The Relationship Thread: Single Posters on Patrol

[Anita18]

Celebrating our one month at black Angus.

Congrats! I remember you were having trouble before, so this is a good development!

I guess I don't have the Asian monopoly on dating someone black.

My coworker way back in 2007 was Taiwanese and dated a black chick too.

 

[L.A.]

I guess I don't have the Asian monopoly on dating someone black.

Haha it's a new trend here in L.A

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Why do u think that is? Looks? What you have on your profile? Iv always assumed most ppl who used those websites would play a 'whats behind door number 2' type of game in that unless you are really attractive they'll just wait for someone else to come around.

I mean i hate to sound shallow but thats kind of what i would do, i mean if i didnt think someone was physically attractive, i wouldn't be interested. I mean iv had super nice/sweet girls attracted to me before but the physical attraction wasnt there for me and so i just wasnt interested. I think im broken hah.

Hell if I know. If I knew, I'd be able to change it and get a date.

Looks? I doubt it. I don't claim to be the world's most handsome man, but I know I am by no means ugly or bad looking. I get complimented on my appearance and the way I dress by both men and women alike.

What's on my profile? I mean, maybe? I don't know. I don't think my profile is particularly out of the ordinary or anything.

I don't know what the problem is online, or in real life. This girl that I work with recently discovered that I'm a virgin, and she was just in absolute shock. In fact, before she found out, she just assumed I had a high number of women I'd been with. Whenever I work with her now, she's always telling me she doesn't get it, that she doesn't see any reason why I can't find someone.

As far as the 2nd bolded goes, just in general, I'm not of the belief that that is shallow. Obviously, when it comes to a relationship, there is far more to making a relationship work than just physical attractiveness, but I don't think it's in the least bit shallow to want to be attracted to a potential partner.

And that goes for girls that aren't interested in me either. On a couple occasions, I've had girls tell me that for whatever reasons I just wasn't their type or whatever. Fair enough. I'm the same way. There's a lot of women that I wouldn't be interested in because the physical attraction simply isn't there. I don't think that's shallow on anyone's part.

Oh well, I don't know what the deal is. All I can hope is that the dating is better wherever I go next.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Celebrating our one month at black Angus.

Congrats and good luck to both of you!

 

[Anita18]

Haha it's a new trend here in L.A

We're always the trendsetters!

Hell if I know. If I knew, I'd be able to change it and get a date.

Srsly.

Looks? I doubt it. I don't claim to be the world's most handsome man, but I know I am by no means ugly or bad looking. I get complimented on my appearance and the way I dress by both men and women alike.

What's on my profile? I mean, maybe? I don't know. I don't think my profile is particularly out of the ordinary or anything.

I don't know what the problem is online, or in real life. This girl that I work with recently discovered that I'm a virgin, and she was just in absolute shock. In fact, before she found out, she just assumed I had a high number of women I'd been with. Whenever I work with her now, she's always telling me she doesn't get it, that she doesn't see any reason why I can't find someone.

As far as the 2nd bolded goes, just in general, I'm not of the belief that that is shallow. Obviously, when it comes to a relationship, there is far more to making a relationship work than just physical attractiveness, but I don't think it's in the least bit shallow to want to be attracted to a potential partner.

And that goes for girls that aren't interested in me either. On a couple occasions, I've had girls tell me that for whatever reasons I just wasn't their type or whatever. Fair enough. I'm the same way. There's a lot of women that I wouldn't be interested in because the physical attraction simply isn't there. I don't think that's shallow on anyone's part.

Oh well, I don't know what the deal is. All I can hope is that the dating is better wherever I go next.

Don't worry, I had friends who also told me it confused them why I didn't have a boyfriend and was single for 6 years. You just gotta keep looking. Maybe the scene where you are simply doesn't have girls who are on the same wavelength as you. I think everyone's chances are much better if you live someplace with a huge variety of people. Especially if you're different from your current crowd.

I only know one couple who met growing up in the same city, with similar backgrounds, and stayed together. All the other couples I know are like melting pot kind of couples, finding each other after wandering all over tarnation. My ex met his wife in San Diego, and she was from Louisiana. My cousin from Washington met her husband when he was studying in Russia. My other cousin met his wife in college, and she wasn't even from the US. My sister met her bf in San Fran, and he's from Australia. I would not have met my husband if not for the internet. I think your chances are much better if you're exposed to all different kinds of people, instead of being exposed to just one kind of person, and they're all wrong for you.

