15 Minutes with Piper Maru

[Spider-Aziz]

Tell the Hypsters five reasons why people born in 1985 are the coolest people of all time.

Give 5 more reasons why people go to the cooler

 

[Piper Maru]

Mary Jane in the Raimi films is her worst in Spider-Man 2. Yay or yay? Maybe yay? Or nay?
Yay! She was super in the first Spider-Man film and Spider-Man 3.

Just to explain for those that aren't aware of what happened: What is your beef with Sawyer?
Sawyer is trouble. I'm sorry for the people that don't see it, but I sure as hell do. Sawyer is a time bomb, tick-tick-ticking. And I have no intention of being around for the boom.

So we get the ponies then we get the Cthulhu then what Piper? THEN WHAT?
Once we get the ponies, we acquire two more people which you can pick. That way we can become the four horsemen of the apocalypse. And once Cthulhu destroys all reality, we can play scrabble.

Sum up Spider-Man 3 in one sentence.
Underwhelming.

Have you ever seen the modern classic film 'Twins' where Arnold Schwarzenegger through the magic of modern science has 11 daddies? If a being were to be artificially created through the combined insemination provided by daddies Walter White, Tobey Maguire's neck fat, Slender Man, Cthulhu, Mother Teresa and Benny Hill, what would it look like and what would be its job? Think carefully about this one. You will be graded on your answer.
The resulting offspring would look like Michael Shannon. It's job would be to strike fear into the hearts of all men.

What is the best videogame ever made in your opinion? Why is it better than what I think is the best videogame ever made?
I'm going to have to say Dead Space 2. It takes two of my favorite genres, Science Fiction and Horror and mixes them perfectly. It's a game that grips you right from the start and doesn't let up until the credits roll.

What do parents not understand according to Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff?
They don't understand how someone could take an excellent novel like I Am Legend and screw it up on the big-screen.

If you met Sawyer in person would you hug him like Walter White did to Jesse or shoot him like Walter White did to Mike?
I would hug Sawyer like Walter did to Jesse.

How come the aliens in Independence Day were capable of force fields and light-speed travel but still used Windows 95 as their operating system and never even installed Norton anti-virus?
They used Windows 95 because they like Bill Gates, he's one awesome human being. As for the virus being installed into an alien ship, well the U in USB stands for Universal so there's that.

What is the funniest tragedy to ever befall mankind? Why did this particular tragedy make you laugh and did you feel guilty for doing so?
The movie Prometheus. I remember watching the trailers and being excited for the movie, a prequel to Alien by Ridley Scott. But to put it lightly, the movie sucks. Now don't get me wrong, visually it's a stunning masterpiece but the script leaves something to be desired. This movie made me laugh without feeling guilty about it. But I feel sad because we couldn't get At the Mountains of Madness.

Resident Evil 4, review it in one paragraph
My thoughts on Resident Evil 4? The fourth installment of the epic survival horror series has Leon Kennedy going to Spain to save the Presidents daughter from the clutches of dirty villagers who are infected by a nightmarish parasite. I'm not a big fan of Resident Evil 4, where are the zombies? Why is a huge portion of the game an escort mission? I hate escort missions! What happened to the terror from the previous games? Personally, I prefer the REmake. Now that's how you do a survival horror game.

Gypsies? Love 'em? Hate 'em? Have they ever kidnapped you by using shiny trinkets to lure you away from the townsfolk?
I'm indifferent to Gypsies. I can't say that I've ever been kidnapped, but I would never cross them. I saw that movie Thinner.

Tell the story of your first love.
I've had many first loves. Jenna Jameson, Asia Carrera, Sydnee Steele, Eva Angelina to name a few. I've done so many unspeakable things for them, including wiping civilizations off my chest.

Who is a cooler god to follow: Cthulu or Mike Tyson?
Cthulhu is the cooler god to follow. He'll devour our souls and destroy all reality. Mike Tyson has a lisp and eats peoples ears.

Who is the man that would risk his neck for his brother, man?
Walter White, of course.

