The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part 31

[the last son]

Good points. I've never been in a relationship, so feel down with lack of contact. Guess i should make more of an effort. Just feeling down in general. I just feel no one would ever want me, so to go from being all over each other to now barely contact has me down. Just have to relax and let time take its toll.

 

[Lily Adler]

have you ever met in person before?

We haven't which is why I thought I made a good call when I did, but I felt guilty not being there when he was hurt. He had a major cut on his nose and a broken wrist and hurt shoulder. Actually we were going to meet when he was in town, but I had the flu at the time (stupid flu).

 

[Erzengel]

Good points. I've never been in a relationship, so feel down with lack of contact. Guess i should make more of an effort. Just feeling down in general. I just feel no one would ever want me, so to go from being all over each other to now barely contact has me down. Just have to relax and let time take its toll.

I thought you've had been in "realtionships" albeit brief.

But most relationships take work and effort and while it's easier to be the pursuee instead of the pursuer that doesn't always happen.

 

[the last son]

A ew small ones. Like a few months. Nothing long though. Problem is we jumped straight into sex and that's all we did for over a week. Now it's not much to talk about it. I didn't have a job to go anywhere on dates, so sex was all I had to offer. I was just hired so will be focusing on work. My thing is if there's lack of interest for whatever reason that's fine. You just get a sixth sense when something is up. Chemistry even for that week has now disappeared. Id rather focus on working out and work and won't be texting her for awhile. Let some time pass see if we're free one weekend and go from there.

 

[Erzengel]

A ew small ones. Like a few months. Nothing long though. Problem is we jumped straight into sex and that's all we did for over a week. Now it's not much to talk about it. I didn't have a job to go anywhere on dates, so sex was all I had to offer. I was just hired so will be focusing on work. My thing is if there's lack of interest for whatever reason that's fine. You just get a sixth sense when something is up. Chemistry even for that week has now disappeared. Id rather focus on working out and work and won't be texting her for awhile. Let some time pass see if we're free one weekend and go from there.

That's also been one of your MOs jumping into sex. Which is fine if you're just looking to hook up, but if you're looking for a relationship, there needs to be more. Perhaps she's busy or perhaps you offered her nothing past the physical.

 

[the last son]

Which is why like I said I'm moving on. She always says she wants more than hooking up. I doubt it. We've been to dinner once and one movie. I guess I don't want her bad enough to put myself out there. She probably feels the same.
I do need to stop going straight into sex if I want something more. Just have to learn to say no.

 

[Erzengel]

It might just be physical, but it's also a clear example of how you just don't know each other that you're guessing what she may be feeling/thinking. You could just call her but I'm not sure if you're interested enough to do so.

 

[the last son]

Definitely not. Been a day since we last spoke. I'd rather never speak again than to text first. Just how I am.

I do appreciate the advice from you, comic chick and Retro.

 

[Erzengel]

I'm more of "leave the ball in someone else's court" type person.

If you text first, then it's on her if she never texts or tries to contact you.

 

[the last son]

I don't know. Just have a hard time letting people get too close. It'll be better this way. She called me a creep after sex, when I said she was so beautiful I wanted to impregnate her. I was tipsy and would never have said that sober, but I felt bad because even though it was a very creepy and strange remark, I was being judged again for not being able to keep my thoughts to myself just like growing up. When I was bullied and teased for weird things I would say. I wasn't all there mentally as a kid, so it's hard trying to connect with people. It was already going down hill before the comment, but that was the nail in the coffin. Probably for her thinking I'm a creep and for me feeling judged. Some people just weren't meant to be with anyone. I'm one of those.

 

[Erzengel]

Some people don't need to with anyone.

That doesn't necessarily mean you are one of them. You may be slightly behind in the relationship etiquette and maybe it's too late with this woman but just use it as lesson for future relationships.

Maybe if you form more of a rapport with the next woman, even if you said that it, she might not take an offense with it.

However, you're not going to get better at relationships by wallowing and giving up all the time.

 

[Astro13Zombie]

My girlfriend of a few months does this thing that drives me nuts.
She’s been doing it since the first time I told her that I love her.

It goes like this..

Me:I love you

Her: Why?

She asks why.
She expects this big explanation of why I love her.
If I don’t do it she freaks out.
If I don’t say the right thing she gets an attitude.
She does this probably 6 out of 10 times that I tell her that I love her.

It gives me anxiety and it makes me not even want to say it.

I’m trying to just accept it as something that happens but I don’t see it happening.

