The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part 31

[InCali]

So I know that being called a brother is a surefire sign that you're most likely in the friend zone but if you are talking to a girl and she remarks that you sound like her brother is that a bad sign as well?

I depends what state you're in.

 

[Prison Mike]

I’m the south, being called a brother is flirting...

 

[ComicChick]

hey now

 

[InCali]

I depends what state you're in.

Probably my favorite line from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. LOL. I miss that show. Maybe not Orphan Black miss, but miss a lot.....

 

[ComicChick]

So I downloaded tinder while I’m bored on quarantine. I’d heard that if you “like” a person, they won’t know unless they “like” you too and it’s a match.
Well, I liked a guy and it turns out he liked me too so we are a match.
He just sent me a message but my self esteem is so little that I don’t even have the confidence to write him back. I haven’t even opened the message

and that’s the insomnia induced CC drama for the day.

 

[Erzengel]

You don't have to meet up with him tomorrow. Just respond.

 

[MissMarvelous]

So I downloaded tinder while I’m bored on quarantine. I’d heard that if you “like” a person, they won’t know unless they “like” you too and it’s a match.
Well, I liked a guy and it turns out he liked me too so we are a match.
He just sent me a message but my self esteem is so little that I don’t even have the confidence to write him back. I haven’t even opened the message

and that’s the insomnia induced CC drama for the day.

Comic! This is the time to "get out there" without having to actually doing it. At least try it! He may be cute but... Is he interesting? The only way to know that is to have a conversation.

Come back here with further details!!!!

 

[SymbioteKal-El]

Its bin a while since I posted here but I just needed to vent, met a woman around 6 months ago and we got on great from the off, we lived a distance away (don’t wish to say where) but met up every now and again and had the most amazing weekends together.

Something always felt a little off though and earlier this month she finally told me she was married. I just could not believe it, I was falling for this woman and she asked me to ignore her being married and just enjoy things, but I just couldn’t do that and tonight I have ended things for good. I know people will say it’s for the best, but right now it feels so terrible

 

[Flash525]

So I downloaded tinder while I’m bored on quarantine. I’d heard that if you “like” a person, they won’t know unless they “like” you too and it’s a match.

Well, I liked a guy and it turns out he liked me too so we are a match.

He just sent me a message but my self esteem is so little that I don’t even have the confidence to write him back. I haven’t even opened the message.

You might as well engage with this guy, you literally have nothing to lose yet everything to gain.

There’s no commitment involved, and your identity, location and other details are all safe. If you engage in conversation and ultimately find there’s no spark, you can just stop talking to him (although as a guy I find this rude - all it takes is a quick message along the lines of so I’m not feeling there’s any actual chemistry between us here and I think it’s best to leave it).

Regardless though, go for it. If nothing else you may end up with a pen pal or merely someone (like us) to help you pass a bit of time.

 

[Flash525]

Its bin a while since I posted here but I just needed to vent, met a woman around 6 months ago and we got on great from the off, we lived a distance away (don’t wish to say where) but met up every now and again and had the most amazing weekends together.

Something always felt a little off though and earlier this month she finally told me she was married. I just could not believe it, I was falling for this woman and she asked me to ignore her being married and just enjoy things, but I just couldn’t do that and tonight I have ended things for good. I know people will say it’s for the best, but right now it feels so terrible

You’ve done the right thing, because there’s a strong likelihood this would’ve come back to bite you in the long run, in the emotional sense.

You’ve started to fall for her now, but you should consider yourself lucky you got out before you got too deep. I know it probably doesn’t feel that way now but give it time, and if it helps, by all means, vent some more.

 

[InCali]

So I downloaded tinder while I’m bored on quarantine. I’d heard that if you “like” a person, they won’t know unless they “like” you too and it’s a match.
Well, I liked a guy and it turns out he liked me too so we are a match.
He just sent me a message but my self esteem is so little that I don’t even have the confidence to write him back. I haven’t even opened the message

and that’s the insomnia induced CC drama for the day.

I don't like to give advice very often because advice doesn't cost you anything and most people don't take their own.

BUUUUUUUUUUUUT......first off, you can't tell someone how to feel. That includes self esteem and a host of other feelings. Now, I have never met you and only know you from a few back and forth posts, but I don't think there is any reason for you to have low self esteem. You are obviously very bright, are willing to work hard and learn, and seem to be a very caring person. What's not to like? This is meant only to give you my opinion (limited as it may be) of you. If you feel like engaging someone online, go ahead, but realize that this is a very limited way of interacting with people and you may not get a full view of people.

I used to want to put my good foot forward when I first met someone, but figured out that honesty is really the best policy because if you aren't really a good match with someone, you're probably just going to end up unhappy. I don't need that.

I tend to digress so excuse my ramblings.

 

[InCali]

Comic! This is the time to "get out there" without having to actually doing it. At least try it! He may be cute but... Is he interesting? The only way to know that is to have a conversation.

Come back here with further details!!!!

You're as nosey as my wife. LOL. Girl, you're a kick.

 

[MissMarvelous]

You're as nosey as my wife. LOL. Girl, you're a kick.

I'm showering her with love! And encouraging her...

Me loves being nosey. I get all those juicy details wanna share a margarita and sum gossip???

 

[InCali]

I'm showering her with love! And encouraging her...

Me loves being nosey. I get all those juicy details wanna share a margarita and sum gossip???

Casamigos, fresh squeezed lime and St. Germain (Agave nectar can always be substituted)? I'm hoping that cutting a lime and squeezing it doesn't bring back comparisons to Martha Stewart.

