The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part 31

[MissMarvelous]

And now what? What do we talk about now?

 

[Spider-Fan]

Life, the universe, everything?

 

[Mandon Knight]

And now what? What do we talk about now?

 

[Flash525]

And now what? What do we talk about now?

How about expectations? What people, each of us, desire from a first date, how far we'd allow that first date to progress, what our limitations may be, and how many subsequent dates one would go on if the first didn't shine (in the sense that would anyone make do for the sake of dating someone, or would they call it off and move along).

Life, the universe, everything?

42 is all you need to know.

 

[Mandon Knight]

I was talking to a friend about my intentions to use a dating site, when I had started to use one, (at the start of the year), her advice was simply 'to have no expectations' from it. None whatsoever. I think so much can be placed on a first date that maybe sometimes it's best to pursue and gage over a number of dates.

 

[MissMarvelous]

How about expectations? What people, each of us, desire from a first date, how far we'd allow that first date to progress, what our limitations may be, and how many subsequent dates one would go on if the first didn't shine (in the sense that would anyone make do for the sake of dating someone, or would they call it off and move along).

42 is all you need to know.

If the date does not go well, then there won't be a second one, for sure! I've been there, it only took us 40 minutes to find out that we weren't interested in pursuing any kind of relation. And I paid for his orange juice and my coffee...

 

[Mandon Knight]

If the date does not go well, then there won't be a second one, for sure! I've been there, it only took us 40 minutes to find out that we weren't interested in pursuing any kind of relation. And I paid for his orange juice and my coffee...

Oh agreed if it's god-awful cringe then yep, it's a non-follow up....

 

[MissMarvelous]

I wouldn't call it a desire but it would be awesome to experience that "BAM" feeling that some people say they have when they see their date/ the firsomeone for the 1st time. They see the other person and get the "I'm gonna marry you" memo, and it actually happens.

 

[Mandon Knight]

I wouldn't call it a desire but it would be awesome to experience that "BAM" feeling that some people say they have when they see their date/ the firsomeone for the 1st time. They see the other person and get the "I'm gonna marry you" memo, and it actually happens.

I ain't tempting fate, but I believe I'm there....

 

[ComicChick]

We’ve had discussions on here already about preferences, appearances and personalities, but I’d like to ask; do any of you, or have any of you thought someone was out of your league and just not bothered for fear of rejection, or prematurely worry about being judged in person after successful instant messaging?

I know I have preferences when on dating apps, we all do (have preferences) but it’s rare that I even ‘swipe right’ on someone that simply seems too good to be true. There’s a lot of very attractive women about, shall we say with the model look, but then as discussed previously, they’re usually as plain and as dull as a dry white wall.

Does the feeling of ... inadequacy ever put any of you off? I guess that’s what I’m asking.

all the time

 

[MovieSlave]

all the time

It really does suck and can be a bit hard to get over. I do my best not to think like that but some times it's not easy to push out of my mind.

On another note. That waitress at the diner I've been going to for months who gave me her number as I was leaving ended up ghosting me. She gave me her number on Sunday two weeks ago and has Tuesdays and Wednesdays off to hang out. We were texting back and forth for awhile that following Monday. So I asked if she wanted to meet up some time and that's when she told me she was available those two days. Said that maybe we could hang out the next day (Tuesday) but she had a lot of appointments so possibly wait until the following week.

That Thursday she texts me late at night asking if I have a FB so I give her my account name. Doesn't text back for a number of days so on Sunday I simply text her, "Let me know if you're still down to meet up this Tuesday or Wednesday". I didn't text her between Thurs and then because I didn't want to be impatient and bombard her. She never got back to me but still kept me as friends on FB (lol).

I showed the text string to one of my sisters and a few female friends to get their opinion if it was something I did or said. They all agreed that it wasn't me. That made me feel a bit better because I usually beat myself up over things like that. I at least know I'm not a creep or obsessive so I of course let it go since the ball was basically in her court. My only guess is since my FB profile is relatively new I don't have many personal photos. Only thing you would see is a few funny memes I had posted over time. I figured maybe I was too nerdy for her. Kind of weird considering we would chat it up and laugh all the times I was at her place of work having breakfast.

If anything that's a good thing because it saved me time if we weren't right for each other. I found it funny (as well as my sister) she didn't remove me from her FB profile. After a number of days I unfriended her since I felt it was pointless to keep her on there.

Lesson learned to once again not get my hopes up. I'm sure as hell not going back to that diner anymore because I don't want things to possibly be awkward for her. Always Dennys. Hahahah

 

[GunBlade]

Why do you care if it could be awkward for her. You can keep going to the diner...just pretend nothing happened.

 

[MissMarvelous]

I agree with GunBlade!