How obnoxious

 

[Dark Raven]

My girlfriend of a few months does this thing that drives me nuts.
She’s been doing it since the first time I told her that I love her.

It goes like this..

Me:I love you

Her: Why?

She asks why.
She expects this big explanation of why I love her.
If I don’t do it she freaks out.
If I don’t say the right thing she gets an attitude.
She does this probably 6 out of 10 times that I tell her that I love her.

It gives me anxiety and it makes me not even want to say it.

I’m trying to just accept it as something that happens but I don’t see it happening.

How obnoxious

Tell her the fact she's asking that question means that she thinks in terms of "I love you because" which goes against the idea of true love. If you love someone because of something, then if you take away that thing it means that love will disappear because it's conditional upon that.

So if you say to her "I love you because you're beautiful" then the natural question becomes "What if I'm no longer beautiful?" to which the only answer can be "well I won't love you anymore" if that's the reason you love her and what your love is based upon.

So she's asking the wrong question.

Take the bull by the horns man, and tell her to stop asking this nonsensical question.Tell her that if you have to give a reason then it's not really love.

 

[Erzengel]

She sounds insecure and needs reassurance.

In the beginning it's cute, but something like that could weigh anyone down. You don't constantly need to perform a soliloquy everytime you tell her you love her or anyone. Those 3 words should be enough.

 

[spiderman2]

My girlfriend of a few months does this thing that drives me nuts.
She’s been doing it since the first time I told her that I love her.

It goes like this..

Me:I love you

Her: Why?

She asks why.
She expects this big explanation of why I love her.
If I don’t do it she freaks out.
If I don’t say the right thing she gets an attitude.
She does this probably 6 out of 10 times that I tell her that I love her.

It gives me anxiety and it makes me not even want to say it.

I’m trying to just accept it as something that happens but I don’t see it happening.

How obnoxious

That is annoying that would drive me nuts.

 

[spiderman2]

So this will be my final full year being in my 20's will be 29 in June. I worry about this a lot and I don't fell young like at all fell like I am like 60 or something because all I do is stress out 24/7. I am scared that I am only in my 20's because I fell like nothing is going to change and the thought of having to deal with things for a much longer time if things don't improve scars me big time. I am not a patchient guy at all and I fell like my life is just disappointments and one big test of patchients. I cant stand my job and have tried and tried to find a new job for a long time with zero luck. I fell like all I do is work, school, HW and look for work fell like I don't really have a life. Trying to stay motivated is hard and I fell like I have zero control and just fell trapped. People say money cant buy happiness but I have to like disagree with that has like 90% of my stress is having to worry about money and how I cant stand my job and fell stuck. If I was rich I would not have to worry about that whitch means just about zero stress. Work is such a big part of life has it takes up so much time and I fell like even when I am not working I am just worrying about work and how in the heck to get out of there. I have a lot of depression has a result. Only thing that could case me depression out side of work would be if I had a big health problem that is it.

The other part of my stress is being single even though I would say that is a far less worry for me it does worry me. Like I said this year is going to be my last year in my 20's and not only am I single but I have never even went out on a date in my whole life. Being single is just lonely and boring.

1. I am not good with people at all have social axentiy and cant ever shut my mind of over think ever thing.
2. I only have a few friends whitch makes being single harder because with only having a few friends a lot of times I have to do things by my self has they are bussy with school, work, GF, family etc. If you have a lot of friends its more likely that one is going to be free to hang out. If you have a lot of friends to hang out with it makes felling lonely easier and you don't fell that way has much. Just get tired of doing things by my self.
3. Goes back to like 1 but I am even worse when it comes to women.
4. I don't have any female friends only guy friends. Would be nice to have female friends has it gives you more experience around the opisite sex.
5. If you have more friends in general you are more likely to meet some one threw a friend.
6. Being that I am not good with people if a girl is flurty I am most likely not going to pick it up in less it is very obvius.
7. It seems like women I find attractive don't find me attractive.
8. It seems like the few women I have known that had a thing for me I didn't find attractive.
9. I keep hearing how people are like getting married later and are like single longer etc yet it sure seems like all the women around my age are either married, engaged or have a bf and not just the last year or so has I have gotten into my late 20's but even when I was only like 20 or so. Heck I would say even a lot of the people I went to school with in middle school/highschool got married at like 22-26. I thought people where not getting married in till like 30 any more.
10. This goes with that but like ever one my age is already taken. How can I meet some one if ever one my age is already taken?

