The Official "Ask A Teddy Bear" Thread!!!

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E. Bison said:
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My hand is on fire. What remedies should I take after putting it out?
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I would suggest a little aloe verra to soothe the pain along with tons of ice to numb the nerves in your hand.


And if none of those remedies work, might I suggest the ultimate medical remedy: DAYQUIL!!!
(spokesperson's voice)

Dayquil: It might not heal your hand, but after about a dozen bottles, it'll make you feel REAL good.
 
Nero_Ordin8619 said:
how do i train my dog to go bathroom outside?
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Depends on how big of a dog you got.

If you got some scrawny, scared little dog running around, like a chiwawa or pikanese, just yell at him in your loudest voice until he goes outside. He might not need to go before, but after your done yelling he certainly will.

For your normal dogs, like your golden retriever or Bloodhound, I suggest bringing some familiarity to the outside. I take it your dog is more of a house pet? Well, if that's the case, then he's not used to the outside world and only going by instincts to poop where it is convenient for him. Keep an eye on your dog for a few weeks. When it looks like he wants to do his buisness, throw him outside and let him do it. It may take a while, but after a few weeks, instinct will kick in and tell him he's SUPPOSE to go outside when doing his buisness.

Now if you have a huge dog, like a Roteweiler for example... I can't help you. Seriously, if I had a dog that's 6ft long, over 200 lbs, and is known for having a bad temper, he could pee anywhere he wanted. Just be glad he's allowing you to live in his house.
 
What do you have to say about the recent slaughter of 17 Americans in a Toys R Us in Colorado by a Teddy Bear gone insane from the increased sales of Yu Gi Oh! crap and the decreased sales in Teddy Bears? I hear they had a SWAT team take him out. My god...he choked a 6 year old to death with piano wire....it was...tragic.
 
Book of edd said:
What do you have to say about the recent slaughter of 17 Americans in a Toys R Us in Colorado by a Teddy Bear gone insane from the increased sales of Yu Gi Oh! crap and the decreased sales in Teddy Bears? I hear they had a SWAT team take him out. My god...he choked a 6 year old to death with piano wire....it was...tragic.


Lies, ALL LIES. You see, this is why I don't watch the News: facts that are twisted into lies.

First off, this was just a conspiracy produced by Donald Trump in order to get more promotional pay off for Toys R Us. In case you didn't know, Toys R Us has been losing some of it's buisness, causing trump to close down some of his stores. After the promotion from this fiasco,Toys R Us has more than doubled their buisness in the last year. Apparently, danger sells. Explains a lot why the Crocodile Hunter is so popular.

Secondly, although teddies have been known on rare occasions to attack(particularly those beady-eyed little Beanie Baby freaks), it wasn't an actual teddy. It was a stuffed Pikachu. I guess the kids aren't as enthusiastic about playing their Pokemon video games or trading their Pokemon playing cards or watching their Pokemon cartoons as they are about playing their Yu Gi oh video game, or trading their Yu Gi Oh trading cards or watching the Yu Gi Oh cartoons. But hey, don't feel too bad Pokemon. Besides, in the next 2 years another cheap Japanese cartoon will become popular by ripping of Yu Gi Oh the way you ripped off Monster Rancher, Digimon, etc.

Thirdly, I think I can speak for most bears when I say we are not jealous of Yu Gi Oh. Let them enjoy their sucess. They only got another year or so left before they get replaced. We've been around for over a hundred years. There will always be a place for us teddy bears. as long as there's a children without a toy of their own, we'll be there. As long as there are holidays devoted to showing someone you care, we'll be there. As long as there are guys out there who manage to screw up MAJORLY with their girlfriends and never thought of saying "I'm sorry"(looks around the Hype), we'll be there.
 
hey I have a question. How do you know that all your answers to people's questions are correct??
 
mercuryfly said:
hey I have a question. How do you know that all your answers to people's questions are correct??
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How does Dear Abby know all her answers to Questions are correct? How(and why) does Dr. Phil think all his answers are correct?

The truth is, we don't always know. It's not the "ASK THE TEDDY WHO'S ALWAYS RIGHT" thread now is it?

As far as why I answer these questions, as I explained earlier in this thread, we teddy bears are very wise. We shut up and listen, learning, rather than run our mouths about stuff we don't know anything about. I have heard from plenty of wise men in my time.

Besides if "Dr." Phil can do it, why can't I?
 
Nero_Ordin8619 said:
thanks and i hope i can make pooh the prez but that will be hard. and i'll bring awareness to the abuse of teddy bears.
... speaking of running for president, it turns out Pooh did run for president back in 1972 and 1976... well, sorta...

