The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part 31

Discussion in 'SHH Community Forum' started by Thread Manager, Nov 14, 2016.

  1. DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs

    DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs Well-Known Member

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    Uh, maybe? I'm pretty bad at this stuff with a lady I really like. We went to dinner and then Bill Burr. Had a good time. After that we walked around DTSP for a bit, then got Frosties at Wendy's and talked in my car about some pretty personal stuff for each of us. After that we ended up at this park way off in the cut right off the gulf. We chilled and talked some more, there was a bench there and she had room to not sit on my arm but did so that's kind of intimate?

    Last weekend she was supposed to do something with her mom but got mad at her and called me. We went to this Screamageddon haunted house place an hour away. She had a lot of since she likes that's sort of thing. I thought it was pretty boring but enjoyed spending time with her.

    Kind of think I should just ask if she wants to go on "date" date. Keep it simple so to speak. Feels like we are so close these days even if she said no we'd still continue being close friends. Just gotta get the courage to ask the question I guess.
     
    #251
  2. Erzengel

    Erzengel |-o-| (-o-) |-o-|

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    If he tries to do a New Year's or something, request that maybe more single people be invited.
     
    #252
  3. Erzengel

    Erzengel |-o-| (-o-) |-o-|

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    Any playful hitting? Touching you to talk to you?
     
    #253
  4. DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs

    DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs Well-Known Member

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    Eh, some here and there if memory serves me correctly but not like an every time we hang out kind of deal. But if she says something and I make a sexual innuendo then she always gets this sly kind of smile when she laughs at it. When we were chatting at Wendy's we were talking about relationships and my thoughts on things girls like and she kept referencing her ex and what she likes.

    I do know that she is pretty conservative in that she expects the guy to make the first move. I also know that she is fickle af and can lose interest quickly which is how I tend to be with a lot of ladies these past few years too.
     
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  5. I'm Venom

    I'm Venom "Hi, honey..."

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    Alright so two years later. I was at church one Sunday morning a couple months ago and out of nowhere she came up to me and said that we should get together and go see a movie or something. Keep in mind this was the first time in a long time she approached me about anything so to say that I was caught off guard would be an understatement. I simply told her "alright" and went home scratching my head. She texted me later on that day and told me she tried to catch me after church, but really wanted to get together sometime whether it was a movie or not. Before I could even text her back she called me and wanted to know what I was doing right then and there. She invited me to get coffee and hang out with her before going back to church that night so I figured I would just to see what was going on. Turns out she had just broken up with her boyfriend. I played it cool on the outside, but I immediately put my guard up on the inside. My first thought is, "I'm nothing but a safety net to her. She's simply using me to get over her boyfriend." I went back to church that night, and after service she asked me if I had any dinner plans.

    So we ended up going out to eat after church that night, hung out at her house and her parents' house later all day the following day, went out to eat the following Wednesday, and texted each other all throughout the week. Finally she admitted she was flirting with me and therefore had feelings for me. I took her out to eat again the following Friday so we could sit and talk about everything. She told me that the whole time she was dating her boyfriend she kept comparing him to me and thought why had she never given me a chance as well as admitting she had "butterflies" when she saw me that Sunday morning.

    We left the restaurant and held hands the whole drive back to her house. I left for the beach the following morning and was gone the entire following week. We kept in touch, calling and texting each other every day, and made plans to go out to eat on Saturday.

    I came back from the beach that Saturday and was getting ready to leave and pick her up when she texted me and told me she couldn't make it. I asked her if we could go out to eat after church the following night, but she never texted me back. I went to church the following morning and went to go sit beside her, and she had this look of disgust on her face. I asked her what's wrong, and she told me a couple of people at church were asking her about us and why we had been sitting together. I asked her if it bothered her, and she said yes. I bought her something while I was at the beach and tried to give it to her after church, but she acted like she didn't have time to get it, although she ended up taking it before leaving. Needless to say she's been like a completely different person, as if we never hung out or talked at all before I left for the beach. I've asked her if she felt like out hanging out sometime, but her excuse is always that she's busy which, I think, is a cop out when she apparently has time to hang out with other people. I've also noticed she goes out of her way to talk to everybody else at church without even looking at me.

    Did I do something wrong, or did she use me to get over her boyfriend knowing that I still had feelings for her? Any help would be appreciated as I've just been so miserable lately.
     
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  6. Dark Raven

    Dark Raven The Gal from Themyscira

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    I would say you're focusing on the wrong thing, or rather the wrong person at church. You're going to be very unhappy if you're going there and constantly comparing how she treats others to how she treats you, or thinking about her while you're there.

    Forget about how she treats others. She's obviously insecure if she's going to act differently towards you depending on whether others talk about the two of you.

    You need to understand that you don't even have to do anything and people can still treat you this way. All you need is to be seen talking to someone and a third party making a comment and that can be enough to break up a friendship if one person is insecure and cares more about what others say than your friendship.

    And that shows that when it comes down to it, she values other's opinions more than you. So it shows her true colours. And you don't really need a friend like that. There are other people who, when a third party makes an observation that you two are together even if you aren't, wouldn't care what that third party says and would be secure and mature enough to handle it.

    Incidentally, that's one way to ruin a friendship by suggesting that two people are a couple, if one of them is insecure about these things. Don't try that. People need to mind their own business too.

    If you're going to church, you should be focusing on God instead of becoming distracted by your emotions and all the game playing of relationships and why she's showing more attention to others. It's not meant to be a social club.

    Once you have your focus back on the right thing, you won't seem as needy and it won't matter either whether she favours others more, and she may change. Or not. But even if she doesn't, it won't be as important and you'll be less miserable.
     
