Writing Competition #2: Enter the Phoenix

[BobJM]

Writing Competion #2:
Enter the Phoenix

Theme:

The name of the game is Phoenix. Most of the members on SHH feel that they got shafted by the portrayal of Phoenix in X-Men: The Last Stand. Now is your time to make it better. Write any scene involving Jean Grey / Phoenix that you think would have bettered her story and her subplot.

Rules:

• One entry per member
• Only post the final product
• Scene must be completely original (i.e., NO REWRITES)
• Scene must fit within X3's continuity (don't write a scene that would throw X3 out of whack).
• LIMIT: 100 LINES (If you feel like you can make a scene that long and keep people interested enough to finish it, all the power to you. If not, you can opt for a shorter length that fits with your scene.)
• Violation of any of these rules will result in an immediate DISQUALIFICATION. No exceptions.
  
• Winner of the contest will choose the next competion

COMPETITION WILL END 12AM ON OCTOBER 8th
(3 WEEKS)


GOOD LUCK!

​

Entries to Date:

flavio_lebeau: http://forums.superherohype.com/showpost.php?p=12818226&postcount=13
ToriL90: http://forums.superherohype.com/showpost.php?p=12821641&postcount=20
TKing: http://forums.superherohype.com/showpost.php?p=12824986&postcount=30

 

[TKing]

I might attempt an entry for this.

 

[ToriL90]

Don't have anything yet, but I'll work on it. I love these competitions.

 

[flavio_lebeau]

I think I might actually enter this one *happy*

 

[Angamb]

hehe, bobbymojo, this is the third competition, not the second one t:

 

[BobJM]

Oh...well, now its the second. No one even remembers the first one.

 

[Angamb]

I do, hehe. And those who entered too, I suppose, so... hehe

 

[TKing]

I guess the first was such a while ago, people just forgot.

 

[Angamb]

It's a little mistake, but anyway... with the next comp, the winner use #4, and all fine.

 

[BobJM]

Oh, Ang, when you did the whole 2 degrees sort of thing, I thought you were suggesting a reboot in the competition cycle.

My bad guys.

 

[TKing]

No worries, we can keep this as #2 as part of the new cycle of competitions.

 

[Angamb]

A curiosity, who are planning to enter on the xsequels writing comp?

 

[flavio_lebeau]

My entry is pretty bland...It's meant to take place right before the scene where Storm and Professor find Logan on the floor.

INT. XAVIER’S MANSION - DAY

Jean, still wearing just black shirt and undies, wanders through the corridors. Powerful, alienated, regal.

Two students come into screen, talking as they walk. One of them suddenly stops. She’s frozen. The other one looks at her, and then ahead, only to join the expression of shock: Jean Grey approaches.

As Jean walks towards them like a tractor, the two girls split to the side and Jean passes between them, with a look of despise. The once caring teacher now seems to feel indifference towards the pupils.

Jean now passes in front of her room. The door is ajar, she stops. With a soft movement of her head, she glances at the inside. The only thing she can clearly see is a portrait of her and Cyclops smiling.

The glass piece holding the picture BREAKS INTO PIECES, and the picture burns. Jean is clearly uncontrolled, her head moves down. Her lips mumble some words, which not even her can fully comprehend. Tears come down her face, she gasps for breath. She cringes her teeth and the door slams RAGEFULLY. Still looking down, the PHOENIX starts to take over again. The depressed expression persists, but her breath starts to settle.

She walks away, this time vulnerable and confused. STORM comes from one of doors, and sees her, a little too far away. She’s surprised.

STORM
Jean...JEAN!

Jean turns. Storm slowly walks towards her.

STORM (CONT’D)
Is everything alright?

Jean’s expression becomes the fullest translation of the Phoenix. Her eyes filled with sorrow, and rage. But she looks placid.

JEAN
No Ororo, it’s not.

Instantly, Ororo notices that isn’t the Jean she used to know.

STORM
Where...where are you going?

JEAN
Don’t you ever get tired of being controlled? I do.

Jean turns again and walks away, leaving a thoughtful Storm on the corridor. She looks down.
Suddenly, a telepathic call from Professor reaches her. We can’t hear it or notice it, other than through Storm’s worried expression. She quickly turns and runs.

 

[TKing]

Nice entry, flavio. It's good to see some interaction between those two.

I'll enter mine tomorrow.

 

[BobJM]

I liked it a lot, flavio. Great job!

 

[ToriL90]

I'm not too crazy about this theme, honestly. I'm entering - almost finished my entry, actually - but I don't think any additional scenes were really necessary where Jean was concerned. Some scenes could have been rewritten, but I don't see additional Phoenix scenes as improving the movie.

