TripleR
Voice of the Voiceless
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I'm in a creative writing course at school, and this past week our assignment was to write an original dialogue or short play between some characters. I decided to do mine about some superheroes. The teacher said it was the best in the class, an everyone enjoyed it when some of us acted it out, but I'd see what some of you thought of it.
Before you read, realize that this is a comedy, I know that the characters wouldn't act or talk this way normally. My approach to this was sort of like what if they were a bunch of juvenile idiots or just a bunch of kids like me and my friends. Read it knowing it's not meant to be taken seriously at all, and hopefully you'll enjoy it. Anyway, here it is...
Wonder Woman: So your sure Spiderman won’t show up?
Batman: Yeah, don’t worry about it. We haven’t spoke to him since we left him stranded in Gotham.
Superman: (laughing) I think the stupid kid ended up taking a cab home, cost him like $200.
Batman: He doesn’t even know where we are, he’s never been to you house before.
Wonder Woman: You know why that is?
Batman: No, what do you have against him anyway?
Superman: Yeah, he’s a little dopey, but he’s not a bad kid.
Wonder Woman: He’s a smart ass, and he always leaves those webs laying around everywhere. I don’t need to be mopping my
walls later because the web head decided to hang from the ceiling.
(doorbell rings)
Superman: I’ll get it.
(opens door, Wolverine is there, smoking a cigar)
Superman: LOGAN! What’s up? Long time no see buddy.
Wolverine: Hey bub.
(Wolverine starts to walk in, Superman stops him)
Superman: Hey, wait a minute, sorry, but I don’t think she wants anyone smoking in here. Would you mind putting that out?
Wolverine: Not at all.
(Wolverine puts the cigar out in Superman’s eye.)
Wolverine: That better?
Superman: (Standing with cigar still in his eye, unflinching) Yeah, that’s better.
(as Superman wipes ashes out of his eye, Wolverine joins the others across the room.)
Batman: I’m Batman.
Wolverine: I know, we’ve met before.
Batman: Wolverine, look at what I brought.
(Batman shows him a rock of what looks like Kryptonite)
Wolverine: Is that real?
Batman: No, its just a rock I spray painted green, but wait till he gets a few drinks in him and sees it, he’ll flip out.
Wonder Woman: He’s so gullible, last time he peed himself when he saw it.
(Superman walks over to them)
Superman: Hey guys, what’s so funny
Batman: Nothing, don’t worry about it. Why is your eye smoldering?
Wolverine: He told me there was no smoking in here so I put it out.
Superman: At least this time he didn’t stick a claw in my eye.
(Wolverine notices a large yellow rat, a Pikachu, run across the floor)
Wolverine: Hey, was that… was that a Pikachu? Why is there a Pikachu here?
Wonder Woman: Ugh, yeah, I’ve got a bit of a pest problem, the exterminator can’t be here until next week.
Wolverine: So, anyway, where’s the booze at?
Wonder Woman: Right over there, we got snacks and drinks, Batman’s got Robin bartending.
Robin: (shouting from across the room) BATMAN, AM I OLD ENOUGH TO BE AROUND LIQUOR?
Batman: SHUT UP AND SERVE THE MUTANT OR YOU’RE SLEEPING IN THE CAVE AGAIN!
Superman: Do you really make him sleep in the cave?
Batman: Only when he speaks.
(Knocking at door, Wonder Woman answers. It’s Bruce Banner, a.k.a. The Hulk)
Wonder Woman: Bruce! I’m so glad you could make it. I didn’t think you’d remember when you changed back, when I gave you your invitation you were all Hulked out.
Bruce Banner/Hulk: Yeah, I’m surprised the Hulk didn’t lose it. I’m famished, do we have anything to munch on?
Wonder Woman: Right over there by Wolverine and Robin there’s some snacks, chips and dip, and drinks. Help yourself.
(He walks over to the snack table)
Bruce Banner/Hulk: Ugh, there’s nothing here but pretzels and chips. I’m starving. How come there’s no sushi or buffalo wings?
Robin: Hey, are you okay?
Bruce Banner/Hulk: I’m Hungry. You won’t like me when I’m hungry. (Begins to change)
Robin: UM, I THINK I MIGHT NEED SOME HELP OVER HERE!
(Banner has now changed into The Hulk)
Hulk: HULK HUNGRY! PUNY WONDER GIRL NO HAVE TUNA ROLLS! HULK SMAAAAAASH!
(Hulk smashes the bar, killing Robin, then crashes through the wall and leaves)
Batman: Well, that didn’t take long. Who bet 30 seconds before he changed?
Superman: I bet 2 minutes.
Wolverine: I figured it’d take at least 5 minutes.
Wonder Woman: I think Iron Man bet about 30 seconds, when he gets here we should let him know he won.
