The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part 31

[Lily Adler]

Thanks. I wish I could say I hope to see him again, but I don't think it's likely. But hopefully there's another around the corner.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

^^^
Always go for it, at least that way you don't have to spend time wasted on "What ifs...?"

 

[Weather Witch]

^^^
Always go for it, at least that way you don't have to spend time wasted on "What ifs...?"

I would like to add: always just go for it, except if it is someone you already know / are already friends with. Cue the story of a friend of mine having lunch with me (and him apparently considering that a date). Once I realized I kinda went: what the bad place, I should at least give it a chance. My mistake. He's a nice guy, but we really arent't compatible. Let's just say that there was no third date after the second date. Not sure if I could ever go back to 'just being friends' though. But at least now we know.

 

[the last son]

Agree with my man retro. Go for it.

 

[ComicChick]

been months, if not years since i stepped into one of these threads, but i'm fairly certain i'm going to die single and alone lol...

 

[the_ultimate_evil]

I think I'm done. I'm just gonna stop trying. I had a date last night and it never even got started

I've been talking to a woman now online for about 3 weeks every other day getting along great and she suggested meeting, I was up for it. So we agreed we'd meet in a bar we both knew and then decide what to do

I go to the bar about 30 mins before the meet and wait. I'm there about 45 mins after the time we said so I send her a text asking is everything ok, she responds that it's not going to happen

I reply does she need more time and she comes back with and I quote word for word

"No I don't I arrived tonight seen you and thought no. You're better in your photos sorry to be so blunt but it's true."

What's makes this worse is the guy who runs the bar is a former co worker friend of mine and he told me she asked if he had seen me so she did show up.

I was pissed royally but all I could do was sorta laugh it off and just went to the cinema down the street.

I think it's got to the point where I'm giving up expectations I'm 34 and haven't been with anyone in over 2 years. It's just meh

 

[Anita18]

Yeah I can't say I don't agree with you.

Honestly, I wondered if it might be a low form of autism or something.

I'm fairly sure my husband is on the low end of the spectrum as well, but he's still aware he shouldn't take advantage of people, and that his first reaction with someone shouldn't be "How can I get what I want from them?" That's just selfish.

My husband is mostly uninterested in people, and when he is actually interested in trying to socialize, he's unable to read social cues of people he doesn't know very well. He's also very bad with eye contact, even with me.

been months, if not years since i stepped into one of these threads, but i'm fairly certain i'm going to die single and alone lol...

I think it's got to the point where I'm giving up expectations I'm 34 and haven't been with anyone in over 2 years. It's just meh

You're both still pretty young. There are a-holes everywhere, but you really are better off without them.

The rest is being open to opportunities. :

 

[ComicChick]

id be open to an opportunity if i could find one lol

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Hey if I can find someone, it is total proof that anybody can...! t:

 

[theflashionist]

"No I don't I arrived tonight seen you and thought no. You're better in your photos sorry to be so blunt but it's true."

That shows she is a stuck up little B - nothing else - You need to think it also may have saved you time and money. As much as an aggravation as it may feel like. Did you really want to sit with someone who is completely uninterested in you and can not wait to leave?


ON TO THE NEXT ONE. Keep your head up.

 

[DA_Champion]

I've managed to get 10 or 11 first dates this year, mostly by casting a wider net. For me, this is a record, I don't think I've ever had more than 4 or 5 first dates in a year. It is unfortunately a lot of effort to use more dating sites: tinder, bumble, pof, okcupid, and jswipe.

Still no success though.

I'm trying to lose weight, and will be starting invisalign soon, as well as seeing a dermatologist, to improve my looks.

 

[DA_Champion]

One anomaly I noticed, I tried swiping in Los Angeles when I visited earlier this year. I did that to procrastinate. It was pointless as I was not going to meet anybody.

I got more good matches there in an hour or so than I typically get in 1 month where I live.

So far, nobody's had a good explanation as to how that happened lol.

 

[DA_Champion]

been months, if not years since i stepped into one of these threads, but i'm fairly certain i'm going to die single and alone lol...

If you can handle being a moderator on the hype then at the very least you are ready to raise children.

 

[DA_Champion]

Anybody try coffee meets bagel?

 

[Lily Adler]

Is it creepy to ask someone out over the phone of their workplace? I made some pretty heavy eye contact with this cashier at a store nearby and they have a public number, but I didn't get the chance to ask them out as they were busy with customers.

 

[ComicChick]

I've managed to get 10 or 11 first dates this year, mostly by casting a wider net. For me, this is a record, I don't think I've ever had more than 4 or 5 first dates in a year. It is unfortunately a lot of effort to use more dating sites: tinder, bumble, pof, okcupid, and jswipe.

Still no success though.

I'm trying to lose weight, and will be starting invisalign soon, as well as seeing a dermatologist, to improve my looks.

i have never even heard of some of those sites.

 

[DA_Champion]

i have never even heard of some of those sites.

Bumble seems as widely used as tinder. It's the same software but with a tweak - the woman has to make the first message.

 

[Mandon Knight]

Finding someone certainly gets harder as you get older, it also depends on if you are looking for 'the one' (life affirming, move in together, settled down life) or younger and on the 'dating scene' as such.

