way too much talking. the TDK one worked because it had one message... that batman was facing something unlike he ever encountered before... yours is sending way too many messages...
Well, they would be quotes from the film (obviously they're all my made up quotes from my made up TDKR though). And can be broken down quite easily to show there isn't a great deal going on;
TALIA: The city he loves, hates him. There is no better time.... (to Bane, implying supposed link in TDKR, initiating their plan for Gotham)
BRUCE: Alfred, Gotham is worse than it's ever been
ALFRED: You can only do so much Sir. One man can only do so much. I've seen what this is doing to you. You're at breaking point Master Bruce... (dialogue between Bruce and Alfred, implying Bruce's limits are being reached and his struggle)
BANE: Why do you inflict this upon yourself? This burden, responsibility? (in the middle of a scene between him and Batman)
CATWOMAN: My,my. What do we have here? I've heard about you... (Introduction of Catwoman)
ALFRED: Batman.....will be the death of you, Sir. (Same scene as before)
TALIA: Revenge is long over due, and you will pay. (First meeting between her and Bruce)
BANE: Is your life so meaningless to you, that you put it on the line for these people, these cockroaches? (Same scene between him and Batman)
CATWOMAN: I know you. The real you. This is the only way, Bruce. (Potential last scene between her and Batman)
ALFRED: Sir, I beg you! Don't do this! He's not like the others! (Dialogue before Bruce goes to find Bane)
GORDON: I can't protect you anymore! I'm sorry! (Gordon struggling with 'hunting' Batman)
TALIA: You failed! Gotham has fallen! (Dialogue between her and Bruce, suggesting he lost)
BANE: Why must you be beaten, broken, to feel alive? Why do you do it? (Same scene between him and Batman)
ALFRED: He's gone. It's over. (Guess....)
BANE: Why do you risk your life for this city, and it's people? Why!! Tell me!! (Same scene between him and Batman)
........
BATMAN: Because only I can. (Same scene between him and Bane)
So it's not really that 'busy'. And remember, it's just a teaser or quotes from the film. Like the first TDK one we got, not with the corresponding footage.
Disappointed with that last line upon reflection. Maybe something like; "Because I have to." or something similar.