 

[Lily Adler]

Alert Thread Hi-Jack!

Well, my attraction to music guy fizzled out. We both hang out a lot now and instead of feeling a spark I found myself preferring him in a platonic relationship rather than a romantic one. I think I was so desperate for some kind of romance that I created feelings for someone whom is actually better as a friend.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

Alert Thread Hi-Jack!

Well, my attraction to music guy fizzled out. We both hang out a lot now and instead of feeling a spark I found myself preferring him in a platonic relationship rather than a romantic one. I think I was so desperate for some kind of romance that I created feelings for someone whom is actually better as a friend.

Oh no. Poor guy got friend zoned! Haha I know what ya mean tho. Iv done the same to one of my sisters friends. Like I was physically attracted to her and basically wanted there to be more, so we hung out a bit and then I just realized we couldn't be more different and that attraction just stopped.

 

[Erzengel]

Hell if I know. If I knew, I'd be able to change it and get a date.

Looks? I doubt it. I don't claim to be the world's most handsome man, but I know I am by no means ugly or bad looking. I get complimented on my appearance and the way I dress by both men and women alike.

What's on my profile? I mean, maybe? I don't know. I don't think my profile is particularly out of the ordinary or anything.

It didn't sound like you put much effort into online dating?

You made a couple of comments right off the bat that it wasn't for you. And wasn't it a friend who set up a profile for you?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

It didn't sound like you put much effort into online dating?

You made a couple of comments right off the bat that it wasn't for you. And wasn't it a friend who set up a profile for you?

Originally, yes, she did that on POF.

I ended up signing up myself on OKCupid. I have since gone through both profiles and edited them to reflect a little more "effort" so to speak.

I don't particularly care for POF, haven't seen anything on there I like, but OKCupid I've been slightly more active on, and there was a period of time fairly recently where I was sending out messages on a regular basis when I found someone who's profile and pictures piqued my interest.

Never even got so much as a reply from it, so after awhile I just stopped. Kinda similar to how I've just stopped approaching women I meet in real life as well.

 

[the last son]

My game is getting better day by day. since most of our customers are out of town I try different lines and see what works and what doesn't. Coming along nicely so far

 

[ProjectPat2280]

This thread needed a bump anyway.

After listening to some of you i decided to try the whole online dating thing and man, if you want to have your confidence be given a quick kick in the balls, this'll do it. Haha.

Iv been on 2 different places for like a week or so and out of the 10+ messages iv sent back i got 1 reply, but we didnt really continue talking as we realized we were just too different(which is cool no worries). Some have just straight up deleted my messages without so much as reading em. Iv got a couple messages from other girls but none that i was even remotely interested in.

Like anything i do i didnt half ash my profiles. I was legit, honest and me.

Hah i mean i dont think im a bad looking dude, the last girl i was with was the type who could have her say in ANY human male walking the earth and she thought i was attractive. So if she thought i was attractive, theres gotta be something there.

IDK, maybe the girls i was messaging just really werent looking for anything long term. Iv stated in my profiles im legit looking for a relationship, not just wanting to waste time with a quick fling or anything of the such.

 

[Anita18]

Really? I'm shy in person, and I have a stutter and a deep voice, all of which are not obvious online and are unattractive face-to-face, so I got waaaay more attention from guys online than I ever did in person. (Just my luck that my husband dislikes chirpy-voiced yappy girls, so my deep voice and stutter didn't bother him.) I don't even get cat-called in real life. Nobody gives me a second glance when I go to clubs. (The fact that I look out of place doesn't help..)

Then again, girls who do online dating are inundated by guys just because of the nature of the beast, I guess. I had to cull the messages pretty aggressively just so I could get a handle on it. If someone didn't interest me within the first read or it was obvious that they didn't read my profile, straight to the trash bin it went.

But I dunno how it is for guys, really. My husband actually got more girlfriends out of online dating (before he met me, obviously) than I got boyfriends. Then again I'm REALLY picky and a little paranoid.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

Really? I'm shy in person, and I have a stutter and a deep voice, all of which are not obvious online and are unattractive face-to-face, so I got waaaay more attention from guys online than I ever did in person. (Just my luck that my husband dislikes chirpy-voiced yappy girls, so my deep voice and stutter didn't bother him...) I don't even get cat-called in real life.

Then again, girls who do online dating are inundated by guys just because of the nature of the beast, I guess. I had to cull the messages pretty aggressively just so I could get a handle on it. If someone didn't interest me within the first read or it was obvious that they didn't read my profile, straight to the trash bin it went.