Batman: I don’t think he’s coming. I hear he was flying drunk last night, crashed into the Brooklyn Bridge. (notices Robin’s
mangled corpse) Dammit, he crushed the kid. You know, this is the third one this year.
Wonder Woman: Damn, that’s going to take a while to clean. At least he didn’t smash my antique table.
(About an hour passes. More guests have arrived)
Batman: Hey, Clark. How many drinks have you had so far?
Superman: (Slurring his words) Only 80, but you know, I’m… I’m indivisible… invisible invibable…
Batman: Invincible?
Superman: (Slurring his words) Yup. That’s what I meant.
Flash: Really? Nothing can hurt you right?
Superman: (Slurring his words) Nope, you know me… faster then a tall building… stronger than a bullet.
Batman: Really, then this won’t bother you, will it?
(Batman throws fake Kryptonite at him, it bounces off his head)
Superman: NOOOOOO, GET IT AWAY, GET IT AWAY, HELP HELP HELP, SOMEONE HELP. IT’LL KILL ME, THE ROCK WILL KILL ME!! (he wets himself.)
Wolverine: (laughing) Oh my god, he actually did it, he pissed himself!
Batman: (laughing) Didn’t we tell you! Look at him, he’s still laying there!
Wonder Woman: Hey, Clark, how you feeling?
Superman: (slowly regaining his composure)… I’m not dead? I‘m not dead! Aw come on guys. Not cool, not cool, this is the fifth
time dammit!
Flash: (sniffing the air, smelling something bad) Hey, guys, anyone else smell that?
Wolverine: Yeah, smells like the ocean, wrapped in rotten fish. It’s getting closer too.
Batman: Oh God, tell me you didn’t invite him.
Wonder Woman: I had to, I owed him one.
Flash: Who?
Wonder Woman: (sigh) Aquaman. When I was flying over the ocean an earring fell off. He found it and gave it back to me, I had to invite him.
Batman: He smells, he’s useless, and last time he spent the whole night talking to the fish in my aquarium.
Aquaman: Hey everyone! What’s going on, sorry I’m late, had to take care of some really important business.
Wolverine: Beached whale?
Aquaman: Yeah (lowers head in shame and embarrassment). How’d you know.
Wolverine: It’s always a whale with you.
(Just then, they hear a voice coming from outside)
Spiderman: (very, very drunk, and singing) SPIDERMAN, SPIDERMAN, DOES WHATEVER A SPIDER CAN
(Spiderman, swinging on a web, crashes through a window, and lands on the antique table, breaking it)
Wonder Woman: DAMMIT!
Spiderman: (very, very drunk) HEY, LOOK, ITS YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD SPIDERMAN!
Wonder Woman: What are you doing here?
Spiderman: (very, very drunk) I’m here for the party! (vomits in his mask) BLAAAAAUGH
BLAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
(Spiderman lifts up bottom half of his mask, vomit pours out, right next to a passed out Superman)
Flash: My God, he smells like a bottle of vodka, covered in diarrhea. How much has he had to drink?
Batman: Apparently far too much.
Wonder Woman: How’d you even find your way here?
Spiderman: (angry and drunk) I followed Aquaman… AQUAMAN!!… YOU INVITED THE FISH GUY BUT NOT ME?!?!
Aquaman: (Sad) Hey, what’d I do?
Spiderman: (angry and drunk) You shut up and go talk to some fish or something.
Aquaman: You know, I can do things t-(he stops talking, Spiderman shot a web at his mouth)
Wolverine: Okay kid, calm down. Here, have some coffee.
Spiderman: I don’t want any coffee. (throws cup at the wall)
Flash: Okay, I’ve had enough of him.
(The Flash uses super speed to pick him up, run him out of the building, and leave him stranded on the Great Wall of China, and
then run back all in under 30 seconds.)
Batman: Where’d you take him?
Flash: Asia.
Wonder Woman: (laughing) Nice.
Flash: (laughing) I even took his I.D. off him too. Let’s see him get through immigration in a vomit covered mask with no
identification.
Wonder Woman: Well, this has been fun, but maybe you guys should get going now.
Flash: Yeah, your right, looks like you’ve got a bit of a mess to clean up. I’ll make sure Superman gets home (goes to pick him
up, but he’s been puked on by Spiderman). Ah, he reeks!
(Flash exits, with Superman on his shoulder. Wolverine, Aquaman, and the others leave)
Wonder Woman: So, Bruce, are you going to spend the night and help me clean up?
Batman: Sure. There’s nothing urgent going on in Gotham tonight.
Wonder Woman: (motioning to Robin’s corpse) What do you want me to do with him?
