The Official Step by Step dating guide

[kainedamo]

That is it! I've had enough! No more "why do girls date jerks and not nice guys" threads. No more "why can't I find a good man" threads. This thread here will answer all of your questions, in an easy to understand and step by step kind of way too!

It just won't be answered by me. I'm sorta hoping the king of *****, ShadowBoxing, comes in and shares his knowledge.

So let me just put it this way. Guys, how do you go about finding a girl and getting a date?

This is one of my problems. I don't know where to find girls. Currently, I am unemployed so no girls in that direction. In bars/clubs, girls tend to be asses. Its true. In my experience, they seem to be quite stuck up and snobish.

So step one would be - where do you go to meet girls anyway?? I've heard people say go to the library before on these boards I think.

Step two - once you see a girl of acceptable attractiveness and age, how do you approach? Maybe its not the girls in the bars/clubs that are the problem, but my approach. Most of the time I just sorta walked over to them on the dance floor or whatever and asked them what their name is and what they do. Doesn't seem to interest them. One time, a girl asked me my taste in music in a bar, and when I told her her response was something like "you might aswell say you're favourite food is potatoe and carrots!". So maybe they are snobby *****.

Step three - Once you've made your approach and are talking, then what?? What do you talk about??

And how important is your clothes and hairstyles?

 

[Boom]

Usually it involves a baseball bat and duct tape .

 

[ShadowBoxing]

That is it! I've had enough! No more "why do girls date jerks and not nice guys" threads. No more "why can't I find a good man" threads. This thread here will answer all of your questions, in an easy to understand and step by step kind of way too!

It just won't be answered by me. I'm sorta hoping the kind of *****, ShadowBoxing, comes in and shares his knowledge.

So let me just put it this way. Guys, how do you go about finding a girl and getting a date?

This is one of my problems. I don't know where to find girls. Currently, I am unemployed so no girls in that direction. In bars/clubs, girls tend to be asses. Its true. In my experience, they seem to be quite stuck up and snobish.

So step one would be - where do you go to meet girls anyway?? I've heard people say go to the library before on these boards I think.

Step two - once you see a girl of acceptable attractiveness and age, how do you approach? Maybe its not the girls in the bars/clubs that are the problem, but my approach. Most of the time I just sorta walked over to them on the dance floor or whatever and asked them what their name is and what they do. Doesn't seem to interest them. One time, a girl asked me my taste in music in a bar, and when I told her her response was something like "you might aswell say you're favourite food is potatoe and carrots!". So maybe they are snobby *****.

Step three - Once you've made your approach and are talking, then what?? What do you talk about??

And how important is your clothes and hairstyles?

Step 1: I'd imagine anywhere. In fact I'd wager that any given place you go outside of the men's bathroom they make up about 50% of the general populace there....just a hunch.

Step 2: Approach. The best advice I ever read, and ever had put in practice was the 3 second rule...I never realized I was using it all this time, but I had. Even if you have nothing to say approach them within 3 seconds of seeing them (obstacles notwithstanding). Then say "Hi". Make small talk if that is all you have. Don't try to be clever.

Step 3: Talk about anything that she can give lengthly answers on. Such as "How was/What did you do today", "What do you think of this place", "What are you reading"....then try to make conversation off of that original statement (rather than doing some twenty questions routine -- which is fine, just should be avoided).

Example.
(Convo I just had)
Hey ______
Girl: Hey _____!, how are you doing...
Fine...how was your [winter] break.
Girl: Oh good, how was yours.
It was nice, did you do anything on yours...
Girl: Got a lot of sleep...what about you...
...got a lot of Sleep
(both laugh)
Now you went home to...Tennessee, right?
Girl: yeah. Just spent time with my family.
You guys must be close.
Girl: Yeah...we are!
That's cool....anyways I got to get back to my workout...but have a good one.
(Now of course in any other situation you'd continue that discussion...here I was pressed for time.)

But see how rather than cross referencing her I just ask her questions based on the things she says. This indicates a) I am listening and b) it takes any pressure she could feel off of the conversation.

Now if you were to continue this conversation it might go something like this

So I bet your anxious about going out on your own after school is over then?
Girl: Blahblahblahblahblahblah.
That's real interesting, I feel the same way.
Girl: blahblahblahblah.
So what do you'll think you'll do afterwards.
Girl: blahblahblahblahblah.
Well, I think that would be a real good fit for you...
Girl: I hope so...
If not you can always mooch off your parents.
(giggles)

and so on. Make sure not to show any direct interest in her right away, like saying "you're pretty" or "you're nice". Also make sure to pay attention to body langauge. Leaning into you when she talks, touching, etc.

