The Hobbit Series *THIS IS NO JOKE!*

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction & Films' started by Asteroid-Man, Apr 12, 2006.

  1. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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  2. The Squirrel

    The Squirrel Le Rongeur

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    You need to work on Gandalf's voice. It's too cracklely. It sounds more like a sick person than an old guy.

    Other than that, it's pretty cool.
     
  3. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    I didnt want him to sound old. I wanted it crackily. anyways I am workin on scene two and thanks for the feedback
     
  4. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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  5. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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  6. Wilhelm-Scream

    Wilhelm-Scream Registered

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    LMAO

    Gandalf is Tony from the Shining!!!:eek:


    [​IMG]

    Why do you say it's no joke and then say "Gimme your lunch money, sucka." and sing Eye of the Tiger?
    You're lame.
     
  7. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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  8. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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  9. Spidey-Bat

    Spidey-Bat Ours is the Fury

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    Your Hobbit videos make me want to watch Batman & Robin.

    BTW, Gandalf's voice is god awful.
     
  10. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    you make me cry
     
  11. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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  12. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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  13. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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  14. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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  15. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    Season Two Will Be Starting Around Christmas! I have a poster and I am currently working on a DVD cover. Here's the Poster...
    [​IMG]
     
  16. Dan33977

    Dan33977 Registered

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    Oh...my...God...
     
  17. Hades

    Hades Guest

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    What the hell.

    Why does the dwarf sound like a ****** or something.

    And Gandalf sounds like one of those guys who has to use a machine to talk because he has no voice box.
     
  18. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    hehe..it's a parody. I am surprised you didn't say "SPIDERMAN WAS NEVER IN THE BOOK!" lol Expect WAY more cameos for Season 2
     
  19. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    Here's a first look at Part 2!



    The Hobbit


    Part 2


    SCENE 1
    Enter: Bilbo, Thorin and the others are walking in the forest.


    BALIN:


    Argh! I am getting very hungry boss!



    THORIN:


    Balin, get a hold of your load! If you begin to starve, yo’ stomach begins to feed on your body fat. And trust me; yeh’ have enough of that t’ last you until the next decade!



    BILBO:


    This is weird, we have been eating nothing but berries and bread and for some reason Balin is getting fatter then before!



    BALIN:


    So what?



    THORIN:


    Where the Mordor are you hiding the food fatty!?



    KILI:


    Yeah, I want in!



    FILI:


    Me too!


    Thorin draws his sword at Balin’s throat.


    BALIN:


    Alright fine! I have been eating spider eggs!



    THORIN:


    You idiot! This is why I tell you not to think with your stomach! Always think with your sword!



    BALIN:


    I ate that too...



    THORIN:


    You do realize what comes next, right Bilbo?



    BILBO:


    What?


    THORIN:


    Spiders love revenge. Get ready; they could attack us at any minute.



    V.O:


    Oh no! They know we’re here!



    V.O2:


    Hit him with your webs!


    Spider-Man swing by and gets them all with his web but Bilbo. Bilbo puts on his ring and throws a rock at spider-man and knocks him down. He then stabs another spider.


    BILBO:


    This blade must sting. Hmm, Sting is a great name for this sword!



    SPIDER 2:


    Sting?! Oh no! Wait, the wrestler or the band?



    BILBO:


    Your worst nightmare!



    SPIDER 2:


    Batman?!


    Bilbo stabs the spider and frees the Dwarves.


    THORIN:


    Bilb to da ozzle, that was of the hizzle fo’ shizzle!


    …Balin! Stop eating spider-man!



    BILBO:


    Look over there! It’s the elven village of Mirkwood!



    THORIN:


    According to the map, there is a barrel rout we can take to Laketown.


    The dwarves and Bilbo get into the Barrels as they move down the river.


    SCENE 2

    Enter, Bilbo drunk on the beach.


    BILBO:


    Hey, Thorin Oakazzizle! Pffffpfff!



    THORIN:


    He’s drunk! ARGH! Lucky, he got the pint barrel! There’s the village let’s go!


    They enter and all of a sudden the mayor screams aloud.


    MAYOR:


    All hail! Thorin, king under the Lonely Mountain!



    THORIN:


    Hey bro, we need a place to sleep and a boat to the Lonely Mountains can you give us that?



    MAYOR:


    Of course!



    BALIN:


    Oh and food!



    BILBO:


    And a bit of pint! *hiccup*



    MAYOR:


    Of course my friend but first lets watch this magic box from Earth.



    BILBO:


    Earth!? With the technologically advanced humans? So not middle-earth, just normal earth? Alright! Let’s watch!


    SCENE 3
    ENTER: The dwarves and Bilbo are in the boat. Boat gets to the Lonely Mountains.


    THORIN:


    Here we are!



    BILBO:


    Let’s go!