But I dunno how it is for guys, really. My husband actually got more girlfriends out of online dating (before he met me, obviously) than I got boyfriends. Then again I'm REALLY picky and a little paranoid.

Hah yea i understand girls get bombarded with messages. I can only imagine. And im seeing SOOOO many girls post in their profiles that they "dont want a one night stand" "arent looking to just hook up" "dont be creepy" "dont message me if you are just gonna be a jerk" etc etc etc. So it must be pretty bad. One girl even posted the name and message this one guy sent her saying something like, "hey thanks for not writing me back. I hope some "hot" guy rapes the s**t outta you". Like seriously, wtf is that? Who says something like that?

So clearly guys are just as much of a d**k online as they are offline.

Which sucks because im not like that, couldnt be more opposite. Maybe i just have a look about me? Maybe i look like im an a**hole haha, idk.

 

[Anita18]

Hah yea i understand girls get bombarded with messages. I can only imagine. And im seeing SOOOO many girls post in their profiles that they "dont want a one night stand" "arent looking to just hook up" "dont be creepy" "dont message me if you are just gonna be a jerk" etc etc etc. So it must be pretty bad. One girl even posted the name and message this one guy sent her saying something like, "hey thanks for not writing me back. I hope some "hot" guy rapes the s**t outta you". Like seriously, wtf is that? Who says something like that?

So clearly guys are just as much of a d**k online as they are offline.

Which sucks because im not like that, couldnt be more opposite. Maybe i just have a look about me? Maybe i look like im an a**hole haha, idk.

If you want to PM me your profile, I can give you a few pointers. Obviously I don't stand for all women (and Erz suggests I've got atypical tastes), but at least it's a woman's POV, right? I've also got an overly attuned "lizard brain" thanks to paranoid parents. Any bit of creep that I sense in a message or even during chat, off to the trash bin! In a month or two (if I keep weightlifting), I could probably carry my husband out of a house fire. He's not a very intimidating guy.

I never put any of those things in my profile. Creeps don't know they're creeps, or they don't care. Easy enough to delete them or block them online.

A lot of people don't photograph well. I probably come off a lot more intimidating in real life than I do in photographs. That, plus being a girl on an online dating site in itself, probably accounts for 99% of the reason why I get more attention online than I do offline.

 

[Erzengel]

Hah yea i understand girls get bombarded with messages. I can only imagine. And im seeing SOOOO many girls post in their profiles that they "dont want a one night stand" "arent looking to just hook up" "dont be creepy" "dont message me if you are just gonna be a jerk" etc etc etc. So it must be pretty bad. One girl even posted the name and message this one guy sent her saying something like, "hey thanks for not writing me back. I hope some "hot" guy rapes the s**t outta you". Like seriously, wtf is that? Who says something like that?

So clearly guys are just as much of a d**k online as they are offline.

Which sucks because im not like that, couldnt be more opposite. Maybe i just have a look about me? Maybe i look like im an a**hole haha, idk.

I think it's unsaid, but a good majority of people want to have some level of attraction. As much as women and men, list everything outside of physicality in their profiles of what they are looking for, it's up there.

Not saying you aren't attractive just maybe not physically the type that some of the girls you messaged would be. Also, some of the girls could already be "dating" someone.

I mean online dating, it just like regular dating. You don't just ask out a couple of people. You keep doing it until it works.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

If you want to PM me your profile, I can give you a few pointers. Obviously I don't stand for all women (and Erz suggests I've got atypical tastes), but at least it's a woman's POV, right? I've also got an overly attuned "lizard brain" thanks to paranoid parents. Any bit of creep that I sense in a message or even during chat, off to the trash bin! In a month or two (if I keep weightlifting), I could probably carry my husband out of a house fire. He's not a very intimidating guy.

I never put any of those things in my profile. Creeps don't know they're creeps, or they don't care. Easy enough to delete them or block them online.

A lot of people don't photograph well. I probably come off a lot more intimidating in real life than I do in photographs. That, plus being a girl on an online dating site in itself, probably accounts for 99% of the reason why I get more attention online than I do offline.

Yea I can do that. Maybe there's some red flags in my profile that I'm just not seeing.

I think it's unsaid, but a good majority of people want to have some level of attraction. As much as women and men, list everything outside of physicality in their profiles of what they are looking for, it's up there.

Not saying you aren't attractive just maybe not physically the type that some of the girls you messaged would be. Also, some of the girls could already be "dating" someone.