Don't talk about yourself directly, unless of course she asks a question that requires a direct answer like "what's your phone number?". Girls L-O-V-E to talk about themselves, much like everyone else. And if you let her talk about herself to you long enough she will begin to trust you and see you as someone she can talk to.

If you feel you have gotten somewhere at the end of the conversation (make sure you break it off by the way) say "we should continue talking about this some other time?" or "Look I gotta go, but maybe we could talk about this over coffee sometime?"...then there is a good chance she will give you her phone number or some form of contact information.

 

[ComicChick]

this should be a sticky for all the boys to read

 

[kytrigger]

That is it! I've had enough! No more "why do girls date jerks and not nice guys" threads. No more "why can't I find a good man" threads. This thread here will answer all of your questions, in an easy to understand and step by step kind of way too!

It just won't be answered by me. I'm sorta hoping the kind of *****, ShadowBoxing, comes in and shares his knowledge.

So let me just put it this way. Guys, how do you go about finding a girl and getting a date?

This is one of my problems. I don't know where to find girls. Currently, I am unemployed so no girls in that direction. In bars/clubs, girls tend to be asses. Its true. In my experience, they seem to be quite stuck up and snobish.

So step one would be - where do you go to meet girls anyway?? I've heard people say go to the library before on these boards I think.

Step two - once you see a girl of acceptable attractiveness and age, how do you approach? Maybe its not the girls in the bars/clubs that are the problem, but my approach. Most of the time I just sorta walked over to them on the dance floor or whatever and asked them what their name is and what they do. Doesn't seem to interest them. One time, a girl asked me my taste in music in a bar, and when I told her her response was something like "you might aswell say you're favourite food is potatoe and carrots!". So maybe they are snobby *****.

Step three - Once you've made your approach and are talking, then what?? What do you talk about??

And how important is your clothes and hairstyles?

1. You can find girls anywhere. If you are having trouble, the best place I can think of is at a friend's party. Like you say, bars and clubs can be tough for some just because of the amount of noise and whatnot there, whereas at a party, there might be a lot of noise, but you can usually finf at least one chill spot where you can talk to them.

Overall, use your friends. I find that generally the type of girl I am looking for will hang out with a certain group of friends. If I am just looking for someone really fun that likes to party, I will hang out with my friends that also do that. If I'm looking for sophisticated or an upscale woman, I will go out with some older friends to a nicer place (like a martini or jazz bar).

Not only can you meet people your firend already knows, but if you meet some random peope at one place, you can all actually be incorporated into the conversation. There is nothign worse than finding a lady you really like, but having your friends cockblock you (whether it's intentional or not).


2. Once again, this can be tough in a bar or club simply because of noise, and also because they are generally with their frineds in a pack. It's tough to break into the pack because they're all usually over-protective. Once again, the best way I find to combat this is to have a group of your firends as well. Bring the whole group over, buy some shots, and usually after that everybody is laughing it up together.

Anotehr thign that works in clubs is just get bottle service. You'll look badass and peope will constantly come up and ask you what the special occassion is or whatever. They basicalyl just want to mooch off of you and your group, but don't let them unless they are attractive. The only downside to this is that it can be expensive.

Besides club scenes, the way you approach is basically the way I approach women. Just go up and tell them your name. After that, it depends on the situation, you can ask them to dance, invite them to play drinking games inteh next room, whatever. Just do whatever you can to keep from having one of those "hi my name is Bob" *awkward silence*. If you're just one of thos epeople that is kind of unsure about starting new coversations then, once agian, have one of your friends help you out as a wingman. I've been Goose plenty of times in my life, and nothing brings two random people closer than doing somethign somewhat stupid (but harmless) in front of them and letting the two laugh about it.

3. I talk about whatever. While I will ask questions like "where do you work" or "what's your major", I try to avoid asking them right away because everybody does that. They've been asked those questions by almost every guy that has ever tried hitting on them. (Honestly, I can't really help much here because I don't really ever plan anything, I'm definately more of a spur of the moment kind of guy when it comes to conversation)

As for hair and clothing, I find them important for two reasons.
1) It is the first impression everybody will get. If you are dressed well, they will notice that, and they will also notcie if you are dressed in raggy t-shirt and Jeans. First impressions are big, and if they think you look like a slob or something, they probably won't give you a chance to prove them wrong.

2) It's about confidence. Their are certain outfits I ahve that I know I look good in. It's a nice shirt or a cool jacket or something. Whatever it is, you know you look good, and you show that confidence off. Beign confident is probably the most important thing out of all of this because I have seen good lookign guys get rejected for average looking guys with confidence.

Anyways, I hope this helps a little bit. I'm in no way Don Juan or anythign, but I consider myself fairly successful when it comes to meeting women and whatnot.