If you could pick one person to go on adventures with you, living, dead, or fictional, who would it be?
Carl Sagan.

Tell the Hypsters five reasons why people born in 1985 are the coolest people of all time.
1. According to many people, the 80's was the best.
2. It was a good year for movies.
3. Big Hair.
4. Members Only Jackets.
5.Transformers

If you could make a Hype band what five Hypesters would you choose, and what instruments would they play?

Piper Maru: Vocalist
JJJ's Ulcer: Bass Guitar
Pink Ranger: Keyboards
Matt Mortem: Drums
Sawyer: Tambourine

Give 5 more reasons why people go to the cooler
1. To stay hydrated.
2. Talk about Breaking Bad.
3. Gossiping about co-workers.
4. To relax.
5. And most importantly, to slack off.

Thanks for the great questions everyone!

 

[Green Goblin]

Favourite Spider-Man villain and why?

 

[Sawyer]

Just to explain for those that aren't aware of what happened: What is your beef with Sawyer?
Sawyer is trouble. I'm sorry for the people that don't see it, but I sure as hell do. Sawyer is a time bomb, tick-tick-ticking. And I have no intention of being around for the boom.

First true thing you've said about me.

 

[KevanG]

Sawyer vs Kane numbers. Who'd win?

 

[Sawyer]

Kane. I can't beat that man, he's a machine. Not that I'd actually want to take on one of the most actively helpful Hypesters around, whose presence I actually enjoy. Come on, Kevan. Real questions only please.

You know what, I'm hijacking this 15 minutes. Next question, anyone?

 

[KevanG]

That was for Piper. Don't make me get CC in here.

 

[Sawyer]

This thread is called "15 minutes" but it's lasted well over a day. I'm not the only one breaking the rules here.

But I digress...

 

[Piper Maru]

Favourite Spider-Man villain and why?
Venom is my favorite Spidey villain. He's what got me interested in reading comics in the first place. This was my very first comic-book ever.

Sawyer vs Kane numbers. Who'd win?

Kane numbers would win. It's not even a fair fight lol.

Prometheus remake

Directors: Ridley Scott and James Cameron

Cast of Characters
Kate Beckinsale....Elizabeth Shaw
Jeffrey Combs....David
Jessica Biel....Meredith Vickers
Michael Jai White....Janek
Christopher Lee....Peter Weyland
Tom Hardy....Charlie Holloway
Aaron Paul....Fifield
DJ Qualls....Millburn
Adam Rodriguez....Chance
Steven Yeun....Ravel
Melissa McBride....Ford
Ron Perlman....Mercenary
Tyler Mane....Engineer

 

[Spider-Aziz]

Suggested plot for Prometheus?

 

[Piper Maru]

Suggested plot for Prometheus?

Just fix everything wrong with the plot for Prometheus.

[YT]-BWnTW4rL0U[/YT]

 

[Spider-Aziz]

Just fix everything wrong with the plot for Prometheus.

[YT]-BWnTW4rL0U[/YT]

"Same valley Mufasa was killed in"

 

[Piper Maru]

First true thing you've said about me.

Kane. I can't beat that man, he's a machine. Not that I'd actually want to take on one of the most actively helpful Hypesters around, whose presence I actually enjoy. Come on, Kevan. Real questions only please.

You know what, I'm hijacking this 15 minutes. Next question, anyone?

This thread is called "15 minutes" but it's lasted well over a day. I'm not the only one breaking the rules here.

But I digress...

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

If you could win a million dollars, but the catch was you had to coat yourself in delicious honey and then play Twister with a black bear in heat.... while you're on a city bus that can't go beneath 50mph or it'll explode, what would you do? Serious answers only please.

What was your favorite movie of 2006? Was that a good year for movies? Why or why not?

If a bully kicked sand in your face at the beach and stole your best gal, what would you do?

If you could go visit any time in history where would you go and why? And would you travel in a Delorean, a phone booth or a yellow platform thingnee like Dr Doom?

Finish this joke: "yo momma was so fat she..."