Being that I fell like I don't have control both with relationship and work and fell like I cant do any thing I am trying to not focus on those 2 things but it is hard. I am trying to focus on losing weight but man even that is hard. I am trying to lose weight because I have trouble with art burn. I think it is a combo of stress and weight that cases the art burn because at times when I was a little lighter I didn't really have the art burn like I do now. When I was younger I was really skinning but from like 6-9 grade I gained a lot of weight like 100-120lbs those 4 years. For my height I should not weigh over like 185. My heavest was 232 that was a while ago. At one point I got to like 195 after weighing that 232 then went back to like 220. Right now I am like 215. For a few months before the holidays I tried to lose weight like really tried and only lost like 3lbs in like 3 months. I want to get below 200 has that tends to be the weight where the art burn issues start. Also trying to focus on god. I am a Christian but the furstation of life makes things hard for me when it comes to like not questioning things even though I do belive 100% there is a god in my heart.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

She sounds insecure and needs reassurance.

In the beginning it's cute, but something like that could weigh anyone down. You don't constantly need to perform a soliloquy everytime you tell her you love her or anyone. Those 3 words should be enough.

This x 1000

 

[ImSGirl95]

The other part of my stress is being single even though I would say that is a far less worry for me it does worry me. Like I said this year is going to be my last year in my 20's and not only am I single but I have never even went out on a date in my whole life. Being single is just lonely and boring.

Welcome to the club, buddy.

 

[Erzengel]

...

Can I ask how do you see your future going?

You're still at the same super market job which you hate so I'm not sure you want to advance past your current role there. I'm not sure if you are still in school if you are still going to try and be an accountant. I knew previously you wanted to work in sports. I know it's important to some people to love their job, but not everybody does. A lot of us, work at a job that we do well at but would quit if a stack of money fell in our laps. Maybe it's time to look into that. Vocational school or some sort of trade.

Exercise and diet is important and that's something that you can focus in on.

Once you are at least on the road to a better job and bettered yourself along the road, maybe try something like internet dating. However, your grammar and spelling may turn off some people. Outside of honing your schools through reading, maybe even practice spelling, or going to a professional to help you, I would really recommend continuous work on that.

But I will say this, you could meet a very nice girl tomorrow without having to do all this stuff. There are some women out there who are just looking for nice guy. What you would be doing though is bettering yourself and your future and that would help everyone as well as being able to cast a wider net in terms of attracting people. I know it sounds arduous but some things have to be worked towards.

 

[nogolf33]

...

Exercise and diet is important and that's something that you can focus in on.

...
Outside of honing your (skills) through reading, maybe even practice spelling, or going to a professional to help you, I would really recommend continuous work on that.

...
What you would be doing though is bettering yourself and your future and that would help everyone as well as being able to cast a wider net in terms of attracting people. I know it sounds arduous but some things have to be worked towards.

Great advice by Erzengel. Always Be Improving.

 

[spiderman2]

Can I ask how do you see your future going?

You're still at the same super market job which you hate so I'm not sure you want to advance past your current role there. I'm not sure if you are still in school if you are still going to try and be an accountant. I knew previously you wanted to work in sports. I know it's important to some people to love their job, but not everybody does. A lot of us, work at a job that we do well at but would quit if a stack of money fell in our laps. Maybe it's time to look into that. Vocational school or some sort of trade.

Exercise and diet is important and that's something that you can focus in on.

Once you are at least on the road to a better job and bettered yourself along the road, maybe try something like internet dating. However, your grammar and spelling may turn off some people. Outside of honing your schools through reading, maybe even practice spelling, or going to a professional to help you, I would really recommend continuous work on that.

But I will say this, you could meet a very nice girl tomorrow without having to do all this stuff. There are some women out there who are just looking for nice guy. What you would be doing though is bettering yourself and your future and that would help everyone as well as being able to cast a wider net in terms of attracting people. I know it sounds arduous but some things have to be worked towards.

Really I don't know the future is something that scars me big time and it just fells hopeless. I am not going for accounting any more has it is a lot different then I was expecting but I am still going to school just not sure what I am going for. I have done most general ed now and I am trying to push my self to see how high I can get in math. I think I have just about reached my math limit though has I only passed my last semester math class because the teacher graded on a curve. Other wise I would have gotten a d. While I would love to have a job I love but even if I cant get into that I would like a job I can at least some what stand. The job I have right now I despise with ever fieber of my body. Yes I am still at a market. Just fell lost.

