The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part 31

[Erzengel]

You mentioned you like reading. Ever thought of joining a book club? Do you enjoy the outdoors, maybe some sort of hiking club?

 

[Hobgoblin]

The local library might have one.

 

[Erzengel]

Everyone in my life has been around for over 2 decades or longer. I don't really have any new friends that I hang out with since then. But my older friends? They make friends at work, their neighbors, etc. I'm friendly with some people I work(ed) with but we don't hang out. It's always been hard for me to make new friends as I've gotten older. I'm home by myself tonight. I will enjoy my video game time.

 

[MissMarvelous]

I was going to suggest joining some social club (?), do you have of those over there?

Just people with or without interests in common that get together at bars, have a coffee or else. A friend of mine got into one of those groups esrlier this year and she's enjoying it a lot! They have karaoke nights, go to a bar, some of them even have a book club activity once a month.

Give it a try! If there's none, then... get it done!

 

[theastsunnn]

Got into our first big fight. She had a vacation planned I said I didn’t really want to go. Her family was going with her but they backed out so I drove the rv she rented 8 hours to our destination. We stayed the weekend but on Sunday o said I wanted to leave at 4 am so I can drive the 8 hours back and relax a couple of hours before work. She said that was unrealistic and she wasn’t getting up at 4
I called her selfish and said she only had to get up for ten minutes help pack and sleep while I drove. I said I was uncomfortable waiting to go on vacation that I don’t like and sometimes you do that for your partner. She cried saying all she heard was I make her miserable. Long story short she woke up whenever and I didn’t get home until late and had to work next day.
I was busting my but to get off work early so we could make it down on Friday and felt like I got no effort put in for my time.

 

[Hobgoblin]

Was it possible for her to drive for a few hours? Could you have taken turns? Driving is a lot more exhausting than people realize and 8 hours is a lot. I used to deliver auto parts and used to crash as soon as I got home. It feels like she was being stubborn, is that just how she is?

 

[Erzengel]

Got into our first big fight. She had a vacation planned I said I didn’t really want to go. Her family was going with her but they backed out so I drove the rv she rented 8 hours to our destination. We stayed the weekend but on Sunday o said I wanted to leave at 4 am so I can drive the 8 hours back and relax a couple of hours before work. She said that was unrealistic and she wasn’t getting up at 4
I called her selfish and said she only had to get up for ten minutes help pack and sleep while I drove. I said I was uncomfortable waiting to go on vacation that I don’t like and sometimes you do that for your partner. She cried saying all she heard was I make her miserable. Long story short she woke up whenever and I didn’t get home until late and had to work next day.
I was busting my but to get off work early so we could make it down on Friday and felt like I got no effort put in for my time.

When I was first dating my wife, I use to take her and her mom on day trips to other parts of the state. They use to have dinner late and by the time I brought them home it was close to 11pm and I still had a 45 minute drive. I understand wanting to come home and disengage/decompress prior to working the next day. In the end, keeping her happy was important to me and I did it. Years later, when we travel, she tries to arrange it some we get home a little early so I have at least some time before working the next day.

I don't know if you work a 9-5pm so I don't know how much time you took off for this vacation. And I know you hate doing vacations. She has family 8 hours away. This isn't going to be the last time you go see them. You have the option of telling her to go by herself, which may hurt your relationship. Also, if she likes vacations in general and wants to visit places on her own, with friends or family that's time she will take off and not be with you. You have to be okay with that.

I know you feel like you are making concessions by driving 16 hours round trip, leaving Friday early and all you wanted to do was make it home early on Sunday. You are making sacrifices but you also make it well know to her which in a sense, just makes her feel like s' for asking you. I'm not sure I asked previously, and I don't know what you do for a living, or even if you get paid off vacation, so if you can clear that up, that might be helpful too. However, taking part of Friday off and spending less than 48 hours at your destination before just turning around for an 8 hour drive, may not be appealing to many. If I have to drive 8 hours, staying 2 nights, and leaving 4 am the last day, is a lot.

 

[theastsunnn]

When I was first dating my wife, I use to take her and her mom on day trips to other parts of the state. They use to have dinner late and by the time I brought them home it was close to 11pm and I still had a 45 minute drive. I understand wanting to come home and disengage/decompress prior to working the next day. In the end, keeping her happy was important to me and I did it. Years later, when we travel, she tries to arrange it some we get home a little early so I have at least some time before working the next day.

I don't know if you work a 9-5pm so I don't know how much time you took off for this vacation. And I know you hate doing vacations. She has family 8 hours away. This isn't going to be the last time you go see them. You have the option of telling her to go by herself, which may hurt your relationship. Also, if she likes vacations in general and wants to visit places on her own, with friends or family that's time she will take off and not be with you. You have to be okay with that.

I know you feel like you are making concessions by driving 16 hours round trip, leaving Friday early and all you wanted to do was make it home early on Sunday. You are making sacrifices but you also make it well know to her which in a sense, just makes her feel like s' for asking you. I'm not sure I asked previously, and I don't know what you do for a living, or even if you get paid off vacation, so if you can clear that up, that might be helpful too. However, taking part of Friday off and spending less than 48 hours at your destination before just turning around for an 8 hour drive, may not be appealing to many. If I have to drive 8 hours, staying 2 nights, and leaving 4 am the last day, is a lot.