Where do you see yourself in twenty years? What about a hundred?

 

[Piper Maru]

If you could win a million dollars, but the catch was you had to coat yourself in delicious honey and then play Twister with a black bear in heat.... while you're on a city bus that can't go beneath 50mph or it'll explode, what would you do? Serious answers only please.
After glazing my rippling body with hot, sticky honey I would suplex the bear on the twister pad knocking it out instantly. I would than rush to the front of the bus and keep it above 50, I would drive it until I found an orphanage and jump out doing a barrel roll to safety. I would than go and get my million dollars!

What was your favorite movie of 2006? Was that a good year for movies? Why or why not?
My favorite movie of 2006 was Children of Men. 2006 was a decent year for movies overall, there was lots of great films that year.

If a bully kicked sand in your face at the beach and stole your best gal, what would you do?
I would headbutt him in ball-sack as hard as I could, possibly making him become sterile, and than I would force him to watch Iron Man 3.

If you could go visit any time in history where would you go and why? And would you travel in a Delorean, a phone booth or a yellow platform thingnee like Dr Doom?

[YT]OOqhEfMOWg8[/YT]

Finish this joke: "yo momma was so fat she..."
Yo momma so fat she sued xbox 360 for guessing her weight.

Where do you see yourself in twenty years? What about a hundred?
In twenty years I see myself looking back and saying wtf? In a hundred I am welcoming Cthulhu's awakening. Not that you heard that from me...

 

[Spider-Aziz]

How do shuttles fly in the vacuum of space?

 

[Piper Maru]

How do shuttles fly in the vacuum of space?

This will do a better job at explaining it than me.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

The combined forces of Godzilla, the Cloverfield monster, Galactus, Slender-Man, the girl from the Ring, a Sharknado and a roided-up, rich Biff from the 'Back to the Future 2' alternate timeline plot to pool their resources and finally destroy Cthulhu. What happens? Who wins?

 

[Piper Maru]

The combined forces of Godzilla, the Cloverfield monster, Galactus, Slender-Man, the girl from the Ring, a Sharknado and a roided-up, rich Biff from the 'Back to the Future 2' alternate timeline plot to pool their resources and finally destroy Cthulhu. What happens? Who wins?

If Cthulhu was ever to be defeated, which is highly unlikely, I'd imagine Nyarlathotep would advance his plans to destroy mankind and possibly even the planet. So either way, we still lose no matter what. Not even Chuck Norris would be able to stop it.

 

[KevanG]

Personally I'd have Cthuthy call in Nodens for backup but that's just me. They could then tag team the rest.

Have you ever read the Fall of Cthulhu comics?

 

[Spider-Aziz]

If travelling to Mars was to happen, will you take the chance and move to Mars or think it is too risky?

 

[Piper Maru]

Personally I'd have Cthuthy call in Nodens for backup but that's just me. They could then tag team the rest.

Have you ever read the Fall of Cthulhu comics?

I can't say that I've ever read the Fall of Cthulhu comics. But it sounds like something I definitely should check out!

If travelling to Mars was to happen, will you take the chance and move to Mars or think it is too risky?

Sure, I'll take the chance and move to Mars. You only live once, and I'm getting pretty tired of Earth with all the non-stop tomfoolery.

 

[Spider-Aziz]

What's the fastest you expect to travel to Mars?

Any chance of meeting Arnie Quaid the Governator?

 

[Piper Maru]

What's the fastest you expect to travel to Mars?

Any chance of meeting Arnie Quaid the Governator?

I could make it to Mars in 45 days using my antimatter drive. I'd watch Breaking Bad, The Walking Dead and Doctor Who while eating Ramen on the way there.

I hope to meet up with Arnie so we can discuss another remake of Total Recall.

 

[DarkSovereignty]

Dear piper maru,
Lately my body has been going through some changes. I am a growing boy after all. But like all growing boys I am both confused and frightened by the changes occurring inside me. Lately I've been craving the crunch of the morning grass...am I a caterpillar?

-the one true DS