Batman: Um, just leave him there for now. I’ll dump the body in a dumpster on my way home tomorrow. Leave a playing card next to him, everyone will think Joker did it.
The End
Before you read, realize that this is a comedy, I know that the characters wouldn't act or talk this way normally. My approach to this was sort of like what if they were a bunch of juvenile idiots or just a bunch of kids like me and my friends. Read it knowing it's not meant to be taken seriously at all, and hopefully you'll enjoy it. Anyway, here it is...
Wonder Woman’s Party
(Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman are talking, waiting for others to arrive.)
Wonder Woman: So your sure Spiderman won’t show up?
Batman: Yeah, don’t worry about it. We haven’t spoke to him since we left him stranded in Gotham.
Superman: (laughing) I think the stupid kid ended up taking a cab home, cost him like $200.
Batman: He doesn’t even know where we are, he’s never been to you house before.
Wonder Woman: You know why that is?
Batman: No, what do you have against him anyway?
Superman: Yeah, he’s a little dopey, but he’s not a bad kid.
Wonder Woman: He’s a smart ass, and he always leaves those webs laying around everywhere. I don’t need to be mopping my
walls later because the web head decided to hang from the ceiling.
(doorbell rings)
Superman: I’ll get it.
(opens door, Wolverine is there, smoking a cigar)
Superman: LOGAN! What’s up? Long time no see buddy.
Wolverine: Hey bub.
(Wolverine starts to walk in, Superman stops him)
Superman: Hey, wait a minute, sorry, but I don’t think she wants anyone smoking in here. Would you mind putting that out?
Wolverine: Not at all.
(Wolverine puts the cigar out in Superman’s eye.)
Wolverine: That better?
Superman: (Standing with cigar still in his eye, unflinching) Yeah, that’s better.
(as Superman wipes ashes out of his eye, Wolverine joins the others across the room.)
Batman: I’m Batman.
Wolverine: I know, we’ve met before.
Batman: Wolverine, look at what I brought.
(Batman shows him a rock of what looks like Kryptonite)
Wolverine: Is that real?
Batman: No, its just a rock I spray painted green, but wait till he gets a few drinks in him and sees it, he’ll flip out.
Wonder Woman: He’s so gullible, last time he peed himself when he saw it.
(Superman walks over to them)
Superman: Hey guys, what’s so funny
Batman: Nothing, don’t worry about it. Why is your eye smoldering?
Wolverine: He told me there was no smoking in here so I put it out.
Superman: At least this time he didn’t stick a claw in my eye.
(Wolverine notices a large yellow rat, a Pikachu, run across the floor)
Wolverine: Hey, was that… was that a Pikachu? Why is there a Pikachu here?
Wonder Woman: Ugh, yeah, I’ve got a bit of a pest problem, the exterminator can’t be here until next week.
Wolverine: So, anyway, where’s the booze at?
Wonder Woman: Right over there, we got snacks and drinks, Batman’s got Robin bartending.
Robin: (shouting from across the room) BATMAN, AM I OLD ENOUGH TO BE AROUND LIQUOR?
Batman: SHUT UP AND SERVE THE MUTANT OR YOU’RE SLEEPING IN THE CAVE AGAIN!
Superman: Do you really make him sleep in the cave?
Batman: Only when he speaks.
(Knocking at door, Wonder Woman answers. It’s Bruce Banner, a.k.a. The Hulk)
Wonder Woman: Bruce! I’m so glad you could make it. I didn’t think you’d remember when you changed back, when I gave you your invitation you were all Hulked out.
Bruce Banner/Hulk: Yeah, I’m surprised the Hulk didn’t lose it. I’m famished, do we have anything to munch on?
Wonder Woman: Right over there by Wolverine and Robin there’s some snacks, chips and dip, and drinks. Help yourself.
(He walks over to the snack table)
Bruce Banner/Hulk: Ugh, there’s nothing here but pretzels and chips. I’m starving. How come there’s no sushi or buffalo wings?
Robin: Hey, are you okay?
Bruce Banner/Hulk: I’m Hungry. You won’t like me when I’m hungry. (Begins to change)
Robin: UM, I THINK I MIGHT NEED SOME HELP OVER HERE!
(Banner has now changed into The Hulk)
Hulk: HULK HUNGRY! PUNY WONDER GIRL NO HAVE TUNA ROLLS! HULK SMAAAAAASH!
(Hulk smashes the bar, killing Robin, then crashes through the wall and leaves)
Batman: Well, that didn’t take long. Who bet 30 seconds before he changed?
Superman: I bet 2 minutes.
Wolverine: I figured it’d take at least 5 minutes.
Wonder Woman: I think Iron Man bet about 30 seconds, when he gets here we should let him know he won.
