Comics The Storyarc-a-Minute Thread

[The Master Planner]

Okay, has anyone here seen this website?

http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/classics.shtml

Now, if you're a member who doesn't know much about the comics as opposed to the movies, or hears everyone buzzing about the newest comic book stories but can't find them anywhere, or you're too cheap to pay for them, or you're just in the mood for parody, have no fear, the Supervillain Next Door is here! Your friendly neighborhood Master Planner offers:

The Storyarc-a-Minute Thread!

Feel free, of course, to write your own ultra-condensed classic storylines here, if you think your talent as a humorist can match the mighty Master Planner's!

 

[The Master Planner]

Here's the first Ultra Condensed Classic Storyline...

Haight

I'm an artiste but I hate Parker cause I can't make the front page.

Octavius

I'm going to manipulate you into breaking me out of prison.

Haight

You say you like my photos so okay.

Dr. Octopus breaks out of prison and attacks Spidey, then Haight.

Haight

You manipulated me!

Octavius

Duh.

Spidey wins.

The End.

 

[The Master Planner]

Aunt May is dying for the umpteenth time.

Parker



Mystical Mumbo Jumbo as Parker begs every Big Brain in the Marvel Universe to save his aunt.

Mephisto

I'll let your sickly decrepit aunt live if you give me your marriage to your smokin hot supermodel wife.

Parker

Deal!

Fans



Quesada



The End.

 

[The Master Planner]

Brigham Fontaine

I'm a prodigy who just invented a supervillain-proof safe!

Octavius

I couldn't break into your supervillain-proof safe! You shall die now!

Fontaine

Otto, you're my hero!

Octavius

Okay, you can be my sidekick.

Octavius and Fontaine run around New York doing lots of Bad Guy Stuff, and occasionally get in fights with Spidey. Fontaine nearly Gets Himself Killed. Octavius saves his life for some reason. Spidey wins.

Fontaine

Spidey, you're my hero!

The End.

 

[The Master Planner]

Doc Ock

With us Archenemies united, we shall defeat Spider-Man once and for all!

Sandman, Mysterio, Electro, Vulture, and Kraven

I don't wanna share the credit for beating Spider-Man! In fact, I can beat him on my own!

Doc Ock

Okay, we'll attack him one at a time in a row.

Meanwhile, Spidey loses his Powers while Angsting. The Sinister Six take Spidey's Loved Ones hostage. Spidey gets his powers back and Beats each Archenemy!

Spidey

You know if you had just ganged up on me instead of fighting me one at a time, I would have been screwed!

Doc Ock

I told you so, guys.

Sandman, Electro, Mysterio, Vulture, and Kraven

Aw shut up.

The End.

 

[The Master Planner]

Okay guys, I really should go to bed now before I fall asleep with my face in the keyboard and wake up with dents in my face. Have fun condensing and simultaneously lampooning these classic comic storylines.

 

[stillanerd]

How about this?

BEN REILLY: Hello, Peter. I'm your clone you thought had died.
PETER PARKER (and fans): WTF!

Later
TRAINER: Mary Jane, your unborn child's father may be a clone.
MARY JANE (and FANS): WTF!

Later
TRAINER: Well the tests came back, but it looks like Peter is a clone and Ben is the original
PETER, MJ, BEN, (and FANS): WTF!

Later
The JACKAL: HA HA HA! Cloning Spider-Man was part of my fiendish plan to take over the world and replace humanity. Crush them my army of Spider-Man clones.
BEN (and FANS): WTF!

Later
PETER: Well, MJ and I are moving to Portland to start a family. So, Ben, it looks like you get to be Spider-Man
BEN (and FANS): WTF!

Later
GREEN GOBLIN: HA! HA! HA! Fooled you all! Peter Parker was the original all along!
FANS (What little there are left at this point): WTF!
GREEN GOBLIN: Oh, and I did something to baby May. But I'm not going to tell you if she's alive or not because...that's just the kind of guy I am.
FANS: UGH!!!!!!

 

[The Master Planner]

The Clone Saga, Ultra-Condensed by Stillanerd. The Master Planner is pleased.

 

[J. J. Jameson]

The Death of Gwen Stacy

GREEN GOBLIN: I have your girlfriend!
PETER: *sob*
GOBLIN: I threw her off a bridge!
PETER: *sob*
GOBLIN: Lolz...she's dead!
PETER *angry sob*
GOBLIN: Catch me if you can, web-butt!
PETER: *even angrier sob*
GOBLIN: Drat! Don't you curl up and cry like that! The glider is gonna miss you!! Oh snapzzz!!! *Impaled by glider*
PETER: *sob*

The end.

Screw reverence for the dead!!!

 

[The Master Planner]

After reading "The Death of Gwen Stacy," condensed by J.J. Jameson, I say screw it too.