We weren’t visiting her family they are only two hours away. I encourage her to vacation with friends and family. Her driving isn’t the best, just trust me, so I drive tired to make sure we get there and back. I drove down there Friday night and we left Monday morning and got back like at 9 yesterday

 

[Erzengel]

1. What was the "vacation" for?
2. Do you get paid vacation for your job?
3. How many vacation days do you get a year?
4. What are your working hours?

 

[theastsunnn]

Was it possible for her to drive for a few hours? Could you have taken turns? Driving is a lot more exhausting than people realize and 8 hours is a lot. I used to deliver auto parts and used to crash as soon as I got home. It feels like she was being stubborn, is that just how she is?

Yes she can be stubborn but on most things I ignore but after driving all day Friday in a rv which was more exhausting than a little car and spending sat and Sun away I wanted to leave at 4 on mon instead of 9, and I let her know since I was driving and had to work that Tuesday I wanted to get home earlier. She said I did nothing but complain all weekend (which I admit I did, my anxiety and stress of being uncomfortable got to me) so we argued a little. not going to put all her Business out but her driving makes me nervous. I couldn’t let her drive and potentially hit something but then the trip would’ve just been longer

 

[theastsunnn]

1. What was the "vacation" for?
2. Do you get paid vacation for your job?
3. How many vacation days do you get a year?
4. What are your working hours?

I wrote more on the message below you right before you asked this.

1. Was for me because I was stressed and she booked it, but I told her I didn’t want to go anywhere, so her family was going to go in my place but they backed out and I went. Went to cabin in woods.
2. I do but I had no time to take
3. Two weeks but no time. Burned thru it for personal

4. 7-3:30 mon thru fri

 

[Erzengel]

Why did you need a RV if you went to a cabin in the woods? I'd understand if you went to a camping ground.

 

[theastsunnn]

Why did you need a RV if you went to a cabin in the woods? I'd understand if you went to a camping ground.

Camping ground. Shouldn’t have said cabin in the woods. It’s a saying I use when going camping

 

[Erzengel]

Why did she book a vacation when she knows you don't like going anywhere?

 

[theastsunnn]

Why did she book a vacation when she knows you don't like going anywhere?

I was stressed and depressed for a week so she knows I like being outside and like nature documentaries so she thought it would be good for me to get away. Rv was her idea something she wanted to do. I thought for a second I might even like it, but after two trips this year I hate everything about traveling

 

[Erzengel]

It seems that this stemmed from some well meaning intention and kind of spiraled.

Then maybe you should have a honest conversation with her that you don't enjoy going on vacation. And that you don't mind that she goes away with others but that's just not your thing.

She may be upset with this, but not everyone's significant other is their traveling partner and thing is just a difference in your relationship. And this trip you were just on shows that you aren't going to have fun on anything like this. Just reiterate that's it's you not her.

 

[theastsunnn]

It seems that this stemmed from some well meaning intention and kind of spiraled.

Then maybe you should have a honest conversation with her that you don't enjoy going on vacation. And that you don't mind that she goes away with others but that's just not your thing.

She may be upset with this, but not everyone's significant other is their traveling partner and thing is just a difference in your relationship. And this trip you were just on shows that you aren't going to have fun on anything like this. Just reiterate that's it's you not her.

What does this have to do with our argument? Leaving 5 hours early since I have to drive isn’t unreasonable. What would it take to be unreasonable? Asking me to stay a week? Seems no matter what you’re going to find me in the wrong. Where does it end with wanting your own desires and not having to do everything your gf wants

 

[MissMarvelous]

So...

Do you guys enjoy being the little spoon every now and then?

 

[Erzengel]

What does this have to do with our argument? Leaving 5 hours early since I have to drive isn’t unreasonable. What would it take to be unreasonable? Asking me to stay a week? Seems no matter what you’re going to find me in the wrong. Where does it end with wanting your own desires and not having to do everything your gf wants

It has to do with not having the argument again with her.

You've stated on here, that you don't like to travelling after 2 trips this year. But she still scheduled this trip. So either, she doesn't listen or you haven't effectively relayed to her how you feel. So even though you were depressed, why'd she schedule this if she knows you don't like travelling?

Lastly, I'm not saying that wanting to leave early isn't unreasonable or you didn't compromise on what you wanted to make her happy. What I was trying to say, that you should have some communication so you're both on the same page in the future.

 

[Lily Adler]

 

[Lily Adler]

Has anyone tried Bumble?

 

[theastsunnn]

Has anyone tried Bumble?

Yes good app

 

[Babillygunn]

I quit dating around before the internet!

So no Bumble for me.

 

[Lily Adler]

I quit dating around before the internet!

So no Bumble for me.

I was also looking at Hinge.

 

[Babillygunn]

View attachment 103336

I was also looking at Hinge.

Now I’m thinking you’re just making up names for apps.

Next thing you know it’ll be “I met my last partner on mashed potatoes.”