The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part 31

[the last son]

After another string of hearing there "just wasn't a connection" I'm giving up on dating. Not in hopes that I'll find it once i stop looking, but more to just take a step back and get myself straight. I've only recently stopped drinking, so working out and getting healthier is my top priority for the next few months. I'm obviously dating the wrong kind of people for me, so I need to adjust. I don't plan on going on any dates as i take this time off.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

After another string of hearing there "just wasn't a connection" I'm giving up on dating. Not in hopes that I'll find it once i stop looking, but more to just take a step back and get myself straight. I've only recently stopped drinking, so working out and getting healthier is my top priority for the next few months. I'm obviously dating the wrong kind of people for me, so I need to adjust. I don't plan on going on any dates as i take this time off.

I've been sober for over two years and have just recently started testing the waters for relationships. 1 year sober before I even started thinking about any of that stuff helped me learn a lot about myself and by the time I got to 2 years I really have a much better idea of what I'm looking for in a woman and a long term relationship.

 

[Dark Raven]

You should get a cat instead, or a dog. They will give just as much affection and connection and you won't have to try to figure them out too much. Pets are the solution.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

For me personally, I had no idea what I wanted in a woman when I first got sober. Spending that time to get my head clear from the drugs and booze and then learning who I was so I could be okay with that was very important for me before I ever tried to start putting myself out into the dating world. I used to only be concerned with physical things and now I'm only looking for something that can be a lasting and meaningful relationship. No way in bad place would I have picked someone capable of that in early sobriety.

 

[Enriquespy]

So this is frustrating.
This girl that is part of my class is driving me nuts.
I like to have her as a friend, and we are in good terms, but she also drives me a bit crazy. I have no idea if I really like her and I can't read her back: is she being flirty? Is it just friendly banter?. I can't get a clue of whether she might be interested in me or not.

Truth is I don't even know if I really enjoy spending time with her, but I can't get her out of my head.

Should I ask her out to figure if there is anything between us or should I just wait and figure out where I am really standing?

 

[Dark Raven]

Why would you read her back? You should be reading her face. That gives away micro expressions and little tells. If you sit behind her in class, then there's no way to tell what is on her face.

And you can't get her out of your head at the moment because you're infatuated with her. Maybe a little distance and doing other things will cool things down and you can reevaluate whether you do actually like her or are just caught up in the moment.

But of course, ask her out. It doesn't mean you have to commit to liking her. You're just two people spending time with each other and gauging each other. That's the only way you can get to know if you do actually like her or the idea of her, and whether she might like you too. Until then, she's just an idealised image you've put on a pedestal, which is why you're infatuated and she's driving you nuts.

 

[Enriquespy]

thanks for the advise.

Why would you read her back? You should be reading her face.

that's not what I meant with back

I'll keep you updated!

 

[spiderman2]

One may have nothing to do with the other. They could just be honestly curious. What did you tell them?



I've stated this but in regards to posters here having this unrealistic expectations when it comes to hobbies. You might not find that woman. I love comic book stuff. My wife goes to "some" comic book movies not all. She doesn't read comic books or watch the tv shows. She isn't interested that there's a new statue, figure coming out. She's supportive but she's not into it.

While sports is more of a crossover with more women being interested than say comic books, again making it a "must have" item on your search list could really limit your selections.


You also have to be aware of people's schedule might not be flexible with yours. So I'm sure you work weekends and nights at times? You also have school. A lot of people don't and have 8-5 jobs or go to school at night. So it's harder for some people to squeeze in times to get together. And they do have to put more effort into a girlfriend than a friend.



Well, good for you moving out and going back to school. It might not be a quick change, but baby steps.

I don't see how wanting a women that likes sports is having to much unreal expectations. Having simulier hobbies is important and like I said I know the average women I would drive nuts with how much I like sports. Like I said I am not saying I cant do some other stuff but with a lot of women I wouldn't be able to be my self has I don't know much and don't have much to talk about out side of sports.

