Silverstein
Superhero
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- Jun 22, 2005
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Hi. I'm Chris Hanssen. Over the last two weeks, I have worked with the Oracle to catch sick adults that place children in harmful situations. Oracle would go online and serve as a decoy. We have the offenders come to a "meeting place" in which we can question them before authorities take them away.
This is some of the footage we've obtained..
*The Batmobile parks in front of the house*
Oracle:*Dressed like Robin* Hi. Come on in. I've got to take a shower first, but just wait right here.
Batman: Okay cool. My parents are dead. I've got some batarangs and rope.
Oracle: Tee hee...Just wait here.*leaves*
Batman: Alright cool. Nice place...my parents would have liked a place like this.*starts looking around*
Chris Hanssen: Why don't you have a seat, sir? *walks in through the curtain*
Batman: Oooh...um...hey bro.
Chris Hanssen: What. What were you planning to do tonight?
Batman: Um just play some video games. Totally not fight crime!!
Chris: You brought batarangs and rope to...not fight crime?
Batman: I usually...brings batarangs and rope with me places. My parent--
Chris: Who were you here to see?
Batman: Uhh...no one. My..uh..my friend.
Chris: What is your friend's name?
Batman: Becky..Barry?..Bart?...Donna?
Chris: How about Rachael? Does that ring a bell.
Batman: Cha dude...yeah she totally said that..online..yeah.
Chris: How old is Rachael?
Batman: Like ten or something...Look man, I would never put a child in danger. My job is to like help people and stuff, man.
Chris: Let me read you something:
BlackTightsHotNights19: Hi.
Decoy: Hi.
BlackTightsHotNights19: I'd like to give you this brightly colored costume and have you parade around with me in Gotham.
Decoy: Wouldn't that be dangerous?
BlackTightsHotNights19: Not if you take these batarangs and grapples and stuff. I can tailor them to just your size.
Decoy: Sounds like fun.
BlackTightsHotNights19: Are you a guy or girl?
Decoy: A girl...why?
BlackTightsHotNights19: I can call you "Robin" or "Batgirl" when we do this.
Decoy: Let's go with Robin..
BlackTightsHotNights19: You remind me of someone.
Decoy: I....
Decoy: What?
Decoy: lol
u r t3h silly. My name's Rachael. We've never met.
BlackTightsHotNights19: Okay, "Robin". You might get handcuffed and brainwashed, shot at, punched in the face..or even tied up, tortured and murdered by the Joker.
Decoy: Won't that hurt?
BlackTightsHotNights19: It's the good kind of pain, baby.
Decoy:....
BlackTightsHotNights19: ....
BlackTightsHotNights19: I'll let you in my Batcave if you let me in yours..
Decoy: WHAT?!
BlackTightsHotNights19: What? oooh...lol...No I meant like your house. Like your secret base..that's what I was going for there.
Decoy: Okay...Cause I'm like 12.
BlackTightsHotNights19: That's pretty young but I'd still be willing to call you "Robin".
The rest is too graphic to repeat. Talk of "Penguins","Crocs" and "Jokers" being sent to insane assylums.
"Batman" left after we told him he was free to go. He was not charged because he claims that all sidekicks were over 18 at the time. His lawyers argued that they were just short. Oracle tells us that it was almost impossible for her to find Batgirl and assured us that she probablly wouldn't want to talk about it.
Seriously though: After OMAC, all the robins, Jason Todd, the mysterious debatable stuff with Joker and Batgirl. (Being crippled in a world with power rings and supermen is already insane..You're telling me there's no way to make her walk again? But you can shrink cities and bring people back to life..I digress) Batman is almost as bad as The Joker. Because this would have never happened to Jason if Batman had of put Jason in a youth help center instead of having people shoot at him. Batgirl would have never been crippeled and stuff if Brucey said no..
It's probably his fault that his parents died..."Mommy...I wanna see the play but daddy said no!!" "No son, your father said no because it's after your bed time and the theatre that runs it is in a very bad part of town." " IWANNAGONOW!!!!!"