I mean online dating, it just like regular dating. You don't just ask out a couple of people. You keep doing it until it works.

Oh yea I completely agree. I mean physical attraction is the number 1 thing I look for, if it's not there I don't go any further on the profile page. Now of course what's on the page will determine rather I message or not but yea looks are important. And again, iv felt I do ok in that dept, I mean all the girls iv been in relationships with prior were really really attractive and could of had anyone and they thought I was attractive. And I get not everyone is everyone's cup of tea, but damn I'm like over 10 messages with a success rate of pretty much 0

 

[moviedoors]

I just hit the jackpot with online dating. It was interesting hearing the female experience of using those sites. I've been on one of them for roughly two months, and my profile has about a hundred views, a message here and there. The girl I'm seeing now, within about a three month period, has like 800 views and dozens of messages. I imagine that's pretty common for the females.

I actually had to be persistent with this woman. I sent her the standard first message of "hey you seem cool, blah, blah, lets get a drink." I gave it a few weeks, then I sent: "So, what's your opinion on smooching?" She loved that. We'd been circling each other for awhile, but she really liked the goofy initiative of that message. It acknowledges that, truthfully, everyone on a dating site is looking to smooch someone; it also let her know that I think she's attractive, but without being overly creepy about it. The forwardness is tempered by the silliness. It helped get me in the door, which is all you can hope for on these sites. I had still had to close the deal in person when we actually met (and boy did I ever).

 

[ProjectPat2280]

I just hit the jackpot with online dating. It was interesting hearing the female experience of using those sites. I've been on one of them for roughly two months, and my profile has about a hundred views, a message here and there. The girl I'm seeing now, within about a three month period, has like 800 views and dozens of messages. I imagine that's pretty common for the females.

I actually had to be persistent with this woman. I sent her the standard first message of "hey you seem cool, blah, blah, lets get a drink." I gave it a few weeks, then I sent: "So, what's your opinion on smooching?" She loved that. We'd been circling each other for awhile, but she really liked the goofy initiative of that message. It acknowledges that, truthfully, everyone on a dating site is looking to smooch someone; it also let her know that I think she's attractive, but without being overly creepy about it. The forwardness is tempered by the silliness. It helped get me in the door, which is all you can hope for on these sites. I had still had to close the deal in person when we actually met (and boy did I ever).

Haha well thats cool to hear. So you sent her a message, she didnt respond then you sent another? Thats bold. Most profiles iv seen say 'if i dont respond it means im not interested, don't message me again".

And i am not in any way holding that against em. Like i said, attraction is important and i am fully aware girls inboxes are blown up daily.

And another unrelated observation, but there are a LOT of fake profiles out there. Like you can just tell the ones where someone has taken pics off google. Is it the same for girls?

 

[SpideyVille]

On the subject of online dating, I gotta admit, I still have my dummy account on OKCupid that I created last year when a bunch of us here started testing it out to see what was up with it. I haven't really used it at all to meet people, but I have looked around to see who's on it and one of the strangest things that I came across was the profiles of several girls that I knew as a friend or as friends of friends. It was weird, but in more cases than not, I could easily understand why they would try online dating just going by how they carried themselves.

 

[Anita18]

Oh yea I completely agree. I mean physical attraction is the number 1 thing I look for, if it's not there I don't go any further on the profile page. Now of course what's on the page will determine rather I message or not but yea looks are important. And again, iv felt I do ok in that dept, I mean all the girls iv been in relationships with prior were really really attractive and could of had anyone and they thought I was attractive. And I get not everyone is everyone's cup of tea, but damn I'm like over 10 messages with a success rate of pretty much 0

It also could be just a matter of timing. When I met my husband, I was only getting on POF every 2 weeks, the amount of time they saved messages. Going on every day to check messages was just too much hassle. I think about each one too much.

And yeah, 10 messages is not that many. I definitely sent out more to guys and didn't get many responses either. And I'm a CHICK.

Yeah, I'm really not that hot. I also try not to show off too much physically because I'd rather someone like me for my personality, then get a nice bonus to the package. But it doesn't get attention when I'm in a pool of other women, many of whom have cleavage hanging out every which way. It's a choice I made (well, I don't have cleavage so that wasn't a choice!), and it took a lot of patience but paid off in the end.

I just hit the jackpot with online dating. It was interesting hearing the female experience of using those sites. I've been on one of them for roughly two months, and my profile has about a hundred views, a message here and there. The girl I'm seeing now, within about a three month period, has like 800 views and dozens of messages. I imagine that's pretty common for the females.

