Discussion in 'The Cutting Room Floor' started by Rowsdower!, May 13, 2011.
LOL at Rise of the Ape Planet. I think that's actually a better title than the real one.
It's Called Raptor, it's like a really crappy spin-off of the Carnosaur films.
Edit: Here's a Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZbwAd8as8I
LOL, that is great.
The Girl with the Kraken Tattoo
Directed by C. Thomas Howell
Michael Blacklist: David Chokachi
Elizabeth Salamander: Cecily Fay
Henry Banger: Bruce Boxleitner
Marlon Banger: Matthew Lilliard
Erica Burger: Kristanna Loken
Cecily Banger: DeDee Pfeiffer
Niles Berman: Eric Roberts
Anita Banger: Alyssa Milano
I can sadly believe that really happening. Pretty much though yeah any movie coming out is open season for Asylum to rip off.
My next best guess is ripping off The Avengers.
Yeah, I figure they probably will. Posted this on the first page...
Directed by C. Thomas Howell
General United States/Roger Stevens: Shane Van Dyke
Almighty Thor: Cody Deal
Steel Man/Tommy Snark: Judd Nelson
The Implausible Hunk/Deuce Danner: C. Thomas Howell
Bird's Eye/Cliff Burton:Bug Hall
The Skrullians: Deep Roy
The Red Cranium/Jonas Schitt:Lorenzo Lamas
Dick Angry, Director of S.W.O.R.D.: Jaleel White
Dark Spider/Nastassja Gorbachev: Debbie Gibson
Yeah! The Revengers one is fantastic. All the character names are hilarious.
Thanks! Making up the names is the most fun part of all of this.
Directed by the guy who mops the floor (C. Thomas Howell was on vacation)
Judge Josiah Dedd: Lochlyn Munro
Judge Cassiopia Andrews: Brooke Burns
Judge Rico Suave: Richard Grieco
Judge Meth: Dolph Lundgren
Judge Terror: Michael Pare
Judge Flame: Rick Yune
Judge Mortal: Michael Madsen
Chief Judge Eubanks Embargo: Lance Henrikson
After seeing the trailer for the Raid I hope the Asylum rips that one off next.
I see that now yet somehow missed it before.
I started writing this one up and then realized that they already did their own horrible version.
Oh, well. there's always a chance for a futuristic sequel.
The Three Musketeers 3000
Directed by C. Thomas Howell
Set in 3027 A.D., this is the story of how a young street thug named Dart Tanyon joins forces with the "Three Musketeers," a trio of tough-as-nails cyborg soldiers that have rebelled against the corrupt, mob-controlled government that has enslaved the world.
Dart Tanyon: Jaz Martin
Athos 2.0: Scott Baio
RMS: Marc Dacascos
Porth-05: David Chokachi
Maddie de Summer: Cecily Fay
Sal Roachfort: Paul Logan
Richie Lou "The Cardinal" Calzone: Eric Roberts
Dookie Buckinghamioni: Griff Furst
Prime Minister Louis Eight: Gareth David Lloyd
Constance Bonaduce: Hennely Jimenez
To be honest, I'm really surprised they haven't made something to rip-off Batman films. I mean, they must be able to come up with box art for something called The Dark Bat or something to fling at gullible people during Christmas.
Also, how come they've never got sued for making such blatant rip-offs?
They change the plots enough to avoid being sued. Or they do a weird hybrid thing where they rip off the title of one movie and the plot of another one.
I was out Christmas shopping last week and I accidentally almost bought an Asylum movie. My dad wanted the movie Cowboys & Aliens for Christmas (he likes Westerns... even bad ones) and I almost picked up the Asylum rip-off version because the DVD cover looked almost exactly like the movie poster for C&A. Luckily, I looked and saw the title "Aliens & Armageddon" and realized my mistake in time.
MISSION IMPLAUSIBLE: SPECTER PROCEDURE
Aaron Hunk: David Chokachi
Jean Carver: Carmen Electra
Wilson Brent: Patrick Muldoon
Lassie Dung: Jake Busey
Kirk Heinrich: Dale Midkiff (poor Darien Lambert)
Saline Clouseau: Dominique Swain
^ Hahat:, good one.
Still, as noted above, I was sad to see Dale Midkiff showing up in these movies. I was a big fan of Time Trax when I was a kid (it was lame, I know... but I still loved it). I wish actors would just retire rather than star in Asylum crap, but they probably need the money.
Directed by Steven Soderbergh Summers
Gia Camaro - Michele Boyd
Mikhail Bassfender - Jon Briddell
Charming Potato -Casper Van Dien
Evan McGruber - Greg Evigan
Phil Haxon - Lorenzo Lamas
Alberto Rodriguez - Antonio Sabato Jr.
Douglas Michaels - Michael Gross
The Hungry Games
Directed by Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray
Catnips Evergreen: Brooke Hogan
Teeta Mularky: Johnny Pacar
Hayfitch Abercrombie: Jake Busey
Fail Hoffcorn: Bug Hall
Effing Tinkle: Tiffany
Cimba: Eddie Steeples
Kato: Drake Bell
Brew: Leslie-Ann Brandt
Silicon Crepe: Jeremy London
President Cornholeyouranus Blow: Barry Bostwick
This is a great thread and do there movies make money? I know they must for them to make them but how?
I want to see there Drive but instead of Drive it will be....
LOL, good one. Let's see...
Directed by C. Thomas Winding Howell
The Rider - Clint Browning
Maureen - Dominique Swain
Cannon - Bruce Boxleitner
Bertie Rhodes - Judd Nelson
Stanford Azrael- Mario Van Peebles
Tranche - Carmen Electra
Neato - Ron Perlman!
Ghoul Rider: Spirit of Vehemence
Directed by Uwe Boll
Ghoul Rider/Jimmy Haze - Greg Evigan
Denny Catch - Haley Joel Osment
Brownout/Rory Culkin - Jake Busey
Mephistofeces - Eric Roberts
Morose - Ving Rhames
Rosanne Simpleton - Carmen Electra
Carson Slain/Curator - Lorenzo Lamas
Anyone still visit this thread? Anyway, I posted this elsewhere. My estimation of what The Asylum would produce should a Legend of Zelda movie ever happen.
The Lore of Helga: Wayward Wand
Zinc: Jamie Thomas King
Empress Helga: Brooke Hogan
Cannondwarf: Ron Perlman
Limpa: Kristanna Loken
Madna: Carmen Electra
Old Guy: Christopher Lambert
Tinkle: Clint Howard
The Really Big Tree: (voice) Ving Rhames
Wouldn't Christopher Lambert... play the Christopher Lambert role?
Haha, you're right! I forgot he was in the new Ghost Rider.
Lambert needs to be in more movies. I love a healthy dose of bad acting once in a while. One of his best roles had to be Raiden in Mortal Kombat. He was so miscast and out of place that every time he stepped onscreen or said anything I busted up laughing.
But you know, the ironic thing about that cast there is the fact that Lorenzo Lamas (back in his Renegade days) probably would have made a better Johnny Blaze than Nic Cage did.