Mitch about how after about a year of Mitch hanging in there with Ashley that he was finally going to get to have sex with her. Mitch had to put up with quite a lot to get to this point. He had to put up with a girl who was flip flopping between her boyfriend Brad and Mitch. After Brad blew up at Mitch for “trying to move in on his girl” Ashley had had enough of Brad’s jealousy. She dumped him. You’d think that Mitch would have had a nice wide opening but Ashley didn’t want to have anything to do with anybody for a while. It wasn’t until a month ago that she started hanging around Mitch and Ryan again. Unfortunately for Mitch…Ryan was now a single man too. He and Diana split things up due to Ryan finally coming to his senses that he was with a man beast.

“I’m going to tell you now that I really worked her hard to get her to have sex with you…” Ryan has a serious look on his face. He means business.

“What?!”

“Mitch, she’s still a little down about Brad and everything. She just wasn’t ready but, you know me…I talked her into it,” he flashes that toothy grin of his which, at this point, sends shivers down Mitch’s spine.

“Ok. So, you basically talked Ash into having sex with me. This is a little creepy, man. Do I buy you a present or something? Haha.”

“Well, there’s kind of a condition…” he’s sitting there with his little pudgy hands folded like two meat mittens. “…I get to kind of fool around with her too”

Mitch is dumbfounded. “At the same time?!”

Ryan laughs like it’s a little joke. “No! Heh. You’ll have sex with her but, you know, at an undisclosed time and date I’ll get to fool around with her too.”

Immediately Mitch remembers back to when Ryan was still with Diana. In fact, it was a little bit before he kicked her to the curb. Diana was at work while Mitch, Ryan, and Ashley stayed in Diana’s room together. They were all bored and were lying on the bed together when the subject of a “threesome” came up. Jokes were tossed around about how awkward it might be and eventually Ryan brings up touching Ashley’s breast. Ashley, who was very nice and adventurous, let Ryan touch her breast through her shirt. He liked it a lot. In fact, he liked it enough to dump his girlfriend and try to take his best friends action.

“Ryan, this is ridiculous. You’re not fooling around with her at all. I think it’s great what you did for me because God knows that I need to get laid finally but this is REALLY weird, man”

The conversation was dropped after that but Mitch was still going to be having sex with Ashley.

She’s right, you know that Mitch. You have to have a damn conversation. It’ll take your mind off of, well, you KNOW!

“Um, how are you?” Mitch manages to barely squeak out.

“Haha. Fine. How are you?”

“Fantastic. I’m going to be REALLY fantastic in about five minutes.”

Five minutes. Ha! Try 3 and a half minutes until Mitch pulled down his alleyway and into his gravel filled driveway. As he and Ashley approached his back door his next door neighbors were out on the back porch.

Ha ha! Check it out, neighbors. Look at this beautiful girl walking into my house WITHOUT my mom home. Yeah, you know EXACTLY what we’re going to be doing in there, don’t you? Guess what? You aren’t getting any and I am! Neener neener neener!!

Mitch gives Ashley the tour of the home. It’s not really much to see only Ashley says what everyone says after entering Mitch’s home: “Your house is REALLY clean!”. Mitch didn’t waste time with the tour. He immediately took her up to the third floor. His bedroom. Where all the magic happens.

On the wall Mitch has a Metallica poster and a list of the 100 most dastardly comic book villains. Mitch, upon further evalution, has decided that the supervillain poster MAY have to go soon. Supervillains aren’t really going to be turning a girl on anytime soon. He has a large blanket up over his two windows making it extra dark inside the room. A couple candles have been lit that sit on his hand built writing desk.

Ashley is wearing the same tight little black top that she wore the first time that Mitch met her. She follows that up with a pair of very tight navy blue jeans that Mitch can’t wait to see on his bedroom floor. She stands in the middle of his room with a sly smile across her face. “I’m going to go use the bathroom, ok?”

“That’s fine. Go ahead”

As she goes downstairs Mitch sits on his bed staring across his room at the poster of Brandon Lee as The Crow. Brandon sits slouched in a large wooden chair, which looks quite menacing and scary with further observation. Mitch can’t stop thinking about how it’s finally happening and it’s tough for him to believe that he’s actually in this moment.

Would my dad be proud?

As Ashley begins coming back up the steps Mitch looks down at his CD Player on the floor and realizes he needs to kick on his music mix he made. He pushes play as she enters the room with her jeans already off.