I actually had to be persistent with this woman. I sent her the standard first message of "hey you seem cool, blah, blah, lets get a drink." I gave it a few weeks, then I sent: "So, what's your opinion on smooching?" She loved that. We'd been circling each other for awhile, but she really liked the goofy initiative of that message. It acknowledges that, truthfully, everyone on a dating site is looking to smooch someone; it also let her know that I think she's attractive, but without being overly creepy about it. The forwardness is tempered by the silliness. It helped get me in the door, which is all you can hope for on these sites. I had still had to close the deal in person when we actually met (and boy did I ever).

LOL, that would be way too forward for me, but yeah, everyone's different. I love the shy yet confident guys. Is that weird to say? My husband wasn't too forward physically at first, but it was clear it didn't bother him too much.

As I said, very attuned lizard brain.

 

[Anita18]

Haha well thats cool to hear. So you sent her a message, she didnt respond then you sent another? Thats bold. Most profiles iv seen say 'if i dont respond it means im not interested, don't message me again".

And i am not in any way holding that against em. Like i said, attraction is important and i am fully aware girls inboxes are blown up daily.

And another unrelated observation, but there are a LOT of fake profiles out there. Like you can just tell the ones where someone has taken pics off google. Is it the same for girls?

I think it's because moviedoors didn't accuse her of ignoring him. THOSE kinds of guys are the worst! He just came back with a cute casual quip, to remind her of who he was. If she even remembered. Cause yeah, we get a lot of messages, and a lot of them really do seem to be copy-pasted to answer a bunch of women at once.

Girls probably put up a lot of misleading pics. A ton of women I know are very self-conscious about how they look. Weird poses, heavily Photoshopped, pics of themselves that are drastically outdated, like 30lbs and/or 10 years ago, stuff like that. I mean, I did choose a relatively old picture of myself, but I'm Asian so I'll look the same between 18 and 50.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

Girls probably put up a lot of misleading pics. A ton of women I know are very self-conscious about how they look. Weird poses, heavily Photoshopped, pics of themselves that are drastically outdated, like 30lbs and/or 10 years ago, stuff like that. I mean, I did choose a relatively old picture of myself, but I'm Asian so I'll look the same between 18 and 50.

Haha well i can understand that, but ill be honest, iv run a few images through Google Image search only to find out they were some chick from like HotEmoGirls.com haha. And that seems to be a common thing. Guess theyre just looking to talk to someone with no intention of ever meeting.

 

[SpideyVille]

Haha well i can understand that, but ill be honest, iv run a few images through Google Image search only to find out they were some chick from like HotEmoGirls.com haha. And that seems to be a common thing. Guess theyre just looking to talk to someone with no intention of ever meeting.

I've noticed the same, like there are a bunch of girls and profiles that I've come across where my first reaction is "This girl is too hot to be doing online dating so it must be fake." And I don't mean like a beautiful girl with 5 or 6 pics of herself, I mean like super model status with one or two pics that look straight out of a magazine, and barely any info on the profile. Like those are the girls that wake up and have no problem getting attention.

 

[Anita18]

Haha well i can understand that, but ill be honest, iv run a few images through Google Image search only to find out they were some chick from like HotEmoGirls.com haha. And that seems to be a common thing. Guess theyre just looking to talk to someone with no intention of ever meeting.

Right.

Were you asking whether I've come across fake profiles from guys? I've definitely seen profile pics like the type Spideyville mentioned, except they're male models and definitely not someone who would have trouble getting women in real life.

I ignore those.

I don't really understand why women feel like they have to try so hard, though. In real life, if a woman has cleavage, she'll get plenty of male attention without even trying. It's a gift and a curse, I suppose. I very VERY rarely got attention, but when I did, I knew it wasn't just because of one single body part. -shrug- It turned out all right in the end.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

Right.

Were you asking whether I've come across fake profiles from guys? I've definitely seen profile pics like the type Spideyville mentioned, except they're male models and definitely not someone who would have trouble getting women in real life.

I ignore those.

I don't really understand why women feel like they have to try so hard, though. In real life, if a woman has cleavage, she'll get plenty of male attention without even trying. It's a gift and a curse, I suppose. I very VERY rarely got attention, but when I did, I knew it wasn't just because of one single body part. -shrug- It turned out all right in the end.

Hah yea i was wondering if guys do the same.

Hey thats awesome. I can only hope i end up so lucky hah.