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In a promotion to celebrate the animated film addaptation of Winnie the Pooh, Disney Land began a campaign for Pooh to get elected President. While Pooh never got elected, he still apparently has an election campaign every time election year comes around.

I just want to thank Nero Ordin for going back in time and giving Pooh the oppurtunity to at least be nominated.
 
Keep your questions coming, people.
 
Hey Teddy, what's going down? Made love to any fine Care Bears lately?
 
J Dangerously said:
Hey Teddy, what's going down? Made love to any fine Care Bears lately?
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Naw, not recently. I'm dating a Barbie doll right now, and she refuses to have a 3-way. But I have gotten lucky with a few Care Bears. They are trully freaky in bed, always willing to try anything once just to prove to you how much they care. Only problem is that they're to clingy. Once you tell them you care, they won't let you go anywhere on your own. And they don't handle break-ups very well. If you ever break up with a Care Bear, remember to get a restraining order or else you might find out the hard way what happiness is made of.
 
TEDDY said:
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Naw, not recently. I'm dating a Barbie doll right now, and she refuses to have a 3-way. But I have gotten lucky with a few Care Bears. They are trully freaky in bed, always willing to try anything once just to prove to you how much they care. Only problem is that they're to clingy. Once you tell them you care, they won't let you go anywhere on your own. And they don't handle break-ups very well. If you ever break up with a Care Bear, remember to get a restraining order or else you might find out the hard way what happiness is made of.
Hehehehe, F_cking A !!
 
I'm telling you, Care Bears are crazy!
 
Now lets get off my love life and back to answering questions, shall we?
 
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I have a problem. You see, I'm trying to train my pet fish to smoke but every time I try to light them up a smoke the water puts it out. What should I do?
 
E. Bison said:
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I have a problem. You see, I'm trying to train my pet fish to smoke but every time I try to light them up a smoke the water puts it out. What should I do?
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Come on, Bison. You and I both know that your fish can't smoke in the water. So the answer is quite obvious:

Take your fish out the their tanks first, then let them smoke.(duh)

I suggest you teach them how to chain smoke real quick. They won't last too long outside of the water(especialy when they get the usual respiratory infections caused by smoking).
 
My GF recently broke up with me because she "was tired of the long distance relationship". Was she banging another guy while away at college, or did she wait til we broke up?
 
LanternLight said:
My GF recently broke up with me because she "was tired of the long distance relationship". Was she banging another guy while away at college, or did she wait til we broke up?
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She waited till she broke up with you. Now, don't get it twisted, she was seeing the other man while she was with you. Probably came close to banging him while you were still together. But she stopped due to guilt... or because they always got horny in the wrong place at the wrong time.(like at church, or the waiting line at the DMV) She dumps you to feel free to move on with her new love, symbolizing that her past is behind her now, she waits one day, due to the fact that she feels bad. And then, day 2, she's on the prowl again.

Don't feel too bad. Long-distance relationships are hard to make last. Besides, she'll probably end up becoming a 30 year old single mom with 3 kids and 5 baby daddies.

But she did break your heart, so might I suggest some revenge? Send an email to her explaining your feelings about the break up. Attached will be a "special" picture/movie of her that she made specifically for you.(if she dated you for more than a year, chances are you have at least one example of this) Explain to her that you're sending this to all of your friends, including her friends, her parents, and every amateur porn site on the web.

A few years will pass and she will forget about this incident. She will be seeking a new career. She'll get an interview for a major executive company. The meeting will go good, but since they can't just give her the job right off the bat, they tell her they'll give her a call back. Later that night, they will pretty much unanimously decide she is right for the position. But before hiring her, they must complete one thing: THE COMPANY BACKGROUND CHECK!!! When they find out your ex is an "internet porn queen", no way will they hire her.


... or if that doesn't work, you could always try stalking her, letting her know you're there even though she can't see you. Not my favorite option, but it seems to be very popular nowadays.
 
Anytime man. That's what I'm here for. Just recommend me to all of your friends on the Hype and watch the fun begin.
 
Most definitely, as down in the dumps as I've been I've needed laughs whereever I could get them :up:
 
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Do you believe God is harboring Weapons of Natural Distruction? Was it him that made that tsunami in Asia? Do you think the U.S. should invade Heaven or should we first send U.N. inspectors to heaven first?
 
E. Bison said:
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Do you believe God is harboring Weapons of Natural Distruction? Was it him that made that tsunami in Asia? Do you think the U.S. should invade Heaven or should we first send U.N. inspectors to heaven first?
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no, no, no, no, no. Next question!!!
 
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