Just pretend nothing happened and keep your routine going.

 

[MovieSlave]

Why do you care if it could be awkward for her. You can keep going to the diner...just pretend nothing happened.

I agree with GunBlade!

Just pretend nothing happened and keep your routine going.

Thanks for the encouragement but I'll probably just stay away, maybe. I might just give it some time and go in a few weeks. It's not 100% about her possibly feeling awkward but I don't want to appear like some stalker/creep. From what I've seen online over the years a lot of people are quick to call a guy a creep over some of the smallest bs. Plus the food isn't that special. It's just a bit closer to where I live and I enjoyed talking to her and a few of the other waitresses.

One thing that was cracking me up was what my younger sister said. If I meet a girl in the future and we start hanging out I should bring her to that place for breakfast some time. That's quite the troll move.

 

[terry78]

Gotta use that trickery.

 

[MissMarvelous]

Haha I would lie if I say that I wouldn't like to troll the other person, thought.

But as you guys told me before "chill homie and let that **** go". Thing with social media is that some people tend to believe that you are what they see there and it's not entirely true, right? You don't pour yourself into a Facebook profile or Instagram, those are hints of what you are... Maybe she wanted to check your background a little bit, check if you have lady friends or someone she should be "worried" about.

It was perfect that you decided to unfriend her because she maybe felt that if she did that, it would be ackward to see you later at the diner.

 

[MovieSlave]

Exactly!

 

[Flash525]

I wouldn't call it a desire but it would be awesome to experience that "BAM" feeling that some people say they have when they see their date/ the firsomeone for the 1st time. They see the other person and get the "I'm gonna marry you" memo, and it actually happens.

I don't know about the I'm going to marry this person memo, but I've had that BAM feeling on at least two occasions, and yet neither person went beyond a second date. It can be misleading.

I showed the text string to one of my sisters and a few female friends to get their opinion if it was something I did or said. They all agreed that it wasn't me. That made me feel a bit better because I usually beat myself up over things like that. I at least know I'm not a creep or obsessive so I of course let it go since the ball was basically in her court. My only guess is since my FB profile is relatively new I don't have many personal photos. Only thing you would see is a few funny memes I had posted over time. I figured maybe I was too nerdy for her. Kind of weird considering we would chat it up and laugh all the times I was at her place of work having breakfast

Another quite likely scenario is that she's simply met someone else and feels a bit awkward suddenly telling you that? She gave you her number, maybe she feels bad and thinks it's easier to ghost you than be honest? We don't always think fair or logically in these circumstances.

If anything that's a good thing because it saved me time if we weren't right for each other. I found it funny (as well as my sister) she didn't remove me from her FB profile. After a number of days I unfriended her since I felt it was pointless to keep her on there.

People really need to learn not to get too hung up on Facebook Friends. You've even said yourself you don't use Facebook that much, so what does it matter?

Lesson learned to once again not get my hopes up. I'm sure as hell not going back to that diner anymore because I don't want things to possibly be awkward for her.

See, I would. Not to make it akward for her, but you're changing your routine, or your places of visitation because of her? Why? I'd persuade you to carry on as if she hadn't given you her number. If you can go back, and if you're served by her, just play it cool. Don't mention the texts, just act as you always have before. If you can...

One thing that was cracking me up was what my younger sister said. If I meet a girl in the future and we start hanging out I should bring her to that place for breakfast some time. That's quite the troll move.

Haha I would lie if I say that I wouldn't like to troll the other person, thought.

Not that you've said you'd do this, but I'd caution against it. Seems petty.

 

[MissMarvelous]

Not that you've said you'd do this, but I'd caution against it. Seems petty.

Is was hypothetically speaking!!! B!tch had it coming...

 

[MovieSlave]

People really need to learn not to get too hung up on Facebook Friends. You've even said yourself you don't use Facebook that much, so what does it matter?

See, I would. Not to make it awkward for her, but you're changing your routine, or your places of visitation because of her? Why? I'd persuade you to carry on as if she hadn't given you her number. If you can go back, and if you're served by her, just play it cool. Don't mention the texts, just act as you always have before. If you can...

I never said I was hung up on FB friends, I don't take it seriously. I mainly have an account to keep in touch with family and friends that live out of state from where I'm at. It's simply a matter that if we're not going to hang out in real life no point in having another person show up on my feed if I'm scrolling through.

Talking to a female co-worker today she convinced me that it's not a big deal to go back so I will be going there this Sunday. "If you can...", I won't have a problem not making things awkward. I'm just going to be myself and act casual.

This coming Tuesday I'm going to that pub I like and try to get to know that bartender better. See if I can get a feel or vibe from her at some point to maybe ask if she would like to meet up some time. As friends have been pushing me the past few years of being single I definitely need to push myself out of my comfort zone and take more chances.

