Tiger Moms: Great or Horrible Parenting??

[SentinelMind]

This seems to be psychological abuse, in my opinion, but what says you?

I think its good to instill discipline, self-respect, and values but psychologically manipulating your child to excel at every subject or art is dangerous and misguided.

IS Tough Parenting Really the Answer?
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2043313,00.html



No it isn't
http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/01/20/lac.su.tiger.mother.scars/index.html?hpt=C2


Yes, it is
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html

 

[Anita18]

It's been making the rounds in my circle of Asian friends, all of whom agree that this kind of parenting is child abuse. Many of them suffered from depression and/or burnout, or resent their parents at some level because they were beaten, and called worthless/garbage even though they never got into trouble and always brought home good grades. One of my friends in HS was beaten with a stick (enough to leave welts) well into high school. She's one of the success stories because she finally sought therapy when she was in university. There are some who commit suicide because of the pressure. My friend in Berkeley used to keep tallies on the suicides - it was usually Asian/Asian-American students off a particular parking structure just off campus.

I was raised strictly by my parents when I was younger, and spanked every now and again until I was 5, but never was called garbage and never was beaten. In fact by the time we were in middle school, my parents let up on my sister and me, supporting our decisions and was there for help but didn't get into our business. We both got into great colleges and are very successful (my sister is a downright overachieving genius), and we don't need to spend $$$$ on therapy or expend emotional energy getting over our childhoods.

Yes, those kids are "successful" (graduated college, have income, went to law/med/grad school) but in my experience, all of them are unhappy at some level and have to pick up the pieces of their self-worth long into adulthood. Energy that could have been used toward something more productive in their lives. So IMO I don't think it's worth it.

 

[The Question]

Horrible parenting. People should develope along their own paths, not be railroaded into learning in growing in ways other people decide for them.

 

[bored]

There's a line between "tough love" and this tiger thing. It just seems excessive to me.

 

[Wylie Times]

I remember there was a thread here not too long ago having to do with parents letting their kids skip school occasionally to have a bit of extra fun. In that thread someone brought up Asian kids and how their parents ride them and I mentioned that those same kids have disturbingly high suicide rates.

This is a big problem that needs more attention. It's odd that a book praising those parenting methods is finally shedding light on this issue.

I don't think anything major will be done about it though since it doesn't affect the majority of Americans.

 

[Warhammer]

Growing up with an Asian mother, I can gratefully say that I've been blessed that she was pretty much "normal". She never was excessive about my grades, beat me after I turned 6 or 7, or verbally degraded me. However, I can't say the same for some of my Asian friends (the Korean and Chinese ones, specifically). Honestly (and I couldn't care less if people think I am being ignorant or disrespectful about what I am about to say), their parents fail at being parents and succeed in being dictators. They live through their children. They don't allow their children to be children and experience the things/events that are necessary in life. These children lose out on some fundamental life skills and just grow up to be weird, damaged people. Sometimes, these children resent their parents. It's a sad for such a great privilege that is education, the cost for some Asian children (even worse back in the motherland) is to not be able to live their lives as children should. We only got one chance to be children.

 

[Marvolo]

There is a proper way to be strict with a child. This is not it. Learning a song should never take precedent over a child having food, sleep, or water. To me it would seem parents of this nature resent their own failures and try to correct their failures through their children. Then again, sometimes people just suck being a parent. Either way the child is the one who pays in the end and its sad.

 

[Prison Mike]

"Did you know that in China, there are 56 cities with over a million people? You know how many we have here? Nine." - Michael Scott

 

[terry78]

[YT]O6uo1KD4buY[/YT]

Is this that far off?

 

[Anita18]

[YT]O6uo1KD4buY[/YT]

Is this that far off?

I knew it was gonna be that Family Guy clip.

Depends on the family. If not doctor, then engineer or lawyer. I'm lucky in that I wasn't raised this way, but my cousins were forced into those categories. They're not super-passionate about anything so it was fine, but if someone really wanted to do something else, it would have been ugly.

 

[MessiahDecoy123]

Horrible parenting.

