Oh my god.
Tell me something Decay: Do you happen to know whether the building near your house was built on top of an Native American burial ground? Im fairly certain that it was.
You see, those weird sparkling lights youre talking about? Well, that's the symbol of the infamous Iroquoi Indian, Buffalo Squaw. He's regarded as the most well-endowed Native American who ever lived (15 in. erect). Yeah, the Iroquoi had a tradition that has been around for over 150 years where they measured the erect penises of the males of their tribes when they reach the age of 21. It was one of their most important customs back then because the male with the largest penis would become the new Chief when he reached the age of 30.
Anyway, I mentioned that Buffalo Squaw was infamous. Youre probably thinking it was because of his abnormally large appendage, right? Well, youre wrong. See, Buffalo Squaw has the distinction of being the FIRST known homosexual Native American. And yeah, he was REALLY gay. Try to picture him as a cross between Liberace, Elton John and the Indian from the Village People all rolled into one super homosexual. Buffalo Squaw was also known as the first and only Iroquoi to ever decorate his penis. Noted Native American historian, Arnold P. Bladdington, notes that in the years following his 21st birthday and to his subsequent death, Buffalo Squaw would adorn his penis with acorns and pieces of sun dried tomatoes. On special occasions such as birthdays or war parties, he would adhere kernels of corn and sunflower seeds on his scrotum with mud.
Buffalo Squaw didnt publically come out until his 30th birthday for fear of reprisal of his fellow Iroquoi. As chief, they could not challenge his power or his sexuality for fear of severe punishment. Now this is interesting, as Buffalo Squaw was, again, the first and only first Native American chief to ever punish his warriors with sodomy.
At the time of his death, at the age of 69, Chief Buffalo Squaw made a solemn promise that if any tribe were to disturb his place of rest, he would come back from the spirit world and exact his revenge with his, and I quote, "Mahoushka Plusch". Which when translated to English reads, Savage Dick. Interestingly enough, his grave site, is the only Indian burial ground not to have been trampled, or built upon for nearly 200 years, until now.
If I were you Decay, Id either move out as quickly as you can or lube your anus everynight before you sleep so as to minimize damage.