“Oh…My…God…”

Those are the last words Mitch would utter as a virgin. Bon Jovi’s “Always” kicks on over Mitch’s crappy Aiwa stereo and the two make love passionately on Mitch’s bed.

Now I can’t sing a love song
Like the way it’s meant to be
Well, I guess I’m not that good anymore
But baby, that’s just me​

Mitch runs his fingers through her wavy blonde hair as he’s kissing her pouting soft lips. Everything about her is tender. Everything about her is beautiful and amazing.

And I will love you, baby
Always
And I’ll be there forever and a day
Always
I’ll be there till the stars don’t shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don’t rhyme
And I know when I die, you’ll be on my mind
And I’ll love you
Always​

About ten minutes later Mitch and Ashley lie back on the bed, Mitch holding Ashley in his arms. His smile about a mile across and his body more relaxed than it’s been in forever.

“I’m actually tired out. Jeez, I wasn’t expecting THAT!” was Ashley’s response afterward. “You said that was your first time, right? How’d you do that?”

Mitch, with his smile growing even wider somehow, says, “Because I’m that damn good”

Ashley laughed hysterically for a few minutes after that. So did Mitch. There weren’t too many of those laughs shared after this day, unfortunately. Things change and so do people. Mitch should have thought more about that day in his kitchen with Ryan. He should have realized that his manipulative minded friend would have none of this without some kind of repercussions. Unfortunately, with Mitch no longer a virgin he was absolutely clear minded and at ease with himself. He wasn’t thinking about Ryan or losing Ashley. Unfortunately, Ryan knew how to work his magic and work his manipulative charms. Ashley ended up dumping Mitch sometime in October which soon led to Mitch no longer speaking with Ryan. Ryan and Ashley spent a lot of time together and Mitch was sure that Ryan was getting his “reward”.

After an eight year friendship Ryan and Mitch threw it out of the window for a blonde haired girl named Ashley. The friendship was never the same again.

October 2005

The offices of Dr. David Corral

Mitch, wearing a sling on his right arm, sits on the examination table as the thin average framed Dr. Corral enters the room. He looks at Mitch over his wire framed glasses and then down at the file folder in his hand. “Mitch, Mitch, Mitch…what did you do to yourself?”

“Skateboarding accident…I dislocated my shoulder.”

“Ouch. You haven’t really been having a good run of things lately, have you?”

Mitch can only chuckle to himself a little bit. “That’s putting it lightly, doc.”

“Well, I’ve got a little good news for you. The inflammation on your testicles has gone down considerably since April. Have you noticed less pain in the past month or two?”

“Well, considering it feels like my right arm is halfway falling off my testicles have been fine.”

The doctor sits down on a little black stool and wheels himself over to a computer. He brings up a program that looks a lot like Microsoft Excel but he’s bringing up a bunch of different drugs and medications. “I’ve got some new ideas about what to give you next, Mitch. I want to be honest with you here. Prostatitis is a VERY tough thing to get over. Some men it takes them years before they have a normal pattern back in their lives. Other men it only takes a few months. It’s just trying to find the right treatment for the right person. I’m glad that you’ve been patient with me through all of this and I want to make sure you’re back to one hundred percent. So, have you been having sex lately?”

“Well, with myself”

“Mitch that’s not healthy,” says the doctor as he spins his chair around to an adjacent table.

“Well, if nobody is going to DO it for me I’m going to have to do it myself”

“I’m not here to judge. All you have to do is go out somewhere and meet a girl. It’s truly that simple, Mitch. It really is.”

Yea, right. It’s that easy, huh? Maybe for a ****ing medical doctor who drives a ****ing BMW and makes 100 G’s a year. For an overweight, ugly mall security guard who’s been poor his entire life…no, it’s not “truly” that simple. *******.

“Mitch…,” the doctor says as he pulls out a rubber glove and pulls it onto his right hand. “…I’m going to need you to bend over the table.”

Somebody, please, just ****ing kill me.

 

[SpideyInATree]

The Loser
Part V


November 6, 2005

The Mall – “Paid to read comics”

All over the news lately they’ve been talking about global warming. As Mitch sits atop the roof of the Food Court entrance in the beginning of November, WITHOUT a jacket, he thinks to himself, “I like global warming. Winter is extremely overrated.” Winter was not yet in the forecast as the temperature had climbed to a balmy 73 degrees. Even in the middle of the night the temperature has only dropped to a perfect coolness of 59 degrees.