While I understand how people can be bussy because of school, work, GF etc but a lot of friends I have to make the effort and it gets old. Also when it comes to hobbies they are important with even friends but with a GF it is going to be even more important has you are going to be around them more then with a friend. Like I said it already drives me nuts that I don't have friends who like sports and with a GF that would just drive me even more nuts has I already fell like I sacrifice some to hang with friends because of the sports and again considering I don't really know much about any thing out side of sports and video games I would have nothing to ever talk about with a girl if she hatted sports.

 

[Erzengel]

I don't see how wanting a women that likes sports is having to much unreal expectations. Having simulier hobbies is important and like I said I know the average women I would drive nuts with how much I like sports. Like I said I am not saying I cant do some other stuff but with a lot of women I wouldn't be able to be my self has I don't know much and don't have much to talk about out side of sports.

If you're dreamy, you can have your pick of anyone.

Others like me, you get a much smaller selection. That's the point. If I wanted someone who was really into Star Wars or comic books, I'm narrowing my pool. So instead of say 10 eligible people, maybe I'd be down to 1 or 2?

There's varying degrees of interest. You might find a passionate fan, or a casual fan or someone who just tolerates it. In the end, it's more important to like the person than there interests. Interests can bring someone together. But, you could meet someone that has your interests that you're not really attracted to. Again, finding someone you just like is more important than their interests. You can actually grow with that person and take part in their interests.

While I understand how people can be bussy because of school, work, GF etc but a lot of friends I have to make the effort and it gets old. Also when it comes to hobbies they are important with even friends but with a GF it is going to be even more important has you are going to be around them more then with a friend. Like I said it already drives me nuts that I don't have friends who like sports and with a GF that would just drive me even more nuts has I already fell like I sacrifice some to hang with friends because of the sports and again considering I don't really know much about any thing out side of sports and video games I would have nothing to ever talk about with a girl if she hatted sports.

Like I said, in the end it's up to what's important to you. You could miss out on a great woman just because she wasn't into sports.

 

[spiderman2]

If you're dreamy, you can have your pick of anyone.

Others like me, you get a much smaller selection. That's the point. If I wanted someone who was really into Star Wars or comic books, I'm narrowing my pool. So instead of say 10 eligible people, maybe I'd be down to 1 or 2?

There's varying degrees of interest. You might find a passionate fan, or a casual fan or someone who just tolerates it. In the end, it's more important to like the person than there interests. Interests can bring someone together. But, you could meet someone that has your interests that you're not really attracted to. Again, finding someone you just like is more important than their interests. You can actually grow with that person and take part in their interests.



Like I said, in the end it's up to what's important to you. You could miss out on a great woman just because she wasn't into sports.

While I understand that there are different degrees of interest that someone can have in something but it already drives me nuts with my friends and like I said if it was with a women that would just drive me even more nuts and I don't know how we would ever have any thing to talk about. The thing is while I have fun with friends I fell like the big thing that is missing in my life is having some one who I can watch and go to games with and talk with about sports.

While I understand that you could find some one that you don't find attractive to but that just kind of goes with needing the right things for a relationship to work. There are a lot of factors. You could meat some one but they have a BF, married, engaged. You could meat some one and they just slipply don't like you or they only like you has a friend. You could meat some one and you are attractive to them but you have nothing in common then what? If I meat some one and I fell attractied to them but we have nothing in common then I am just going to lose interest in them has it is then just a pretty face and nothing more. You could find your self attractive to there looks but they have a bad personilte. Or you could find some one you get along with and have things in common but don't find them physically attractive. If you don't find someone physically attractive no matter how much you have in common or how while you get along you are only going to think of them like a friend.

 

[the last son]

How short is 4'9? I'm 6'1 and a woman online messAged me for a coffee. I guess it won't hurt to find out in person.

 

[Erzengel]

While I understand that there are different degrees of interest that someone can have in something but it already drives me nuts with my friends and like I said if it was with a women that would just drive me even more nuts and I don't know how we would ever have any thing to talk about. The thing is while I have fun with friends I fell like the big thing that is missing in my life is having some one who I can watch and go to games with and talk with about sports.