Batman: I don’t think he’s coming. I hear he was flying drunk last night, crashed into the Brooklyn Bridge. (notices Robin’s
mangled corpse) Dammit, he crushed the kid. You know, this is the third one this year.
Wonder Woman: Damn, that’s going to take a while to clean. At least he didn’t smash my antique table.
(About an hour passes. More guests have arrived)
Batman: Hey, Clark. How many drinks have you had so far?
Superman: (Slurring his words) Only 80, but you know, I’m… I’m indivisible… invisible invibable…
Batman: Invincible?
Superman: (Slurring his words) Yup. That’s what I meant.
Flash: Really? Nothing can hurt you right?
Superman: (Slurring his words) Nope, you know me… faster then a tall building… stronger than a bullet.
Batman: Really, then this won’t bother you, will it?
(Batman throws fake Kryptonite at him, it bounces off his head)
Superman: NOOOOOO, GET IT AWAY, GET IT AWAY, HELP HELP HELP, SOMEONE HELP. IT’LL KILL ME, THE ROCK WILL KILL ME!! (he wets himself.)
Wolverine: (laughing) Oh my god, he actually did it, he pissed himself!
Batman: (laughing) Didn’t we tell you! Look at him, he’s still laying there!
Wonder Woman: Hey, Clark, how you feeling?
Superman: (slowly regaining his composure)… I’m not dead? I‘m not dead! Aw come on guys. Not cool, not cool, this is the fifth
time dammit!
Flash: (sniffing the air, smelling something bad) Hey, guys, anyone else smell that?
Wolverine: Yeah, smells like the ocean, wrapped in rotten fish. It’s getting closer too.
Batman: Oh God, tell me you didn’t invite him.
Wonder Woman: I had to, I owed him one.
Flash: Who?
Wonder Woman: (sigh) Aquaman. When I was flying over the ocean an earring fell off. He found it and gave it back to me, I had to invite him.
Batman: He smells, he’s useless, and last time he spent the whole night talking to the fish in my aquarium.
Aquaman: Hey everyone! What’s going on, sorry I’m late, had to take care of some really important business.
Wolverine: Beached whale?
Aquaman: Yeah (lowers head in shame and embarrassment). How’d you know.
Wolverine: It’s always a whale with you.
(Just then, they hear a voice coming from outside)
Spiderman: (very, very drunk, and singing) SPIDERMAN, SPIDERMAN, DOES WHATEVER A SPIDER CAN
(Spiderman, swinging on a web, crashes through a window, and lands on the antique table, breaking it)
Wonder Woman: DAMMIT!
Spiderman: (very, very drunk) HEY, LOOK, ITS YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD SPIDERMAN!
Wonder Woman: What are you doing here?
Spiderman: (very, very drunk) I’m here for the party! (vomits in his mask) BLAAAAAUGH
BLAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
(Spiderman lifts up bottom half of his mask, vomit pours out, right next to a passed out Superman)
Flash: My God, he smells like a bottle of vodka, covered in diarrhea. How much has he had to drink?
Batman: Apparently far too much.
Wonder Woman: How’d you even find your way here?
Spiderman: (angry and drunk) I followed Aquaman… AQUAMAN!!… YOU INVITED THE FISH GUY BUT NOT ME?!?!
Aquaman: (Sad) Hey, what’d I do?
Spiderman: (angry and drunk) You shut up and go talk to some fish or something.
Aquaman: You know, I can do things t-(he stops talking, Spiderman shot a web at his mouth)
Wolverine: Okay kid, calm down. Here, have some coffee.
Spiderman: I don’t want any coffee. (throws cup at the wall)
Flash: Okay, I’ve had enough of him.
(The Flash uses super speed to pick him up, run him out of the building, and leave him stranded on the Great Wall of China, and
then run back all in under 30 seconds.)
Batman: Where’d you take him?
Flash: Asia.
Wonder Woman: (laughing) Nice.
Flash: (laughing) I even took his I.D. off him too. Let’s see him get through immigration in a vomit covered mask with no
identification.
Wonder Woman: Well, this has been fun, but maybe you guys should get going now.
Flash: Yeah, your right, looks like you’ve got a bit of a mess to clean up. I’ll make sure Superman gets home (goes to pick him
up, but he’s been puked on by Spiderman). Ah, he reeks!
(Flash exits, with Superman on his shoulder. Wolverine, Aquaman, and the others leave)
Wonder Woman: So, Bruce, are you going to spend the night and help me clean up?
Batman: Sure. There’s nothing urgent going on in Gotham tonight.
Wonder Woman: (motioning to Robin’s corpse) What do you want me to do with him?
Batman: Um, just leave him there for now. I’ll dump the body in a dumpster on my way home tomorrow. Leave a playing card next to him, everyone will think Joker did it.
The End