 

[The Apocalypse]

Is it creepy to ask someone out over the phone of their workplace? I made some pretty heavy eye contact with this cashier at a store nearby and they have a public number, but I didn't get the chance to ask them out as they were busy with customers.

Yes.

 

[Dark Raven]

Is it creepy to ask someone out over the phone of their workplace? I made some pretty heavy eye contact with this cashier at a store nearby and they have a public number, but I didn't get the chance to ask them out as they were busy with customers.

The answer to whether something is creepy or not is best answered by the Dobler-Dahmer theory from HIMYM:

[YT]J2xULShV6S4[/YT]

While it is just meant for humour in a sitcom, there is a lot of truth in it and definitely explains human behaviour. It just has never had a label put on it in quite this way before, but HIMYM summarises it quite succinctly.

So if the person is into you, then they will not consider it creepy with you calling their work number but a sweet gesture. But if they are not into you and weren't even thinking about you during all that eye contact, then the exact same gesture coming from someone else would definitely come across as creepy.

So you have to assess and guess how much you thought the cashier was into you. If the store is nearby, then why don't you go there and interact several times again to get a better read? Then you can establish a rapport and even ask them out there and then. But if not, at least if you've already built up that rapport and they know your name, then they won't think it's creepy because it won't be completely out of the blue, and they might already be thinking about you.

There is not always a hard and fast rule as to whether something would be considered creepy or romantic, as seen in the video above, because it all depends on how the person thinks about you in the first place. Of course, certain things definitely are, but something like calling up a workplace isn't necessarily, and that is how some people have even gotten together before and the other person was impressed that they went the extra mile to find out that information and make the effort. But that's because that person at least had some affinity toward the other in the first place.

 

[Lily Adler]

Yes.

That's what I figured.

The answer to whether something is creepy or not is best answered by the Dobler-Dahmer theory from HIMYM:

[YT]J2xULShV6S4[/YT]

While it is just meant for humour in a sitcom, there is a lot of truth in it and definitely explains human behaviour. It just has never had a label put on it in quite this way before, but HIMYM summarises it quite succinctly.

So if the person is into you, then they will not consider it creepy with you calling their work number but a sweet gesture. But if they are not into you and weren't even thinking about you during all that eye contact, then the exact same gesture coming from someone else would definitely come across as creepy.

So you have to assess and guess how much you thought the cashier was into you. If the store is nearby, then why don't you go there and interact several times again to get a better read? Then you can establish a rapport and even ask them out there and then. But if not, at least if you've already built up that rapport and they know your name, then they won't think it's creepy because it won't be completely out of the blue, and they might already be thinking about you.

There is not always a hard and fast rule as to whether something would be considered creepy or romantic, as seen in the video above, because it all depends on how the person thinks about you in the first place. Of course, certain things definitely are, but something like calling up a workplace isn't necessarily, and that is how some people have even gotten together before and the other person was impressed that they went the extra mile to find out that information and make the effort. But that's because that person at least had some affinity toward the other in the first place.

I go in that store every now and then, but every single time I'm in there and he's working, we make eye contact and he smiles and averts his gaze to me. Last time he checked me out at the register and couldn't stop smiling and had a minor giggle fit. I was really tempted to ask him then, but life got in the way at the time. And lo and behold same thing happened last night. I try to learn his name, but the employees don't wear their nametags. :/

 

[Dark Raven]

That's what I figured.

I go in that store every now and then, but every single time I'm in there and he's working, we make eye contact and he smiles and averts his gaze to me. Last time he checked me out at the register and couldn't stop smiling and had a minor giggle fit. I was really tempted to ask him then, but life got in the way at the time. And lo and behold same thing happened last night. I try to learn his name, but the employees don't wear their nametags. :/

It's easy to ask someone's name. If he's helping you out, just ask him. Even if you weren't into him, you can ask him. That's what people do. I always ask someone's name if I'm dealing with an employee in the store, because if I need their name for reference if I have to come back to them (or make a complaint) then I know who I've spoken to. Just don't make a big thing out of it in your mind. You're just wanting his name for reference.

You can ask him for help or advice about something. It doesn't have to be something you really need to know. It's just a way of making conversation (or finding out information if you really were asking that question).

 

[Erzengel]

Finding someone certainly gets harder as you get older, it also depends on if you are looking for 'the one' (life affirming, move in together, settled down life) or younger and on the 'dating scene' as such.

It gets harder in the sense that you don't have school to meet people and you have to expand searches through social activities, friends, internet, etc.

In the end, it depends on how important it is to someone. Trying to find someone can be work for some people.

 

[Lily Adler]

Just join a gym and sneak into the men's locker room.

 

[Lily Adler]

It's easy to ask someone's name. If he's helping you out, just ask him. Even if you weren't into him, you can ask him. That's what people do. I always ask someone's name if I'm dealing with an employee in the store, because if I need their name for reference if I have to come back to them (or make a complaint) then I know who I've spoken to. Just don't make a big thing out of it in your mind. You're just wanting his name for reference.

You can ask him for help or advice about something. It doesn't have to be something you really need to know. It's just a way of making conversation (or finding out information if you really were asking that question).

I had anticipated to do just that today, but he wasn't working. Now I feel like a stalker.