The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part 31

http://pakhotline.top/video/x3gu8wp

Watch from the 06:54 mark until the 16:30 mark (A Valentine for Frasier) for your answer.

There wasn't a video version on YouTube.

 

I'll watch when I get home, but can you give me a short answer you may have?

 

It depends on what you or the other person are used to normally doing, but open communication is best for no ambiguity.

 

I feel if I ask her it'll show insecurities and plant the seed in her mind. I'll just see how it gOes FRiday. I text her at least we got the awkward first kiss out the way to which she responded check that off the list with a smiley face.

 

And if you don't ask...

Well, watch the video for examples of what can happen.

 

You could just go on a second date and try and kiss her again?

 

That was our second. Our third is Friday. I'm just asking because we were just joking around the whole date and had the shortest kiss ever. Should I text her will Friday be a date?

 

You can just go out this Friday and see what happens. If it's more of the same, then you can say "Hey, I'm looking for something more." and that's only if you are clicking with her and you do want something more.

 

If she likes you, she will say they were dates all along since the first. If she doesn't, or has second thoughts, she'll say that they were never really dates to begin with (even if they were).

 

We'll see Friday. I guess a small kiss is better than rejection

 

My husband and I were the slowest people ever, and are still pretty boring in terms of romantic gestures. (For a while I wasn't even sure he liked me all that much, but he kept asking me out!) We ended up married, more or less happier every year. My sister moves fairly fast with her relationships (obviously ) but nothing has worked out for her super long-term yet. You just never know.

A friend of mine believes that love isn't valid unless it's a wildly romantic kind of love, and that she'll never get it unless she's beautiful. (She already is a very attractive woman - I suspect she has body dysmorphia, but that's another thing entirely...) IMO that's something that doesn't happen to you unless you have a very open and trusting personality, and I'm just too attuned to potential BS (or too left-brained) to ever let it happen to me in the first place.

And I dunno about you, but I'll take boring unconditional emotional support over flowery words any day. I remember early on, one of the first things I noticed that made me think "Wow, this guy's different" was when I told him my plans to move away for a specialized grad program, and his first reaction was, "You should do it!" instead of worrying about our future together. And lo, I didn't end up doing that thing anyway! But I never forgot his attitude.

And just this past week, I told him I was doing research about how to be more involved politically, and the first thing he said was, "I don't know how I can support you, but let me know how I can do that," not how I was overreacting or I should just keep my head down and concentrate on my job. Or even worrying.

 

Okay, so this is quite embarrassing that I'm asking this question. It is stupid and a bit pathetic. But I need to ask it because I hate feeling like this.

There is the girl that I REALLY like. I guess you could say I've caught the love bug bad. This girl I've known for a couple of months. She's smart, beautiful, passionate about political issues (like I am) and ticks all of my boxes when I am looking for a girl to be more than friends with.

Here's my problem though. I am not sure whether she feels the same way. We are both members of the same political party. She told me that her previous boyfriend did not want her to be a member of said political party. The boyfriend that I THINK she was referring too is now my co-worker (and close ally for political purposes) and they clearly DO NOT like each other.

I would like to ask her out, but as I said, I'm not sure she feels the same way but I'm not good at the "games" that go with chasing a girl. My real problem is that I have this nervous feeling that can only be described as love sickness. Not because she has said no, or rejected me, but because I do not know where I actually stand and my feelings are so strong. It is troubling me.

I don't want to ruin the friendship, but I had a previous experience with a girl where I bottled my feelings up for so long without actually resolving it one way or the other, that I got so nervous around her that I could not talk when I was around her, or if I was able to, it was broken sentences. I ended up ruining the friendship anyway. (If you watch Supergirl you'll get this reference), like Winn, I don't want to bottle my feelings up so much that I end up ruining the friendship anyway.

Do not get me wrong, I am not one of those guys that pushes the point when a girl says no. I just move on. It's not knowing that eats me up.

What should I do? If you guys think I should ask her out, how should I do it? If you guys think I shouldn't, how should I deal with these feelings of nervousness that I have when I just think about her, which is quite a lot?

 

I'D ask her out for a coffee or anything outside of where you see her and get to know her on a personal level. If she says yes to meeting you somewhere you have a shot

 

You've known her for 2 months. I'm not sure what type of "friendship" you may have cultivated in that time.