Mitch sits atop the roof because after seven months of pain and urination at a forty five minute interval he’s fed up with working the night shift. It had been a year or so now that he’s worked the steady nights. He enjoyed doing it at first because of the peace and quiet that came with the shift. No annoying “mall guests”. No insane mall employees. And, most of all, no supervisors or co-workers were on duty. He virtually had the entire mall to himself.

While the pros were awesome the cons were becoming increasingly overwhelming. The first and foremost was the undeniable fact that Mitch COULD NOT sleep during the day. If it wasn’t screaming kids it was somebody making a racket outside on his front street. Second…Mitch had gained about forty to fifty pounds since going to the nights. All the weight he had lost from high school was right back on him again. It was like all that work back then was absolutely for nothing.

One thing about the night shift that you HAD to do were what’s called toco rounds. Basically, the officer on the night shift carries around a blue wand, that sort of looks like an alien high tech *****, and hit these metallic little discs glued to places all over the mall. Each chip has a code programmed into it so that when the wand hits it the chip’s code goes into the wand. Then, at the end of the shift, the security director takes the wand and downloads all the information. They know which disc that you hit and at what time you hit it. Mitch was trained to do three of these toco rounds a night and they generally took about twenty to thirty minutes to complete.

The past three to four months Mitch would do very terrible rounds to see if his superiors even checked the information on the wand. After a few experiments he realized that NOBODY was checking the data on the toco wand. At first Mitch was angered that he’d actually worry himself that he didn’t have good rounds. Then it hit him like a ten ton of bricks being poured onto his brain.

I don’t even have to do them at all anymore. I can just do whatever the hell I feel like doing. **** this place! The doors are all locked and secured. The parking lot is empty. I can just sit out in the lot and just chill. This is going to be so ****ing easy!

And atop the Food Court roof Mitch is doing absolutely nothing. Well, not entirely. Next to him is the Jansport bookbag, you know…the one he’s had since the sixth grade, and inside is a brown bag containing a stack of books that have come very dear to Mitch over his twenty some odd years of life…and those would be his comic books. Not his entire collection, mind you, but he’s got his WEEKS worth of comics with him and he plans on reading them to completion…while getting paid.

“Holy ****! Look at this lazy mother****er!” a man’s voice yells from the ground below.

Mitch falls back out of his chair almost slipping off the edge of the Food Court roof. “Jesus Christ!”

The man below is laughing hysterically as Mitch peaks his head over the side. Below he notices a Robinson Township Police cruiser and one of the officers standing down below. “If you’re up there beating your dick I’m gonna have to call it in”

Mitch lets out a small sigh of relief and a small chuckle. “No, I’m not BEATING OFF. Jeez, I’m not that lonely yet.” Mitch picks himself back up, dusting some dirt off of his uniform. “And you’d have thought that I would have heard you pull up”

“I would have thought so too but I am known for being like a ****ing ninja in this police car that sticks out like a sore thumb, “says the officer with a hint of sarcasm thrown behind it.

“Yeah, yeah”

Mitch has known Police officer Samuel McMahon for about five months now. He’s stopped by and talked with Mitch telling him stories of crazed prostitutes and drunk drivers. Every now and again he’ll offer up a story about beating the crap out of a prisoner they didn’t like or who was giving them lip. Mitch has come to have a good relationship with the officer and has made it a point to keep it that way.

“So what is it that you’re doing up there, kid?”

“Well, uh, I’m reading my weekly comics”

“Haha. WHAT?! Comics?!”

“Yeah, you know…comic books.”

“Like Spider-Man?”

“Yeah, I’ve got Spider-Man House of M this week. It’s the last issue of the miniseries…”

Officer McMahon interrupts quickly, “Dude, aren’t you like twenty four or twenty five years old?”

Mitch pauses not knowing whether to be offended or not, “Uh, yeah, I’m twenty four”

The officer pauses himself and shrugs his shoulders. “Hey, that’s pretty cool. You been reading them since you were a kid, huh?”

“Yeah…I’ve basically been collecting comics since I was eight or nine years old. I’ve got a huge collection built up.”