 

[MissMarvelous]

It's been a long time since my last question so, here it goes: is it easier to spend this isolation time with or without a partner?

 

[Erzengel]

With.

Then again, I've never really lived alone except when my family left for Florida and I was still in NJ years ago, I lived in the house until it was sold which was like 6 months? But had sporadic visitors whether it was a family member or my gf at the time.

 

[Flash525]

It's been a long time since my last question so, here it goes: is it easier to spend this isolation time with or without a partner?

I’ve lived the solo life for the last five/six years now, and I’m quite used to it. My lifestyle hasn’t changed much due to covid anyway; I’ve been working through the whole thing as it is, and going on walks, cycle rides etc.

Might be different if over the winter, but these summer months I’m doing okay.

 

[InCali]

It's been a long time since my last question so, here it goes: is it easier to spend this isolation time with or without a partner?

If dogs count, easier....if not, ummmmmmm.......

EDIT: With??

 

[MissMarvelous]

I think we need a new question...

What have you discovered about yourself during the isolation time? Which attributes have you discovered?

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

So been dating a girl for around the last 6 months but obviously not saw each other in person since March. We had 3 full dates before lockdown but kept in touch after and spoke pretty much everyday.

Things were going well until about 2 weeks ago when she mentioned the L word and how she was falling that way for me. I just didn't feel the same but tried see if things would change over another week or 2. They didn't and I tried to end it with her but she wasn't taking it in a good way. I tried to keep in touch to help and answer questions, etc, and then lost my patience Sunday night when I was drunk and we got into a bit of a fight. I didn't swear or anything at her, but I said some quite cutting things and immediately apologised when I woke up the next day. We then ended things permanently last night. And it was quite amicable all things considered.

But it's one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. Making someone cry and be so upset, and knowing I am the reason for it is killing me. I know I did the right thing as I couldn't have her falling in love with me when I didn't feel the same, but I just feel like an awful person right now.

In the past I have always been the dumpee rather than the dumper. But experiencing doing it has been horrific and something I never want to go through again.

All I want to do is message her and check she is okay, but I know that won't help her move on. I couldn't be one of those people who do these things regularly that's for sure.

Not asking for advice or anything, just forewarning people on here like me who have never had to do it before. Prepare yourself if you do.

 

[InCali]

I think we need a new question...

What have you discovered about yourself during the isolation time? Which attributes have you discovered?

People can be rather annoying and interesting at the same time. I'm quite content to be at home, do my work while watching (listening really) to TV, shutting my "Command Center" down, and relaxing. I don't get bored and I don't really miss people, but I really enjoy being around them.

I just feel like "Whatever. I'm cool with it."

 

[Erzengel]

So been dating a girl for around the last 6 months but obviously not saw each other in person since March. We had 3 full dates before lockdown but kept in touch after and spoke pretty much everyday.

Things were going well until about 2 weeks ago when she mentioned the L word and how she was falling that way for me. I just didn't feel the same but tried see if things would change over another week or 2. They didn't and I tried to end it with her but she wasn't taking it in a good way. I tried to keep in touch to help and answer questions, etc, and then lost my patience Sunday night when I was drunk and we got into a bit of a fight. I didn't swear or anything at her, but I said some quite cutting things and immediately apologised when I woke up the next day. We then ended things permanently last night. And it was quite amicable all things considered.

But it's one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. Making someone cry and be so upset, and knowing I am the reason for it is killing me. I know I did the right thing as I couldn't have her falling in love with me when I didn't feel the same, but I just feel like an awful person right now.

In the past I have always been the dumpee rather than the dumper. But experiencing doing it has been horrific and something I never want to go through again.

All I want to do is message her and check she is okay, but I know that won't help her move on. I couldn't be one of those people who do these things regularly that's for sure.

Not asking for advice or anything, just forewarning people on here like me who have never had to do it before. Prepare yourself if you do.

Quick comment and question.

One, just because someone says ILY doesn't necessarily necessitate for you to say it back unless you feel similar.

However, did you not feel any type of connection that you didn't want this to keep going and maybe things would change? You basically gave yourself a 2 week deadline when things really shouldn't be forced.

 

[Mandon Knight]

Not a huge amount has 'changed' for me in the lockdown, I work from home anyway, regardless of quarantine, so my 'daily' life hasn't changed a huge amount, but I've missed my GF beyond all thinking and feeling, and saw each other for first Saturday since March and it was amazing.

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

Quick comment and question.

One, just because someone says ILY doesn't necessarily necessitate for you to say it back unless you feel similar.

However, did you not feel any type of connection that you didn't want this to keep going and maybe things would change? You basically gave yourself a 2 week deadline when things really shouldn't be forced.

On your comment, very true, but she wanted me to feel the same and I knew I wouldn’t.

On your question. We did have a connection, but there were factors, she was older and couldn’t have kids. And while I am uncertain if I 100% want them, I might in my late 30’s so if I am to have them it needs to be in the next few years. I know people say men can have them whenever, but Father Time in your late 30’s would be difficult enough, in your 40’s I imagine it would be terribly hard. She also has been married previously and got divorced, and didn’t want to marry again, where as I do one day. Also I don’t I think I would ever feel the same about her as she felt about me, and that just felt unfair to carry on. She had been dropping hints about ILY for a few weeks before, and I told her let’s just take things slow but she couldn’t apparently.

Sorry should have given this context earlier, but needed to get how ****ty it felt off of my chest.

 

[Erzengel]

I will say that 6 months even in quarantine and separated from one another, it's still a while to be iffy on someone. Again, I know there was some very unusual and outstanding circumstances but even talking everyday, I'm surprised you waited this long to break it off.