I'd just ask her out for drinks or if you are so inclined to an event you know she'd like.

 

Just ask her out. Not doing so means you're turning her into a fantasy and putting her on a pedestal the less you actually get to know her that she'll never meet your expectations. It's better to know where you stand. Just sitting back and thinking you might have a chance if, in reality, you never did is like the Democrat supporters getting their hopes up about Hillary Clinton and then finding out when the election results came in that she was so far of the mark and was never really in the frame.

 

That is very true now that you have mentioned it. Also, I love the political reference there being a political nerd.

 

Would you date someone with a stutter?

 

I...I...I'm n..n..not... s...s...sure...

 

I am someone with a stutter, sometimes severe depending on my nervousness. I'm very glad my husband didn't/doesn't mind. It was one of the very first things I noticed about him. (Turns out, he doesn't really like mindless chatter anyway, hah.)

If you ask him, he would say he isn't settling at all for someone like me. I was the only woman he could stand to be around for more than 3 months, anyway. (We've been together 8 years now.) It's probably pretty low on his possible descriptors of me.

My coworkers usually don't mind either, but people tend to get weird about the folks they date, haha. At any rate, I haven't been made fun of it in years and years. (Although, thanks Dark Raven. ) At worst, people don't know what to do with it, but continuing on like everything's normal seems to work for me.

Having a stutter doesn't mean anything about your intelligence. I went to an elite liberal arts college in the US (top 5 on various rankings for the past 10 years or so) and knew several other stutterers there. I was a cancer researcher for 7 years. I've been described by one of my managers as "very articulate" which is funny because the first time she met me, it was at the job interview and my stutter was AWFUL. But I seem to choose the right words. You can read my posts and ask anyone here about how intelligent I am.

It's just something that happens. For me, I think it's how my anxiety just manifests, because I'm someone with fairly low anxiety to begin with. The more familiar I am with you, the less I stutter. I still stutter a little around my husband because he doesn't really engage during conversations, and my lizard brain starts to get anxious that he doesn't care for the subject. But as I mentioned before, he doesn't care a whit.

 

Sometimes when I'm nervous I talk fast, I have to consciously try and slow down with what I'm trying to say especially when I'm testifying in front of Municipal Planning/Zoning Boards.

 

That's not the same thing as a chronic stutter, though. Tons of people talk fast with tight throats when they're publicly speaking.

Presumably, Ivan Drago is referring to someone with uncontrollable tics or repetitions in their speech, or facial tics to try to prevent the speech tics. (The second often isn't identified as a stutter by non-stutters, but it's the same thing. We stutterers know a fellow stutterer when they start to talk, haha.)

But yeah, it seriously means nothing about their intelligence. The only way to make a stutter better is to treat it like no big deal. I'm part of a Toastmasters public speaking club, to periodically remind myself that stuttering in front of people is no big deal. I've given public talks before, and gotten positive feedback on it. I actually do public speaking and networking events WAY more than my husband, who doesn't stutter, hah.

Any assumptions about what someone's intelligence/personality is like just because they have a stutter is just that - knee-jerk assumptions. I LOVE sharing ideas with others, which is the much bigger factor over my general behavior than the fact I have a speech impediment.

 

I knew I would get a response like this

 

But yeah I do have a stutter, and recently it's been pretty severe. When I was a kid it wasn't so bad and it rarely bothered me, but the older I get the worse it gets. I don't have the kind of stutter where I repeat words, I just block all the time. I simply can't get the word out. It's like an invincible force is keeping my mouth shut, I usually have to replace words (which doesn't work most of the time).

It's just so frustrating. I'm a normal looking guy, I don't have tics or anything like that. I've been told I'm cute looking and I think I have a good personality, but my dating life is non-existent. Social life is tough too, but I have a few close friends, so I manage.

I did speech therapy when I was younger, don't remember it helping.

You think I should still try dating? I'm still 19 so it's not a huge focus (yet) but dating is something I've really started to think about. I just don't know how the hell I can carry a conversation when I can't even say the sentence I want.

With people who aren't family are close friends, I usually just say 6-10 words at a time so I don't stutter. Any more and I'll start blocking. Even then I can't say certain words.