    #256
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2017
  7. Astro13Zombie

    Astro13Zombie Well-Known Member

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    ...deleted
     
    #257
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2017
  8. Erzengel

    Erzengel |-o-| (-o-) |-o-|

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    You've known this girl for a while. Personally, I'd tell her I want to start seeing her but I'm not in the mood for games and if she allows other people to influence who she's interested in then maybe we shouldn't be together.
     
    #258
  9. Hobgoblin

    Hobgoblin Veritas veritatum

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    How do I get my wife to help me around the house more? I do the majority of the cooking and all of the cleaning. Dishes will stay dirty in the sink for days if I don't do them. She doesn't sweep the floor despite our three cats and her dog that visits us and i had to show her how to mop a floor. She never did it again. I clean the cats litter boxes. She plays Splatoon from the time she comes home from work until bed.

    I've talks to her and she just stared at me blankly. After I get more insistent she whines at me. Meanwhile god help me if I get between her and the tv if she is playing Splatoon. I blame her parents. They did everything for her.
     
    #259
  10. ComicChick

    ComicChick Hurricane-ing

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    hide the switch and tell her she can't play it until her chores are done :o

    all seriousness, tell her that you guys are a team and you should be tackling these things together. if one of you cooks, the other should at the very least help with the dishes
     
    #260
  11. the last son

    the last son Well-Known Member

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    I've only been dating this woman for a week, but have spent three nights at her place to give context. She is going to a friends party friday and says she plans on drinking. Ask if I can pick her up from there and take her home. Why do I feel like such a chump in this situation? Are there guys there? Who knows, but I feel like a wimp if I agree to pick her up after she drinks and parties with god knows who. Thoughts?
     
    #261
  12. ComicChick

    ComicChick Hurricane-ing

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    why isn't she inviting you to go with her?
     
    #262
  13. Erzengel

    Erzengel |-o-| (-o-) |-o-|

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    And why do you assume she's hooking up with other people?
     
    #263
  14. the last son

    the last son Well-Known Member

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    @ comic chick I'm wondering same thing.
     
    #264
  15. RetrogradeOrbit

    RetrogradeOrbit Do I look like I'm joking?

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    TLS
    I'd be feeling like I was being used if that was me in your situation.
    I'd certainly ask why you can't be there with her.

    If you are not good enough to be there for the entire party why are you good enough to be a chauffeur...? :o
     
    #265
  16. Frodo

    Frodo Well-Known Member

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    You gotta unpack your situation a bit more.

    1)When you say dating a week, do you mean you guys have causally gone out on dates for a week but aren't bf and gf? In other words, have you two been in a relationship for a week or have you literally just been going out on dates for a week?

    2) If there are guys there, and assuming you two are committed, do you trust her ?

    3) Could it be that you guys have just spent three days in a row together and she wants a break from you for one night to be with her friends?

    4) Did she say yes to you picking her up after the party?

    5) Explain why you would feel like a chump. Do you think she'd just be using you as her designated driver? Do you think she's going to the party specifically to meet other guys?

    6) How do you feel about her at this point? It's only been a week you've been dating, but I can't tell if you're feeling used, insecure, or suspicious .
     
    #266
  17. LibidoLoca

    LibidoLoca Sensually Delicious

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    So a guy I've been talking to got in a car accident last night and wanted me to go visit him after he got out of the emergency room. Problem being I was in my pajamas at 1 AM while he was about 2 hours away. I wanted to see him, but I also had work early in the morning, so I told him I would visit him at a later date. He seems okay with it, but I'm wondering if I made the right call...
     
    #267
  18. ComicChick

    ComicChick Hurricane-ing

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    how soon can you, or are you willing to go see him?
    you wouldve gotten there maybe by 330am at best, and it would have been another 2 hours to drive home after however long you intended to stay. also, i dont know if you were still going to go to work after that anyways.
     
    #268
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2017
  19. Black Narcissus

    Black Narcissus Pimp a Butterfly

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    Son, she wants you to initiate things, make the first goddamn move.



    You made the right call.
     
    #269
  20. Dark Raven

    Dark Raven The Gal from Themyscira

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    Is he a guy you've actually been seeing or just talking to? Because some people cold call me about accidents I've supposedly been in and want to know personal details.

    In fact, the other day one called up and said "I understand you've been in an accident recently." I told him that I was in one just now and that they're really quick to follow up as soon as it happens. He asked how it happened and I said that he called me while I was driving and then I crashed as a result.
     
    #270
  21. Mysteryman

    Mysteryman Well-Known Member

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    Dark Raven is correct about focusing on God.
    To that end, two suggestions.
    Maybe for awhile go to another church, one she doesn't attend.
    If that is not an option, consider going to church with other friends.
    Perhaps it would be easier to focus on the religious side of things if you went with more people, not just by yourself.
     
    #271
  22. LibidoLoca

    LibidoLoca Sensually Delicious

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    Part me felt guilty, but yeah we have just been talking nothing serious. But I am worried about him. His phone got disconnected and he hasn't returned any messages from the app we use.
     
    #272
  23. ComicChick

    ComicChick Hurricane-ing

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    have you ever met in person before?
     
    #273
  24. the last son

    the last son Well-Known Member

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    The woman who I've been spending a lot of time with recently, we've come to a stand still. Past two days there hasn't been more than a couple of text a day. I just have no energy for dating or chasing someone. I'm ready to throw in the towel and try my luck with someone else if we're both bored already.
     
    #274
  25. ComicChick

    ComicChick Hurricane-ing

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    if you don't have energy for dating, how are you going to have energy to try your luck with someone else? unless you're just looking for a hookup.

    it's been two days, and you haven't really spoke. that happens sometimes. life happens. before you "throw in the towel", maybe make the effort to contact her. phone call? visit in person?
     
    #275

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