The "What Will the Asylum Rip Off Next" Thread?

Discussion in 'The Cutting Room Floor' started by Rowsdower!, May 13, 2011.

  1. Rowsdower!

    Rowsdower! Well-Known Member

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    LOL at Rise of the Ape Planet. I think that's actually a better title than the real one.
     
    #26
  2. TheDreamMaster

    TheDreamMaster The Night He Came Home...

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    It's Called Raptor, it's like a really crappy spin-off of the Carnosaur films.

    Edit: Here's a Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZbwAd8as8I
     
    #27
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2011
  3. Rowsdower!

    Rowsdower! Well-Known Member

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    LOL, that is great.


    The Girl with the Kraken Tattoo

    Directed by C. Thomas Howell

    Michael Blacklist: David Chokachi
    Elizabeth Salamander: Cecily Fay
    Henry Banger: Bruce Boxleitner
    Marlon Banger: Matthew Lilliard
    Erica Burger: Kristanna Loken
    Cecily Banger: DeDee Pfeiffer
    Niles Berman: Eric Roberts
    Anita Banger: Alyssa Milano
     
    #28
  4. Teelie

    Teelie The Incredulous Spider-Man

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    I can sadly believe that really happening. Pretty much though yeah any movie coming out is open season for Asylum to rip off.

    My next best guess is ripping off The Avengers.
     
    #29
  5. Rowsdower!

    Rowsdower! Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, I figure they probably will. Posted this on the first page...

    THE REVENGERS

    Directed by C. Thomas Howell

    General United States/Roger Stevens: Shane Van Dyke
    Almighty Thor: Cody Deal
    Steel Man/Tommy Snark: Judd Nelson
    The Implausible Hunk/Deuce Danner: C. Thomas Howell
    Bird's Eye/Cliff Burton:Bug Hall
    Loki:Richard Grieco
    The Skrullians: Deep Roy
    The Red Cranium/Jonas Schitt:Lorenzo Lamas
    Dick Angry, Director of S.W.O.R.D.: Jaleel White
    Dark Spider/Nastassja Gorbachev: Debbie Gibson
     
    #30
  6. Guhndoi

    Guhndoi Side-Kick's Side-Kick

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    Yeah! The Revengers one is fantastic. All the character names are hilarious.
     
    #31
  7. Rowsdower!

    Rowsdower! Well-Known Member

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    Thanks! Making up the names is the most fun part of all of this.
     
    #32
  8. Rowsdower!

    Rowsdower! Well-Known Member

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    JUDGE DEDD

    Directed by the guy who mops the floor (C. Thomas Howell was on vacation)

    Judge Josiah Dedd: Lochlyn Munro
    Judge Cassiopia Andrews: Brooke Burns
    Judge Rico Suave: Richard Grieco
    Judge Meth: Dolph Lundgren
    Judge Terror: Michael Pare
    Judge Flame: Rick Yune
    Judge Mortal: Michael Madsen
    Chief Judge Eubanks Embargo: Lance Henrikson
     
    #33
  9. nite-owl

    nite-owl Well-Known Member

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    After seeing the trailer for the Raid I hope the Asylum rips that one off next.
     
    #34
  10. Teelie

    Teelie The Incredulous Spider-Man

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    I see that now yet somehow missed it before. :o
     
    #35
  11. Rowsdower!

    Rowsdower! Well-Known Member

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    I started writing this one up and then realized that they already did their own horrible version.

    http://www.theasylum.cc/product.php?id=192

    Oh, well. there's always a chance for a futuristic sequel.

    The Three Musketeers 3000

    Directed by C. Thomas Howell

    Set in 3027 A.D., this is the story of how a young street thug named Dart Tanyon joins forces with the "Three Musketeers," a trio of tough-as-nails cyborg soldiers that have rebelled against the corrupt, mob-controlled government that has enslaved the world.

    Dart Tanyon: Jaz Martin
    Athos 2.0: Scott Baio
    RMS: Marc Dacascos
    Porth-05: David Chokachi
    Maddie de Summer: Cecily Fay
    Sal Roachfort: Paul Logan
    Richie Lou "The Cardinal" Calzone: Eric Roberts
    Dookie Buckinghamioni: Griff Furst
    Prime Minister Louis Eight: Gareth David Lloyd
    Constance Bonaduce: Hennely Jimenez
     
    #36
  12. ThDWgeek

    ThDWgeek Well-Known Member

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    To be honest, I'm really surprised they haven't made something to rip-off Batman films. I mean, they must be able to come up with box art for something called The Dark Bat or something to fling at gullible people during Christmas.

    Also, how come they've never got sued for making such blatant rip-offs?
     
    #37
  13. Rowsdower!

    Rowsdower! Well-Known Member

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    They change the plots enough to avoid being sued. Or they do a weird hybrid thing where they rip off the title of one movie and the plot of another one.
     
    #38
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2011
  14. Rowsdower!