While I understand that you could find some one that you don't find attractive to but that just kind of goes with needing the right things for a relationship to work. There are a lot of factors. You could meat some one but they have a BF, married, engaged. You could meat some one and they just slipply don't like you or they only like you has a friend. You could meat some one and you are attractive to them but you have nothing in common then what? If I meat some one and I fell attractied to them but we have nothing in common then I am just going to lose interest in them has it is then just a pretty face and nothing more. You could find your self attractive to there looks but they have a bad personilte. Or you could find some one you get along with and have things in common but don't find them physically attractive. If you don't find someone physically attractive no matter how much you have in common or how while you get along you are only going to think of them like a friend.

Just as long as you know, it'd might take longer to find someone who's that passionate about sports. My wife and I have gone to a lot of games with me across all 4 sports.

But she'd only watch football (her team) on a weekly basis. Regular season games she wouldn't care for and pretty much playoff games would be the only ones she'd watch. We watched the last game of the World Series on our cruise last year because it was history.

I think that's lucky to find someone who's that interested in sports. I think you'd have more of an easier time finding someone who was more of a comic geek. In my experience.

 

[Erzengel]

How short is 4'9? I'm 6'1 and a woman online messAged me for a coffee. I guess it won't hurt to find out in person.

Sasha Baron Cohen - 6'3
Isla Fisher - 5'3

 

[the last son]

Man she's going to look short next to me.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

So my lady friend that said she had feelings for me and then ignored me showed up at my gig this weekend. I haven't talked to her since she started ignoring me. She kept trying to talk to me, I did my best to be cordial. It was just odd because I do like her and find her very attractive but if we have the you like me and I like you convo then you straight up ignore me, that's a pretty big red flag in my book. She was telling me she got her car right and wanted to know if I'd help her make a track, I tried not to be a jerk but didn't really commit to anything.

 

[Dark Raven]

How short is 4'9? I'm 6'1 and a woman online messAged me for a coffee. I guess it won't hurt to find out in person.

This is essentially the height difference:

Far left: Olympic gymnast Claudia Fragapane: 4'7" but she's wearing heels, so it makes her about 4'9".

Far right: Olympic long jumper Greg Rutherford: 6'2".

And you can see the other heights in between with their dance partners.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Height difference doesn't really mean jack if the girl is shorter. As a short guy though, I've personally experienced taller women who wouldn't consider anything more than a hook-up because of it.

 

[Dark Raven]

Well that's not true that it doesn't mean anything.

Even in the examples I gave above, there were certain impracticalities because of such a height difference. Even Claudia Fragapane's dance partner, who was of average height but not 6ft, had to bend really low down to execute some of the moves. And everyone else in the show had to bend down to talk to her as if they were talking to a child.

This is a closeup of the kind of height difference between Tess Daly (who stands about 6ft in heels) and someone who is 4'7" (Claudia Fragapane).

Now some might be fine with overlooking it and that's their choice. But others might not find it so practical.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Anytime I see a big difference in height with a couple (either way) I immediately try and figure out the logistics in the bedroom.

 

[Dark Raven]

Forget about the bedroom. Even kissing with a huge height difference would be difficult unless one stands on a stool or box. But that's not always readily available if walking around in public.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

I would marry a really tall women just for the simple fact I could defuse any argument by saying "Don't talk down to me".

 

[Dark Raven]

A short woman could do the same by saying "stop putting me on a pedestal".

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

That's sexist Raven.

 

[Dark Raven]

Get off your high horse!

And it's not sexist. You said tall woman, I just said short woman.

 

[SuperSanchez]

So this website is obviously full of socially awkward nerds who are shy and find it hard to socialize, I'm a 17 year old guy who has no confidence and can never start a conversation, so I guess what I'm trying to ask is, if you were like me, how did you either get out of the shell, or find a partner?