“No ****? Here I am calling you a geek and you sound like you’ve got a gold mine sitting at your house. You could sell those things and get out of this stupid ass job you’re doing”

Mitch smiles and shakes his head. “No, you don’t understand. I’m not looking to ever sell these things. This collection is MY collection and the only reason for having it is to hand it down to someone before I die”

“That’s really ****ing weird, kid, but you do what you gotta do. I just wanted to stop by and let you know that I’m probably getting off this shift. You might not be seeing me around after this.”

“Damn, man. Moving on to better things?”

“Definitely. So, how’d you get into those comics anyway?”

“Well, when you’re a kid comic books just seem larger than life. I was just attracted to them. It wasn’t until I was around 12 when my friend Ryan collected them and basically kind of got me into getting hardcore with it. And, shortly after that it was something me and my dad did together”

“Oh yeah? Your pops supported that?”

“Haha. He did more than support it, he would read the damn things with me!”

Officer McMahon laughs. “Your pops was definitely a good egg, kid” He walks to his cruiser and opens the driver door. “I’ll let the other officers know that if they see someone on this roof that it’s only you. This is my final favor that I will be doing for you. After that, you’re on your own now. Don’t let those damn comics warp your mind, kid. You can escape for a little bit but real life always comes back to bite you in the ass.”

He drives away as Mitch sits back in the lawn chair with Klarion The Witch Boy # 4 of 4 sitting in his lap. He thinks about what Officer McMahon had said to him about his dad being a good egg and living in real life. Mitch’s escape from reality wasn’t just comics. It was practically everything in life. It all stems back to that one moment where EVERYTHING went wrong. It was that stroke that God put in Mitch’s master plan that would be the ultimate turning point in his life. And ever since that fateful day Mitch Atkis was never the same.

January 22, 1994

The home of Mitch Atkins – “…”

“So, kid, you’re thirteen years old now. How’s it feel?”

The chubby cheeked Mitch Atkins smiles brightly as he looks over at the large 6’5” frame of his father. “It feels the same as twelve!” Mitch replies in a child-like voice.

Mitch’s father with his gray hair recently chopped off into a crew cut sits on the large green couch with his arm around his thirteen year old son. “Haha!” His father’s chuckle always makes Mitch happy. “I bet you do feel the same as twelve. So, now that you’re a teenager some things are gonna start changin’ around here, if you know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t know what you mean,” Mitch replies looking up at his father with puppy dog eyes.

“Haha, you and that look. You used to give me that look whenever you wanted one of those stupid G.I. Joes.”

“And it worked, didn’t it?”

His father shakes his head with a smile. “It worked then but it don’t work when you’re a teenager anymore. I’m gonna bring the hammer down, boy! Your ass will be grass and I’m gonna be the LAWNMOWER!” Mitch’s father thumps his fist into his chest like a gorilla and chuckles hysterically.

“You used the lawnmower one. Great. I’m really in for it.”

“Haha!”

Mitch pauses. “I love you, dad”

“I love you too, son”

Mitch hugs his dad and then leaps over the coffee table thumping onto the living room floor, shaking the entire house.

“JESUS CHRIST!” Mitch’s mom shrieks from the kitchen.

Mitch runs up the stairs to the second floor, rounds the corner, and flies toward the attic where his room has been for about a year now. There’s absolutely no time to waste as he has to listen to a CD on his brand new stereo system that he got for Christmas.

Earlier in the day Mitch, his mother and his father took a trip out to Ross Park Mall for the day. It was one of the coldest days of the year. The temperature was at a bitter zero degrees but with the wind chill it was a fresh negative 22 degrees. It was perfect shopping weather for the American consumer just shortly after Christmas time. Mitch had headed to B.Dalton Bookstore to purchase the latest Christopher Pike novel. His buddy Ryan, whom he recently met only a year ago, had recommended checking them out. Mitch, dying to try out his new stereo system, needed to buy a new CD. With money still left over from Christmas time he had the ability to make these purchases. It was either AC/DC’s Razor’s Edge or Aerosmith’s Pump. The decision was a very difficult one but Mitch chose Aerosmith because he was dying to hear Love In An Elevator on his system.