Why is no one in DC trying to get Batman/Bruce Wayne?
This is some of the footage we've obtained..
*The Batmobile parks in front of the house*
Oracle:*Dressed like Robin* Hi. Come on in. I've got to take a shower first, but just wait right here.
Batman: Okay cool. My parents are dead. I've got some batarangs and rope.
Oracle: Tee hee...Just wait here.*leaves*
Batman: Alright cool. Nice place...my parents would have liked a place like this.*starts looking around*
Chris Hanssen: Why don't you have a seat, sir? *walks in through the curtain*
Batman: Oooh...um...hey bro.
Chris Hanssen: What. What were you planning to do tonight?
Batman: Um just play some video games. Totally not fight crime!!
Chris: You brought batarangs and rope to...not fight crime?
Batman: I usually...brings batarangs and rope with me places. My parent--
Chris: Who were you here to see?
Batman: Uhh...no one. My..uh..my friend.
Chris: What is your friend's name?
Batman: Becky..Barry?..Bart?...Donna?
Chris: How about Rachael? Does that ring a bell.
Batman: Cha dude...yeah she totally said that..online..yeah.
Chris: How old is Rachael?
Batman: Like ten or something...Look man, I would never put a child in danger. My job is to like help people and stuff, man.
Chris: Let me read you something:
BlackTightsHotNights19: Hi.
Decoy: Hi.
BlackTightsHotNights19: I'd like to give you this brightly colored costume and have you parade around with me in Gotham.
Decoy: Wouldn't that be dangerous?
BlackTightsHotNights19: Not if you take these batarangs and grapples and stuff. I can tailor them to just your size.
Decoy: Sounds like fun.
BlackTightsHotNights19: Are you a guy or girl?
Decoy: A girl...why?
BlackTightsHotNights19: I can call you "Robin" or "Batgirl" when we do this.
Decoy: Let's go with Robin..
BlackTightsHotNights19: You remind me of someone.
Decoy: I....
Decoy: What?
Decoy: lol
u r t3h silly. My name's Rachael. We've never met.BlackTightsHotNights19: Okay, "Robin". You might get handcuffed and brainwashed, shot at, punched in the face..or even tied up, tortured and murdered by the Joker.
Decoy: Won't that hurt?
BlackTightsHotNights19: It's the good kind of pain, baby.
Decoy:....
BlackTightsHotNights19: ....
BlackTightsHotNights19: I'll let you in my Batcave if you let me in yours..
Decoy: WHAT?!
BlackTightsHotNights19: What? oooh...lol...No I meant like your house. Like your secret base..that's what I was going for there.
Decoy: Okay...Cause I'm like 12.
BlackTightsHotNights19: That's pretty young but I'd still be willing to call you "Robin".
The rest is too graphic to repeat. Talk of "Penguins","Crocs" and "Jokers" being sent to insane assylums.
"Batman" left after we told him he was free to go. He was not charged because he claims that all sidekicks were over 18 at the time. His lawyers argued that they were just short. Oracle tells us that it was almost impossible for her to find Batgirl and assured us that she probablly wouldn't want to talk about it.
Seriously though: After OMAC, all the robins, Jason Todd, the mysterious debatable stuff with Joker and Batgirl. (Being crippled in a world with power rings and supermen is already insane..You're telling me there's no way to make her walk again? But you can shrink cities and bring people back to life..I digress) Batman is almost as bad as The Joker. Because this would have never happened to Jason if Batman had of put Jason in a youth help center instead of having people shoot at him. Batgirl would have never been crippeled and stuff if Brucey said no..
It's probably his fault that his parents died..."Mommy...I wanna see the play but daddy said no!!" "No son, your father said no because it's after your bed time and the theatre that runs it is in a very bad part of town." " IWANNAGONOW!!!!!"
Why is no one in DC trying to get Batman/Bruce Wayne?
Hell, one of Ollie's was a junkie and the other has HIV. I'd say HE'S the one to go after 
I know.
