The "What Will the Asylum Rip Off Next" Thread?

LOL at Rise of the Ape Planet. I think that's actually a better title than the real one.
 
LOL, that is great.


The Girl with the Kraken Tattoo

Directed by C. Thomas Howell

Michael Blacklist: David Chokachi
Elizabeth Salamander: Cecily Fay
Henry Banger: Bruce Boxleitner
Marlon Banger: Matthew Lilliard
Erica Burger: Kristanna Loken
Cecily Banger: DeDee Pfeiffer
Niles Berman: Eric Roberts
Anita Banger: Alyssa Milano
 
I can sadly believe that really happening. Pretty much though yeah any movie coming out is open season for Asylum to rip off.

My next best guess is ripping off The Avengers.
 
I can sadly believe that really happening. Pretty much though yeah any movie coming out is open season for Asylum to rip off.

My next best guess is ripping off The Avengers.

Yeah, I figure they probably will. Posted this on the first page...

THE REVENGERS

Directed by C. Thomas Howell

General United States/Roger Stevens: Shane Van Dyke
Almighty Thor: Cody Deal
Steel Man/Tommy Snark: Judd Nelson
The Implausible Hunk/Deuce Danner: C. Thomas Howell
Bird's Eye/Cliff Burton:Bug Hall
Loki:Richard Grieco
The Skrullians: Deep Roy
The Red Cranium/Jonas Schitt:Lorenzo Lamas
Dick Angry, Director of S.W.O.R.D.: Jaleel White
Dark Spider/Nastassja Gorbachev: Debbie Gibson
 
Yeah! The Revengers one is fantastic. All the character names are hilarious.
 
Thanks! Making up the names is the most fun part of all of this.
 
JUDGE DEDD

Directed by the guy who mops the floor (C. Thomas Howell was on vacation)

Judge Josiah Dedd: Lochlyn Munro
Judge Cassiopia Andrews: Brooke Burns
Judge Rico Suave: Richard Grieco
Judge Meth: Dolph Lundgren
Judge Terror: Michael Pare
Judge Flame: Rick Yune
Judge Mortal: Michael Madsen
Chief Judge Eubanks Embargo: Lance Henrikson
 
After seeing the trailer for the Raid I hope the Asylum rips that one off next.
 
I started writing this one up and then realized that they already did their own horrible version.

http://www.theasylum.cc/product.php?id=192

Oh, well. there's always a chance for a futuristic sequel.

The Three Musketeers 3000

Directed by C. Thomas Howell

Set in 3027 A.D., this is the story of how a young street thug named Dart Tanyon joins forces with the "Three Musketeers," a trio of tough-as-nails cyborg soldiers that have rebelled against the corrupt, mob-controlled government that has enslaved the world.

Dart Tanyon: Jaz Martin
Athos 2.0: Scott Baio
RMS: Marc Dacascos
Porth-05: David Chokachi
Maddie de Summer: Cecily Fay
Sal Roachfort: Paul Logan
Richie Lou "The Cardinal" Calzone: Eric Roberts
Dookie Buckinghamioni: Griff Furst
Prime Minister Louis Eight: Gareth David Lloyd
Constance Bonaduce: Hennely Jimenez
 
To be honest, I'm really surprised they haven't made something to rip-off Batman films. I mean, they must be able to come up with box art for something called The Dark Bat or something to fling at gullible people during Christmas.

Also, how come they've never got sued for making such blatant rip-offs?
 
They change the plots enough to avoid being sued. Or they do a weird hybrid thing where they rip off the title of one movie and the plot of another one.
 
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I was out Christmas shopping last week and I accidentally almost bought an Asylum movie. My dad wanted the movie Cowboys & Aliens for Christmas (he likes Westerns... even bad ones) and I almost picked up the Asylum rip-off version because the DVD cover looked almost exactly like the movie poster for C&A. Luckily, I looked and saw the title "Aliens & Armageddon" and realized my mistake in time.
 