 

[flavio_lebeau]

Thanks Bobby and TKing. Actually the scene was supposed to end before Storm comes in...but I just thought Storm could have one or two words with her. After I just read it again, I don't think it was a good idea. I should have finished without Ororo.

 

[ToriL90]

Thanks Bobby and TKing. Actually the scene was supposed to end before Storm comes in...but I just thought Storm could have one or two words with her. After I just read it again, I don't think it was a good idea. I should have finished without Ororo.

Maybe you should edit the post. I didn't see nothin'.

 

[flavio_lebeau]

Nah, like the Beatles would say, let it be.

 

[ToriL90]

Just finished my entry. Here goes nothin':

----------

INT. XAVIER INSTITUTE - BASMENT HALLWAY - DAY

Xavier, Storm, and Logan head down the hallway. There is a solemn air about them; a gloomy sense of impending danger.

XAVIER: “She won’t let me reach her telepathically. With Cerebro, I might be able to amplify my powers enough to get through to her.

STORM: “I’ll come in with you.”

XAVIER: *Harsh and sudden* “No!”

Storm is surprised by his abruptness and harshness.

XAVIER: *Calming down* “I’m sorry, Storm. It’s not safe.”

STORM: “Then I’ll wait outside.”

As Xavier crosses the threshold into the Cerebro chamber, he turns around. He and Storm share a brief glance before the door closes between them.

INT. XAVIER INSTITUTE - CEREBRO CHAMBER - DAY

Xavier carefully places the headpiece to Cerebro on his head. He closes his eyes as he leans back in his wheelchair.

INT. GREY HOUSE - JEAN’S BEDROOM - DAY

Jean is standing in the middle of her bedroom. She is wearing red leggings, red boots, and a red camisole. She looks at her dresser, and the drawer opens. A red sweater rises out of the drawer and floats toward Jean. She raises her head slowly and closes her eyes. The sweater atomizes. The atoms surround Jean’s upper body, then the sweater reforms. She gives a soft smile, pleased at her own power.

Her expression suddenly changes. She opens her eyes and lowers her head, her elation vanishing in an instant. She senses a presence approaching.

INT. XAVIER INSTITUTE - CEREBRO CHAMBER - DAY

Xavier is still on Cerebro. The room is glowing a dim red, with an untold number of small, red, human-shaped figures floating around him.

ZOOM: XAVIER’S FOREHEAD/CEREBRO HEADPIECE. THROUGH XAVIER, RUSHING ACROSS TERRAIN.

As the camera “lands” on Jean, she abruptly turns around with a look of fury. Jean’s hair is thrown forward. The camera pulls back suddenly, as though Jean telepathically “pushed” Xavier’s mind away. The two begin a telepathic conversation, Jean’s voice simmering with rage.

JEAN: Leave me alone, Charles. You can’t control me anymore.

XAVIER: Let me in, Jean.

JEAN: I’m more powerful than you are.

XAVIER: You can’t control your power, Jean.

Jean’s eyes turn black. Veins line the surface of her skin. The Phoenix is quickly emerging.

JEAN: I AM power! I AM the PHOENIX!

Xavier bends forward and cries out in pain.

INT. XAVIER INSTITUTE - BASEMENT HALLWAY - DAY

Storm and Logan, facing away from the Cerebro chamber door, turn around when they hear Xavier’s cry. Without hesitation, Storm presses a button to open the door. As the door opens, she sees Xavier rip the headset off and pull away from Cerebro. Sparks fly into the air from all parts of Cerebro. Storm pulls Xavier away just before a small electrical explosion, which causes a large cloud of dark gray smoke to rise from the machine. Xavier speaks, in a daze.

XAVIER: “She still won’t let me in… but I know where she is now… I have to talk with her, face to face…”

Storm and Logan look at each other, frightened. If Jean did this from a distance, what would she do to Xavier face-to-face?

Xavier knows what she’ll do: it is clearly written on his face. But he also knows what he has to do.

 

[flavio_lebeau]

Great scene. I'm not sure Cerebro would still exist in X3, since it was destroyed in X2, but these movies are not known for continuity, so

 

[ToriL90]

Great scene. I'm not sure Cerebro would still exist in X3, since it was destroyed in X2, but these movies are not known for continuity, so

Wasn't that Cerebro 2 that got destroyed? Am I forgetting something?

EDIT: Forgot to say, thanks for the compliment.

 

[flavio_lebeau]

Wasn't that Cerebro 2 that got destroyed? Am I forgetting something?

EDIT: Forgot to say, thanks for the compliment.

To make Cerebro 2 they took the core of Cerebro 1 away. That's why Stryker invaded the mansion

 

[ToriL90]

Rats!

 

[flavio_lebeau]

Rats!

Relax, It doesn't take away from your scene