    Rowsdower! Well-Known Member

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    I was out Christmas shopping last week and I accidentally almost bought an Asylum movie. My dad wanted the movie Cowboys & Aliens for Christmas (he likes Westerns... even bad ones) and I almost picked up the Asylum rip-off version because the DVD cover looked almost exactly like the movie poster for C&A. Luckily, I looked and saw the title "Aliens & Armageddon" and realized my mistake in time.
     
    #39
  15. Rowsdower!

    Rowsdower! Well-Known Member

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    Oh, and...

    MISSION IMPLAUSIBLE: SPECTER PROCEDURE

    Aaron Hunk: David Chokachi
    Jean Carver: Carmen Electra
    Wilson Brent: Patrick Muldoon
    Lassie Dung: Jake Busey
    Kirk Heinrich: Dale Midkiff (poor Darien Lambert)
    Saline Clouseau: Dominique Swain
     
    #40
  16. gwynplaine

    gwynplaine L'homme qui rit.

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    ^ Haha:woot:, good one.
     
    #41
  17. Rowsdower!

    Rowsdower! Well-Known Member

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    Thanks! :D

    Still, as noted above, I was sad to see Dale Midkiff showing up in these movies. I was a big fan of Time Trax when I was a kid (it was lame, I know... but I still loved it). I wish actors would just retire rather than star in Asylum crap, but they probably need the money.
     
    #42
  18. Rowsdower!

    Rowsdower! Well-Known Member

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    HOTWIRE

    Directed by Steven Soderbergh Summers

    Gia Camaro - Michele Boyd
    Mikhail Bassfender - Jon Briddell
    Charming Potato -Casper Van Dien
    Evan McGruber - Greg Evigan
    Phil Haxon - Lorenzo Lamas
    Alberto Rodriguez - Antonio Sabato Jr.
    Douglas Michaels - Michael Gross
     
    #43
  19. Rowsdower!

    Rowsdower! Well-Known Member

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    The Hungry Games

    Directed by Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray

    Catnips Evergreen: Brooke Hogan

    Teeta Mularky: Johnny Pacar

    Hayfitch Abercrombie: Jake Busey

    Fail Hoffcorn: Bug Hall

    Effing Tinkle: Tiffany

    Cimba: Eddie Steeples

    Kato: Drake Bell

    Brew: Leslie-Ann Brandt

    Silicon Crepe: Jeremy London

    President Cornholeyouranus Blow: Barry Bostwick
     
    #44
  20. EML420

    EML420 It's only part time.

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    This is a great thread and do there movies make money? I know they must for them to make them but how?
    I want to see there Drive but instead of Drive it will be....
    Ride.
     
    #45
  21. Rowsdower!

    Rowsdower! Well-Known Member

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    LOL, good one. Let's see...

    RIDE

    Directed by C. Thomas Winding Howell

    The Rider - Clint Browning
    Maureen - Dominique Swain
    Cannon - Bruce Boxleitner
    Bertie Rhodes - Judd Nelson
    Stanford Azrael- Mario Van Peebles
    Tranche - Carmen Electra
    Neato - Ron Perlman!
     
    #46
  22. Rowsdower!

    Rowsdower! Well-Known Member

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    Ghoul Rider: Spirit of Vehemence

    Directed by Uwe Boll

    Ghoul Rider/Jimmy Haze - Greg Evigan
    Denny Catch - Haley Joel Osment
    Brownout/Rory Culkin - Jake Busey
    Mephistofeces - Eric Roberts
    Morose - Ving Rhames
    Rosanne Simpleton - Carmen Electra
    Carson Slain/Curator - Lorenzo Lamas
     
    #47
  23. Rowsdower!

    Rowsdower! Well-Known Member

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    Anyone still visit this thread? Anyway, I posted this elsewhere. My estimation of what The Asylum would produce should a Legend of Zelda movie ever happen.

    The Lore of Helga: Wayward Wand

    Zinc: Jamie Thomas King

    Empress Helga: Brooke Hogan

    Cannondwarf: Ron Perlman

    Limpa: Kristanna Loken

    Madna: Carmen Electra

    Old Guy: Christopher Lambert

    Tinkle: Clint Howard

    The Really Big Tree: (voice) Ving Rhames
     
    #48
  24. Eddie Dean

    Eddie Dean Mr. Jackpots

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    Wouldn't Christopher Lambert... play the Christopher Lambert role? :awesome:
     
    #49
  25. Rowsdower!

    Rowsdower! Well-Known Member

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    Haha, you're right! I forgot he was in the new Ghost Rider.

    Lambert needs to be in more movies. I love a healthy dose of bad acting once in a while. One of his best roles had to be Raiden in Mortal Kombat. He was so miscast and out of place that every time he stepped onscreen or said anything I busted up laughing.


    But you know, the ironic thing about that cast there is the fact that Lorenzo Lamas (back in his Renegade days) probably would have made a better Johnny Blaze than Nic Cage did.
     
    #50

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