 

[Mandon Knight]

My own current situation going from strength to strength, so happy

 

[Flash525]

Why would someone openly tell you that they were dating around? I just don't ... .. .

Via PlentyOfFish, started chatting to a girl last weekend, we exchanged numbers mid week and went on a date this weekend past (yay) - on the Saturday. Glorious weather (for England) and it was a lunch date, so we walked and talked, got on rather well (or so I thought?) and wrapped up by saying we'd message each other later.

Me, being me, pre-wrote a message to send her into the evening - evidently she couldn't wait until then and sent me one late in the afternoon. A pleasant surprise, and promising. We exchanged a fair few messages Saturday evening, and discussed a second date which was arranged for this coming Friday. Over the course of Sunday (yesterday) our messages eventually evolved onto the subject of what each of us was looking for from a relationship. Amongst other things, the mutual desires for trust, openness and honesty came into play.

It was at this point she decided I should know that she had another date this evening, with another guy. I really wish she hadn't told me. Ignorance is bliss, and what you don't know, can't hurt you. Apparently she started talking to us both around the same time, though I suppose I was lucky enough to have got a date in first.

I don't hold her in any ill regard for dating around. It's not something I would do personally, but that's just down to preferences. She doesn't owe me anything at the moment, and I totally get that. I respect her decision, and her telling me, but I don't get why I needed to know. Had I asked, and had she been honest and told me, that would've been different, but I didn't ask, I was just told. In her own words, she's been messed about with in the past, and has changed her outlook on dating, and that she "doesn't usually do this".

Now the only thoughts going through my head are...

* Did she tell me because she's changed her mind, and hoped I'd get cold feet?
* Did she tell me to make me jealous?
* Did she tell me because she thought I wanted to know?
* Did she genuinely tell me because she didn't want there to be secrets?
* Other

We live some 30miles (45-50mins car) apart, so it's very unlikely I'd have seen her out with someone else if she was worried about that.

She's also said she adheres to the three date rule, so do I stick it out for three dates knowing I've got competition, cut my losses, tuck my proverbial tail between my legs and run on along, or what?

My dating history is well documented on here, as limited as it is. This was my fifth date this year, the only one (this year) of which may result in a second date. Over the last 4 years, I've had only eleven dates, and of that eleven, I've only thought three of them had potential, only one of which had a second date.

I am aware, fully, that I can, have, and do become a little attached if I think a date has gone well, not in a weird or creepy way, but instead, maybe overly confident in myself that I'm onto something only for it to fall flat. I figure this is down to appreciating the when, as the occasions are rare so maybe I think I need to hold on more? I don't know.

But yeah, I don't know what to think at the minute, and I know a lot of you guys are supportive with this stuff. I don't feel comfortable talking to friends about this (oddly, I've probably shared more on here over the months about relationships than many of my friends are even aware of) but if anyone has any sort of insight here, I'm listening (or am I reading?), trying to understand. Sorry for the wall, but I needed to get this out of my head, and into some written context. The wonders of message boards.

 

[Erzengel]

I think she was just being honest. Which I've seen quite a few guys ask for on here.

People have different dating styles. I know, Flash, you've stated you're a "date one person at a time" type. But, obviously others aren't like that and don't put all their eggs in one basket.

It's up to you how you want to proceed. If you think there's chemistry enough, then keep going knowing that, yeah you have competition. I've stated before that I did what the woman you were seeing because I was in my early 20s and I was just looking to have fun. However, it does allow you to compare and contrast. I actually realized something about myself when I did have to make a decision on one of the ones I was dating. If you're not able to not get too attached and just focus on enjoying her company, maybe see what becomes after 2 more dates.

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

Yeah I am with Erzengel on this. If she has mentioned it after a conversation about Trust and honesty, I think she just wanted to be honest with you.

I don't do the dating multiple people at once thing personally, but plenty of others do, and it's something we may just have to get used to. I am pretty sure the last girl I dated was dating another guy at the same time, and have had it pretty much confirmed since, so I would have liked to have known then as there were a number of other red flags which meant I would have just walked away. But if this is the only red flag with this girl so far, I say roll with it, see how another date or 2 go, then take it from there.

 

[MissMarvelous]

Yeah I am with Erzengel on this. If she has mentioned it after a conversation about Trust and honesty, I think she just wanted to be honest with you.

I get what you guys are saying but still the question is "why would she even mention that?" that was totally unecessary! And don't give me the "she was being honest" excuse. Some things are just meant to be kept for you. Just like her comment. Would you do that???

I get that some people like to play the jealousy game, which is/was one of the possibilities why she mentioned that she still looking out, etc, etc.