Scrotum Self-Repair

Hades

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One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other then to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's troubles." The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.

After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling, stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.


Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the type used in putting up wallboard.

We x-rayed the patients scrotum to locate the staples; admitting him to the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, a broad-spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning.

The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved, and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels ligated properly, though not much of a hematoma was present. Through-and through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and the skin was loosely closed.

Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital less then a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me.

An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his co-workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice of *********ing by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of running machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley-wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work.

I can only assume he abandoned this method of self-gratification.
By Dr. William A. Morton, Jr. MD, a retired urologist residing in West Chester, Pennsylvania.
http://darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid1998-10.html

:ninja:
 
Hades said:


4_13_3.gif
Oh Jeez!
 
*wonders how many hypesters fit the above description*
 
terry78 said:
*wonders how many hypesters fit the above description*

Only the white fellows. The brothers never get that desperate T.

:yay:
 
Do we have pictures? :huh:
I'm sick and twisted,I know this. :o
 
I have that book with that exact story in it...in fact, I started a thread about a month back about the Darwin awards and regularly posted a story in there for a while...it died though.
 
So my wife asked a good question. The next person to use that piece of equipment didn't notice the teste there? "Hey silly string! I'll put it in my hair" "Look at me bob." "bob?" "problem bob" "Bob you don't look so good dude ..."
 
This thread hurts my balls. I can't be in here.

jag
 
Ouch :wow:.

I hope if I ever got lonely enough to use work machinery for masterbation, and then got it caught and my scrotum sack ripped up that I'd visit the hospital long before it became black and purple, and oozed pus and blood.

Not an injury in the same area, but it's like a wrestler named Sabu, who after ripping himself open (not in the crotch tho), glued the wound shut and wrestled the next night.
 
I think once your potato sack starts to ooz pus you should lose your pride and go to the hospital.
 
jaguarr said:
This thread hurts my balls. I can't be in here.

jag

Quietly laughing my ass off ... I have a better one.

A friend of mine was a softball umpire. He once saw a dude take a come-backer off his sack. His jock ripped his sack open and one teste went almost went to Second, with the other becoming lodged into his internal cavity.

The classic part is the guy spun around 360 and threw up and landed in his own yack. The worst part was that everyone ran up to help and then had to stop because they couldn't run anymore because they were all going ... owwwww and holding their crotches. Ouch :wow:
 
"...swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum."

I think I'm gonna throw up. :csad:
 
GunBlade said:
"...swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum."

I think I'm gonna throw up. :csad:
When GunBlade has to suppress the gag reflex, you know it's bad.:o
 
Canadian Rider said:
Quietly laughing my ass off ... I have a better one.

A friend of mine was a softball umpire. He once saw a dude take a come-backer off his sack. His jock ripped his sack open and one teste went almost went to Second, with the other becoming lodged into his internal cavity.

The classic part is the guy spun around 360 and threw up and landed in his own yack. The worst part was that everyone ran up to help and then had to stop because they couldn't run anymore because they were all going ... owwwww and holding their crotches. Ouch :wow:

Dude. :csad:
Talk about taking one for the team. :csad:
 
Canadian Rider said:
Quietly laughing my ass off ... I have a better one.

A friend of mine was a softball umpire. He once saw a dude take a come-backer off his sack. His jock ripped his sack open and one teste went almost went to Second, with the other becoming lodged into his internal cavity.

The classic part is the guy spun around 360 and threw up and landed in his own yack. The worst part was that everyone ran up to help and then had to stop because they couldn't run anymore because they were all going ... owwwww and holding their crotches. Ouch :wow:

:csad: bad, just bad mental image there.

Is the darwin story true?
 
enterthemadness said:
:csad: bad, just bad mental image there.

Is the darwin story true?

Yeah it is, they were right 'bout the lawn chair balloon guy too.
 
Kritish said:
Yeah it is, they were right 'bout the lawn chair balloon guy too.

It would be something if a tornado was near by when he was up there. He got lucky...though he is a class a idiot.
 
*types one handed*
what a loser.
 
Oh .... oh .... ohhhhh ..... awwwwwwww!!!! Sh*****TTTT .... owwww.. uhnnnnnnn ...
 
Oh god, I almost hurled when I was just half way in. Couldn't even finish the story.
 

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