    They get to the ledge.


    BILBO:


    Ok, according to Elron we have to wait for when the moonlight hits the secret door, Thorin have the key ready.


    Moonlight hits the door and a keyhole appears.



    BILBO:


    Put the key in!


    The passage opens.


    THORIN:


    Now show us you’re magic and burgle!



    BILBO:


    But…



    THORIN:


    You can have whatever you want in there!



    BILBO:


    Ok…


    Bilbo walks into the dark…

    SCENE 4:
    Bilbo walks into Smaug’s treasury. Bilbo steals some stuff. Over view of map. Bilbo running back and fourth. Finally Smaug awakes.


    SMAUG:


    Hey! You youngin, what you doin in ma loot?



    BILBO:


    Who are you, the Hulk?



    SMAUG:


    No that’s the Hulk.


    Hulk growls in the background.


    SMAUG:


    I am Smaug!



    BILBO:


    Oh…



    SMAUG:


    You’ve never heard of me?



    BILBO:


    Nope, can’t say I have…



    SMAUG:


    Then you will suffer!


    Smaug blows fire at Bilbo. Bilbo runs out of the way.


    BILBO:


    It’s not my fault that the people of Laketown didn’t “enlighten me”



    SMAUG:


    Then they shall suffer!


    Smaug smacks his tail and rocks cover up Bilbo’s only way into the Treasury. Smaug flies away towards Laketown.

    SCENE 5
    ENTER: Laketown. Smaug flies over village as people scream in horror. Smaug begins setting the place on fire. Finally the best archer of the city hits Smaug in the chest with a magic arrow and kills him.


    ARCHER:


    Men! To the Lonely Mountains! Thorin will pay for this!



    SOLDIERS:


    All hail the Green Arrow!
     
  20. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    SCENE 6:

    ENTER: Thorin is complaining that he can’t find the Arkenstone.



    THORIN:


    Where’s my bling!?


    Bilbo looked into his bag, he had the Arkenstone. Someone screams from outside.



    GA:


    THORIN! We want the money for the damages you cost!



    THORIN:


    Why don’t you just call Extreme Makeover: Home Edition?



    GA:


    They were fixing houses that the Hulk broke down. They went bankrupt.



    THORIN:


    Well I’m not letting you in!




    GA:


    I have also brought the Mirkwood elves that were rather angry when you trespassed onto their docks and into our barrels. We will camp out here until as long as it takes!



    THORIN:


    Well my Dwarven cousins are coming in from the east!



    GA:


    Fine! Then it’s a war!


    Night time, Bilbo sneaks out and into the men’s cabin.



    BILBO:


    I have brought something that you can use as a bargaining tool on Thorin, it’s the Arkenstone. I just want the war to stop so I can leave and get back home!



    MAN:


    Thank you. The war will be over soon.


    SCENE 6

    ENTER: Thorin yelling down at the camp.



    THORIN:


    WHAT?!



    GA:


    Yes, I have the Arkenstone!



    THORIN:


    How did you get it?



    GA:


    The hobbit!


    Thorin grabs Bilbo and throws him off the balcony. A hooded man on an eagle swoops in and catches him.



    GANDALF:


    THORIN! Your greed has made you blind! Did you not even realize that the Goblins and the Worgs are headed this way?



    THORIN:


    No…





    GANDALF:


    Well there are 200 warning emails and a stack of dead Goblin messengers carrying warning messages that you shot down. Not to mention they are across the street.


    Stack of dead Goblins is shown and the Worgs and Goblins trying to cross the road.



    THORIN:


    Fine, I will pay for the damages! Only if the Elves and the Men help me and my Dwarven army of cousins and the other dwarves up here fight off the Worgs and the Goblins.




    GA:


    That’s a deal!


    Armies collide, Beorne comes in and turns into a bear and fights, superheroes join in and the eagles finally attack. An invisible Bilbo is knocked over by a dead body.


    SCENE 7

    ENTER: Bilbo wakes up. A scout sees Bilbo.



    DWARVEN SCOUT:


    There you are! King Thorin wants to see you now.


    Bilbo walks in and Thorin is lying in a bed.



    THORIN:


    Bilbo I apologize for my behavior. I would like you to have my share of the loot. Now I must leave you, at the turn of the tide…


    Thorin dies.



    BILBO:


    I am confused as to what to do now.



    GANDALF:


    So are all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with that which is given us.


    Bilbo walks up to Balin.



    BILBO:


    Take my share and in memory of Kili, Fili and Thorin, rebuild this place into the palace it once was. Now it is time for my farewell.



    BALIN:


    Good bye Bilbo!



    BILBO:


    Good bye.


    SCENE 8

    ENTER: Credits


    SCENE 9

    ENTER: Gollum testing.

    *SPOILERS*
     
  21. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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