Oh, and...

MISSION IMPLAUSIBLE: SPECTER PROCEDURE

Aaron Hunk: David Chokachi
Jean Carver: Carmen Electra
Wilson Brent: Patrick Muldoon
Lassie Dung: Jake Busey
Kirk Heinrich: Dale Midkiff (poor Darien Lambert)
Saline Clouseau: Dominique Swain
 
Thanks! :D

Still, as noted above, I was sad to see Dale Midkiff showing up in these movies. I was a big fan of Time Trax when I was a kid (it was lame, I know... but I still loved it). I wish actors would just retire rather than star in Asylum crap, but they probably need the money.
 
HOTWIRE

Directed by Steven Soderbergh Summers

Gia Camaro - Michele Boyd
Mikhail Bassfender - Jon Briddell
Charming Potato -Casper Van Dien
Evan McGruber - Greg Evigan
Phil Haxon - Lorenzo Lamas
Alberto Rodriguez - Antonio Sabato Jr.
Douglas Michaels - Michael Gross
 
The Hungry Games

Directed by Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray

Catnips Evergreen: Brooke Hogan

Teeta Mularky: Johnny Pacar

Hayfitch Abercrombie: Jake Busey

Fail Hoffcorn: Bug Hall

Effing Tinkle: Tiffany

Cimba: Eddie Steeples

Kato: Drake Bell

Brew: Leslie-Ann Brandt

Silicon Crepe: Jeremy London

President Cornholeyouranus Blow: Barry Bostwick
 
This is a great thread and do there movies make money? I know they must for them to make them but how?
I want to see there Drive but instead of Drive it will be....
Ride.
 
LOL, good one. Let's see...

RIDE

Directed by C. Thomas Winding Howell

The Rider - Clint Browning
Maureen - Dominique Swain
Cannon - Bruce Boxleitner
Bertie Rhodes - Judd Nelson
Stanford Azrael- Mario Van Peebles
Tranche - Carmen Electra
Neato - Ron Perlman!
 
Ghoul Rider: Spirit of Vehemence

Directed by Uwe Boll

Ghoul Rider/Jimmy Haze - Greg Evigan
Denny Catch - Haley Joel Osment
Brownout/Rory Culkin - Jake Busey
Mephistofeces - Eric Roberts
Morose - Ving Rhames
Rosanne Simpleton - Carmen Electra
Carson Slain/Curator - Lorenzo Lamas
 
Anyone still visit this thread? Anyway, I posted this elsewhere. My estimation of what The Asylum would produce should a Legend of Zelda movie ever happen.

The Lore of Helga: Wayward Wand

Zinc: Jamie Thomas King

Empress Helga: Brooke Hogan

Cannondwarf: Ron Perlman

Limpa: Kristanna Loken

Madna: Carmen Electra

Old Guy: Christopher Lambert

Tinkle: Clint Howard

The Really Big Tree: (voice) Ving Rhames
 
Ghoul Rider: Spirit of Vehemence

Directed by Uwe Boll

Ghoul Rider/Jimmy Haze - Greg Evigan
Denny Catch - Haley Joel Osment
Brownout/Rory Culkin - Jake Busey
Mephistofeces - Eric Roberts
Morose - Ving Rhames
Rosanne Simpleton - Carmen Electra
Carson Slain/Curator - Lorenzo Lamas
Wouldn't Christopher Lambert... play the Christopher Lambert role? :awesome:
 
Haha, you're right! I forgot he was in the new Ghost Rider.

Lambert needs to be in more movies. I love a healthy dose of bad acting once in a while. One of his best roles had to be Raiden in Mortal Kombat. He was so miscast and out of place that every time he stepped onscreen or said anything I busted up laughing.


But you know, the ironic thing about that cast there is the fact that Lorenzo Lamas (back in his Renegade days) probably would have made a better Johnny Blaze than Nic Cage did.
 

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