P.S. I like the idea of one thread for all of this. I'm sure I can definately use some advice that people wil offer up in here as well!

 

[Prognosticator]

Go meet someone somewhere where the atmosphere ISN"T centered around getting laid!

Find a small group of some sort. Book club. Cooking class. Church group. That is, if you want someone halfway worth a damn.

If you're just looking for a poke, go buy a prostitute or lower your standards.

But don't mix the two! No sense in finding a wholesome girl and turning her out just to satisfy your hollow needs.

That's my disclaimer to you selfish pervs on here!

 

[kytrigger]

Step 1: I'd imagine anywhere. In fact I'd wager that any given place you go outside of the men's bathroom they make up about 50% of the general populace there....just a hunch.

Step 2: Approach. The best advice I ever read, and ever had put in practice was the 3 second rule...I never realized I was using it all this time, but I had. Even if you have nothing to say approach them within 3 seconds of seeing them (obstacles notwithstanding). Then say "Hi". Make small talk if that is all you have. Don't try to be clever.

Step 3: Talk about anything that she can give lengthly answers on. Such as "How was/What did you do today", "What do you think of this place", "What are you reading"....then try to make conversation off of that original statement (rather than doing some twenty questions routine -- which is fine, just should be avoided).

Example.
(Convo I just had)
Hey ______
Girl: Hey _____!, how are you doing...
Fine...how was your [winter] break.
Girl: Oh good, how was yours.
It was nice, did you do anything on yours...
Girl: Got a lot of sleep...what about you...
...got a lot of Sleep
(both laugh)
Now you went home to...Tennessee, right?
Girl: yeah. Just spent time with my family.
You guys must be close.
Girl: Yeah...we are!
That's cool....anyways I got to get back to my workout...but have a good one.
(Now of course in any other situation you'd continue that discussion...here I was pressed for time.)

But see how rather than cross referencing her I just ask her questions based on the things she says. This indicates a) I am listening and b) it takes any pressure she could feel off of the conversation.

Now if you were to continue this conversation it might go something like this

So I bet your anxious about going out on your own after school is over then?
Girl: Blahblahblahblahblahblah.
That's real interesting, I feel the same way.
Girl: blahblahblahblah.
So what do you'll think you'll do afterwards.
Girl: blahblahblahblahblah.
Well, I think that would be a real good fit for you...
Girl: I hope so...
If not you can always mooch off your parents.
(giggles)

and so on. Make sure not to show any direct interest in her right away, like saying "you're pretty" or "you're nice". Also make sure to pay attention to body langauge. Leaning into you when she talks, touching, etc.

Don't talk about yourself directly, unless of course she asks a question that requires a direct answer like "what's your phone number?". Girls L-O-V-E to talk about themselves, much like everyone else. And if you let her talk about herself to you long enough she will begin to trust you and see you as someone she can talk to.

If you feel you have gotten somewhere at the end of the conversation (make sure you break it off by the way) say "we should continue talking about this some other time?" or "Look I gotta go, but maybe we could talk about this over coffee sometime?"...then there is a good chance she will give you her phone number or some form of contact information.

Definately good points (and examples) with the conversation.

 

[CyberFaust]

*subscribes to thread*

 

[kainedamo]

Step 2: Approach. The best advice I ever read, and ever had put in practice was the 3 second rule...I never realized I was using it all this time, but I had. Even if you have nothing to say approach them within 3 seconds of seeing them (obstacles notwithstanding). Then say "Hi". Make small talk if that is all you have. Don't try to be clever.

I want to talk more about step 2. What you suggest is a good idea, but the potential for embarresment is huge. Will the girl not think, 9 out of 10 times, who the hell is this guy and why is he talking to me?

Can you elaborate anymore on good approaches? "Can you help me with this??" "I'm looking for..."

 

[ShadowBoxing]

I want to talk more about step 2. What you suggest is a good idea, but the potential for embarresment is huge. Will the girl not think, 9 out of 10 times, who the hell is this guy and why is he talking to me?

Can you elaborate anymore on good approaches? "Can you help me with this??" "I'm looking for..."

My favorite approach is "Can you get this bartenders attention for me..." but that's beside the point.

What I bolded. So what. She had 0% of sleeping and or hooking up with you if you never approached her, at least approaching her gives you a chance. So what about embarresment; what's more embarassing, being the guy in the club fumbling over his words or being the guy in the club who sits there alone in the corner staring in a stalkerish fashion at girls he cannot get up the courage to talk to. The latter, I'd assume.

If a girl is standing with her friends and you come up and talk to her the worst she can do is walk away...but most people jump at the chance to make a first impression and introduce themselves.