Yeah like I said about the way I eat I want to lose about 20lbs. I have tried online dating to but I have had no luck. I think I have messed like 160 women and like 3 have messed me back and even then it was one message and then nothing. I have always had a hard time spelling pretty sure I am dyslexic. I try to make sure I spell has much has I can right but yeah I do think it is a turn of. I think it is a stupid turn of my self but I know it is a turn of to a lot of people. I also tend to make a lot of typo's that I don't notice in till someone says something and that just makes my spelling look even worse then it real is. I am not sure how I can get better at just not missing typo's but I need to get better at noticing what I type at least.

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

I am 35 and single, and it doesn't bother me one bit, I am happy with my life as is, anything else will be a bonus.

I tend not to worry about the future as plenty of it is out of our control. I don't like the job I am doing, but I don't dislike it either, and I get on really well with my colleagues which makes things much more bearable.

My advice Spidey is just try and be the best person you can and stop worrying about things that have yet come to pass. I must admit at 29 I worried about similar things. I got made redundant from my job, and got a good payout so moved and lived abroad for a year before coming back to my home city. Things have just gone from there.

My current job was initially a stop gap, I wasn't intending to stay, 3 years later I am in the same office with a better paid job.

Believe me, life doesn't stop once you are 30, so don't worry so much.

 

[Mandon Knight]

I am 35 and single, and it doesn't bother me one bit, I am happy with my life as is, anything else will be a bonus.

I tend not to worry about the future as plenty of it is out of our control. I don't like the job I am doing, but I don't dislike it either, and I get on really well with my colleagues which makes things much more bearable.

My advice Spidey is just try and be the best person you can and stop worrying about things that have yet come to pass. I must admit at 29 I worried about similar things. I got made redundant from my job, and got a good payout so moved and lived abroad for a year before coming back to my home city. Things have just gone from there.

My current job was initially a stop gap, I wasn't intending to stay, 3 years later I am in the same office with a better paid job.

Believe me, life doesn't stop once you are 30, so don't worry so much.

It very often, is the launching pad. Society and social media (more so than ever) would have us believe, 30 and beyond, you are 'old and finished', bit like Logan's Run, but the possibilities for turning one's world inside out, upside down, are always there, if we look beyond the fragments that exist within.

I appreciate, life and it's possibilities work on differing levels for different people, scope is the key word here, what is possible for the individual ?

Modern life has the capacity to crush us, it's how we respond to that, that defines our hopes and most importantly, expectations.

Life is hard, it ain't supposed to be easy, but Spidey, please, don't lose hope or focus. There will be a moment, a minute of clarity and much will move forward from there. Good luck.

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

It very often, is the launching pad. Society and social media (more so than ever) would have us believe, 30 and beyond, you are 'old and finished', bit like Logan's Run, but the possibilities for turning one's world inside out, upside down, are always there, if we look beyond the fragments that exist within.

I appreciate, life and it's possibilities work on differing levels for different people, scope is the key word here, what is possible for the individual ?

Modern life has the capacity to crush us, it's how we respond to that, that defines our hopes and most importantly, expectations.

Life is hard, it ain't supposed to be easy, but Spidey, please, don't lose hope or focus. There will be a moment, a minute of clarity and much will move forward from there. Good luck.

I know what you mean, but society is slowly turning, many say now 40 is the new 30, people are settling down later, etc. Many of my friends are settling at the moment, but I have various groups of friends and can normally find a night out if need one.

But at the same time,a night in alone doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I actually quite enjoy them. I do other activities like going the gym and cinema often also, as well as playing sports.

My weight is the only thing about me I am unhappy with at the moment, but we have just had Christmas, where everyone eats that bit more and puts weight on,so again,it doesn't worry too much, as I have a gym membership and know the weight can be shifted.

Surprised in life are always around the corner, so don't worry about the future too much, concentrate on the now, and what you CAN change.

 

[ComicChick]

i'm 32, unmarried, no children, and southern. by all old fashioned societal customs, i am a complete failure; an old maid haha!

as for a job you hate, sometimes we dont all get to do the things we like or want to do, and some jobs are a means to an end, be it pay bills etc etc
but find something that you enjoy, at least as hobbies, and if you can find a way to acquire skills to do something you would enjoy more, it's worth a shot.
like erz said, vocational schools and the like, or some courses through online or college etc. there's lots of doors you can open for yourself if you put in the time.

do they have Labor Ready where you live? look into that