You're pretty much forcing on your child a narrow definition of happiness while sacrificing their care-free childhood.

Look at Micheal Jackson, all the money in the world wasn't enough to replace a lost childhood.

 

[MessiahDecoy123]

Love from a parent shouldn't be based on materialistic goals.

"I won't accept you unless you get a job paying X amount of dollars".

Sickening. There's more to life than monetary success. But sadly to some, money is the only way to measure a person's worth in this world.

 

[MessiahDecoy123]

Also there's a difference between nurturing a child's gifts and brash manipulation.

I don't see how you can justify the latter.

 

[Anita18]

Horrible parenting.

You're pretty much forcing on your child a narrow definition of happiness while sacrificing their care-free childhood.

Look at Micheal Jackson, all the money in the world wasn't enough to replace a lost childhood.

It isn't even really the lost childhood, but you're completely right about the narrow definition of happiness. Because what if they're wrong? What if THEIR definition of success or happiness isn't what will actually make you successful or happy?

Even when you follow your parents' wants to a tee, it won't guarantee a cushy life for you. For example. most people who graduated from law school last year still don't have jobs. Like my friend, who was pushed into law by her mom because she was salivating over her future 6-figure salary. She did EVERYTHING right up to that point. And now she has a non-law related job while paying down the 5-figure debt for an education she may never use. Not her fault, just how the market is.

My friend wanted to be a screenwriter. Still writes every evening, but there's always the what if of having gone to film school instead of law. It was such a waste of her energy, time, and money having gone into law but not getting anything out.

Love from a parent shouldn't be based on materialistic goals.

"I won't accept you unless you get a job paying X amount of dollars".

Sickening. There's more to life than monetary success. But sadly to some, money is the only way to measure a person's worth in this world.

It's a strange dynamic because I'm sure that these parents love their kids on some level, but do a really really crap job of trying to raise them right. My dad has a lot of trouble expressing his love for us, but we know that he loves us very much.

I do agree that support from your parents shouldn't be based on materialistic goals.

I also have to point out from personal experience (not my own, but from friends and relatives) that many Asian parents want their kids to be perfect on paper just so they can brag to their friends about how perfect their kids are. No kidding. I've always thought it was incredibly selfish and to beat your child into submission and superficial success for your own image.

Unfortunately, image is still a huge thing in many Asian circles. My mom didn't talk at all about where we got into college but I've heard of parents who will move their families away temporarily if Junior doesn't get into an Ivy League, just so they don't have to face their friends about the "failure." It's disgusting.

 

[MessiahDecoy123]

I also have to point out from personal experience (not my own, but from friends and relatives) that many Asian parents want their kids to be perfect on paper just so they can brag to their friends about how perfect their kids are. No kidding. I've always thought it was incredibly selfish and to beat your child into submission and superficial success for your own image.

Unfortunately, image is still a huge thing in many Asian circles. My mom didn't talk at all about where we got into college but I've heard of parents who will move their families away temporarily if Junior doesn't get into an Ivy League, just so they don't have to face their friends about the "failure." It's disgusting.

Yeah, that is a major reason some of these parents want their kids to be doctos or lawyers. For a status symbol. So basically their child becomes just another trophy they can show off with their shiny cars and big house.

How many generations of doctors and lawyers is it going to take until it is realized that a happy person fulfilling their dreams should take precedent over money and status?

I think it's a matter of balance. Giving your child the tools to succeed financially without making it an obsession or a condition for acceptance.

 

[Prison Mike]

I also have to point out from personal experience (not my own, but from friends and relatives) that many Asian parents want their kids to be perfect on paper just so they can brag to their friends about how perfect their kids are. No kidding. I've always thought it was incredibly selfish and to beat your child into submission and superficial success for your own image.

Unfortunately, image is still a huge thing in many Asian circles. My mom didn't talk at all about where we got into college but I've heard of parents who will move their families away temporarily if Junior doesn't get into an Ivy League, just so they don't have to face their friends about the "failure." It's disgusting.

Indian parents do the same thing. My parents used to do that all the time but they've toned it down recently. Anytime they start up about what their friends' kids are doing, I start the eye roll.