 

[WorthyStevens]

You can pretty much get laid anywhere as I found out recently. You just have to have confidence, with the ability to at the very least make small chat. And having good looks doesn't hurt either.

 

[CyberFaust]

My favorite approach is "Can you get this bartenders attention for me..." but that's beside the point.

What I bolded. So what. She had 0% of sleeping and or hooking up with you if you never approached her, at least approaching her gives you a chance. So what about embarresment; what's more embarassing, being the guy in the club fumbling over his words or being the guy in the club who sits there alone in the corner staring in a stalkerish fashion at girls he cannot get up the courage to talk to. The latter, I'd assume.

If a girl is standing with her friends and you come up and talk to her the worst she can do is walk away...but most people jump at the chance to make a first impression and introduce themselves.

you are wise and cunning t:

 

[Fried Gold]

1. Only apprach females when blind drunk. There is nothing more attractive to a female than a neanderthal male stumbling around the streets at night, possibly chanting his favourite football anthem with his intellectually challenged peers.

2. Avoid conversation wherever possible. Limit potential encounters to describing at length how being the team leader in a call centre allows you ample opportunity to do as little as possible and generally meet new drinking partners.

3. Limit gym visits to annually. Girls seem to dig those extra tight short sleeved shirts that exhaggerate ones beer belly. As an extra bonus, try a pair of pre-ripped jeans from Top Shop. Chicks go wild for that ****, man.

4. Encourage potential mates to slap on as much make-up as possible. After all, there's nothing sexier than a female with a face resembling a trifle.

5. Buy a car. Doesn't matter what kind. As long as you can boast about it's engine in specific detail, the lady will be impressed.

6. Be sure to brag about many times you've been laid.

7. Public displays of affection are acceptable, but only when in crowded areas of with your friends. After all, what's the point of a girlfriend if you can't brag about it?

8. Girls love affection. Particularly the really expensive kind that hangs around neck or from her ears. Don't worry if you're a cheap skate, a trip to the local market will do just fine.

9. The latest Fast and the Furious movie is an ideal first date senario. Make sure she pays, as you paid the last time (albeit with a different girl).

10. Limit your television habits to Big Brother and a random assortment of sports. The former displays your intellect and interest in current affairs, and the latter your competitive nature and general appreciation of physical fitness.

Do not be yourself. She'll only be disappointed.

Do not show consideration for your fellow man. She'll only feel insecure.

Do not display a healthy interest in arts and culture. This will intimidate her.

Do splash the cash. This makes up for the lack of any sort of meaningful connection.

 

[Kaleb]

Ok does the whole be yourself work? Cause im generally a shy persön,and I keep on getting bugged to go to clubs with friends,but i never do.

 

[Lackey]

anyone else find this entire thread sad?

 

[Fried Gold]

Ok does the whole be yourself work?

See above

 

[ShadowBoxing]

Ok does the whole be yourself work? Cause im generally a shy persön,and I keep on getting bugged to go to clubs with friends,but i never do.

Being yourself means "being comfortable in your own skin", so being shy would not be included "being yourself". In fact it's "being afraid of yourself" for whatever reason whether it's rejection or success or something else. Now obviously you don't have to go places you feel uncomfortable, such as a seedy nightclub (and I HATE nightclubs...way too loud), but there are singles bars, events, shows, art museums and various many other places that cater to social interaction (i.e. getting random and unrelated groups and individuals together in one place).

So find a place you like, or places, and hit them up. My friends bar is called Henry's, I go there a lot...and often use it as a place to fan out to elsewhere.

 

[Kaleb]

Like a gym

 

[Fried Gold]

Like a gym

Yes, but only if you are a homosexual.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

Like a gym

Oh God this is a Pet Peeve of mine. I hate that people treat gyms like social clubs. (I do mean you specifically in any of this) I have to wait on the stinking squat machine so your flabby a$$ can flex your non muscles for some chick (who is most likely trying to get through her just as much as I am) to try to impress her a$$.

Just drop it. I go to Gyms to workout and develop a better body, mind and discipline behind the sport of weight-training and body sculpting. To me hitting on chicks in the Gym would be the equivallent of hitting of a chick during a Buddhist medaitation session.

You can talk to people in the front of the gym post workout.

 

[Da Docta]

anyone else find this entire thread sad?

*nods slowly*

 

[Kaleb]

i was kidding I mentioned the gym cause of the other thread about that book.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

i was kidding I mentioned the gym cause of the other thread about that book.

Hahahaha...cool. Yeah I don't mind people chatting in the gym, just not to me during workouts.

 

[Kaboom]

there are girls everywhere. you just need to go up and talk to them. they are people too and they wont bite you. unless youre lucky.

 

[Darthphere]

This thread is genius.