Back in Mitch’s attic room he’s placing Pump into the player and lies back on his bed. Steven Tyler and company begin to take him away, with his first experience with a rock n roll album. Things were going to be just great. He had a really awesome new best friend. He and his dad were practically inseparable. With the constant bowling tournaments and the trips to the comic book stores…they had becomed attached at the hip. Mitch was feeling great about becoming closer with his dad and with recently becoming a teenager he felt they were going to get even more close. It was time for Mitch to grow up and become a man.

Mitch sits through the first few tracks a little unimpressed. Finally it got to the song that he had been longing for. Love In An Elevator.

Workin' like a dog fo de boss man
Workin' for de company
I'm bettin' on the dice I'm tossin'
I'm gonna have a fantasy
But where am I gonna look?
They tell me that love is blind
I really need a girl like an open book
to read between the lines

Love in an elevator
Livin' it up when I'm goin' down
Love in an elevator
Lovin' it up 'til I hit the ground​

Mitch leaps up from his twin bed and begins playing air guitar to Joe Perry’s amazing guitar work. If any of the girls at his school caught him doing this he’d be a freakin’ laughing stock. But who cares. Life is GOOD!

Jacki's in the elevator
Lingerie second floor
She said 'can I see you later
And love you just a little more?'
I kinda hope we get stuck
nobody gets out alive
She said I'll show ya how to fax in the mailroom honey and have you home by five

Love in an elevator
Livin' it up when I'm goin' down
Love in an elevator
Lovin' it up 'til I hit the ground​

As Mitch is trying to keep up with Mr. Perry on his air guitar he can hear faint signs of screaming.

Who the hell is that? It’s probably dumb Kelly next door yelling at her new husband. I hate living in a duplex.

As Mitch continues the screaming becomes louder, even over his blaring music. He turns it down a little bit and puts his ear to the heating duct. He hears his mom screaming through the vent.

Something’s wrong!

Mitch, even as pudgy as he had become, flew down two floors of steps faster than Superman or The Flash could. As he rounded the corner into the kitchen he looked into the living room seeing his father lying on the living room floor with his mother in tears attempting to give him CPR. Mitch walks into the living room and looks down at his father, who just ten minutes earlier looked full of life, and now his face was completely grey.

“Oh my god! Mitch, get out of here, please!” Mtich’s mom screams and tries to pull Mitch out of the room. She can’t however as she has the phone on her ear getting the paramedics to come to the house and giving his dad CPR at the same time.

Mitch can’t move. His eyes fill up with tears and his mind is going in so many different directions that he can’t find something to think about. He doesn’t know what to do.

Mitch’s mom then grabs him and leads him up to the second floor into his parents bedroom. She lies him on the bed and says, “Please stay here, I’ll be right back, honey…OK?”

Mitch lies there in an emotional panic not really sure what he should be doing at that moment. He’s frozen in fear.

Suddenly his mother reappears and she lies next to him clutching onto him for dear life. She’s crying but trying to keep her strength the best that she can.

“It’s going to be all right, Mitch. Ok? It’s going to be just fine.”

As she rocks him in her arms he can’t even reply. His mind still moving a hundred miles an hour. He doesn’t quite yet know how he should feel or if he should feel anything at all.

“Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come...” Mitch’s mother prays under her breath squeezing Mitch tighter and tighter as the flashing lights of the firetrucks and the ambulances fill the darkened room. “Honey, I have to go downstairs. I want you to stay up here in the room, ok?” She is wiping the tears from her face attempting to strengthing herself up. She then leaves the room.

Mitch lies there for a few moments and then gets up to look out of the window in his parents room. Outside is the front street that he grew up on. All the great memories of playing with all his friends. Hide and go seek. It tag. Release. Indian ball. Football. Baseball. And everything you could think off. Right now two firetrucks and an ambulance fills the street. All of the neighbors, in the bitter cold, stand outside looking toward Mitch’s house in absolute bewilderment. They wonder what could be going on. What’s happened in the Atkin’s house? Is everyone all right?

He then walks slowly down the steps and sits near the bottom, peering around the corner. He watches the EMT’s and firefighters work on his father’s prone body. Every now and then Mitch’s dad lets out a large breath like he’s giving off a sigh of relief. An EMT says, “He’s not breathing, he’s just exiting out extra air in his lungs”.

Mitch goes back up to his parents room and he can’t really feel anything anymore. He just sort of feels like he’s just there to be there.

Suddenly he’s inside a minivan heading toward his friend Jimmy’s house for the night. Next thing you know he’s in bed across from his friend Jimmy trying to find a way to go to sleep. And eventually Mitch drifts off to sleep.

The Next Morning

“Mitch? Mitch?”

Mitch slowly opens his eyes to his friend Jimmy’s mom leaning down on the bed. “Oh man…”

“Your mom and grandma are downstairs to pick you up…” his friends mom, a wonderful lady in her own right, doesn’t have a very happy look on her face.

Mitch drags himself out of bed not really sure how he got over to his friend Jimmy’s house. Did he spend the night? Well, he must have because he’s here. He had a really weird dream last night about his dad not feeling well on the living room floor. He walks down the steps into the large hallway at the bottom. He sees his mom standing there looking like she’s been up for three or four straight days. His grandmother stands back out on the porch with her head down in her hands the second Mitch came down the final step.

“Is he all right?” Mitch barely can ask.

“No, honey…your dad died last night….”

Mitch falls into his mothers arms and begins balling. His entire body ravages with sobbing convultions and every bone in his body aches. His head begins to feel like it’s going to explode. His eyes won’t stop watering and running.

Next thing he knows he’s in the back seat of his grandmothers car with his grandmother holding him. She keeps saying, “I lost my baby boy, I lost my baby boy…”

As Mitch’s mother drives the family back home everything from this point on changes.

On January 22, 1994 Mitch Atkins and his mother watched the man they loved more than anything die on the living room floor. His heart just gave and it was time for him to go. He was a son. He was a father. He was a brother. He was a Vietnam veteran. He was a steel worker. And, most of all, he was the greatest father that walked God’s green earth. Mitch’s father died. So did Mitch.

 

[SpideyInATree]

The Loser
Part VI

November 19, 2005

Dad’s Grave – “Spirit Carries On”

The twenty four year old Mitch Atkis lies on the green blades of grass with his hands folded up behind his head. Next to him is a marble grave stone that has his fathers name on it, and next to his is his mothers name. The grave stone next to that one is the grave stone for his grandfather and grandmother on his father’s side. Two generations already six feet under and Mitch hadn’t even started out his life. Mitch’s hazel eyes focus on the dream catchers and good luck charms on the grave site next to his dad’s. It’s an American Indian family who believe that when you place a dream catcher above a loved ones grave that it wards the evil spirits away. Mitch sometimes thinks that the dream catcher pushes those spirits over to his dad’s way…

“So…lets see now. Today you’d have been fifty seven years old. Yeah, that’s pretty old, man. I’d have had more than enough reason now to call you “the old man”. Heh.”

Mitch sighs to himself as he can literally feel his prostate pushing into his bladder. Normally he’d get up and go take a five minute long pee but he’s tired of letting this stupid prostatitis control him.

“I know it’s your birthday and everything but I really need some help…”

In a way Mitch feels like one of those weird people who always try contacting their dead loved ones through psychics. Always sitting and looking at a marble stone asking it for help. If people that supposedly like you won’t help you…do you really think a piece of stone is going to?

“Look. I know you’ve helped me before. I KNOW IT! I came here and asked for help back in my senior year. The NEXT DAY I met K and it set into motion one of the best things that ever happened to me. I met Tom. I met AC. I met Shaun. I met all my friends I have now and we had a blast together. It saved my life, dad. I know you had something to do with that! Now, I’m asking you again…can you help me?”

Mitch stops and sighs…shaking his head. He’s just feeling so stupid for doing this. It’s almost become a last resort or that last ditch effort before…what? What will Mitch do if this doesn’t work?

“I tried not to do bad things, dad, I really did. I tried to always do what you told me to do and remember those things that you used to say to me. I lost sight of it somewhere. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I stole, even though I gave the money to the homeless, haha. I’m just sorry that I may have disappointed you. So, yes, now I need help. It feels like my prostate is going to explode. My head feels like it’s going to pop. I’m desperately lonely. Dad, how the hell does this happen?”

Mitch can only lie there in silence because in the really real world…spirits don’t just answer back. Mitch wishes that it were a movie so his father’s spirit form could come down and help him. Get him his confidence back. Get him back to the healthy Mitch Atkins he had come to enjoy. Get a lady and marry her. It’d be a really good feel good kind of movie, you know? But…like it was pointed out…this is the real world. In the real world Mitch Atkins lies at his father’s grave for the rest of the evening, into the bitter chill of winter’s air…and eventually falls asleep.

The last thing that Mitch remembers thinking before going to sleep is, “Man, this grass looks like crap. Grandma would be PISSED!”

December 21, 2005

The Mall – “’Dre Day”


Mitch Atkins, sporting a full blown goatee, walks the back hallways of The Mall hitting his toco chips like a good little security officer. His eyes with dark rings around them and bloodshot from the lack of sleep. His large flabby stomach protrudes out through his pants, which are far too tight for him now. All he needs to do is bend over in the slightest way and...RIP! There goes those pants. Mitch was becoming disgusted with himself and needed to lose some weight. A week earlier, at the offices of Dr. David Corral, Mitch’s good doctor informed him that losing weight would probably assist him in his battle with prostatitis. Which Mitch replied to himself, “No ****, huh?”

“It’s been getting better, doc. I pee only about a little over an hour every time now. The pain in my testicles has subsided but when I sit a certain way it can be pretty painful.”

“Yes, there is still some inflammation on the testicles, Mitch. Sounds like you’re on your way to recovery,” the doctor says sticking his rubber gloved finger into Mitch’s butthole. “Hmmm, your prostate seems to have gone down considerably. I wonder why you’re still having this urge to urinate all the time?”

“I was hoping you’d have that answer…” Mitch answers wincing a bit as he’s bent over the examination table staring at a poster of what the male reproductive system looks like on the inside.

“It’s highly possible that your fast weight gain has something to do with it. According to the files you’ve gained about 35 pounds in about a 6 to 7 month period. I think you need to lose some weight,” the doctor pulls his finger out of Mitch’s butthole as he says “weight” and then tosses the glove in the biohazard garbage can. “And you need to start relaxing. I could feel your ******* clenching up like a virgin on prom night. Lighten up, I’m a professional here.”

Mitch is wiping the lube out of his butthole just staring at the doctor in bewilderment.

He’s sticking his finger up my ass and calling it professional? Holy ****!

Mitch is near the end of his first interior toco round as he enters the food court entrance. Thankfully, Houlihans restaurant closed their bar early so there would be no annoying drunks on this night. Though as Mitch hits the Entry A toco on the heating unit he hears a loud thumping noise coming from the lot. He opens the doors and peers outside to see a large black Ford Explorer parked a few spaces into the front of the lot blasting the most God awful rap music that could have been played.

Great. I’m going to have to go talk to this idiot and kick him off the property. Sigh. Why does this stupid little ****ing **** always have to happen. Why can’t things just be freakin’ quiet the entire time. NOOO! Some assclown has to be out in the lot blasting…what the hell is that? The Diplomats? Ugh, it’s gotta be. Oh no…

As Mitch gets closer to the vehicle he gets his blue toco wand ready to be used as a weapon and then begins to realize that he knows this black Ford Explorer.

“You’ve got to be kidding me…”

The tinted drivers side window slowly slides down and a plump black man with a large afro and a red afro pick protruding on the right side of his ‘fro has a large smile on his face. “Sup, my *****”.

Mitch just shakes his head and smiles. “Nothing much, cracker”

The black man sucks his teeth and then rolls his eyes. “You gonna be all on that mother****in’ ‘I’m a white guy, you can’t call me *****’ ****? Man…**** you, *****”

Mitch just laughs at the irony of it all. The man’s name is Andre and that’s all you need when it comes to his name. ‘Dre, as Mitch has come to call him over the handful of months that he’s known him, knew Mitch through his ex-girlfriend Brooke. He used to sell Brooke weed and developed quite a fondness for Mitch each time they would visit ‘Dre’s house.

Brooke always used to say, “It’s because he always likes having a white guy friend to prove to people he’s not a racist”.

Mitch knew better even back then. Even when he was blinded by the ***** he understood why Andre enjoyed having Mitch around. It was trust, plain and simple. It took a few meetings but things definitely got cool between the two once Andre saw that Mitch was a guy who could keep secrets. Not just deep dark secrets but little things that people share in their life that they wouldn’t normally tell another person. He knew he could trust Mitch with those things. Everybody, over the years, has seemed to notice this about Mr. Mitch Atkins. Even though he only had a strong relationship with Andre for about five, possibly six months, he’s wondering what brings this man to the mall parking lot. Especially in the bitter cold of a budding Pittsburgh winter.

“You gonna actually stand there like a punk ass ***** and pretend like you don’t know why I’m out here?” Dre says turning up the heat in his vehicle and lighting up a Newport cigarette.

“Uhhh, honestly…I’m not pretending, dude. Why are you here? And don’t say because of Brooke because I don’t want to ****ing hear that **** anymore, all right?”

‘Dre shakes his head laughing and then looks at Mitch. “Yo, dawg, just cool yo jets, aight? I came out this motha ****a because I wanted to wish you a motha ****in’ happy birthday. But you’re gonna be all, ‘Don’t bring up my ex-ho’ BULL****!”

Mitch pauses for a moment, looks down at his watch, and notices that today’s date is December 21. It is his birthday. “Holy ****ing ****…I forgot…”

‘Dre laughs even harder than he previously did. “YO! Fo’ real?” he lets out another extremely annoying laugh as he claps his hands together like some kind of mad dance. “Dawg, you gotta take a break from doin’ this ****. It’s ****in’ wit’ yo brain. I know, man. I told you I used to pull graveyard and ****. ****in’ be making you hallucinate and ****! But look…happy birthday though, dawg. And I came to tell you some ****, sorta a birthday present…”

“Sigh…it’s about Brooke, huh?”

“Yeah, it is. You don’t wanna hear dis’ ****, then don’t listen. But I’m gonna say that **** anyhow. ****in’ look. I’ve known that ***** forever and a ****in’ day, dawg, and she was one tightwad motha ****in’ *****. I never thought anybody would pop that cherry, yo.”

Mitch doesn’t fully understand what ‘Dre said to him. It could be because he’s not been around ‘Dre enough to understand him. But it’s really because it went a bit over his head, but after a few moments it sinks into his brain. “So, she was a virgin?”

“Hell, motha ****in’, yeah! Don’t you feel good that you popped that ****in’ cherry?!”

“What? NO, I ****ing don’t, man!” Mitch just stands there leaning on the side paneling of ‘Dre’s Explorer not really sure if he’s supposed to feel good or feel bad about this late breaking news.

‘Dre sucks his teeth. Mitch doesn’t try to stereotype people because he was taught better by his father, but sometimes…you can’t help yourself. Mitch has a thing about people sucking their teeth and notices that mostly black people do it in the worst possible moments. “Yo, *****, you thought she had been wit’ other *****s before. Now I’m givin’ you a GIFT lettin’ you know that you took that virginity. You had first dibs on that piece, yo. Now dat’ **** is ****in’ priceless!”

“Priceless? Dude, she ****ing cheated on me! I don’t care if I took her virginity one hundred times over! She has ****ed me up in the head and ****ed me up in God knows how many other ways. I just want to forget that she ever existed. Can you understand that, ‘Dre?”

“Dawg…you’s one ****in’ cool dude. Dat’s why I’m out here. Check it though…you ain’t the first ***** dis’ **** happened to. *****es are ****in’ crazy, you know? You popped that cherry because you the guy she’s been waitin’ for to do dat’ **** wit’. You did it and she realizes, ‘Oh snap, I like cock inside me and sucking cock and all kinds of ****’…”

“…I doubt she said that…” Mitch interrupts.

‘Dre sucks his teeth. Mitch rolls his eyes. “Look, listen to me, dawg. She liked the cock and she freaked the **** out, you know? She went out and wanted to know if different cock was any better. It happens to all sorts of *****s! Why? Because *****es be ****in’ CRAZY! And Brooke…she one crazy *****, dawg.”

“Look…’Dre…I truly appreciate you coming down here, man. I think you’ll be the only one besides my mom to wish me a happy birthday. I want to forget about her, man. I don’t want to hear about taking her virginity and I don’t want to hear about how this guy and that guy has ****ed her now. I just don’t. I just want to try and move on with things and find another woman. And then hold out hope that whoever this girl is that I meet won’t **** me over like all the other ones.”

‘Dre is silent for a bit and turns his heat down, tossing his almost burnt away Newport to the cold salt covered parking lot. “Mitch…I consider you my *****. You been through some **** wit’ me and I always remember *****s who got my back. Now I want’choo to know that I gots yo’ back, aight? New Year’s Eve, I’m gonna be rockin’ a party like no other motha ****a. You gonna be there at my ****in’ party, aight?”

“Sigh…aight”